FancyShark
This is one daring escape attempt that's too big for him
122: The Hybrid John Jakes
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He was a hybrid - half human, half Omqu - with the strange mental power to wipe out the universe
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gellaho
Like, am I supposed to skip "Chicagodock bloomed ahead like a field of electric flowers?"
gellaho
I simply cannot
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I've read the word "Chicagodock" 4 times now and my brain is still refusing to parse it
FancyShark
Balck thunderclouds could use another pass
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Just dont say it out loud or a monster comes out of a mirror and makes you listen to it talk about how good Chicago style pizza is.
gellaho
Editing is for the weak
FancyShark
"It's lasagna with a crust! Come back!"
gellaho
This is the most exciting credit card swipe I've ever seen
FancyShark
Law is hypnotized. It's an entire city of shiny things!
gellaho
How are you supposed to release ten books in 1969 if you edit?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Im more impressed by her ability to remember a fourteen digit number off the dome than anything.
FancyShark
He's going to make that nest GLOW
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
And at 69 cocaine prices!
Jakes aint made of money.
gellaho
gellaho
gellaho
gellaho
FancyShark
King
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Writing was just more fun in the 60s.
Just ask Hunter S Thompson.
gellaho
Condomins
gellaho
I mean, it was easier to get published anyway
This book cost $0.60
You could find that on the street
FancyShark
A war or a Bears/Packers game
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"Ew it looks like New New Detroit!"
gellaho
The reddest cheeks in the solar system
gellaho
Delta City, please
Velo, Electric Ghost
Just like in RoboCop 3
gellaho
Debatable
FancyShark
Law having an actual brain is refreshing
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Oh right the bird people who wont talk to you.
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
I must accusse a human of sabotaging diplomatic relations with my people, to my people!
Velo, Electric Ghost
The ones who ignore him at every opportunity
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Because you melt their brains with your thought words.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Also I bet they're all dead
gellaho
They don't have rain? I can see why there's not a lot of agriculture in the Zimirii Galaxy
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Sark does seem like a "Hey bomb that village so they dont talk." guy.
FancyShark
It's been over a year. They've probably moved on.
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Is he using "galaxy" to refer to star systems?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Oh bud you dont want the rain in Chigaco on your tongue. Or in your eyes.
gellaho
Buncha birdbrains
FancyShark
Or on your skin
gellaho
Surprised that hasn't been used as an insult more in this reading
gellaho
Or in Chicago
Velo, Electric Ghost
I found a better insult to use and also renamed our main character that, otherwise I would be all over birdbrain
FancyShark
They used to color the river green on St Patrick's Day. Now it's that way all year round
gellaho
This seems like a mess to try and control
gellaho
Hundreds of platforms? Jesus
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
By now it mixed with the industrial chemicals so its not only piss yellow but also toxically hallucinogenic!
gellaho
Eh, fish and frogs do that on their own anyway
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
The river I live by used to catch fire
gellaho
GET IN THE DISPLAY OCTAGON
gellaho
Because human vision is octagonal, so that's very useful
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I want Law to drink a big glass of the tainted water to prove its fine for consumption.
FancyShark
Dear god, they made O'Hare even more labyrinthine
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Drink the Devils Milkshake.
(I stole that term from a podcast.)
gellaho
Oh, the vessel's called Poseidon?
gellaho
Well, what could go wrong?
FancyShark
It's ready for adventure
gellaho
That movie didn't even exist yet, jeez
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Nothing, its a space ship! Totally different and okay to blaspheme the name of the Lord of the Ocean when its in space.
gellaho
And the god of horses
And earthquakes
For some reason
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Can't touch you in space
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Horses cause earthquakes, this is known.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
gods are always looking to expand their portfolio
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Take everything, negotiate later
gellaho
Very inconspicuous
FancyShark
Poseidon arrived early when they were handing out domains
SHOOT THE CRIPPLE
gellaho
Before the Saints took over that area
Velo, Electric Ghost
SHOOT HIM IN THE HEAD
WITH BRAIN POWERS OR BULLETS
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Really he got the best part, Zeus barely has shit, just birds and clouds. Hades has to run the afterlife, while Poseidon is basically everything between the Underworld and the sky.
gellaho
Boy, do I wish you hadn't typed anything right before this so I could take it out of context
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
P: "Who wants to trade for horses, eh?" "..."
FancyShark
Hang on I'll retype it
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"Ill throw in olive trees!"
FancyShark
SHOOT THE CRIPPLE
gellaho
This is a bold move
Velo, Electric Ghost
Does this work?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Just.........melt his brain invisibly!
Velo, Electric Ghost
One for the scrapbook
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Cmon!
Youd think you DIDNT have brain melting abilities!
gellaho
They cannot outrun this cripple
gellaho
Not my words
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Maybe thats just me thinking a mind hammer makes all -problems psychic nails.
gellaho
Ah, the dangers of automation
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Would also be obvious he was there
Velo, Electric Ghost
STAB HIM IN HIS VULNERABLE THROAT
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
But it does seem like if you have a problem with say, excess personnel, a good solution is to start brain blasting.
gellaho
Any bird can get through the system
FancyShark
Because killing a man in a way that is conspicuously not the fault of the bird diplomats wouldn't have any effect
gellaho
Cargotainers
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
People on Earf love cargotainment.
FancyShark
At the end of this chase, the guy pursuing them hands Law the wallet he dropped
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
And the cargotainment cults!
gellaho
Ah, yes, the Burger Queen plaque
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
We stan a girl comestible monarch.
gellaho
Sark's beefy addict assassins
FancyShark
Don't sexually harass your weapons
Velo, Electric Ghost
I looked away for a minute, have they stabbed him in the vulnerable neck?
FancyShark
They have not
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Velo, Electric Ghost
Don't tell me what not to do with my weapons
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"He uses them to kill addicts by addicting them to Super Hashish."
gellaho
The drugs and ululations make him immune!
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I am in the right kind of consensual relationship with my weapons and will fondle them when appropriate, sir.
FancyShark
Law tried to weaponize a gentle rain. This is not surprising, Bet.
gellaho
We should really destigmatize masturbation, you're right
We should stigmatize stigmata masturbation, though
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
ah the bad guy can make his assassins immune to the hero's only weapon
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
It seems like doing a shit load of drugs would maybe make you MORE vulnerable to psychedelic murder projections?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
that is an unexpected wrinkle
gellaho
And, yes, I just realized that says "tonguetaste"
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
but I like a smart villain
gellaho
I haven't had anything to drink in two weeks
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Maybe the limp is from the drugs
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Like half the job is done if you are already off your tits on like Hyper Space PCP.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
although we were promised the Law's power can destroy the universe somehow, so I guess he's gonna level up?
FancyShark
🌵
gellaho
Oh, getting set on fire riled up Law? Surprising.
FancyShark
He's still got some drugs in his system. Once those clear out, he'll probably be able to nuke a moon
gellaho
Velo, Electric Ghost
Just going to make a quick note about that. "Fire. Bad."
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
that's a start
gellaho
Law gets kneed in the balls
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Strangling is a decent alternative attack when "Melt Brain" isnt an option.
gellaho
STUNNER
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"OH GOD! I WISH I HAD INHERITED THE BIRD PEOPLES INTERNAL GENITALS!"
FancyShark
I do that when I can't find a letter opener.
gellaho
Followed by giggle
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
an explosion of hurt
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"COS STONE COLD (Security Guard version) SAID SO!"
gellaho
Then Law defeats him, either by punching or throwing a box at him. I'm not sure
FancyShark
I think he fell?
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
A squeal
giggles and squeals
gellaho
The guy might have fallen through the floor somehow, yes
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
is the agent a teen girl?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I think he destabilized the cargo containers, punched the guy, who then fell and then the containers fell on him?
gellaho
This is no time for a boner, Law
FancyShark
Not even a boner for JUSTICE
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
What a weird way to convey that, maybe Jakes was getting on some of that Dragonard shit here.
Also BOANER CROUCH!
gellaho
Then she abandons him
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
"She CAME against him..." Ok now that's over I can write her out
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
hahahahah suck it, trusting dipshit.
Velo, Electric Ghost
She left the Birdfucker
That'll teach him to trust non-birds
FancyShark
Wow, she got shot quick
gellaho
Time to get shipped
gellaho
One more chapter
FancyShark
Next stop: Abu Dhabi
gellaho
I don't know how this 160 page book has 35 chapters, but here we go
After Chapter 3, they stopped putting new chapters on new pages
Weirdest thing
FancyShark
Odd
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Jakes loves chapter breaks like his children.
And the publishers werent going to waste pages on that shit.
gellaho
This is the best
FancyShark
hahahahahaha
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Thats like fifteen extra pages of bird blasting action
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"it was quite boring as far as intergalactic travel goes"
FancyShark
Handwaving away an entire odyssey. King.
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
"Got an hour? Write a chapter"
gellaho
The hour of family table
Velo, Electric Ghost
Bird 'blasting'
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"Yeah it was amazingly convenient that this ship was headed right to my homeworld, huh?"
gellaho
Homer's a dickhead
That's right, you blind fuck
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Well I mean that just leaves it open for Jakes to write Birdfucker Gaiden: The Poseidon Adventure later.
Im sure he would have gotten around to it if we hadnt killed him.
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Poe in Pimm was like "you are going to experience every minute of this guy's boring journey"
gellaho
Did I misunderstand earlier, Snowbird is his grandma, right?
FancyShark
I thought she was his girlfriend?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
His GRANDMAFRIEND!
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Got grandma-zoned?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
"Dear Reddit, does it count as incest if its with your alien bird grandmother?"
FancyShark
Birdfucker, Gilf Hunter
Velo, Electric Ghost
Fuck yes Birdfucker
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Sensing a trilogy here. Birdfucker, Son of Birdfucker, Birdfucker III: The Revenge.
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Poseidon is like "Yeah, you can have outer space, that's weird"
gellaho
I guess maybe not, but he talks about Gulqu being his grandfather right after introducing Snowbird
gellaho
So it led me to believe they were related
Who knows
FancyShark
He threw a lot of weird words at us at the start
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Jakes knows but we have blotted that information from the earth.
I'm pretty sure thats what "death of the author" means, right?
You kill them with your gestalt psychic emanations then you can assign whatever meaning to their IP? I'm almost certain that is how that works.
gellaho
His home appears to have been taken over by some family
FancyShark
He was only gone over a year!
Velo, Electric Ghost
Birds move fast
gellaho
The Infernals is a Marvel series that never took off
FancyShark
Cuckooed
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Strong "Oh fuck we thought we got rid of you." energy.
gellaho
"He lied," thought the author of Gorilla Flow
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Spiritually cheating because your bird girlfriend isnt hot anymore, for shame.
FancyShark
"I'm sorry, Sexy Bird Girlfriend. But I found Sexy Redhead Not-Girlfriend and she's hotter. Mostly because they tased the hell out of her."
gellaho
This is weird
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
She immediately got a new boyfriend.
His plumage? Exceptional.
FancyShark
His nest? Brimming with shiny things
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Way better than Andreas' weird filaments.
gellaho
Headman
Velo, Electric Ghost
This is when it reveals Birdfucker has been carrying broken glass in his hands this whole time
And now his nest will be very shiny
gellaho
Only two?
gellaho
I've taken way more
FancyShark
"I meant I went to the goddamn Corps!"
gellaho
Did you explain the weird guy with the limp? That must have taken a while
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
If it doesnt rain there then where do they even GROW melons?!
FancyShark
Everything is watered with blood
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
The boob listening device was 30 mins
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
it's more of a melon-shaped fungus
gellaho
His dad tells him to fix an inter-galaxy conflict
gellaho
This is difficult to show
Page 83 is eating 82
FancyShark
ugh, hate when binding does that
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Its the natural part of the life cycle of the predatory book.
It merges with its prey and slowly consumes the host volume.
Thats how you get an omnibus.
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Maybe there were more than 160 pages, originally
Velo, Electric Ghost
We are just over halfway through this book
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
lol
gellaho
Snowbird just sitting in the background making noises
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
girl bird noises
gellaho
I know, right?
What would you have me skip?
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
This is art, you cant skip art.
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
This one deserves a movie adaptation
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
I would watch a David Lynch Dune style adaptation of a Jakes book.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Jakes is truly the spirit of the book cage
gellaho
Connive seems like a wrong spelling
Velo, Electric Ghost
Steele may be the mascot
The Hardy Boys may be the blood
Infinite 9/11s may be the thinky bits
FancyShark
Hawke is the patron saint of the book cage proper. Jakes is the prophet of what could be.
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Huh.......you dont usually see conniving in that tense.
gellaho
Loco is crazy, but sure
FancyShark
Starting for Shaq's radio station
gellaho
Jakes is the King, but Simon Hawke can never be toppled
Especially considering he's still writing books
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Simon is young enough still that he can endure the emanations.
gellaho
And then the sun explodes
FancyShark
The answer: Leaflets
gellaho
And that, finally, is where we're going to leave off
FancyShark
We're doing it!
This book rules!
Thank you, @gellaho !
Great riffing, one and all!
Butt Wizard Flippant Sausage
Hell yeah, another solid Jakes book.
I need to see about getting out to a thrift store or something and seeing if I cant find some.
gellaho
It's so good
It's compelling, which is why I didn't read it last year
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
yeah that wasn't painful
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Enough tropes to riff, at least
FancyShark
It's so wild he had this going presumably the same time as the Conan parody
Or he wrote this at the start of 1969 and was still fresh
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Oh he was the North and South guy
My parents loved those books
gellaho
That's his most popular thing, yeah. What with the Swayze adaptation
gellaho
The last two Dragonard books got published this same year
It's wild
FancyShark
That's insane
gellaho
On Wheels was four years after this
It makes no sense
Velo, Electric Ghost
Thank you @gellaho
I am slightly shellshocked by this level of crazy
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Yes, Jakes belongs in the Book Cage, but barely
Like an MST3K movie that would be watchable on its own
FancyShark
This book is a gift. The other books from Jakes so far have absolutely belonged here
PhysWiz vs Diamond Fondler
Nice
FancyShark
Anyways, it's late. Have a good night, everyone! See you tomorrow for DNDOB!
gellaho
The Book Cage: Episode #122.5
The Hybrid - Part 2
I AM A PSYCHADELIC PROJECTOR
I AM A WEAPON OF ATTACK AND ASSASSINATION
I AM GOING TO KILL THEM BEFORE THEY MAKE ME KILL AGAIN
AGAIN
This Friday, 5pm Eastern.
gellaho
gellaho
Coming up on the hour, it's The Hybrid part 2.
Here is your preview
Velo, Electric Ghost
The Continued Adventures of Birdfucker
Vooster
I am available this Friday but I have already decided to get drunk and play Nintendo
Also starting at 5, coincidentally
FancyShark
Hell yeah. Have fun! I'll let you know how the book goes!
gellaho
Jakes!
Velo, Electric Ghost
BOOK CAGE
God that cover art
FancyShark
BOOK CAGE
Hi, @gellaho !
Hi, @Velo, Electric Ghost !
Velo, Electric Ghost
Hi @FancyShark !
Hi @gellaho !
gellaho
Yum, goo and bubbles
FancyShark
This man will bring new intellectual depth to the narrative