141: Gen¹³: Time and Chance Jeff Mariotte and Scott Ciencin

gellaho

The Book Cage: Episode 141

Gen¹³: Time and Chance

The worst teens in all of existence are back after defeating the forces of Hell. I don't know really where you go from there, but this time, they'll be facing the toughest enemy of all: themselves. Or, rather, somebody who has their super power serum. How unnecessarily horny and stupid will every character be? Why is the cover about games of chance when the last book was in Vegas and this one isn't? Will our authors want Caitlin to step on them? Find out more about our authors' sexual proclivities this Friday, 5pm eastern.

gellaho

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

yes?

Octo: Mysterious Contraption

…

There was a Gen 13 novel?

Novels, plural?!?

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Of course.

Ozzie

They're America's Hottest Supergroup

Octo: Mysterious Contraption

The 90s can not seek enough forgiveness for itself

gellaho

There were 3, this is the last one

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Anything Gen13 did was exactly that number of things too many.

gellaho

I accidentally skipped the first one, mostly because the second one spends an entire 20 page chapter summarizing their origin so I thought it was the first one

That and they fought and defeated Hell, so I assumed it'd be the last one, too. There's nowhere really to go from there

FancyShark

Same authors as last time?

Octo: Mysterious Contraption

"You know the X-Men? They're the X-Men, but shitty teens"

I just saved you 19.9 pages

FancyShark

You are forgetting the horny

Octo: Mysterious Contraption

I said X-Men

FancyShark

The last book was so horny

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

What if they fought and defeated Space Hell? Or Super Hell? Both of those are things that im pretty sure are real in Gen13.

gellaho

Satan Hell

They got help from an immortal bishop

gellaho

Jeff is back, the other guy is new

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Im pretty sure almost every major character in every Image comic became King of Hell at some point. Regular Hell.

FancyShark

We'll know by the amount of perving on Fairchild which one of the original team was the problem

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Oh thats just the writers being faithful to the comic.

gellaho

He was a literal Medici who had the horn of Jericho. There was an evil horror themed Vegas casino that literally grew out of Hell

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Hahahahha god it was exactly as stupid as Gen13 is.

FancyShark

Okay, yeah, I just looked at the first issue from two different runs of the comic and they are exactly that

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

I have to be honest, I have read exactly one issue of Gen13 because a friend gave it to me and in the 90s i didnt have a lot of things to read. It was literally the dumbest fucking thing Ive read when it comes to comics, and this is an opinion I had when I was in Gen13s SPECIFIC target demographic.\

Like The Darkness is equally stupid and hornier, but more fun.

FancyShark

The Darkness also seems to know it's idiotic

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

I dont know id go that far. It was very typical of that kind of comic that was very "Yeah we are for mature comic fans. We have blood and tits, our main guy? His shit is so tortured yo."

The 90s was the decade where comics buried self awareness alive and had sex with its wife before self awareness was resurrected by the Devil.

Areze

sounds like a rob liefeld plot

FancyShark

I think I assumed there was some part of a good idea in The Darkness because Todd McFarlane ripped it off and put it in Spawn

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

I think it was just something in the water at the time.

FancyShark

Sounds right

Octo: Mysterious Contraption

I am Octo, I am literally Octo. I basically all the time, have opinions like "Ahahaha, this rules!"

I wish that to be clear when I say the following.

Gen 13 is stupid

gellaho

Coming up on the hour, it's Gen¹³: Time and Chance. There is no preview to speak of, so enjoy the dedication instead

FancyShark

That is deceptively sweet and wholesome

Tom strips for action!

Was this author in a previous book cage? If so I don't think I was here for it

FancyShark

Yep. We read the previous book a while back

This is a series of original novels based on the Gen13 comic series from Image

It's kind of like if Image Comics had their own Teen Titans. But severely more horny and none of the characters are likeable

Ferro, involuntary bible scholar

I'd put them somewhere closer to X-men, but with Teen Titans' character dynamics, written buy someone that really wanted to be Joss Whedon when they grew up

also iirc the original run of the comic had a really depressing ending lol

Tom strips for action!

Oh I look forward to hating this then 🥳

Tom strips for action!

Hooray for... Horny unlikeable teens?

Ferro, involuntary bible scholar

they also had a cartoon flick back in the day

you can find several copies of it on youtube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h279a8-qvUs&pp=ygULZ2VuMTMgbW92aWU%3D

Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy

That's fucking dire

Ferro, involuntary bible scholar

I'm pretty sure they did a reboot at some point but the ending was kinda fucked up

I'm probably fudging some details since it's been literally over a decade since I read it, but iirc they fail to stop a nuke from going off and the telepath character puts everyone in a psychic summer barbecue party in the team's final moments as they all die from radiation poisoning

👽⭐Mo had a very cool alibi

I think that's how "King Lear" ended, too

FancyShark

This is the dullest superhero trailer I've ever seen

And it still somehow shows what I assume is the entire plot

Ska Slut noiretoon

What if the animation techniques for Batman The Animated Series fell into the hands of (gasp) French-Canadians!?

FancyShark

BOOK

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Time for the most pointless book outside of Seanbaby's library.

Velo, Juice Criminal

CAGE

Hi @FancyShark !

FancyShark

Hi, @FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead ! Hi, @Velo, Juice Criminal !

HELLO AND DO NOT PANIC, @Brendan !

gellaho

Gen^13 is so hot right now

FancyShark

Hi, @Ska Slut noiretoon !

Hi, @gellaho !

gellaho

Useful page

FancyShark

Hi, @Tom strips for action! !

Tom strips for action!

I like that the fire guy is very skinny like a matchstick

Tom strips for action!

This is art

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

My brain went "BWA NAH NAHNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" at that james bond ass cover.

gellaho

Schloss Reitberger

FancyShark

Schloss Reitburgers are okay, but Jack Daniels burgers are better

gellaho

Grenade launchers are a bold choice for a building perched on the side of a mountain

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Just a valley away from Castle WrongPizza and mere miles away from Fortress Hitler

FancyShark

Fortress Hitler is a carpet store, but they didn't want to stand out too much

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Also I need to point out, writer..........A schloss is a goddam fortress. Its literally a fortification.

Ska Slut noiretoon

Topped with coils of barbed wire, interwoven with electric wire, inlaid with ground glass wire, served with ranch dipping sauces

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

You fool, you absolute buffoon.

Take high school German. Play Warhammer Fantasy. Die in a fire.

gellaho

Attacking such a building would require an army of Hamburglers

Ska Slut noiretoon

Operation Cake Walk had begun

FancyShark

Interesting tactic to bring the enemy cake

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Chorus of "Robble Robble" echoes up the hillside.

gellaho

Buffoons, please

Ska Slut noiretoon

The landmines are also filled with wire and glass

Brendan

Jeff Marriote is a highly respected writer of western comics and I do not judge this book. Get that '90s money.

gellaho

If only there were some kind of invention guards might wear to shield their eyes from the sun!

Tom strips for action!

Of course building barely describes it you dick. Building is the broadest possible term.

"Animal barely describes what I'm looking at. Deer is far more appropriate."

gellaho

Some kind of solar spectacles

Tom strips for action!

These writing choices are immediately making me cranky

gellaho

I'll judge him plenty

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Oh right i forgot there are TWO writers for some reason.

Ska Slut noiretoon

The Schloss is so remote they don't even have hats to keep off the sun

They tried making some out of wire and ground glass, but it wiped out half the guards

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Because Gen13 needs a second writer to keep track of all the complex and nuanced storylines.

Brendan

You need one writer to give their characterization depth and another whose proficiency is describing sweat on barely legal low-waist hot bepantsed navels.

gellaho

Jeff had to bring in the illustrious writer of the Dinoverse

gellaho

Anyway, they have jetpacks

FancyShark

Hell yes

Tom strips for action!

That could all be fake and I'd never know

gellaho

Could you imagine sending video over the air in 2001?

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Ew cranberry?

Tom strips for action!

Oh Wager, you sure do have a lot of character attributes

FancyShark

Get some raspberry mixed with that cranberry and you've got a deal

gellaho

Of course, whisper mode is still as loud as a jet plane

gellaho

This entire plan seems to revolve around the sun getting in people's eyes

FancyShark

Plan B is blankets over people's heads

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Also it seems like these jet packs would be really loud.

Tom strips for action!

Oh I guess that's why he's called Wager

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Like "whisper mode" or not.

Tom strips for action!

I thought maybe he was actually German and they were misspelling Wagner

FancyShark

You could blow up the mountain, Wager

Just a suggestion

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Oh no, im 100% certain Wager is a knockoff Two-Face.

Ska Slut noiretoon

Set explosives to whisper mode

gellaho

Yes, JeffScott, I am familiar with the concept of a jetpack

Tom strips for action!

72.4% chance of destroying mission-critical cargo

FancyShark

That's not 100%, so it's well within acceptable range

Tom strips for action!

That's why they don't call you Wager

FancyShark

It's a backpack, but it's an engine, Gellaho

It flies

And by strapping a person to it, they fly too

Ska Slut noiretoon

Previous jetpacks had smelled like wet tires and sounded like burning diesel

Tom strips for action!

Haha wait so they fly forward standing up? Not pitching forward like a Superman flight?

gellaho

Yes, figuring out you should shoot the guy again was a brilliant strategem

Ska Slut noiretoon

Nope it's old school dork flight

Ska Slut noiretoon

It's impossible to ride those without looking like you're being given a powerful wedgie

Every man pre & post Cliff Secord has been a Suckateer

Tom strips for action!

gellaho

I guess we're going to treat thinking the most obvious things as supernatural

FancyShark

They find what they're after in a nearby umbrella stand

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Are we sure this guys name is "Wager" and not "Captain Obvious"?

Velo, Juice Criminal

I like narration that tells me things are smart

gellaho

Oh, the panic room isn't on the second floor? Brilliant deduction as always

FancyShark

New plan: Flood the fortress

Ska Slut noiretoon

These authors were a sentence away from telling the reader what salaries were and what people use them for

FancyShark

I'm not joking this time. Flood it. They need air. The safe room has to be at least somewhat porous. Or they have limited air.

gellaho

Looking good

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

No escape from upstairs. Unless theres a secret elevator, helipad, emergency jetpack, teleporter, regular ladder, fancy ladder, hidden staircase, sturdy sheets........

FancyShark

Reitburger, you're an arms dealer and you didn't have a backup plan if the sun was out?

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

"He looked like he read comic books, but not the COOL kind, like Gen13."

Velo, Juice Criminal

Damn, you the sun!

gellaho

There's an echo in here

Brendan

Wow, the evil merchant death dealer didn't look like a battle-hardened guy who earned his paycheck.

Wager, shut the fuck up, I've got this.

Ska Slut noiretoon

The regal silk pajamas that mark the scion of Schloss Reitberger!

Brendan

100% chance of you telling me things that are 90% likely I can already discern.

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Frank did you ever consider that Wager isnt smarter than you, hes just got a shitload of money?

Brendan

Equals 110% odds of you getting a pop in the mouth.

gellaho

Great hiding place

Tom strips for action!

Wager is so smart he can tell Frank to go back to the counter and ask for the full 10 McNuggets WITHOUT EVEN OPENING THE BAG

gellaho

So, nothing like dish soap then

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Its in the unlocked and unsecured fridge? You did a commando raid to get this guys beer and snack stash?

And you had to interrogate him to get it?

Brendan

Matte soap

FancyShark

Reitburger, do you have a guy routinely restock the milk and cold cuts? Because those are very perishable

Also the fruit

And cheese

And bread

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Man what was the first offer? Like this op had to cost a shitload, I question the economics of hiring a squad of goons, equipping them with jetpacks and guns, and having them storm a castle.

gellaho

It was heavily disguised by this rich man's lunch meat

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Also DONT KEEP BREAD IN YOUR FRIDGE YOU GERMAN FUCK!

gellaho

Anyway, he's dead now

Tom strips for action!

You don't know, that vial of dish soap could be powerful enough to upset the entire world order

Ska Slut noiretoon

This book can't stop listing shit like the Indigenous guy from MST3k's Track of the Moon Beast

FancyShark

<sigh> Onions...

gellaho

Meanwhile, Jeff's found another fictional woman who he wants to step on him

Tom strips for action!

Why is she in a fighter's stance while talking to you Wager

FancyShark

Yep, close for those reasons only

Tom strips for action!

Care to work the odds on that?

gellaho

That is not intimidating

Tom strips for action!

Fucking lol

FancyShark

It's not wine. The fruity aroma is permeating out of there without your help

gellaho

LATER, AT THE SOUP KITCHEN

Tom strips for action!

Shaggy?

Ska Slut noiretoon

Oh fuck off he's aerating the cranberry juice for what? It pairs well with his Kid Cuisine lasagna?

gellaho

Name could use a few less words

FancyShark

Half the money from donations goes towards letters for the sign

Brendan

Figurework too stiff, anatomy needs work, APPLY YOURSELF>

FancyShark

oh right, Rainmaker

AKA "We Have Native American Storm"

gellaho

Uhuh, great. Done with her for now

Brendan

This is absolutely going to end with some supe false-alarming the door and wrecking Rainmaker's shit. If I didn't know she plot armor, I'd say two in the dome.

gellaho

Predatory Lesbian Native American Storm

Ska Slut noiretoon

Air, commonly known as oxygen, pumped through the lungs of Sarah Rainmaker

FancyShark

I'm not sure if I should tag @Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy for this or not

Rachel, I apologize in advance if this was a mistake

gellaho

Burnout is also there, trying to score with the lesbian member of the team

Brendan

The best lesbians are predatory though, except for the ones outside the bounds of male fantasy.

FancyShark

Bobby thinks he can convert a lesbian if he tries hard enough

Ska Slut noiretoon

"He was building up an immunity to the hot soup that Sarah threw at him"

Brendan

Look, we've ALL HAD the "what if I were a woman and I could finally express emotions and other vulnerability, but then someone who had ALL OF MY desires could present me an avenue to still enjoy the force of my passion without feeling like a cyclone" fantasy, but that doesn't mean we create mutant characters about it.

Tom strips for action!

Some men just want to watch the world burn...out

Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy

Hello

gellaho

Burnout uses his superpowers to cook soup

Brendan

Wager figured there was a 99% chance the soup was painful if it hit him, but he was safely in another state, behind <.001% odds the soup would teleport. .002% if any teleporters had it out for him.

Ferro, involuntary bible scholar

I wonder if the typesetter fucking hated comic books for having to use scientific notation for the team name

FancyShark

Hi, @Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy !

Hi, @Ferro, involuntary bible scholar !

Ska Slut noiretoon

Oh, so those are soup heating waves coming out of his hands in the picture! I was trying really hard to understand his weird oven mitts

gellaho

Keep it in your pants, JeffScott

Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy

It's pronounced "Jenn to the power of thirteen," right?

Brendan

I need to know if burnout is strictly conductive/convective heat or if there's infrared, because that chicken is no way done inside.

Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy

Burnout is riddled with parasites

FancyShark

I would watch a Food Network show all about cooking with superpowers

Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy

My least favourite My Hero Academia spinoff

gellaho

JeffScott give a third grade report on what they imagine the Native American experience is like

Tom strips for action!

In conclusion America is a country of contrast, thank you

FancyShark

"It's not so bad living on a reservation" wrote the very white man

Brendan

Sentimentalization is the final stage of colonialism.

Tom strips for action!

Romanticize those poors! Wager calculates you'll get away with it at least until the 2010s!

gellaho

Sarah condemns a woman for complaining about the oppressive 90 degree heat in this shelter, before whiplashing back to the other extreme

FancyShark

I'd stage an intervention if someone told me their job was making "art objects"

Ska Slut noiretoon

To be fair, I would also describe Gen 13 themselves as "a different kind of poverty"

gellaho

Yeah, whatever you say JeffScott

Tom strips for action!

If they don't know to call them object d'art they'd be better off working at McDonald's

FancyShark

Sarah struggles with her own sociopathy

Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy

I try not to look down on people for not knowing French.

gellaho

Then she uses her superpowers to create air conditioning

Ska Slut noiretoon

Making undercooked food and silent judgement is how you punch greed and evil, right?

Velo, Juice Criminal

Is Sarah bipolar?

Tom strips for action!

That's why you fail!

gellaho

This is the best way JeffScott thought to introduce these characters' powers

Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy

C'est la vie.

gellaho

She might be, I honestly don't remember

Ska Slut noiretoon

3 Degrees! WIND, OBEY ME

FancyShark

In another ten minutes, everyone dies of hypothermia

Velo, Juice Criminal

Sarah decided to make it snow on the ungrateful unhoused

gellaho

The only thing I really remember about her is that she tried fucking any woman she saw and was an expert tracker because stereotypes

Brendan

This feels like the long way to wafting the hot air out or just lowering the whole room.

FancyShark

All I know from skimming the comic's first issue is she's missing the left half of her pants when in uniform

Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy

Not every lesbian has tracking skills, you know.

gellaho

I'm also not sure how it's 90 degrees in there when it's snowing outside

FancyShark

I mean, you can get there if someone set the heater too high

Ska Slut noiretoon

Opening on the main characters thinking very hard about room temperature feels like a scathing indictment of what's to come

Brendan

First time in an NYC building in winter, I see.

Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy

@reina repulsa can track a butterfly across ten miles of hard ground in the rain but she's not representative of the whole population

Tom strips for action!

Is this the same building where Burnout is hacking the laws of thermodynamics to warm soup? Because if so, I think I've figured out their problem

gellaho

Burnout has taken a homeless man as his new dad

gellaho

gellaho

Tom strips for action!

What kind of tales should a father tell a son?

FancyShark

"What should we name the mentor/leader of our band of diverse heroes?"

"Lynch?"

Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy

Tales about how to cook soup

gellaho

Oh, no! Betrayal!

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Ah the 90s and early 2000s, the time when a teen could be told "Never talk to strangers because you will be diddled, but also adopt random homeless men as your father figure."

FancyShark

SOUPTRAYAL!

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Also yeah BOBBY a lot of the unhoused have families and shit.

You dumb motherfucker.

Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy

Wh-youve been bonding with this man so much that you consider him a father but you didn't know anything about his wife and children?

gellaho

But nevermind that, resident dirt bag Grunge is here

FancyShark

"I thought he was too poor to have a family"

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Also Jennifer is a fuckin narc.

Brendan

Look, Gen X was pretty self absorbed

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Also I cant believe that Grunge is supposed to be Asian, still.

gellaho

Comedy is hard

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Its been 30 some odd years and I still go "Really? Asian?"

Brendan

Hate when I discover my homeless bestie's bestie is actually some other teen who listened to what he has to say about his life.

gellaho

Ska Slut noiretoon

"Gargantuan Sweetbread's opening for Raffi! Baby Beluga, bro!"

FancyShark

Gargantuan Sweetbread is the Cirque du Soleil of punk rock

Schlessel (they/them)

That doesn't sound right

Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy

Woah who's the Chinese guy?

Ska Slut noiretoon

By his expression, not even Grunge believes it

Brendan

I'm sorry, what

FancyShark

Hi, @Schlessel (they/them) !

Brendan

This is me learning this now.

I thought Roxy was half-Asian or somesuch.

Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy

David Carradine is more asian

FancyShark

When the artist said "I don't see race", he wasn't joking

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Also his first name is Percival, not Edmund, BOOK. I expected more from your two authors.

Edmund is his middle name.

gellaho

I'm almost certain Burnout was after Fairchild in the last book

gellaho

Because literally everyone was

FancyShark

The authors were

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Everyone wants to bang Fairchild. Her power is: real stronk, also got hot.

FancyShark

And redhead

Brendan

Hey now

she's also a supersmart redhead

FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead

Like literally in the one comic I read one of the other girls is complaining that she got bonus hotness.

Brendan

Get at me, bespoke She-Hulk.

Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy

Brendan intensifies