gellaho
WIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDEEEEEN
122: The Hybrid John Jakes
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He was a hybrid - half human, half Omqu - with the strange mental power to wipe out the universe
Archive
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
PAINLIKEABLADE
more metal lyrics
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
WIDEEEEEEEEEEEN! *Death metal growl^
gellaho
A nowhere dark
Brendo
I like Law more as a person.
I hate that '80s smug asshole fuckery
gellaho
Right in the eye hole
Brendo
The height of mediocre white maledom.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Tell me one character trait of Law
Aside from failure
FancyShark
He tries to do the right thing, even when he hates it
Brendo
Honor
Velo, Electric Ghost
You're both making things up but I respect you
Brendo
As is the way of all savages
Jokes aside, I feel like Jakes does a waaaaaayyyy better job than 97% of authors on getting behind the "This is bullshit" side of colonialism.
gellaho
All that widening really tuckered him out
Brendo
This whole book is "civilized" brutes accusing Law of what they need him to be and he's not.
Velo, Electric Ghost
The teacher from Crash Course was more heroic than Law
and he broke his leg off screen and spent the whole book in a ditch
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
If only more colonial oppressors fucked their empty eye sockets with the barrel of a gun.........
The world would be a better place.
LOOKING AT YOU CECIL RHODES!
gellaho
Get a stray quotation mark in there
Brendo
COLONIALISM DESERVED IT
gellaho
Take that, abstract concept!
Velo, Electric Ghost
The two methods of going up in the future are Tube and Ramp
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Theyre efficient.
gellaho
Damn you, woman, help me kill with your brain!
Velo, Electric Ghost
I'm just impressed it's not a fucking ladder at this point
This future is full of idiots
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
he didn't need to strip her naked, she's still tits out from what I can tell
Brendo
Stripping a woman naked mentally is so much more seductive than grabbing her shoulders and doing it physically, follow my BlueSky for more Charisma Tips/
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"We have to do a Metabarons and combine our minds and blast your goddam dad right in his stupid fat brain."
gellaho
They'll be fine
Velo, Electric Ghost
He didn't kill the genocide guy but this is fine
FancyShark
Firing on a crowd like a true hero
gellaho
Watch out! They've got spell tanks!
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Militarized Tingo!
NOOOOOOOOO!
FancyShark
You never hear the chuff with your name on it
Velo, Electric Ghost
Oh no! Stuff!
gellaho
They don't make tanks like they used to
Velo, Electric Ghost
he made the little tank cry
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
the little tank that couldn't
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Hahahahahahahh why would you make a tank so light a normal dude can tip it over?
Amazing!
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Nobody ran towards it before
Velo, Electric Ghost
Why would you program distress sounds into the tank
Why let the tank cry
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
It should literally be lighter than the combined weight of the crew at that point!
gellaho
The solex
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Psychological warfare.
gellaho
Her mind had sent him its yes
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Law that is still not consent and you know it.
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
She has become an item in his inventory
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Hes playing the Conan board game now.
gellaho
Time for brain fucking
gellaho
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Woman counts as an Object.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Stop fucking, Birdfucker, you still need to defeat the villain
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Metal: BIRDFUCKING! BIRDFUCKING!
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Law should just make them uncontrollably horny so they are too busy fucking each other in those tanks.
gellaho
An exhilarating thirty seconds
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
"I once went for 26 thousand years"
FancyShark
Because good things always feel like they'll never end
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"So this is what the Sol Men mean when they refer to "cummies."
gellaho
The mob is pretty funny
gellaho
Velo, Electric Ghost
This random mob is going to kill the genocidal maniac and our hero isn't
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
"Democracy"
gellaho
Wheeeeee
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"FUCK YEAH PHILLY WON! GO BIRDS! TIP OVER THAT COP CAR!"
Velo, Electric Ghost
It's been a while since I've been this disapointed in a protagonist
Velo, Electric Ghost
maaaaaaaan
FancyShark
Still not a fan of "undogged"
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
What a shit helmet that guy must have been wearing.
I feel like a good helmet should keep you from getting your shit rocked by a birdmans fist.
gellaho
"We probably killed all those people, cool right?"
FancyShark
hahaha
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Its fine, it probably wont have major diplomatic implications.
FancyShark
Anti-mob flamethrowers. These guys know how to party
Velo, Electric Ghost
If this fucking thing crashes and kills them both I will only be slightly more disapointed than I already am
gellaho
Well, I guess that escape failed
FancyShark
"They're launching tractors at us!"
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
GOD DAMMIT.
Just fucking escape already.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Birdfucker is so bad at existing
gellaho
Well, luckily they landed on the news building
FancyShark
ffs
You weren't even considering the tapes until just now?!
gellaho
Newssyndicate
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS ALREADY!
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
"Let's have sex on the air!"
FancyShark
Now this is just They Live
Velo, Electric Ghost
HE'S BAD AT THIS
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
BET! YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS THE INSTANT YOU HAD EVIDENCE.
gellaho
Better choke this guy out until we get access to the marquee
Velo, Electric Ghost
That's his character trait. His one character trait is that he fucking sucks.
So much more than you could ever imagine.
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I mean hijacking the news blimp is pretty rad.
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
This book swings back and forth between fucking awesome and fucking tedious like a metronome
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
He could have saved himself the effort tho.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Good, let's assault more random people instead of the only two people that deserve it
gellaho
Better melt this guy
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Chokeholds are how they say "Hello, New Friend." on Holoz.
Velo, Electric Ghost
I get why they want the bird people dead now
gellaho
Eat it, news guy!
Velo, Electric Ghost
Fuck you, cameraman
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID
He doesn't, and he may never know
gellaho
This is a really long marquee
Velo, Electric Ghost
To him this was a normal day until some half bird monster man stormed into the studio and beat him unconcious
FancyShark
None of his friends or family believe him
Velo, Electric Ghost
He'll never feel safe again
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
"PROOF CAN BE FOUND IF YOU FIND IT"
Velo, Electric Ghost
This is George Swell all over again
gellaho
Typing those five letters is very difficult
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Huh it seems like you could have made a copy of all this information instead of telling everyone "HEY GO LOOK FOR THE PROOF IN THESE HEAVILY GUARDED AND EMINENTLY DELETABLE LOCATIONS!"
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
I'm still hung up on Bet not having put a shirt on after her dad tore the old one off
gellaho
Whee
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"Arrrrg I had to tell the world that my evil space racist dad who hates me and showed my titties to a weirdo is behind the conspiracyyyyyyyy!"
Velo, Electric Ghost
Meanwhile the cemeraguy wakes up, his left arm is tingling, as it will for the rest of his life
FancyShark
He flinches whenever pigeons land near him. He doesn't know why.
gellaho
It's a very funny word
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Its okay tho, that punch to the tummy? Cured his chronic hiccups.
gellaho
Oh, right, they also have ships
Velo, Electric Ghost
Oh good, all of that was pointless
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Huh its almost as if it would take a lot of time for exposing him to make a difference.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Completing the George Swell Memorial Award checklist: it meant nothing
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
She has become an emo Chewbacca
gellaho
Well, that is a stroke of luck
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Neat.
FancyShark
Sure, why not
Velo, Electric Ghost
cool
The cmeraman is going to cry himself to sleep every night
gellaho
Quite the gambit
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Hes fine, at least the hiccups wont keep him awake anymore.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Gets anxious if there's a door in a room and he can't see it
gellaho
Eh, what are you going to do
FancyShark
Quick! Aim for the crowd! Their bodies will cushion the fall!
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
🤦♂️
Brendo
Such guilt so genocide
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Oh noooooo property damage, the worst thing that can happen!
gellaho
Hi, Baron! Enjoy death!
FancyShark
lol
Rich guy murdered by the masses? It's almost like Jakes is a socialist
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
YEAH BABY! Hang his fat ass upside down!
Velo, Electric Ghost
awwww they feel bad
awwwww
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Just think, Law, you could have given him a much kinder death.
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
"Oh ho ho, those rascally old murdurous unions!"
gellaho
Six months later
Velo, Electric Ghost
Go murder a cashier, Birdfucker, it's the only thing you're good at
FancyShark
Always felt like a cop-out to describe something as non-descript
gellaho
It's five year mission: To body probe where no man has probed before!
Velo, Electric Ghost
"It looked like something that couldn't be put into words, specifically my words."
gellaho
I wonder if judicial computers have to wear the robes
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"Hey isnt that the Barons illegitimate daughter?"
"Yeah she must be fleeing the solar system or something, did you hear about the allegations?"
"EXTRA EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! UNION APPROVED! BIRD FUCKING IS NOW LEGAL ON 110 PLANETS!"
gellaho
Seems like a party
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
"Planet Bob"
"After your late father"
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
So basically way better than Holoz in every concievable way.
Someplace you can be the ancestor god of a race of psychic bird\man hybrids in peace.
gellaho
To the sphere!
Velo, Electric Ghost
Yeah it's not full of the rotting corpses of its native species... yet
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Ooooh GOLDEN clouds. Fancy.
gellaho
No! It had so much more probing to do!
FancyShark
Ample time to learn the controls, but he did still smear a few dockworkers during initial takeoff
Velo, Electric Ghost
Crashing the ship seems kind of pointless and dumb
So that checks out as something Birdfucker would do
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Drag beams are probably fabulous
FancyShark
Starprober plowing down could be read as metaphorical
gellaho
Freedom to live in on the forest floor
Velo, Electric Ghost
BIRD
gellaho
The End
FancyShark
"I don't want kids"
Velo, Electric Ghost
Really?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"Wait no dont take your clothes off, I was speaking metaphorically."
Velo, Electric Ghost
After all that
gellaho
We have defeated The Hybrid
Velo, Electric Ghost
Okay
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Lol cool.
FancyShark
WE DID IT
Fuck yes on the cover art
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I mean feeling the cool wind of freedom on your skin is a pretty good way to end a book, Jakes.
Velo, Electric Ghost
GET BUSY, BIRDFUCKER
FancyShark
Thank you, @gellaho !
And great riffing, everyone!
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Is it ok to be crying?
gellaho
So concludes the 112th Edition of The Book Cage
gellaho
Velo, Electric Ghost
No
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Practically mandatory for Book Cage.
gellaho
May all your brains remain unmelted
FancyShark
Yours as well
Velo, Electric Ghost
No promises
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
This should be a thing people say in public
FancyShark
Have a good night, everyone!
Velo, Electric Ghost
Thank you @gellaho
That was good pain
Thank you everyone else
Apologize to your local camerapeople
Reach out to a friend, make sure they're doing okay and they aren't going to fuck a bird
Make them promise you they won't
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Or make them promise you they wont do a colonialism.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Ask your parents about genocide
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I feel like fucking bird people is morally neutral as long as everyone is consenting and respectful.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Just in case they did any
And if they did; do nothing
Brendo
I was making a dope burger, how'd it end?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
A howling psychically maddened mob tore Baron Bob apart after they told Megayork he was a baddie, and they fucked off to a nice unsettled planet to have weird bird babies.
And enjoy the cool wind of freedom on their naked bodies.
Brendo
The true revenge is marrying your enemy's illegitimate daughter to continue the racecrime that haunts his ghost.