#1 The Chronicles of Galen Sword
The Book Cage: Episode 135
The Chronicles of Galen Sword #1: Shifter
There exists a parallel world of monsters, demons, vampires, and werewolves. This world is destiny for Galen Sword, human, hoop earringed, and stupidly named. A husband and wife team up to present a dark tale of gangsters, shapeshifters, and other edgy fantasy nonsesnse. I mean, it's called The Chronicles of Galen Sword, what else do you need? See more, this Friday 5pm eastern.
Once again, shout out to @Fatamatician: The Curator for sending me Book 2 in this series. Which started so stupidly, I had to find the first one
Had to zoom in to see more of Snake Lady in the background.
Worth it.
That is We Have Blade At Home
She should proibably get some glasses for that
"Ma'am, you know that as a sex worker, you dont have to take the snake theme THIS far, right?"
I also have no idea what's happening in her leg area. She's got a real long torso
And that one leg is coming from the middle
I hope that's a leg
I comb the world for only the finest flavors
And what a smorgasbord
A little under an hour until The Chronicles of Galen Sword #1: Shifter. Here is your preview
BOOK
CAGE!
CAGE
BOOK!
OOPS
CAGE!
THANK YOU!
Shift into gear
Hi, @Velo Might Be A Ghost ! Hi, @Hot Soup Midas Flippant Sausage ! Hi, @gellaho !
Hahahahahah fuck yes.
Hi @FancyShark !
Buh
I am so hyped
Fuck yes I cant wait to see why we have Truckstop Snake Hooker.
It's like the cover artist was busy making the jerk off motion
THE CHRONICLES OF GALEN SWORD #1:
shifter
You call him Galen Sword despite the fact that he's clearly holding a rifle
Hi, @Tom, Wizard Columbo !
Awww its a married couple collab! Cuuuuuuute!
I liked Gaken better
Who
Quiet you, my typing is flawless
That name needs like a Colonel in front of it.
Oh, well. Let's pack it up and go home
There is a Dr. Campbell Kingsburgh
Thank you, @gellaho !
Good riffing, everyone!
oh
Great cage
Little iffy at the start but it really came around
Damn werewolf radar's on the fritz
Had lost or had GOT lost?
Remember Campbell Kingsburgh? Fun times
Hahahaha this nerd needs a motion sensor to track a werewolf.
Or the werewolf was staying very still
Galen you need to try harder than this
OK, but what's her real name?
Hahahahha I bet Melody Ko knows karate.
Mitsubishi paid big for this
Oh, I guess the book is over again
Mitsubishi paid even more for the cease and desist
Great cage everyone
"Got anything on thermal, Galen?"
"Nothing, Trapper!"
"Ok guess the scene can fucking start later then, Galen, thanks"
Remember Melody Ko? Great times
Huh. TIL Mitsubishi makes audio equipment.
For some reason, there's a child on this werewolf hunt
I like how the Loft is capitalized.
Hi, @roosters control time !
Like if I capitalized my Studio Apartment like its a fortress.
Arsenio?
Oh god this married couple is self inserting their boring married life
Sword's failures are endless
When was this published?
1990
Ah. Carry on then
Three YEARS youve been tracking this fuckin werewolf?
Bud..........people can do that for regular animals in months.
Three months for werewolf, three years for overarching plot
"We should base this character on our own precocious child." Said Garfield.
"God I wish you would agree to a divorce." Said Judith.
Make sure to take your Porsche to the bad parts of New York
I have a strong opinion: Nobody should marry a man named Garfield.
But what of nobody's favorite Spiderman?
Our humorless hero drives a Porsche. I feel so connected
He needs to be alone so he can think about what he's done
I feel so third hand embarrassed for Garfield and we are only a couple pages in
This seems like a fun adventure. Too bad that's not this book
So far this reads like whenever a story wants to make fun of hack work
Killing Emma Stone does deserve harsh punishment
Twice a thousand years old can go fuck itself
The number four exists
Also point of order, the marble didnt spring into existence a few thousand years ago, GARFIELD.
This is some pretty incredible schlock
or JUDITH.
I'm blaming Garfield for anything that sounds edgy
I am equally open to either one of you letting this prose get away from you.
The technological cocoon
God his name should just be Porsche Sword.
I will find a proper way to describe how this feels like we're reading Nightblade from Saint's Row
Wait, there we go
Oh my god you're right
This reads like we've started mid book of a Harry Dresden novel.
Welcome to the jungle, we got fun and games. We got everything you want, honey, we know the names
And the name is Martin
Martin the werewolf
God I hate when werewolves get all uppity about terminology.
But also, critically, *Nyte Blayde
It's a Teen Wolf!
haha, I forgot the spelling! Thank you!
"I'm not a werewolf, im an (insert stupid made up thing or thing that means werewolf but fancy)."
Lou Garou
"Im a werewolf but in badly spelled French."
"behold my mighty Androcanis form!"
You know humans, always eating rotten fruit and vegetables
Yup.
Cant get enough of them.
Always
I mean fermented food is kind of rad.
Thats how you make soy sauce.
Martin uses his blue electricity magic to open a lock
You know, how werewolves do
Excuse me
I wonder if the faint electric blue glow was electricity
Sure. Electric werewolves. Why not
What a weird choice. Digesting food doesn't make it rot, and besides, most of a werewolf's prey would eat fruit and vegetables. Why would that smell disgusting to him
Werewolf static
Illiterate though
Fuck you, "called it a blue power".
Beautiful
Third person omniscient is convenient
I love the "but Martin couldn't read."
Uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Bunnies
Except they stunk of rotting vegetables remember
Was this hand printed? Are we mocking Judith and Garfield's hand printed novel that they gave out to friends and family for Christmas?
Someone arrives in like ten minutes and sees Martin just struggling to swallow a live Macaw.
A young macaw
This has real Mid-Western "oh wouldn't it be fun to write a book" energy
His clanmates called it a blue power, but Martin was colourblind
His pockets stuffed with chinchillas
If you put your ear to his tummy you can hear the wheeking of like sixty guinea pigs.
Melody "Drunk Foot" Ko, they call her
Thats not how that works.
Do eyes work like that
Forsyte just likes it when women smell like his dad.
Does narrowing your eyes protect them from rain
Or her.
I dunno.
If you have a jutting brow, maybe
"Sure is a lot of fucking whiskey on the ground right behind me. Whelp, no need to look at it."
And if there's no wind
I think this is supposed to be sharp rain.
Galen "Out of Shape" Sword
Also the "not in [insert emotion]" thing repeated twice and that hurts me
Oh this is changing my mental image of Galen Sword, Porsche Driving Badass.
Ko frowned, not in sadness but in consternation.
Widdle Werewoof
Ko scanned the dark alley, not in apprehension but so she could see things.
The hoop earring didn't tip you off?
Now im picturing him with a little bit of a spare tire.
Those werewolf witnesses are always contradicting each other
Galen eats entire pizzas in one sitting yeah
That would actually make him much more interesting
Hey, Judith and Garfield, I have some notes
I have many notes
HEY GARFIELD! YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED AT TWELVE YEARS OLD.
Many very important notes
The ultimate werewolf hunter
Is... is that not normal?
JUDITH WHY DID YOU NOT STOP GARF?!
JUDITH ARE YOU HELPESS AGAINST THE GARF?!
I'll get back to you after I pick up my Ledo's
Judith? Garfield? We aren't going to drop the book just because you couldn't decide between two different numbers
Judith did this
What's this now?
Dead parents!
I don't think the training would have even occurred to us, Judith
Check it off the list!
What?
The "not [thing you might expect]" clarifications coming in really fast
Huh?
Is it too early to tell the authors to fuck off?
No fuck you, what the fuck book?
That answers my question
She could mean one of two things! There's no way of knowing!
And I guess Forsyte is dead
WE ARE AWASH IN MYSTERY
"that raised hand is just like my dead parents," the not-yet-womanly Ja'nette thought.
"We are nailing this!" Judith and Garfield thought.
Sword's sword or Sword's sword
See, she's foreign, so every word is filled with wisdom and meaning
Ohhhhhh right they have a Stephen Hawking.
Hi, @PhysWiz vs Owlkohol !
Just noticed it's Forsyte and not Forsythe. Fun
Also note: Judith, Garf, do you realize you spell that Jeanette weird?
Only ten pages so far. Strap in
Hahahahahaha
Oh that's so few pages
I should make clear, I've not read any of this book
I read the first chapter of the second book, and chose to go back
No this is a 1990s couple, if they were trying for African we would for sure know.
"I am Ja'nette, of Krypton."
Look forward to that
I'm so excited to be on this journey together
Well
I have some news
Yeah specifically called out "Japanese" so our authors will make sure we know if someone is non-white
Just to emphasize
lol
That will never be problematic
I was wrong about her not being black but so right about them telling us.
Are… are they implying she has natural camouflage in darkness?
The Michael Jackson chanting did something magical
What it did, I'm not entirely sure
oh fuck you, Judith and Garf
Im beginning to understand why it takes them so long to find werewolves.
She's a psychic lockpicker
It seemed to speed up the rain, move a chain, and open a door
The three things seem unconnected
Like you guys know he can probably hear you talking, right?
BEAT IT
Even if youre real quiet.
Especially when greatly slowed down I guess
Chains don't make sound
And now: vomit
Werewolfs should know whiskey smell means they're being hunted, by now
It's fine guys, the black child has a magical gift that lets her hide in alleyways and break into stores
If he doesnt get away its because hes too busy packing his cheeks like a hamster, with live hamsters.
werewoofs
Martin is a cartoon cat
She always magically knows where to buy jazz records.
I tried to find a fun gif for "furry avalanche" and I really should have been more specific
"What if our save the cat moment is saving a whole bunch of puppies and kittens?"
I don't care for this
Yeah but now you've got that information stored away in case you ever need it.
Doesn't Traxx foil a pet store hostage situation
Hi, @LyraV !
Martin you are making it real hard to like you.
Well, I can't wait to see what the next page holds for me
Like....idk when scaling Furry mountains be quiet, there might be furry avalanches
We're already down one puppy. So fuck you for that, Judith and Garfield
Ko uses her Starbrite Viewer and draws her Strawberry Shortcake Blade.
I know you're joking but I'd buy one
Starbrite viewer seemed somewhat pointless
If your werewolf hunting skills are lax, call on Traxx
I choose to believe "engulfed" means hugged in this situation
I too, can not wait to hug the kittens
Get the kid in here again
I am currently holding hands with my cat so this hits close to home.
So much hugging
Of kittens
Ok I just got here and Im sure you've already covered it but Ja'Nette is a helluva name
When Janet just won't cover it
Ko screams
If the authors gave potentially problematic magical powers to the blacks... Better find Traxx
I admit I had Judith and Garfield pegged as a people who would name their black character something like "Natum Bundra" or something.
This is an incredibly strange book
Ping pongs between self serious and cartoony at every moment
Hey hurry the fuck up and rescue the fuckin puppies, GALEN.
This is LITERALLY mountain monsters
No no let's wait until all the cute animals are murdered
Back to the child vomit
You're in a pet shop. It'd be weird to not hear growling at this point
"Hurry before the werewoof hugs all the kitties!!"
Also a good point
Electrophoresis
I hope he just put them in a box for later.
Electrophoresis is a laboratory technique used to separate DNA, RNA or protein molecules based on their size and electrical charge
The excitement of all these murdered animals was all she could feel. Hm
There's been more important stuff to talk about but I also hate the name Forsyte
Of course the Asian woman is also their science nerd
Yes, lady, you do have a gun. And you're fighting a child werewolf. You probably have this
I want to correct it to Forsythe every time
Why would it not be a standoff if you didn't have a rifle, Ko?
the dying puppies is not adding the gravitas the author intended.
She's got a buzz cut, so that makes her alt and cool though. Right?
In comes fatass
Werewoof munching sounds continue