Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Did he plan this scene just so he could rattle off all his favorite slurs?
67: Police Patrol: 2000 A.D. Mack Reynolds
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Brexdan McMoran
He was gonna call up one of these dames who liked sex.
FancyShark in a White Suit
And yell at the damn kids
FancyShark in a White Suit
A mopsy
Brexdan McMoran
German is actually a slur for Austrian.
FancyShark in a White Suit
Oh right, Rex considered ordering a prostitute but decided not to
gellaho
Damn, we missed the dress up montage
FancyShark in a White Suit
"She was almost erotic, but still looked like a corpse covered in despair"
gellaho
Uh, oh Tad. Run!
FancyShark in a White Suit
Cheese it!
Brexdan McMoran
Mack writes like the sexual revolution hadn't JUST happened.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
An unchaperoned woman calling upon a single man? Think of the scandal!
gellaho
This is a recipe for a stabbing
FancyShark in a White Suit
C'mon, Brendan. It's the year 2000. Women's lib is ancient history, like Asia
gellaho
I'm sure the fifty year old sci-fi writer was really into the flower people
FancyShark in a White Suit
Filthy hippy
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
It's so easy to stalk people in the future past.
FancyShark in a White Suit
Moran proved it!
Brexdan McMoran
A sad end for the 5000-year heritage of women having names
Again, he nailed it. He called googlestalking a date to make sure he's not a creep.
FancyShark in a White Suit
Names are for men and boats
Brexdan McMoran
But all boats are women!
gellaho
It's sort of a count down for one of these two to stab the other
FancyShark in a White Suit
Holy shit! Loophole!
This is leading up to a Crying Game reveal
Brexdan McMoran
"You're not unpleasant, in a dumpy sort of way. Also, your eyes look goggle-fishy because you wear old lady cheaters."
FancyShark in a White Suit
"Take me now"
Brexdan McMoran
That would be such a succulent end to Tad bitching about the queers in a bar on p.
gellaho
This is for all the sexy Amish fetishists out there
FancyShark in a White Suit
"At once"
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
She showed him her punch-card.
Brexdan McMoran
Tad, unable to count that high, rejected her as impure.
FancyShark in a White Suit
"Bride of Lucifer!"
gellaho
Hot
gellaho
Well, that was pointless
FancyShark in a White Suit
"Which he'd done many, many times"
Glad you're starting to think better of the woman you're actively groping, Tad
Brexdan McMoran
Okay, lady, what's the problem?
FancyShark in a White Suit
"I'm not your type," he said, not stopping
gellaho
No, he stopped
Brexdan McMoran
"I've been with eight men, and after tonight, I'll have been with eight," she sneered.
FancyShark in a White Suit
oh, thank god
gellaho
That's why it was pointless
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Lying back of thinking of England worked so well for her before.
gellaho
Tilly: Expert Hacker and Stalker
FancyShark in a White Suit
Ohhh, my bad. I missed the line about him being disappointed
Brexdan McMoran
"What spins with you?" he asked her. "You're starfish class."
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
She was really only with Rex Moran in eight different moustaches.
Brexdan McMoran
The year is 2000. America's abrahamic faith has been replaced by Zoroastrianism.
FancyShark in a White Suit
Via Ctrl+F
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
"I've got nothing against your dad. He causally throws out racial slurs, we have so much in common."
Brexdan McMoran
Tad was a toddler when this book was written.
FancyShark in a White Suit
And now he's taller
Brexdan McMoran
At some point the country collectively converted in the '80s.
What a weird decade it must have been.
gellaho
Taddler, please
Brexdan McMoran
Is this like when Russia had to collectively go atheist overnight?
gellaho
Warning: unpleasant
Brexdan McMoran
JFC
wait
FancyShark in a White Suit
I WAS JOKING
Brexdan McMoran
AFM
Ahura funking Mazda!
Brexdan McMoran
Tsk, funking tsk, ladies.
FancyShark in a White Suit
oh, right. Funk you, Mack
Manyxe, Snow Wizard
Oh wow, shit. I peaced out at the pentest reveal, and now I regret checking back in. Yeah I'm out, this is hateful.
FancyShark in a White Suit
Sorry, @Manyxe, Snow Wizard . This is the gamble of bookreads
Brexdan McMoran
This book has one female character and she's all the male ideas of women stacked atop each other like cordwood
gellaho
The end of the dreamteam
FancyShark in a White Suit
At least you met Rex Moran
"You will investigate only tiny scams"
Manyxe, Snow Wizard
...truthfully, I'm still gonna check in as long as I'm still awake. There's something fascinating about the wrongness.
Brexdan McMoran
The VirginWhoreVictim wandered off into the night?
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
This is some solid phrasing.
gellaho
It's only 23 years, Mack
FancyShark in a White Suit
"Sherlock Holmes? Sounds Asia-ish"
Brexdan McMoran
But books are illegal!
Sidebar: revisit your HS reading list. I reread Fahrenheit 451 and was openly weeping on a plane.
FancyShark in a White Suit
Yeah. The mechanical deathhound is so rad
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I've been meaning to give Robertson Davies another shot.
Brexdan McMoran
Norm Schmidt stubbornly refused to convert to Zoroastrianism. Kelly discreetly reported him to Overmind.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
You know what bunco means but not Sherlock?
gellaho
No thank you
i do think this reaction is kind of funny, Steele had way worse shit in it
Brexdan McMoran
Steele was a sleazy world
FancyShark in a White Suit
Steele did have Ice
Although this world has Rex Moran
gellaho
Do you like exposition dumps? I don't. So here you go
gellaho
Brexdan McMoran
This is like finding the Viking Blood Angel in your pulp rocket serial.
Scuse me, your gyrojet rocket serial.
FancyShark in a White Suit
This is like the Reluctant Sorceror but with less lips
Brexdan McMoran
Wait, did he write this a year before we went off the gold standard?
six years later
My dude invented e-currency
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
Dense with future funking finances.
gellaho
Lips ahoy
FancyShark in a White Suit
Liiiiiiips
gellaho
He's investigating fraud now, I've skipped a lot of it because who could care
Brexdan McMoran
Blockchain bux
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
It's like the author really struggles to say anything nice about any character.
FancyShark in a White Suit
Need to cool down after Rex
Brexdan McMoran
Phidias Porras!
Tad Coleslaw, how ya spinning?
gellaho
Tad talking like a robotic communist now
FancyShark in a White Suit
Kiss
KIIIISSSS
Brexdan McMoran
SEARCH ME
gellaho
What kind of curd are you playing?
Brexdan McMoran
Tad found no stock in Rosy's orifices. What he did find...was love.
FancyShark in a White Suit
And Future Syphilis
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I haven't had my curd pulled in ages.
Brexdan McMoran
pseudo-Syph!
FancyShark in a White Suit
"You sometimes go heeled, like a filthy cobbler"
gellaho
Really can't decide if this is communism or not
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
Phidias was quite fastidious
FancyShark in a White Suit
Avatar: The Last Pretzel Bender
Brexdan McMoran
First off, it's a pretzel lasher
gellaho
Stutes
Brexdan McMoran
I am in awe of this book's vision technologically if not socially.
Name a better book we've done that isn't Steele, and honestly, Steele was more wrong ten years later.
FancyShark in a White Suit
Most insidious
Brexdan McMoran
Steele is ten conversations about the state of man couched in act I of robocop.
FancyShark in a White Suit
Time Blender was pretty damn insane, but not as fun as Steele
Brexdan McMoran
If you blew me up and then made a perfect copy of me minus the flaws of being human, you would not catch me crying except with joy.
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
I'm going to end up trying to find a copy of Time Blender, I fucking love that book.
Brexdan McMoran
"I can run a two-minute mile and delay orgasm for hoouuuuurrrrrs!" he screamed from the rooftops before also leaping from them.
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
It thoroughly blended my brain.
FancyShark in a White Suit
Psychodrome was pretty good
gellaho
Except for the other people's brains getting shoved in there
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I want to find a copy of time blender and confront Michael Dorn with it at a star trek convention
FancyShark in a White Suit
Just throw it on the table. "WELL?!"
Brexdan McMoran
Michael Dorn. Peter David. PSI-BLENDER. August, 202
gellaho
Rosy goes to gamble
Brexdan McMoran
How far in are we, gellaho? Is this a two-parter?
Because let me tell you, I nominate Mack for the new Hawke
gellaho
I mean, absolutely not
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Pop Rasch has a set of dracula teeth from spirit Halloween
Brexdan McMoran
He must have more books.
gellaho
A metric fuck ton
But Hawke remains undefeated
FancyShark in a White Suit
A lot of short stories too
gellaho
But we are awkwardly 114 page into a 181 page book
FancyShark in a White Suit
ahh
Brexdan McMoran
Hawke is a wonderful dude. I genuinely love him. But have you met my homeslice Rex Moran?
FancyShark in a White Suit
I don't think we're going to top Rex Moran, but let's tear through the rest of this
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
And we still haven't got a plot.
gellaho
Indeed
Brexdan McMoran
Tad fucks, that's the pitch.
Tad really went through some grizzled cop stuff between stories
gellaho
Indeed, so probably a two parter, and I might cram one of Peter David's Worf children's books in there
Brexdan McMoran
Goddamn, Rex Moran, you amazing man.
gellaho
Because this book might get boring
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
Thank you I was concerned it was just me confused about that.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Oh god there are books about Alexander?
Brexdan McMoran
well let's go a little further and see if we ramp it or put it aside to extend our joy.
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
FUCK YEAH!
Brexdan McMoran
I KNEW IT
gellaho
This guy writes so weird
gellaho
No, they are about Worf entering Starfleet Academy
They're really short and shitty
FancyShark in a White Suit
There are two undercover cops listening to this while frantically checking their codephrase books
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
Funk your Romping Caper Rosy.
gellaho
This book is incomprehensible at this point
Brexdan McMoran
Martin Zogbaum!
Pop Rasch!
Rosy Porras!
Tad Boleslaw!
FancyShark in a White Suit
Someone put a wallet under Brendan's tongue
gellaho
A pre-"Last Resort" Papa Roach
Brexdan McMoran
It's like someone made the League of Evil Little Rascals
gellaho
I cropped this, but whatever
Thanks, phone
FancyShark in a White Suit
Thank you. I've been trying to come up with a joke for that all night
And by "all night" I mean a few minutes ago when he was first mentioned
gellaho
This writing is so bad
gellaho
"negligently, negatively"
I don't even know how to describe it, it's just so weird
FancyShark in a White Suit
Mad Libs
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
All I could come up with was 'a rash you get from drinking too much soda'
Brexdan McMoran
The book overexplains the romp but lets you twist on a taw
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
You already mentioned the false teeth, mack.
gellaho
They have mind control now? Or is that just a turn of phrase?
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
State mandated lobotomies.
FancyShark in a White Suit
Officer Corky doesn't complain
gellaho
Legitimately, no idea what's going on
gellaho
Fucking blow guns, sure
WHY NOT
FancyShark in a White Suit
Don't be a funker, dude
gellaho
This isn't as insanity-inducing as Photon: In Search of MOM, but it's getting there
Brexdan McMoran
Say, Pap, how much is the take?
Take, whaddaya call a take? In my day we said it wuz a SCORE! Ah, to Zoroastrian hell with it, I'll see you at 8 at the holothromble ambulatory skizzwox
Brexdan McMoran
Cripes! I get it. They don't get it, but I get it. And I think it's reprehensible.
gellaho
No security? Sure, why not
Brexdan McMoran
Okay, but in what way is that NOT a pipe?
Pop is meant to be our POV character.
gellaho
Let me translate: "a long room banked with computers, computers, computers, and computers"
Brexdan McMoran
Here in the mainframe room, we send each number to its destination, depending on whether it needs to be added or subtracted
FancyShark in a White Suit
"Multiplication is on the next floor"
gellaho
I don't know what it is with lips. But it's a thing
Brexdan McMoran
Hacker cracker
gellaho
Gismo
gellaho
gismo
Brexdan McMoran
Pop wiped sweat from his brow as he typed the invasive message into the computer: DO U WANT 2 PLY A GAME LOL
FancyShark in a White Suit
Mack must have shit his pants when he saw 200
Brexdan McMoran
CALCULATE THE SQUARE ROOT OF LUV
QUERY: WHAT IS MATRIX
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The fact that stuff is still punch card based explains a lot.
gellaho
So, @FancyShark in a White Suit said earlier this week that this was a collection of stories. It definitely seems like that
FancyShark in a White Suit
I was afraid of that
It does explain the lack of central plot
Brexdan McMoran
The Erotic Escapades of Boleslaw and Kelly
gellaho
Especially considering he was calling it a DossierComplete and now says Crime Dossier
Brexdan McMoran
Well it's not his fault this guy's only dossier entries are crime.
FancyShark in a White Suit
I like that a fraud investigation is turning into an armed standoff
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
I wish.
gellaho
Anyway, I've had too much to drink to understand what's happening anymore. So TO BE CONTINUED
Brexdan McMoran
FAIR STOP
gellaho
We will continue on page 120
Brexdan McMoran
I like a cliffhanger.
FancyShark in a White Suit
Thank you, @gellaho !
Especially for Rex Moran!
Brexdan McMoran
they will charge in there with guns instead of just 🍨 at the door
Goddamn, Rex Moran.
FancyShark in a White Suit
He's the man
Brexdan McMoran
He's Mister Moran!
gellaho
We will finish the final 60 pages will read WORF'S FIRST ADVENTURE, given time
Brexdan McMoran
Rex Moran, you incredible, stupid man, you made it. You made it homefree.
I was crying with gigglypants
GO REX GO
LET'S GO MORAN
GET A BRAIN MORANS
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
Why is he holding a string of Xmas lights 🤣
FancyShark in a White Suit
One more time, because this song @Brexdan McMoran shared is too, too perfect
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoogqyipXbc
Epic riffing tonight, everyone!
gellaho
Until next week, this has been The Book Cage
FancyShark in a White Suit
Funk on, everyone
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
This book was dense with madness, well done everyone!
@gellaho I don't know where you find all this comedy gold but I'm thankful you share your hoard.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This book was madness. Thank you for this.
Brexdan McMoran
Truly our best riff and our best book
A double record holder. Thanks to @gellaho among men.
Rex Moran is whitehat hacking in paradise.
Derpbat
I'm looking back and I'm glad it all worked out for Rex Moran.
gellaho
The Book Cage - Episode 65: Police Patrol: 2000 A.D. Cont'd
This week, we return for the continuing and disjointed adventures of Tad Boleslaw. He's already finished his investigation of the prank committed by Rex Moran. Now, he investigates a gambling ring and fraud! What else will our hero(?) investigate? Blackmail? Nuclear weapons? Racist vigilantes? The answer to all these questions are yes. Mack Reynolds continues to recycle his work, this Friday 5pm eastern.
With the possible addition of Peter David's Star Trek (R): The Next Generation ™️: Starfleet Academy ™️ #1: Worf's First Adventure, time permitting.
gellaho
gellaho
Coming up on the hour, it's the end of Police Patrol: 2000 A.D. Here are the first few paragraphs of Chapter 17
gellaho
Real awkward first sentence there
Space Action Flippant Sausage
"In the dill"?!
Like.....dill pickles?
Ozzie
I'll fully cop to writing long sentences that carry a lot of narrative duty, but that goes on for too many words to end that confusingly.
FancyShark in a White Suit
Rosy's Vlasic addiction got him in deep shit
Space Action Flippant Sausage
"Got the stork on my back something fierce today, Rex."
FancyShark in a White Suit
"I hear ya, man. Last night was a blur. Woke up in a puddle of bread & butter chips."
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
I just had a stroke trying to read that
FancyShark in a White Suit
dangit, something just came up at work. I'll catch up with you all once it's done. Don't get in the dill!
Space Action Flippant Sausage
In Zoroastrian futurepast, dill gets into you.
Brexdan McMoran
It's five o'clock somewhere and that is RIGHT HERE, let's gooooo
Brexdan McMoran
Less of a run-on than a heist.
Space Action Flippant Sausage
Got a tall glass of watermelon kool aid and a freshly baked frozen pizza, time to fight some books.
And no Blades tonight so I can do all the book fighting.
gellaho
Are these things related? Presumably
Brexdan McMoran
That sounds dope, but is it as dope as this bit of meta-nonfiction? https://photos.app.goo.gl/cBHG738oyMy68ZuZ8
gellaho
I have also scanned ahead, and if you had any doubts that this was 4 stories Mack Reynolds tried to combine via racist vigilante wraparound, wonder no further
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
The rat out of frame gnawing at you is particularly apt.
No I won't explain myself I thought that was hilarious.
gellaho
People at the park!? Impossible! Best start moistening my liiiips
Space Action Flippant Sausage
"Mommy, why is that man moistening his lips? Don't look, sweetie, he's on the dill."
Brexdan McMoran
Okay, I don't know why this got cropped but here: https://discord.com/channels/679999969536638977/689900392808841314/1000146896448393347
There is, in fact, a rat living on my floor.
Space Action Flippant Sausage
The line between unwelcome houseguest and smol friend is very thin. Just sayin.
Brexdan McMoran
I like rats. Rats are cool.
Until the rat situation has pickled, I am in the dill.
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
Martin Zogbaum had rosy cheeks and scratched at his picked rasch.
Space Action Flippant Sausage
Rosy Porras is the pre mutation name of a really bad Batman villain.
Derpbat
A rat left to its own devices is a rat not causing trouble.
The problem is they're very rarely just left to themselves.
gellaho
In the dill returns
Space Action Flippant Sausage
This is drug slang. These people are drug dealers.
Not very good ones because they are still using punch cards.
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
I am going to think of the next clearly high strung person I see as 'too jittery in the dill' including myself.
gellaho
Not a great showing from Boleslaw
Brexdan McMoran
In the future, computers will do amazing things and only get bigger and require entire teams of men to insert the punchcards for their fantastic calculatrations!
Space Action Flippant Sausage
Boleslaw Vs PIckelhaub
Derpbat
Funk you!
Space Action Flippant Sausage
Which I have decided is Rosy's supervillain name.
Brexdan McMoran
I'm making potato salad right now. I should have used some quick pickled red onion and called it Rosy Porras.
...not too late.
Space Action Flippant Sausage
You dont have time to shoot a cop Rosy? Shame.
Derpbat
Boleslaw: Heroically failing.
gellaho
Another good sign that Reynolds is combining shorts is that the lingo changes. For example, "autocab" is now "hovercab"
gellaho
As is the fact that this entire section has been out of Boleslaw's perspective, and his personality has changed
Space Action Flippant Sausage
"No you see a hovercab and an autocab are two different conveyances, and I havent even gotten to the autohovercab."
Derpbat
Maybe you should have taken your own hovering vehicle to the crime rather than relying upon someone else.
Space Action Flippant Sausage
And worn your laser proof crime shorts.
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
Not Pop Rasch, he seemed so trustworthy!
gellaho
Bringing up sharp at the cab park. Whatever the fuck that means
LyraV Galavador Dali Lama
He stabbed himself while jogging?
Derpbat
Also, I genuinely can't work out what an autocab was supposed to be anyway. Like, it's auto as opposed to what? Are there manual cabs out there?