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I was gonna make a quick joke earlier about how it's weird to do a novel tie-in for a superhero comic because superheroes are always so visual
141: Gen¹³: Time and Chance Jeff Mariotte and Scott Ciencin
#2 Gen¹³
Tags:
America's hottest supergroup in an all-new novel!
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Brendan
I have many types, but only one weakness
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And I think this book is just confirming I was right
Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy
Same
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Because what is happening
FancyShark
They did some Spider-Man and X-Men novels in the 90s that were pretty fun
gellaho
Jeff made a point of her new tits and legs, yes
Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy
Blessed cold iron.
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Everyone has two names and apparently even the authors can't keep them straight
gellaho
What a tangled, horny web we weave
gellaho
gellaho
✅ Redhead
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I mean I'm sure it can be done, I just think the elements are working against each other to some extent
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Grunge is a fuckin sex pest and should be shot and dumped in a hole.
FancyShark
Meanwhile, there's punk rock girl Roxy who is perfectly fine without Grunge, dammit
Brendan
The Real World: Mutant Edition
FancyShark
It does help if the characters don't suck
gellaho
And I guess something happened between books and Sarah is no longer horny
Brendan
Honestly, you could not, as a frustrated teen, go wrong with Gen 13. They were well-designed for whatebver your type was.
Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy
Sinophobia
FancyShark
Different authors
Brendan
See also X-men
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Grunge is asian?!
gellaho
Then Sarah gets mad at Bobby for getting excited about the concert she told him to go to
FancyShark
"I'm sure civil rights can wait"
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Sarah is the worst kind of girl to be friends with but the best kind to be railing at a protest.
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That's just the way he is, to enjoy things he likes. It's not his fault, really
gellaho
Then Wager's female beefcake shows up
gellaho
Because Wager used his mystical powers to figure out where they are
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
For fun im imagining his bodyguard is Agnes Aurelio:
Ska Slut noiretoon
"I'm Mr. Joe. Have you seen Bobby?"
gellaho
Meanwhile, the other female hulk is not happy about being hot
Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy
yeah, it must suck being a beautiful woman
gellaho
I see Jeff's erection has started ghostwriting
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Its terrible being the super smart, hot, superhumanly strong leader of a secret paramilitary super team.
Because you have to be around Grunge.
Ska Slut noiretoon
Whisper? The jetpacks are back already?!
gellaho
Let me just double check that dedication again
gellaho
I'm sure Scott's wife loved this
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
"NOOOOO DONT LOOK AT MY LONG LEGS, FIRM ASS, AND HEAVING BOSOMS! STOP NOTICING MY SILKY RED HAIR!"
Brendan
She is not dressed sartorially nor mentally for this show.
Fuck, I forgot this was all of my things, I need to get more stout.
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Shes thinking like this while doing a pose that would shatter the spine of a normal woman.
gellaho
This is still going
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She's wearing a white silk blouse, jacket and miniskirt? And she doesn't want to be noticed?
Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy
Lady you can get ugly if you really want
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
From what I remember of the one comic I read, Fairchild can display full frontal AND ass at the same time from two different angles.
FancyShark
She does know sweatpants exist, right? And baggy dresses?
gellaho
I have questions about why you were fighting in eveningwear
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Her rack is non Euclidean and occupies multiple coterminous points of spacetime.
FancyShark
They sell tarps, Fairchild
Ska Slut noiretoon
The art was also leering at her, which made The Last Supper even more awkward
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Ok but eveningwear and leotards aren't the only two options Caitlin
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
They're staring at you because you are wearing a bridesmaids dress and not like casual streetwear to this museum.
FancyShark
Her combat gear is skintight green fabric that does not include pants. For no damn reason.
gellaho
What a bunch of likable, relatable characters
gellaho
You know the reason
FancyShark
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
gellaho
Gotta get a look at those long legs when she's stepping on me
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Caitlin, have you ever considered you used to be a real mean and jealous bitch?
Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy
Finally, a relatable character
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I don't want to judge a woman for being uncomfortable about the male gaze so I wanna be clear I'm gonna be mocking these male writers' male-gazey-as-fuck depictions of this woman uncomfortable with the male gaze
gellaho
Comedy is hard
FancyShark
What's hilarious is they couldn't even manage to make her unattractive when she was pre-superhero
J. Scott Campbell can't draw a second woman
Ska Slut noiretoon
The She's All That-ing of Caitlin Fairchild
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Id be less comfortable but Fairchild isnt a woman, shes a Sex Homunculus.
A Fuck Tulpa, if you will.
Norm From Cheers
I always wondered what a fulpa was
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Ok so reading between the lines, Caitlin got a super serum or Weapon X treatment that also gave her big tits?
Is that the backstory here?
Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy
Finally, a relatable character.
gellaho
Eat shit, David Caruso
Ska Slut noiretoon
"She'd been verbed. Italicized."
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Yes.
Literally yes.
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Cool. Subtle.
Ska Slut noiretoon
DAVID CARUSO BEING USED AS A POSITIVE COMPARISON?!?
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You're great
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Also shut the fuck up, writers.
gellaho
"She's also super smart, and tall, and strong, and do you think she'd carry me around or, ugh,crush me? "
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Also way to mansplain my guy, she absolutely knows what that word means.
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And speaking of things being italicized I love the emphasis on FLAT here
Ska Slut noiretoon
Oh my God she's weapon XXX 🤦♂️🤦🤦♀️
gellaho
By using the term "body politics," JeffScott believes they can get away with talking about her tremendous knockers
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Hey writer? Maybe next time you trot out an obscure to the average reader philosophical movement, have the person that brings it up explain what it is?
It would be less sexist and tedious if she blew him already.
Rachel Takes the Puppet Ecstacy
Jungianism?!
hits eject button
Ska Slut noiretoon
There's no time! They spent it all describing how air temperature works, and the contents of fridges!
gellaho
To be fair, he did bring it up first
FancyShark
oh
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Okay that makes it a little better.
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Her breasts volunteer at the homeless shelter, you pig
gellaho
I skipped it because they said "connectionism" like four times in a row and I only really needed it once
So, she gets real horned up
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He's the bad guy right
Brendan
She's also a 6'4" redhead who can benchpress Chyna. She's fistfighting the ocean.
FancyShark
Easily
Velo, Juice Criminal
Yes
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Also in his thirties.
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😆
Brendan
How dare you whisper into my third eye like this
FancyShark
If he's not the bad guy, she's going to spend half this book trying to schedule a date with him and keep missing it until he gives up
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Classic Charlie's Angels b plot
Ska Slut noiretoon
"let me take you back to the soup kitchen to meet my spare dad"
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Oh yeah so also she's a teenager, right?
There's been so much to get to
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Yeah im pretty sure.
gellaho
"Ugh, she's so smart and strong and tough and sophisticated and loves nerds and... God I wish she was real so she could step on me!"
Brendan
I feel like if J and Frank Cho teamed up on pencils, with a real strong third inker, there might actually be the illusion of four kinds of The Woman
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Shut the fuck up, PROFESSOR.
Brendan
Hystocunnulus
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You're not smart for using the term strange attractors in a romantic setting. That's just the first thing anyone would think of
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Oh I was wrong, shes old enough to go to college.
gellaho
Fuck, just kill me now
Brendan
Fuck you guys for not applauding this more.
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I mean that could still be 18-19 right
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Nah she was a sophmore before she got superjuiced so shes at least 21
Brendan
So where we're at it is the woman who is simultaneously Bruce Banner and the Hulk takes some respite in being mansplained.
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Fuckin Gen13, clearing the low bar for creepin on teens.
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Eh good enough I guess
Ska Slut noiretoon
"expensive tribal art lined the walls"
Fingers crossed for a guest appearance by Erik Killmonger
Brendan
Lady, let me introduce you to Yosemite Sam, Pepe Le Pew, and the Tasmanian Devil's pants-shitting amped up Moonchild.
gellaho
So, they go outside after that riveting conversation
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Now just gonna quickly check what she looks like -
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Yep.
gellaho
Then out of nowhere he tries getting aggressive
Brendan
That's kinda implicit in JSC's style though.
I mean....good on him for never getting Me Tooed?
gellaho
So, I guess his plan was to go to an art museum, then start talking nerd, go to a nerd party, and then go full creep in public
It's a weird plan is all I'm saying
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Cool.
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Yeah usually they memorize some easier facts to talk about
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Its not Gen13 until you reference or watch a sexual assault attempt.
Brendan
Can I ask you something? Is this shirt making you hot?
gellaho
Dipshit here decides to get indignant
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He had to cover 3 centuries of art and all of physics just to get her out of the restaurant
Brendan
Maybe this is how like Russ Meyer respected his actresses?
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Haha "round 2 bitch!" He said, another in a long line of worst decisions of the evening
gellaho
Then bizarrely implies her paying for dinner means she owes him something?
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Caitlin, maybe you need to ask yourself, did I only get superhuman strength and hotness from that secret supersoldier program?
gellaho
Which again, real weird even for a creep
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Like I ordinarily wouldnt say "Maybe its a you problem." but when you bring in superpowers and shit you have to start thinking outside the box, maybe you literally have Pervert Attractor Pheromones.
Ska Slut noiretoon
Just pumping out sleeper phrases to activate her anti-harrassment training
Brendan
I hate when bitches promise me fuckpussy in my dickbrain and then pretend they're independent beings.
Like, you already seduced my mind, why are you teasing my body?
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This scene would make more sense if it was a training scenario designed to teach her to use appropriate levels of superpowers
gellaho
So she does something to him. I have no idea what
Brendan
He is ded
At least he died doing what we all love.
Wait
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No, though. No. How was this guy a 15 minute fight for her
Brendan
Sorry, they went from the LES to west chelsea to Kips Bay?
gellaho
It's implying that her hitting him caused her to go flying
Ska Slut noiretoon
She launched through his body and kept going until she landed at the other end of town
Brendan
I read it as she did a launching attack and then got to business.
gellaho
I guess she hung him from the bridge?
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This would have been the scene from wonder woman 1984 where kristen wiig gets powers and kicks a creep over and over again until he's rolling down the street begging for death
FancyShark
She slapped him across the street
Ska Slut noiretoon
The tribal mask apartment party is going to come out to a balcony covered with sex pest lunchmeat
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Oh I see she was just carrying him for 15 minutes looking for that fun environmental kill she saw earlier
Brendan
That She-Hulk Spider-Manned a Purple Man.
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
I fully agree with this. Women should be able to hang sex pests upside down like Italian dictators.
Brendan
How would you even leap blocks with a mortal under your arm and not kill him?
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Yeah I guess that's why it took awhile
FancyShark
Child carrier
gellaho
Then she happens upon a superweapon
gellaho
Writing is hard, you guys
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Bwuh
Brendan
I cannot believe this is happening in the same universe as Planetary and Wildcats 3.0
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Is a twenty.........alot for a cab ride?
Or not alot?
Brendan
99? kinda
gellaho
Brendan
In the '90s you'd pay that to go to Queens.
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
I dont have context for that NOW, let alone 24 years ago.
Brendan
I lived in DEEEEEP queens and paid about $30 in 2006.
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"no, number 21, your knifing days are over!"
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Ah yes, the underhive part of Queens, where they mine for forgotten minerals.
gellaho
I guess the superweapon is used against the tiny concert the others went to
Brendan
You'll never play varsity starting Stab again
Brendan
Listen, we don't talk about The Hole with outsiders.
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Ohhhhh nooooo the concert.
gellaho
Fun fact, chapter one was 40 pages long
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
You have a leak then, ive never been to New York.
Brendan
That's awesome then that they didn't do a The Station by accident
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Bad guys working overtime to get the heroes involved in this plot
gellaho
Roxy uses her superpowers to almost stop people from getting shot
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
If the single issue of Gen13 i read is any indication, villains just kind of happen to them.
FancyShark
Eh, close enough
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
As in, the one in that issue literally shows up to their house.
Which is convenient if nothing else.
gellaho
Don't worry, she's almost naked
FancyShark
Oh thank god
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
God I hate every member of this outfit so much.
Brendan
I'm more impressed by the planck time than the TK
Ska Slut noiretoon
Oh right, concert grease
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Its got two sex predators, a self loathing hot girl, and two varieties of empty dipshits.
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The roadies use it to slide across the stage like penguins
Brendan
FAKE PUNK LOOK AT HER DKNY BOOTS
gellaho
Jesus fucking Christ
Brendan
Tony Harris fumes
Ska Slut noiretoon
"Can't believe this happened right before Raffi was about to do Bananaphone!"
Brendan
That's it. I'm done. I found my book party cliff.
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Jigglypuff, obviously. Puff Daddy cant learn moves like Sleep.
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I could have almost said this book had its charms until that
Brendan
Jigglypuff never abused Cassie, so to start...
Ska Slut noiretoon
Puff Daddy explains the grease, actually
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
She should have known Normal types are a bad matchup for Fighting types.
gellaho
References!
FancyShark
I don't understand her powers, but if they include TK, she could just pull out their bones
gellaho
Brendan
I had to Google Carrie White and I am this book's exxxtremely slim target audience.
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
She manipulates gravity
gellaho
It's a dumb power that doesn't really make sense
FancyShark
Ah, thank you. Okay, she can change the gravity of their bones
Brendan
However...Carrie was like the second Stephen King book I read, so maybe I'm just bad with names.
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I have to assume it's Carrie, the Carrie from Carrie, but no way am I remembering her last name
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Shes also REAL dumb so isnt good at using it.
FancyShark
Solidarity. It was one of the first ones I read too and that reference went over my head
gellaho
Grunge takes this crisis as an opportunity to get handsy
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Despite being a pretty big King fan I've never read Carrie
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Its good this lady is DTF but Grunge doesnt really care much.
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Saw the movie and figured I got the experience
Brendan
This feels excessive.
Ska Slut noiretoon
Unfortunately "going Carrie White" meant killing high school students at their prom
gellaho
So, what, is he turning into her ass?
Brendan
Like we were the drop of sweat rolling down her back and suddenly transferred to the grease on his fingertips.
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Again, in the single issue of the comic I read Grunge mentions melding himself into Fairchilds bed. As like sort of a sexy surprise.
gellaho
In the last book he defeated hell by turning into the horn of Jericho
Brendan
He's gonna absorbing man Hot Punk Teen Ass
FancyShark
Grunge, if this doesn't end with you going all Ron Silver in Timecop, stop it
Brendan
Every time you make fun of ska, remember that nobody pays any attention to the white-hot wave of grunge anymore.
Ska has legs. Grunge exhausted itself
gellaho
Or, OK, not the concert but a separate, unrelated musical event
Brendan
Why is she a wanabe modeOH RIGHT heroin chic
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
God this book is so boring and horny and boring.
gellaho
I don't understand this conversation
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Is that a fucking dolphin safe tuna joke?
Ska Slut noiretoon
Oh he's mocking Sarah's activism
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Teen superhero dialogue like this makes me miss Animorphs
gellaho
Turn it down, JeffScott
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Oh right Bobby and Grunge are friends because Bobby is a shell of a man with no distinguishing features.
Areze
is this whole book just a middle-aged man visibly thirsting after teenagers
FancyShark
Hi, @Areze !
Also, yes
PhysWiz vs The New Year
What have I walked into
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
I also get hornt up when guys in power armor are about to shoot up a sex pest and his idiot buddy.
FancyShark
Hi, @PhysWiz vs The New Year !
Areze
perversion and madness
so nothing unusual
gellaho
Grunge ruins his pants
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Extremely horny descriptions of teenagers sometimes doing x-men shit
Ska Slut noiretoon
I just realized Fairchild is Britta from Community with superpowers
In that she's the strawman of a male author who had a woman challenge his worldview once and never got over it
gellaho
Lol, eat shit Grunge
FancyShark
Grunge's heart stops, his veins unable to handle pumping metal
Brendan
Sorry, who is Therese? We're already two sexual harassments deep
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Some girl who was gonna let Grunge smash until he turned into metal.
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That's the girl whose ass Grunge was absorbing?
Brendan
Sarah Rainmaker, arguably progressive as a '90s lesbian.
Roxy Something, could do better
Caitlin Fairchild, Grunge's crush
FancyShark
Therese is Bigoted Lady Proving Prejudice Is Real 1
Brendan
hate that that the Gen-13 universe runs through Grunge's prostate.
gellaho
Those are definitely references Grunge would know
FlippantSausage Bullies The Dead
Fuck off writers. Grunge watches bruce lee movies and shit, make the right references.
FancyShark
Grunge watches Girls Gone Wild commercials
PhysWiz vs The New Year
So horny
Areze
there's only one kind of bedknob or broomstick this guy thinks about
gellaho
That's news to me
Brendan
Grunge strikes me as a latchkey kid watching a lot of PBS and WPIX so maybe?