Velo, Juice Criminal
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141: Gen¹³: Time and Chance Jeff Mariotte and Scott Ciencin
#2 Gen¹³
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America's hottest supergroup in an all-new novel!
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gellaho
Who needs money anyway
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
So uh...........huh?! Who gives a shit?
Brendan
All is forgiven if Planetary shows up right now
Tom strips for action!
"I'm the Morty who makes everyone sad and kinda bored!"
gellaho
These two are the worst. Well, two of the worst. They're all the worst
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Its good to keep getting this reinforcement that I was entirely correct about Gen13 at a young age.
FancyShark
Hi, @FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead ! Hi, @Dyosy ! HELLO, @Brendan ! Hi, @PhysWiz vs The New Year !
Sorry I'm late. What I miss?
gellaho
Burnout's mad about... something
Tom strips for action!
as close to nothing as possible
Brendan
Shark! We're burning all our clothes and bi chicks are touchy when you suggest they just haven't been entranced by the right burning dick yet.
Dyosy
Cipher is (not?) a murderer. Except for all the murders.
Brendan
"Like, woah,sorry, I didn't know you get touchy about being erased, what are you, on the RAG?"
FancyShark
They are truly the heroes of the new generation
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Bob, what she wants is to not be around you, take the fuckin hint.
Have some goddam dignity at least and realize if someone is genuinely inscrutable to you like this, they are insane and you should not fuck them.
Also shes not bisexual, she just wants you and the sex pest to quit bothering her.
FancyShark
Have we confirmed the burning dick isn't from infection?
gellaho
To be fair, she did just have her tongue in his mouth
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
She does that to everyone.
Brendan
'90s views of relationships were like SOMEONE HAS TO BE THE GUY WHICH IS THE GUY
PhysWiz vs The New Year
The guy who's superpower is chlamydia got a bum wrap
gellaho
You'd think the relationship between the two sex pests would've worked out
Brendan
Should have wrapped his bung then.
FancyShark
Salma Hayek is exotic because she's Salma Hayek
It's not a style!
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
HEY BOBBO! SHES ATTRACTED TO WOMEN! YOU KNOW THIS! if you were going to get the ick because your girl is too rad and likes pussy as much as you do, you shouldnt have started this relationship.
gellaho
When suddenly, an explosion. Burnout thinks adding white-hot melted glass would be a great idea
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Honestly the best part of having a bisexual girlfriend is you can nudge them and go "Hey look at that one!"
Brendan
FLAME SHIELD
Tom strips for action!
great that he got as far as conceptualising which tired cliche form his words would take
Brendan
This has happened to me both ways, so it depends on the girlfriend.
gellaho
JeffScott needs you to know which grunt has titties
FancyShark
What's the big deal? That happens every night at Kablammo's Bar & Grill
Yes, that includes the uzis
Velo, Juice Criminal
Jeffscott's publisher is legally obligated to pepper spray them every time they turn in a draft
gellaho
Bobby valiantly goes after the woman
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
What kind of dipshit adds some sci fi shit to an Uzi?
FancyShark
Nerf
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Thats just good clean American fun.
FancyShark
Bobby's going to try dating the terrorists
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Everyone should own a Nerf Maverick modified to cycle automatically and launch screwdrivers.
gellaho
Oh my God, she's so tall, and, smart, and sexy, and strong, and GOD WHY ISN'T SHE REAL
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Damn.
Tom strips for action!
we don't necessarily tie gender to physical attributes anymore, but in the 90s we believed that women could only grow one grenade
Brendan
How dare you mock me in front of both my readers.
FancyShark
We still love you, Brendan. Even if we're not redheaded Amazonian scientist ladies
Brendan
I'm all in if the two mercs stop in the middle of the action to do a "We need to talk. I accept that you like both guys and girls but you don't like me barking orders at you but DO like me barking orders at hostages AM I THE GUY OR NOT, TRIXIE???"
FancyShark
Stories like this layed the groundwork for Archer and Frisky Dingo to exist
gellaho
Sam, nerd and illegal gun runner, gets friendzoned
Tom strips for action!
Caitlin stop heroing and go back to college
FancyShark
Caitlin, we're occasionally witty. Could you please help us invent a cure for cancer?
Tom strips for action!
there are so many boys there who will make physics puns about strange attractors with you
gellaho
They're disassembling a helmet to find a clue. They have a discussion about how he's not going sell guns no more. I'll save you from that
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Thank you.
gellaho
Later, Bobby forgets he can fly
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Hahahahah theyre packed into a sedan?
Nerds.
gellaho
Which reminds me, I forgot about the part where they acknowledge the thing they're ripping off. So here you go
FancyShark
Bobby, if you were less of a creep, I'd empathize with the forgetting the obvious
But instead I'm going to spend those neurons remembering some of the lyrics to Santiana
gellaho
Why's his car squishy?
FancyShark
🎵 Oh Santiana came a day
Away, Santiana!
Now pull the yon up the west, they say
Along the plains of Mexico🎵
FancyShark
It's made of fruit snacks
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Everything is squishy to your Considerably Less Hot She Hulk Analogue.
gellaho
Anyway, they find the IO remnants in a random office building
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Yayyyyyyyyyy time for the action sequence.
Yayyyyyyyyyy.
PhysWiz vs The New Year
"Give all the minions rocket launchers. What could go wrong?"
gellaho
Yes, JeffScott, that doesn't make sense, does it? Maybe don't write it then?
FancyShark
Waste of a TV
Dyosy
Maybe it's a rented office? So when Evil, Inc. leaves the new company logo goes on the TV.
gellaho
Anyway, they get caught in a trap
FancyShark
They're going to get burn-in!
...there are multiple ceilings?
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
These authors are really concerned about spalling and need to fucking know they can stop.
gellaho
Lasers everywhere!
FancyShark
I want to see how they tested this setup
"Okay, lasers are in place. Let's give 'er a test run!"
[ten seconds later]
"OH GOD!"
gellaho
Grunge turns himself into the room itself
gellaho
Now, I'm pretty sure his powers only included changing his body into different materials
Not changing size
FancyShark
Maybe it's like when the T-1000 blended in with the floor
Except yeah, that's changing size
Unless the walls are malleable
gellaho
This hurts Grunge, for unknown reasons
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Yeah he kinda can meld into stuff. He normally uses it for sexual harassment.
gellaho
Hey, look. Cipher's here
FancyShark
Weren't the walls plaster? How is this helping them?
Oh good, and he's another sex offender
gellaho
Her back is so strong, strong enough to carry me
FancyShark
"Because you're a cat, you see. I mean, that other lady called you Kat. It's a play on words. You did hear her, right?"
Tom strips for action!
I once again have cause to reference the red dwarf books where genetically engineered life forms are created to make pro sports more fun and the Brazilians field a soccer goalie who is just a huge rectangle of flesh
gellaho
I guess Wager's brilliance didn't include the gravity controller to control gravity
FancyShark
Seems like you could always have her use that level of power
gellaho
Let's just crash through a building
Tom strips for action!
wow with mathematical skills like that she could be the new Wager
FancyShark
Calculating = hoping
When they reach the ground floor, the lasagna of corpse meat and glass under them will be embarrassing
gellaho
Roxy gets a quick concussion
gellaho
You know, the fields
gellaho
The science fields. Doing science
Brendan
Grunge and Burnout are unlikeable Bill & Ted
FancyShark
"I would moan too if she pulled hard on me OH GOD WHY ISN'T SHE REAL"
gellaho
Eat a dick, JeffScott
FancyShark
The hell are they talking about
gellaho
"It's almost like he was a homeless man fueled by Thunderbird"
FancyShark
hahaha
gellaho
The old nose through the brain thing that is definitely real
FancyShark
Was gonna say
gellaho
Cause you know, whenever someone gets hit in the nose, instantly dead
Run into a wall - dead
FancyShark
I like the fancy way they said "she stomped on his foot"
gellaho
As a shark, you gotta always be on watch with all that cartilage
Tom strips for action!
sharks are the ultimate glass cannon
FancyShark
It's true. Every part of my body could fly into my brain at any time!
gellaho
I have no idea what's happening
FancyShark
I guess gravity makes tornadoes now
PhysWiz vs The New Year
Technically, it already does
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Sure.
Whatever.
gellaho
Bobby recognizes his homeless buddy
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
His buddy who he didnt actually learn anything about aside from a fake sounding name.
gellaho
Then Caitlin let's the bad guys escape so they can save all the people in this building. The one she said was empty
gellaho
Gross
FancyShark
Goddammit
gellaho
Lil Wager gets his dose
gellaho
His double dose
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Oh bud, I dont think it works like that.
gellaho
Didn't think this would be important, but this is about to get real stupid
FancyShark
Nonsense. If one medicine is good, then two medicine has to be double good
gellaho
This is long, but it's all fucking crazy and I don't want to split it up
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
"No but its not a thing that you can just do with simple math.............ah fuck it, dont blame me if your eyes turn into acid spewing buttholes."
FancyShark
I'm sure killing the guy overseeing the procedure before it's finished won't have any ramifications
gellaho
Now: JeffScott start jerking themselves. Each other? Who knows
FancyShark
It would be funny if she killed him and used the goop on herself
gellaho
After getting injected, Wager flashes back to right after getting released from prison
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu boook, who cares about this assholes flashback?!
gellaho
When he had an agoraphobic panic attack in the mall, and hid in a toilet stall for hours
gellaho
I can't believe this is real
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
I hope he becomes a superhuman agoraphobe.
gellaho
Cowering over a toilet made him realize how he was more than human
gellaho
Again, cannot believe they thought this was a good thing to write
FancyShark
It's not a power OVER probability, dickhead. You're just good at numbers. You can't control them.
You are Temu Clock King
gellaho
Then he kills a janitor for no reason
BlindMonkey DARK
God I wouldn't even join a team
FancyShark
Hi, @BlindMonkey DARK !
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Okay but who has a GLASS bottle of window cleaner?
BlindMonkey DARK
Just crush some middle management position and live in pece
gellaho
Windex: The Scent of Power
FancyShark
To be fair, this kid is working minimum wage cleaning up food court leavings. He probably begs for death every shift.
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
What kind of sad pervert associates cleaning supplies with power?
BlindMonkey DARK
Yoooooo
gellaho
The Clorox Crusader
Brendan
Cat-piss pleasure doms
PhysWiz vs The New Year
You have never reveled in the glory of windex!?
BlindMonkey DARK
The world has so many comedy writers that don't know it
gellaho
It's something else
Anyway, Wager's flashback is complete once he completely turns into a caveman
BlindMonkey DARK
"The full powers of a Blink membership are mine."
FancyShark
Now's he's Temu Vandal Savage
Dyosy
This is exactly what happened to Barry Bonds
PhysWiz vs The New Year
When I had damn strong abs way back, the one thing I remember was how quick my guts pushed things through
FancyShark
He looks in his pants and discovers some things didn't change.
PhysWiz vs The New Year
That kid totally crapped himself, is what I;m saying
gellaho
It's just... fuck, man. Fucking Probabilityman over here
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Fuck you writers. Thats not how probability works.
EVER!
FancyShark
I don't see how probability played into this
BlindMonkey DARK
Exactly twice
Velo, Juice Criminal
This is exactly how Bioshock ended
gellaho
Fuck you
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Gonna be honest, i never finished the first one.
gellaho
Fuck both of you
Velo, Juice Criminal
I think it even has this dialogue
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Die in a fucking fire, Scojeff.
I will say this, this plotline is stupid enough to have been in the comics.
FancyShark
So really, when you think about it, agoraphobia is the key to godhood
gellaho
It has a pretty stupid twist that people thought was brilliant because the bar for stories in video games was and remains very low
FancyShark
Also, Windex
Brendan
Whomst among us has not squandered Jeff Mariotte's talents on a simple payday before the internet became a snark machine?
BlindMonkey DARK
Gen13 is this odd hole in my consumption of All Comics during this period
gellaho
You're good
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
yeah i kinda figured cos I did play the second two to completion and had............thoughts about both of them. Not entirely positive ones.
gellaho
Fun thing I found was the Gen13 movie. I'll be subjecting you all to it at some point
FancyShark
It would be that way even if you read it. It's incredibly forgettable
Velo, Juice Criminal
I found that last week and my god is it hellish
gellaho
The Gen13 movie is a cartoon that I would describe as incomplete
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Ive read exactly one issue and decided it was stupid, at the time I was in its target demographic. When a horny teen boy decides your comic is too stupid and edgy you have fucked up.
BlindMonkey DARK
Brutal
BlindMonkey DARK
Extra brutal
gellaho
You see Caitlin's tits, but they did not draw her nipples
It's real weird
FancyShark
Ferroday shared the trailer and it was the dullest superhero thing I'd ever seen
BlindMonkey DARK
Ah she has a Ken torso
gellaho
MEANWHILE
FancyShark
Roxy, people are dying
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
I cant stress enough how emblematic of the era in comics I think Gen13 is.
Brendan
That's becuse she's the Good Girl. They don't grow nipples until they Want It and become Tarts (Rainmaker) or Teases (Roxy).
gellaho
Oh, it's missing sound effects and most of the movie doesn't have music
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Tarts, Lesbian. We have to have proper standards for categorization.
gellaho
Piss
Brendan
I'm just explaining '90s society to these kids.
BlindMonkey DARK
When they say it, do they inflect 13 as superscript somehow
Velo, Juice Criminal
Jeffscott, please explain who this scene js for
BlindMonkey DARK
Or is it just Gen
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Pissplay pervs in the 90s.
FancyShark
"Gen Exponentially Thirteen" didn't have the same ring to it
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Piss is edgy, you see.
PhysWiz vs The New Year
A high pitched whisper
Dyosy
Gen to the 13
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
But Gen13 is for Teens Of All Ages, so they have to say "pee", only Spawn or whatever can say "piss"
BlindMonkey DARK
Amazing
gellaho
How about this one
gellaho
Rainmaker's having a great time
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Oh I guess Wager became Temu Bison?
FancyShark
This picture is exactly what MRA's picture when they talk down to a feminist
gellaho
Also, about half the team isn't in the movie
BlindMonkey DARK
Be kind to the abandoned men of...somewhere. I'm not sure where the abandoned men are
Velo, Juice Criminal
This is actually the exact same way a facehugger would describe kissing
BlindMonkey DARK
"What if the X-Men meant nothing" is such an evergreen prompt
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
In a mine in Chile, i think.
gellaho
Metaphors are hard
Tom strips for action!
Wager's gonna suck some eggs up into his cloaca
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
"annoying young people"
BlindMonkey DARK
For a guy called Wager that knows odds, he isn't leaving the table with his new omnipowers.
"Damn. Good haul."
Velo, Juice Criminal
So not like a salmon at all then?
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Look, that describes Gen13 perfectly, but you can phrase it in a way that doesnt make you sound like an ancient dipshit lamenting the hippety hops and skateboarding, Jeffscot.
FancyShark
Wager, just calculate the odds of spontaneous human combustion and that's four of the five already dead
gellaho
These guys got paid to write this
Velo, Juice Criminal
My theory is Jeffscott really undershot their page count requirement and books don't have slow motion to pad the runtime
Tom strips for action!
"normally my temperament is the same colour as outside but right now it is not."
FancyShark
"Sometimes my mood is snowy"
BlindMonkey DARK
I think selling that counts as a heist
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
The comic would just have a few pages of letters from the semi iliterate troglodytes that read Gen13, too bad they didnt think of that here.
FancyShark
If we read a novelization of Blue Comet comics, would they have a foreword that's half the book and reads like a manifesto?
Because if so, I want that
gellaho
Cipher buys a suit to go visit his family from before he was a super monster
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
I would love to see how they adapt their creative approach to both visual art and dialogue to the new medium, yes.
gellaho
Oh, darn. They're all dead
gellaho
Who could have foreseen!
Velo, Juice Criminal
Stormon started that, and then threw his typewriter out the window while screaming he would kill it if it ever darkened his doorway again. Which I understand is actually the standard writer experience
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
huh. Welp.
FancyShark
Oh, his family. I thought you meant Gen13
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Look, its very sad when you get superpowers but your wife and kids die. But! You now have an excellent reason to revenge rampage, and then the opportunity to have a NEW wife and NEW kids! Maybe even a better one!
Your wife and kids wouldnt want you to live a life without a wife and kids.
Maybe.
Probably they didnt even think about it, but they really should have given the world they live in.
Velo, Juice Criminal
I think we all got a little excited there. And the way I see it there's no reason to stop being excited
gellaho
Oh, Wager gave his dominatrix super serum
FancyShark
I forgot how graphic randos die in Image Comics stories
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
As you do.
Brendan
Sure I wish my family hadn't been slaughtered but if they weren't, I'd never have met Jeanine and her son, who is now like a really great stepson to me.
Velo, Juice Criminal
These may be unrelated dead children, but they're still dead!
BlindMonkey DARK
It sounds like he didn't know Elyse and Joe too well
gellaho
Oh, sir. Image is much too fancy
Velo, Juice Criminal
Joe didn't have much of a personality
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
"Mike, Curtis, and Paco." feels really loaded.
FancyShark
This tracks
gellaho
Fucking really?
BlindMonkey DARK
Wildstorm and Early Image were wild, one series would be a metafictional reflection on panels, and then he'd crossover with Gun Man
Velo, Juice Criminal
You're right, Jeffscott shouldn't've done that
God I hope my phone didn't just learn "shouldn't've"
Brendan
The Maxx meets Spawn
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Jeffscott, I already thought you should kill yourselves for this. But your editor should be executed.
Guillotine or firing squad, their choice.
gellaho
She's a regular Tingo Spellhands
Velo, Juice Criminal
Shouldst've
PhysWiz vs The New Year
Shanst've
FancyShark
The 90s! When every villain is a serial killer
gellaho
For the Tingo uninitiated book-nerds
BlindMonkey DARK
One day I'll reveal the worst ad I ever wrote
Tom strips for action!
you know, if anything, I think "the scene brought tears to his eyes" might be underselling the impact of finding your three murdered children
Velo, Juice Criminal
Folks I think we might have to kill Dennard
BlindMonkey DARK
"Shit, that's heavy. Do I speed bump over this, or am I writing The Road now?"
FancyShark
That's more of a saying reserved for a sunrise