131: Headcrash Bruce Bethke

Vooster

I didn't expect court drama that has less research and legal formality than a standard Law and Order episode

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

You wrote this in 1995 and set it in 2005, you should have at least referenced CONTEMPORARY pop culture if you were uncreative enough to invent new pop culture bullshit.

gellaho

The computers impersonated everyone in hell too

Vooster

Oh wait. The computers are sentient now

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

Also yes, im ready for the Machines to destroy us. This book is proof enough we have it coming.

Vooster

Ahhhhhhhwhatatwist

I'm so tired

gellaho

Although, again, this is in VR so you can just take your fuck suit off

Ozzie

fucking understatement

Velo

Unpeg yourself and you'll be free!

gellaho

I don't know what is happening

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

The super important characters from hell who were so relevant to the plot in that one scene they were in

FancyShark

It's a dumb dumb dumb dumb world

gellaho

Still got nothing

Velo

Really earning that scholastic wild wild west gig

Vooster

Oh do the computers have somewhere to be

Ozzie

The teddy ruxpin did actually say it had to go read a kid a story

gellaho

I can't see "You don't know what it's like," without hearing Judas Priest

gellaho

https://youtu.be/L397TWLwrUU?si=BbYY7ueMZ1y5n_Zw

PhysWiz vs the Wanking Wizard

Hideo Kojima would call this book convoluted

Vooster

A computer, connected to the world wide web, needs to leave this courtroom and go elsewhere to read to a kid. They can't just be in all places?

gellaho

What

GDC

Women hate me, men fear me, fish are ambivalent.

Velo

What

gellaho

Huh?

Velo

This is unironically better than what Bruce wrote

Vooster

It's really hard being hot and blonde in western society

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

Oh fuck. NORTHERN Iowa no less.

FancyShark

Thanks, Bruce. We didn't have pages and pages of proof you hated women already

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

Actually scratch that, Cedar Rapids is pretty nice.

Ozzie

That's how you say "fuck you" in Minnesotan for sure

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

An actual Seanbaby AIIIEEE

GDC

Low bar

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

She'll have to gain weight and endure our above nationally average income tax!

How will she endure?

Velo

"The court also sentences you to smile more!"

gellaho

We're going to Brave New World You

Vooster

Jesus, just kill the woman. Don't force feed her in some sort of punishment that Satan would deem "a bit wierd because it's not ironic"

FancyShark

Weight, once gained, can never be lost

Vooster

She can never have clothes tailored again

Ozzie

She will of course retain her beautiful sexy luscious lickable feet.

gellaho

It's also virtual, so who knows

Vooster

It is pretty hard

gellaho

Well, then

Velo

No this is a crime

Ozzie

I read Brave New World, I don't know what the fuck it means when a stuffed animal threatens to use it as a verb at you.

Velo

No god damn it

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

I refuse to read a book by a man whos first name is Aldous, thats all.

Velo

Fuck you

gellaho

I am lost

gellaho

https://youtu.be/PHV71oNyf5Q?si=vpmRySNejEj-2n-S

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

"Oh no, we can fuck you up. We're just, you know............better than you."

Vooster

Ooooooh, he just took away the stakes

Again

GDC

Oh right, that law he just made up

Vooster

But after the Woman experienced consequences

gellaho

What

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

"See? We can fuck you right up."

Vooster

And then he was proven wrong

Jesus this book never ends

FancyShark

Just kill each other

Velo

Fuck you Bruce

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

Kick him until he pisses blood.

Just a full red stream like the elevator scene in The Shining.

PhysWiz vs the Wanking Wizard

Why not let Melinda rule the world, too?

gellaho

Fuck you, Isaac Asimov

FancyShark

Then keep kicking until the piss parts and the blood switch which is out and which is in

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

Girl parts.

Velo

Woman

gellaho

I guess somebody "got" his black/white waifu

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

"Could.........could I just not do thoughtless cruelty? Like.......try to do a good job?"

PhysWiz vs the Wanking Wizard

Jack is executed, the end

gellaho

Oh, and Don Mac is here

Vooster

He is incapable

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

"I feel like the primary issue with the world is a lack of logistical calculation resulting in uneven distribution of resources, you being computers should be able to handle that stuff?"

FancyShark

"Fire the ProctoSpikes"

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

Oh so the galactic evil was real?!

gellaho

And Don Mac turns into Michael Crichton

Vooster

I like the black lady being right the whole time and getting to rule the world and is invincible 10/10 perfect book if he doesn't fuck up the next few pages

gellaho

Off to a cartoon desert island

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

Good.

This is where Bruce belongs, in a non metaphorical sense.

FancyShark

Good. Die in a Computoon, Bruce

PhysWiz vs the Wanking Wizard

"like being buggered in reverse" implies that he knows what it normally feels like

gellaho

Some garbage asks him for batteries

Velo

94% of this book is about pegging

gellaho

Who is apparently addicted to CD-ROMs

gellaho

He is surrounded by old CD-ROM addicts

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

lol rad.

Geriatric punks stab and beat Jack to death on Junk Island.

FancyShark

It is far far too late to say "Let's not start anything stupid"

gellaho

Hey, it's Cowboy Bret

Velo

We found the real cowboy! Nice foreshadowing Bruce! You can stop now!

gellaho

I don't understand this reality

Vooster

I think I am going to tap out and pretend the last chapter was the end

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

Hahahah they got old in MONTHS?!

FancyShark

I think I am too. I need food.

Vooster

The man got sent to an island and died. The end. Good night!

gellaho

Did you know that Bruce Bethke invented the term "cyberpunk?"

FancyShark

Have a good night, everyone!

gellaho

A rich tapestry of female characters

FancyShark

Thank you, @gellaho !

Great riffing, everyone!

gellaho

There's a page left

GDC

It's over, I guess!

Velo

What

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

"Im disappointed you're all old and wrinkled and indoorsy!"

GDC

Why?!?

Velo

How is this anywhere near the ending?!

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

"I expected cyberpunks to be more adventurous and not dependend on technology!"

gellaho

They kill each other for CDs

gellaho

GDC

I don't care that the ending doesn't make sense, I just care that we got there.

FancyShark

oh in that case

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

Bruce. Dont you fucking dare.

gellaho

And he's on Maui

Velo

Hi @FancyShark !

gellaho

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

Bruce you fucking asshole.

I wonder if Bruce goes to Gen Con and if I can get my best friend to fight him.....

gellaho

The end

gellaho

Suck it, reader!

PhysWiz vs the Wanking Wizard

😭

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

I hope Bruce accidentally gets piss in his ear and gets Piss Swimmers Ear from it.

GDC

Bruce, I hate you so much

gellaho

We have defeated Headcrash

PhysWiz vs the Wanking Wizard

No, it defeated us

Velo

Thank you @gellaho

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

Well I hated that book, I think it deserves the Book Cage.

GDC

We won, but at what cost?

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

Well chosen @gellaho

PhysWiz vs the Wanking Wizard

It deserves a lower level of book cage

gellaho

So concludes Episode 131 of the Book Cage

PhysWiz vs the Wanking Wizard

Book Iron Maiden

FancyShark

WE DID IT

Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

Book Oubliette.

GDC

If ever a book deserved book jail

PhysWiz vs the Wanking Wizard

Book hell

Vooster

I've been informed that the book ended. I am mad at the ending

FancyShark

Hell yes on the new title @Velo

gellaho

If only

Velo

and now to save us from despair and cleanse this screen

PhysWiz vs the Wanking Wizard

Fallen

GDC

This book is an argument for illiteracy

Velo

Wicki-wicki-wild

Wicki-wild

Wicki-wicki wild wild West

Jim West, desperado

Rough rider, no you don't want nada

None of this, six-gunnin' this, brother runnin' this

Buffalo soldier, look, it's like I told ya

Any damsel that's in distress

Be outta that dress when she meet Jim West

Rough neck so go check the law and abide

Watch your step or flex and get a hole in your side

Swallow your pride, don't let your lip react

You don't wanna see my hand where my hip be at

With Artemus, from the start of this, runnin' the game

James West, tamin' the West, so remember the name

Now who ya gonna call?

Not the GB's

Now who you gonna call?

J Dub and A.G

If you ever riff with either one of us

Break out, before you get bum-rushed, at the

Wild wild west (when I roll into the)

Wild wild west (when I stroll into the)

Wild wild west (when I bounce into the)

Wild Wild West

PhysWiz vs the Wanking Wizard

Clever Girl

Clever Girl

It's humans' world

FancyShark

I'll find you, Jack. They'll name a beach after you when I'm done. It'll be called "Holy Shit What Was This Originally Beach"

Vooster

Oh he rappin'

Velo

I feel better now

Good night everyone. Thank you @gellaho . Fuck you Bruce.

Ozzie

Oh, fuck

Ozzie

Ozzie

He did the ending first.

Velo

No it doesn't, Bruce

Also that has to be the answer because the other four aren't things he created

Velo

Book cage is an endurance sport

Supernaught, Moon Is Up!

It's a goddamn tragedy

Velo

It's one of my favorite weekly events

Party because it's completely unpredictable

gellaho

Once again, thank @Fatamatician: The Curator for this particular pain

Fatamatician: The Curator

Glad it was as flavor filled as it looked

PhysWiz vs the Wanking Wizard

It was a flavor all right

Brendo

Wait, the Timeline-A people are mirror universe to a Timeline-Alpha?

Brendo

Yes but that's typical of people who smoke Kools.

Brendo

This FUCKING BOOK

He knows four people in cyberspace and six of them are the only five people he knows in reality.

Velo

I didn't know the book cage accepted donations

I should've ordered two copies of Bruce Bethke's Wild Wild West: The Novel

Brendo

He is our anti-Hawke

Velo

That's exactly what he is!

Brendo

He's all plot, no theme.

Velo

He agressively does not fuck

Brendo

Bruce's STEELE is just Donovan Steele thrusting his penis at an endless series of really hot hotties who needs it, you guys, I swear, but then woah, each one was also a doctor who built him, and the fucking cocktease shuts him off before it's sextime.

Velo

Also we're stopping mid thrust to explain Picasso

Brendo

condescendingly