gellaho
Great job, Cait
141: Gen¹³: Time and Chance Jeff Mariotte and Scott Ciencin
#2 Gen¹³
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America's hottest supergroup in an all-new novel!
Archive
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
"I dunno, the dragon breathes......fuck math or something. Fuck off."
gellaho
Third copyright infringement is the charm
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This is like that loading screen lore tip for Skyrim which says "a battle between dragons is actually a deadly verbal debate." Except they seem to only be debating about the word 'fire' and their definitions seem to be pretty much the same, so I dunno what they're arguing about
Brendan
If you breathe pure information, that's a Wager assault, not cipher
gellaho
Fourth time
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Shouldn't Wager have calculated that Caitlin would invent a cure?
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Using flame as a verb should be illegal.
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Also shouldn't Wager have calculated that Cipher wouldn't be happy about his family being murdered?
gellaho
Don't know why this would work on a thing made out of junk, but sure
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And if he's distracted by his new powers, shouldn't he have calculated that he would be distracted by his new powers?
gellaho
Oh, and Roxy used her gravity powers to immediately get back the cure
So that was a pointless development solved in under a page
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Shouldn't Wager have calculated that would happen?
gellaho
I do so love when people write books like movies, as though they can build visual tension
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Also unrelated to his powers of calculation why did he make the dragon out of plastic. Why didn't he convert its hide to something actually tough
gellaho
The book's thesis statement
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
I genuinely hate when an author writes a character that is supposed to be a genius or limited only by their imagination. Not only is it boring the authors that do it the most are rock stupid idiots.
gellaho
Did a fifth grader write this?
gellaho
Seriously, the only time I've ever seen people listed out individually like that is when a child is writing
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Almost certainly aimed AT fifth graders.
FancyShark
WE GET IT, JEFFSCOT. SHE IS HOT AND HAS LONG LEGS
gellaho
Another boss arena
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
And yes fifth graders love leggy redheads.
Boy Jessco is really stalling for time here.
gellaho
What a great story
gellaho
BlindMonkey DARK
Wager spends more time laughing than breathing
FancyShark
"Oh right. We suck."
PhysWiz vs The New Year
Can probably do both at once with training
gellaho
Ahuh
FancyShark
"I hope you die first, Grunge"
gellaho
But, do you?
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I'm sure he meant fruitcake as a derogatory term for people with mental illness and not in the homophobic way
FancyShark
He meant actual fruitcakes
Grunge is not well
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What a fruitcake!
gellaho
Ahuh
FancyShark
Well then they're not heavily muscled, are they
gellaho
JeffScott got weird again
BlindMonkey DARK
Is she a spider
I'm unlearning how to flirt
decades gone
gellaho
There are so few pages left, this is gonna be dumb
BlindMonkey DARK
In seconds
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3 steps ahead of you
Brendan
Grunge, you idiot, start wearing various materials
FancyShark
Carry a tiny diamond! It doesn't have to be expensive!
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I thought the same thing but it didn't feel worth typing
Velo, Juice Criminal
No, Grunge must remain shirtless. It's the only way to even out the sexual harassment
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Otherwise how would people see his bitchin and not at all embarassing chest tat?!
And yes, its a novel and not a comic, but the authors dont care and you shouldnt either!
gellaho
Caitlin injects Cipher with the cure... for some reason
FancyShark
oh
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Sooooooooooo.
gellaho
I don't like typing "for some reason" as much as I do, but
FancyShark
To make him equal to Wager
Because this is stupid
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I guess he figures Wager is gonna... Eat him?
Dyosy
Wait. Wasn't that a cure?
gellaho
So, here's the problem
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Yeah so... He's weak again right?
Velo, Juice Criminal
Yes but that was earlier in the book, and we do not reference the before times
gellaho
Apparently not, she made a second needle just with Wager's DNA
FancyShark
lol
gellaho
But the authors did not mention that
Ever
FancyShark
ahahahahahaha
Fuck off, book
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The langoliers are just behind the current page eating as fast as we can read
gellaho
When I saw "second cylinder" I assumed that meant second cure
gellaho
Apparently, it means dna serum we forgot to include, Oops
FancyShark
Caitlin, your suit is skintight. You have no pockets
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Oh cool, great twist guys
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Jeffscott..........Just hurry up and do what you're here for, as the nun said to the bishop.
gellaho
Anyway, it's going great
BlindMonkey DARK
Needles tucked under her shoulder for three days
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So the worry now is whether Wager's shitty personality is genetic
gellaho
I don't know if "deeper chested" is good
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Girl has that capacious prison wallet.
gellaho
Doesn't that mean his chest is like, concave?
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Whatever happens here will finally settle the nature vs nurture debate
Brendan
Honestly, he could absorb the various metals in the inks.
FancyShark
JeffScott, you referenced gogurt but couldn't namedrop Charles Atlas?
PhysWiz vs The New Year
The solution was drugs
FancyShark
Cowards
gellaho
No? I don't think it is his philosophy
Brendan
Why doesn't grunge absorb the cure and just force himself on Wager?
Velo, Juice Criminal
I fucking knew this was the ending of Bioshock
FancyShark
Hell yes on the new title, @PhysWiz vs The New Year
gellaho
Because that's how they solved the last book
Brendan
the atlas estate will sue if you breathe his name.
gellaho
He turned into the Horn of Jericho and defeated Hell
FancyShark
lol
I keep forgetting that
Brendan
If anyone wants his regimen, I can spare you.
gellaho
What a battle
Velo, Juice Criminal
Oh my god you're right
gellaho
I mean, that doesn't describe a quarter of the stupid shit that was in that book
Anyway the fight ends immediately
PhysWiz vs The New Year
"You can't."
FancyShark
Now eat him
All of you
Eat him
gellaho
Again, Cipher's a killer. Has been this whole time
BlindMonkey DARK
"We will now make you read your own dialogue."
"All of it."
gellaho
Oh, no
Second Jeff gave up
FancyShark
:fearshark:
Velo, Juice Criminal
Ahahahahha
gellaho
No more illustrations
PhysWiz vs The New Year
Good for him
Velo, Juice Criminal
Fuck off, make your own art
PhysWiz vs The New Year
Doodle some legs and tits
Maybe a guy in a suit, whatever, go nuts
gellaho
And what happened to Wager's minions who were also given the serum?
gellaho
Don't worry about it
Also, I just remembered that JeffScott said they only had enough serum to give Wager his double dose
So I don't know how the minions got any doses
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
"Well see, theres no evidence he was invovled in your families killing and theres no witnesses. So you just basically beat up a small agoraphobe. Its your first offense so hes not pressing charges."
FancyShark
He probably magicked more into existence
gellaho
Well, who cares about that
BlindMonkey DARK
Just chilling in Dubai with godpower
gellaho
Caitlin also developed more antidote somehow, so I guess it doesn't matter
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
This is one of Satans tricks, he gets you by making you think more about it than the authors did. Do not succumb to the blandishments of the Book Devil.
gellaho
Things
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
BlindMonkey DARK
"I was thinking about party and family during that stone soldier fight. No wonder we were getting our asses beat."
gellaho
Well, my bit about her being "strong and sexy and smart" has manifested in reality
gellaho
Next she'll be stepping on Jeff Mariotte's dick
BlindMonkey DARK
You ever just sit there and think of your attractive physical features
gellaho
I mean, as a genius giant, it's hard not to
PhysWiz vs The New Year
This is why I don't have mirrors in the house
Too distracting
Dyosy
It's not a long thought
Brendan
Anybody want to give up these rad as hell powers and just be insufferable but hot college students?
gellaho
After deciding to keep the powers, they're going to force the homeless widower to give his up
FancyShark
"My family is dead. Going out as a mad god sounds fun."
gellaho
But, even Joe decides not to and instead just die
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
I mean you probably have the power to just go "Nah i aint gonna die. Built different" and have it be true.
FancyShark
Besides, he can do literally anything. He could stop dying
What Sausage said
gellaho
And then he flies away
And they let him
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Yep.
gellaho
Because they're stupid horny teens
Brendan
I wonder if I can pitch DC on giving Gen13 the Wildcats 3.0 treatment and just having them be GenXers adrift in the corporate plutocracy
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What a great conversation.
"This condition will kill you."
"Ok bye "
gellaho
Then, they burn the cures for no reason
FancyShark
Only if you kill Bobby and Grunge
Brendan
Grunge was there on Jan. 6
gellaho
Maybe keep those for later, maybe? Or if this happens to someone else? No? Alright
BlindMonkey DARK
Gotta fight god from scratch every time
Final Fantasy rules
FancyShark
There a reason Caitlin with her "oh my perfect physique is a constant nightmare" isn't taking it?
Velo, Juice Criminal
Nah fuck that, don't keep your kryptonite around
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Did the writers forget that was super cure and not super serum?
Velo, Juice Criminal
This is maybe the only smart thing they've done
gellaho
Time to jerk off to a public play
FancyShark
Grunge, not every play stars young, nubile people
Velo, Juice Criminal
Gellaho no at least finish the book first
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She just finally decided that boobs and muscles are cool actually
gellaho
Close to how the last book ended, with them going to a Vegas titty bar
Velo, Juice Criminal
It's Equus
gellaho
The others decide to watch chick flicks, including Bobby
PhysWiz vs The New Year
I actually saw Daniel Radcliff's wiener opening week
Velo, Juice Criminal
PhysWiz no, at least finish the book first
gellaho
Eat my balls, Jeff Mariotte and Scott Ciencin
gellaho
Let's take a peek at these ads real quick
FancyShark
Gen13 was cancelled later that day
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Well..........
Not taken away EASILY.
gellaho
AHAHAHAHA
FancyShark
YESSSSSSSSSSSSS
Velo, Juice Criminal
They came back to life a year later and had Fallout adventures, they're fine
gellaho
Love that they credited him even though those were under a pseudonym
Velo, Juice Criminal
They came back to life faster than the fucking Joker
BlindMonkey DARK
Getting nuked. Hate when that happens.
Velo, Juice Criminal
Okay so Jeff's alive
But Scott isn't
gellaho
We have defeated Gen¹³: Time and Chance
FancyShark
We did it!
Thank you, @gellaho !
Great riffing, everybody!
Brendan
Bobby contains multitudes.
Only four of them, but still.
FancyShark
Thanks for joining us, @Brendan and @BlindMonkey DARK !
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You made Burnout look like Nigel Thornberry
BlindMonkey DARK
I learned so much!
About nothing!
My fucking brain!
gellaho
So concludes Episode 141 of The Book Cage
BlindMonkey DARK
Quick question
What were her legs like
Velo, Juice Criminal
Thank you @gellaho !
BlindMonkey DARK
I didn't catch that
Velo, Juice Criminal
They were almost an entire tall man tall
gellaho
Leggy
PhysWiz vs The New Year
Thanks @gellaho !
gellaho
May all you all be stepped on by a strong, sexy, strong, tall, strong, smart, strong, huge, strong, readheaded teen
FancyShark
gellaho
John Jakes, now there's a writer
Brendan
The Bastard by John Jakes, author of Planet Kodak
gellaho
Someday I'm going to make us all read Black in Time and we'll all have to deal with it
BlindMonkey DARK
I am ordering this right now
gellaho
Velo, Juice Criminal
Next week
Please
I need it
Brendan
I'm down with it but only when they go Black to the early '90s, we're once again allowed to make the jokes that were acceptable on In Living Color.
gellaho
From what I've read, it's mostly about a black nerd trying to stop his sister's boyfriend and a white supremacist from using the time machine at his college to change the past
Brendan
It's called achronal autosynchrony, I wouldn't expect you people* to get it.
*nerds
Is the boyfriend the same guy as the white supremacist?
People are complicated.
gellaho
No, he's a member of a black militant organization
Brendan
I'm rooting for him.
BlindMonkey DARK
Oh god does the timeline split into Age of Blaxploitation Apocalypose and Days of Future Basically Now
gellaho
I don't know, but I'm guessing John Jakes isn't going to juggle timelines
And as much as I love John, RIP, he's way too sloppy and white to write such a concept, even if his heart was in the right place. Especially in 1970
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Oh my mind goes PLACES when I think of a Jakes influenced by having just watched Foxy Brown.
gellaho
It is very strange tone-wise