gellaho
Metal bands love singing about wide stuff
122: The Hybrid John Jakes
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He was a hybrid - half human, half Omqu - with the strange mental power to wipe out the universe
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Velo, Electric Ghost
Oh yeah. House of the Widen Sun. Widen train.
FancyShark
Painlikeamoan!
gellaho
Whoopsie
Velo, Electric Ghost
Back in Widen
Brendo
Welp. Time to go. Maybe I'll come back from my alma mater campus library.
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I mean "PAIN LIKE A SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAM! WIDEEEEEEEEEEN!" is a solid Dio lyric.
FancyShark
Later, @Brendo !
Velo, Electric Ghost
Bye @Brendo ! Thanks for riffing this insanity!
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Its always valid to just blame the drugs when you go on a murder rampage.
gellaho
Kermit's fine though
FancyShark
Law fought the law
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
lol Sark is gonna dose him so hard, like last time he did it just fine so he can probably guess the drugs arent at fault.
Velo, Electric Ghost
And the law won
gellaho
Uh, oh! Freezos!
FancyShark
I like how Sark is planning an entire covert coup and sees to it personally
gellaho
One of Sark's men accidentally stuns him
gellaho
As was the style for commanders in 1960s sci-fi
FancyShark
This is true. Delegation didn't catch on until SPECTRE
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh no the drugs will make him save sark
because they're such good friends
gellaho
Indeed
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
this is just like that excellent movie, the robocop remake
gellaho
I mean, it's also in RoboCop
Velo, Electric Ghost
This is just like RoboCop 3
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I'm not sure what movie you're talking about
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Robocop could have used more psychic birdman assassins.
gellaho
Would love to see John Jakes' Malignant
gellaho
I think that is RoboCop 3
Velo, Electric Ghost
These are the most RoboCop 3 references anyone has ever made. Good job, team.
gellaho
Uh oh
Let's try again
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I dont think ive ever seen it, which is weird because ive seen the Robocop tv show.
gellaho
Alright. Anyway, he gets shot by freezos
Got a 500 error, was worried for a second
Velo, Electric Ghost
Damn
Birdfucker's losing a lot here
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
freezos would be a good slang term for cops if they had freeze rays.
Space cops should have freeze rays, just straight up comic book "encase a motherfucker in ice" freeze rays.
gellaho
The plight of the man as tall as a tall man
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
he's losing that leg for sure
he's gonna be more machine now, than man
gellaho
Mr Freeze has some room to grow
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
twisted and evil
there is no burd in him
gellaho
Keep being amazed at the difference in writing
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Cyborg psychic bird assassin! Cyborg psychic bird assassin!
gellaho
Buy theracast
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Theranos got some rebranding after what's her face got out of prison.
gellaho
Ew, French Africa
FancyShark
"Godforsaken" is right
Velo, Electric Ghost
Birdfucker has had an astonishing number of injuries
gellaho
The launch was landing.
FancyShark
Sponsored by Toys for Tots.
"KIIIIIIILLLLLLL"
gellaho
The disgusting shadow of alopecia
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I feel like you're not all that hidden if you have a base that big.
Like you can see that fucker from space.
Velo, Electric Ghost
As seen in hit film Dune 2: The Second Dune
gellaho
This is a "me" problem, but I know you are trying to make him seem overweight, but I need to know how many tall men tall he is first
FancyShark
COPD: The Character
Velo, Electric Ghost
Yeah without a tall men tall to wide ratio we won't understand how fat he is
gellaho
It's not like the Sahara is all one color and a base would stand out on it
Velo, Electric Ghost
Right now he's just a Skarsgard
We don't know which Skarsgard yet
gellaho
Like, 300 lbs isn't ridiculous until I know that, is all
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
We have a Kmart Baron Harkonnen!
gellaho
Law immediately tries to kill them
gellaho
Anti-b
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Lol
Saved by drug interaction! Nice job Jakes.
gellaho
Alright, this dude better be like 4'2"
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Seriously that's pretty novel!
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Acknowledging drug interactions is better than some doctors
GDC
Vollard Wisterling is a Bobson Dugnutt-ass name.
Brendo
IN ONE HOUR I WILL MIND-SLAY ALL THE BOOK NERDS
Velo, Electric Ghost
Oh shit
but we are book nerds
gellaho
Velo, Electric Ghost
Rare Gellaho selfie
gellaho
All bitched up on meds
Brendo
They call him John "TD" Jakes because he'll make you see Jesus.
gellaho
In sixty years, God willing
Velo, Electric Ghost
Is that Jakes?
gellaho
Yes
Velo, Electric Ghost
Damn
Oh shit
I just looked him up
RIP Jakes
GDC
He died just as we discovered him.
I still hope it was a coincidence.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Yall riffed too hard
FancyShark
Possibly
gellaho
Yeah, inbetween two weeks while we read the second Dragonard I believe
Velo, Electric Ghost
A bit over a year ago today
FancyShark
We threw love in some of the riffs, but still, really hoping he didn't catch some of what we said
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Our collective psychic vibrations are capable of killing a geriatric sci fi author, Book Cage with care.
gellaho
Bob Baron sent shivers down Law's bowels
FancyShark
Jakes was so pissed when Frank Herbert made Harkonnen
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Just "Bob"
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
hahahahah nice, Jakes. Robert Baron, robber baron.
gellaho
I called him the King. I know he died in Sarasota, I'd visit if I knew where the grave was
Brendo
from planet Crime
gellaho
He is the one who came up with II Galaxy
Brendo
We absolutely killed him.
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I unironically like all of Jakes stuff. Even when its deranged its fun.
Brendo
You can never fault him for a dearth of ideas.
Just active verbs.
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
If i saw his books at a thrift store or yard sale im getting them.
FancyShark
Same. The derangement makes those books hard to read, but the takeaways are always fun
gellaho
Law meets a cerebus
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Im used to reading more deranged things, Jakes is poetry compared to some stuff.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Birdfucker, meet dogfucker
FancyShark
hahaha, a borzoi
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Hahahhahahah
Velo, Electric Ghost
OH GOD
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Theyre such a weird looking dog, now imagine that in triplicate!
Velo, Electric Ghost
The nose wiggle is terrifying
FancyShark
And all three heads want your fries
gellaho
This is now a James Bond novel
Brendo
This is my dog, Barkarus.
gellaho
No me gusta
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"Mr. Law, have you seen my MILLION DOLLAR FISH WINDOW?!"
gellaho
This is wild
FancyShark
Baller
Brendo
Naked except for the robe covering most of his body, he bathed uncomfortably.
gellaho
I see it didn't crop like it was supposed to. Oh, well
Troika
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
like a fish, only fatter
Velo, Electric Ghost
Oh shit Shark wasn't far off with the dog breed
That is a wacky dog
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Sorry but no I can't be intimidated by a three headed borzoi
Velo, Electric Ghost
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
ok something very strange has just happened on my computer, the inputs for @ and " have switched
Velo, Electric Ghost
They also get real big
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
how did I do that
FancyShark
99% sure that's a wolfhound
gellaho
That seems like a short man short
This guy seems fun
Velo, Electric Ghost
Yeah, the dude said "She's a wolfhound"
Jakes isn't great at verbs
FancyShark
Wait, he's saying the dog's a borzoi and the dude is saying she's a wolfhound?
Velo, Electric Ghost
Yes
FancyShark
[table flip]
Brendo
You are filth, why did you not kill in my name
gellaho
Law uses this to squeeze out some cash, now that they won't drug him
Velo, Electric Ghost
Hell yeah get that money
FancyShark
Make bank, Birdman
Velo, Electric Ghost
It is Birdfucker and I will thank you to respect his given name
Given by me
gellaho
He fatly offers $1 billion
Velo, Electric Ghost
That's fair let's do this
Who do you want killed and how
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Birdfucker Jr. Birdfucker is his father.
gellaho
Unnnnghh
FancyShark
Law! Tell him you'll shop around and be back later! He'll sweeten the deal!
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I like how the space robber baron grunts like a huffy teen when he gets told things.
FancyShark
Always respond to "it's time for dinner" like you just left the bathroom
gellaho
Breechclout
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
"I'd murder a planet for... $2 billion"
"Ok here's $10B and a list of 5 planets"
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Youd think a pan galactic hojillionaire big cheese could afford a personal trainer.
Brendo
Did he ever explain why the killbots and zomboid drugs can't assassinate Wisterling?
FancyShark
He's rich enough he can get new arteries when these blow out
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Really let that camera linger on the Baron, oh yes...
Brendo
Suckers didn't even ask about the free 6th punchcard
FancyShark
I think they're trying to pin each death on the bird people
gellaho
✅ Redhead
FancyShark
FINALLY
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
doing it this way makes it look like the bird person negotiators are responsible
gellaho
And Sleeenderrrr
Brendo
She had no feathers but he would hit it.
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Make sure to pet the three headed doggo on the rightmost head, the other two dont like it.
Brendo
My price just went up...[looks into camera] WAY up.
gellaho
Unnnnnngggghhhhh
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
wait wait wait. "her hair swept back like a cap of auburn filaments." That is what hair is
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Again he responds like a huffy teen, excellent characterization.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
hair is a cap of filaments and hers are auburn
gellaho
She is more red than woman
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"N...no.........baka birdman."
gellaho
Bet
Velo, Electric Ghost
Don't fall for her, Birdfucker
FancyShark
He could always bet on...wait
Velo, Electric Ghost
You have a higher calling
gellaho
I think his bed is jerking him off
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Seems like a bad time to be horny bud.
FancyShark
Too late. Birdfucker is already collecting shiny things to display around the nest
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
A metaphor for whacking it
Velo, Electric Ghost
Don't fuck that bird it has diseases
gellaho
Ah, yes, the puff-mouth fish
FancyShark
Even Baron's fish are fat
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Wait is that..........the fish that have those weird sacs on their faces that humans bred as a joke on nature?
FancyShark
I hope not. Those things are sad
gellaho
She tinkers with a fuck-statue
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Baron Bob must spend a fortune cleaning fish carcasses out of the pond filter.
Only one listening device in the tits? Boooooooo you have to do two!
FancyShark
I'm not getting the metaphor. It sounds like there's a potted plant in the statue's boob
gellaho
So many fuck-statues
FancyShark
Hallucinos sounds like a snack chip
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
so what happened with the statue titty?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Its just truffle flavored Doritos with LSD.
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Be wary, the boobs have ears
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I think she was demonstrating to him that she had clogged the listening device with dirt so they could speak privately.
gellaho
They start slapping each other
gellaho
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
ah
Velo, Electric Ghost
well
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Dude just explode that dogs brain with your mind powers!
Stop being a wuss!
gellaho
Maybe don't listen to the woman living with the fat baron, but that's just me
FancyShark
She reacts badly to laughter. Take her to a Carlos Mencia show and you'll be safe.
Velo, Electric Ghost
She seems alright
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I feel like being able to explode brains should give a person a measure of confidence.
Velo, Electric Ghost
I haven't noticed any red flags
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
lol the proper authorities
gellaho
So fuckin' psyched
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Space President O'Bama wont stand for this kind of mental malarkey.
gellaho
Jakes out here inventing psyched
Brendo
All the Birdboys love their Sad Hot Jessica Russian Rabbits.
Brendo
A keen observer of the human condition.
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I mean he yells at unfettered psychic assassins so he cant be too sane.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"these primitive barbarians ina different galaxy are a threat to OUR WAY OF LIFE"
Velo, Electric Ghost
He's increasingly sure the bird people from another solar system are going to steal his wealth
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
In a way arent we all psychic birdman assassins like that?
gellaho
An unfortunate typo of "slobber"
gellaho
FancyShark
Just like the guy at the bus stop warned him!
gellaho
Or saliva, it's impossible to know
Brendo
Can't believe the three-headed killer guard dog is a girl, this sci-fi novel defies reasonable principle.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I think you double posted and missed the one with the slobber joke?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Poor doggo.
gellaho
Do you often talk about your grandma?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Yes talking about the race of psychic birdmen from my home planet makes me feel less alien too.
FancyShark
Vanished among the skyscraper hedges
gellaho
I'm now realizing it didn't upload the right page to make this joke work
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
we'll never know what the hilarious typo of slobber looked like
oh there we go
haha
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Oh slavering.
Yeah thats an old timey word you dont hear for slobber much anymore.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I guess "slavering" is sometimes used to describe a salivating beast, so if english made sense then slaver would work in that context
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
As in "slavering beasts." yeah.
gellaho
No idea what's going on now
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
MELT! THAT! OLIGARCH! BRAIN!
Im rooting for it but truth be told, Jakes knows what the people want.
gellaho
Good thing there's a hedge hole
Brendo
We call you Bumps It With Redheadsqa
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
the birdman has a cape
he's going full superhero now
gellaho
Whee
FancyShark
This is going to hurt his leverage on getting more money
gellaho
I'm sure this information is useful to someone
gellaho
Dramatic cape action!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"smithers who is that?
"Miss Doborenko sir. One of your redheads in sector double-g"
gellaho
Paperwork action
Velo, Electric Ghost
Thrilling. Space. Adventures.
This is Jakes' John Carter of Mars
gellaho
This is a great security system
Velo, Electric Ghost
Which is either a compliment or a brutal insult
gellaho
Law feels a laser near his butt
FancyShark
And who should be waiting for them but Tingo Spellhands
Brendo
Welp, getting kicked out of another library.
Don't do any busty redheads I wouldn't do.
gellaho
Suck brain, cone man!
FancyShark
Oh no! What'd you do!
gellaho
Isn't that all of them?
Or, you know the opposite
It'd be funny if he was thinking the noun "project" instead of the verb
FancyShark
His brain too pedantic to comply until he gets the right usage
gellaho
It's like "object" vs "uhb-ject"
It's a great language
I'm glad people keep saying it should stay fluid, that's worked out so far
FancyShark
Also sweet how he's rapid firing brain bullets now
gellaho
Now he's gone blind
FancyShark
CALLED IT
It was a joke but CALLED IT
gellaho
FancyShark
Booya
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Getting fingered when you pass out isnt usually a thing for psychic assassins.
gellaho
Pop
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
hahahahhah
the dork just hit his head.
Velo, Electric Ghost
I've been lied to
gellaho
Chicago's original submarines, Mr. Submarine!
FancyShark
Dunk that continent, Pip!
gellaho
One-manners
gellaho
I am struggling to get halfway through this 160 page book
It's too good
Velo, Electric Ghost
It's fantastic
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
You can get a sweet sandwich at Chicagodock. Just look for Mr. Submarine.