81: Godslayer Mickey Zucker Reichert

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The gods had claimed him for a quest that would lead from the hell of human war to the very gates of Hel!

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gellaho: The Book Cage Episode 81 - Godslayer; This Book Cage falls on Veterans Day, so I thought what better than a book dedicated to the brave individuals who served. And who better to portray the tragedy of our boys in Vietnam than a female pediatrician in 1987 Iowa? Join me as we read "Mickey Zucker Reichert" aka Miriam S. Zucker's Godslayer. A book about a Vietnam veteran who dies and is sent to a mystical Norse realm of magic and mystery. It's approximately 40% 'Nam flashback!
gellaho
Ozzie: The kerning of MORTAL 'S on the back is gonna give me a fucking aneurysm.
Badgerman: I can't wait to see how they fuck up this kickass premise; I'm guessing it has something to do with the 40% Nam flashback by content
gellaho: This dedication will become quite funny as the book goes on
gellaho: I would say it's portrayal is insensitive, bordering on disrepectful
Badgerman: Uh oh
gellaho: This man has a 'Nam flashback every other page
Badgerman: Okay, strike one, dude gets transmuted into an elf right off the bat. Bull shit. Either put a GI Joe into high adventure fantasy land or fucking don't even bother
gellaho: Although my favorite detail is Miriam's Wikipedia, which reveals that she's slower than a tortoise
Ozzie: Have we independently confirmed that she isn't a hare?
Badgerman: I bet Miriam and the slow food movement biddy from Seanbaby's Book Games would get along famously; I like how the cover tagline looks really clever in text but if you try to read it aloud it just sounds awkward and redundant
Ozzie: Wouldn't going from the hell of war to the gates of hell be a reduction of dangerous circumstances?
Badgerman: Like, who are you going to have to deal with, a really ornery Evil St Peter maybe; What's he gonna do, turn you away for not being metal enough?
gellaho: What did Sheila Gilbert do?
Badgerman: Yo what the fuck Joel
gellaho: That is just an insane list of things
Ozzie: "my father for pretending to discourage me" took me like 3 tries to wrap my head around.; And it's still fucking weird.
Badgerman: Who is Mark Fabi and why do we care about what he wrote in another book
Ozzie
Ozzie: This isn't a fucking satire?; Or is Miriam being passive aggressive at this dude's stupid book?
gellaho: So, yeah, that's the woman who tried to write a sensitive and nuanced portrayal of a man traumatized by war getting turned into a Norse elf.; I'm sure she can thread that needle.
Badgerman: Oh Miriam's going into the wall for sure
Ozzie: Have you brought this book up before?; Or was it a remarkably similar one?
gellaho: When I got it a while ago; This first Google result is also fantastic
godless juice jakesy: Well that didn't work; Anyway
godless juice jakesy: There we go
gellaho: Coming up on the top of the hour, it's our Veterans Day celebration with Godslayer. Here is the preview
Badgerman: FIRE LANCED BEFORE LARSON! THE STABBING FIRES! SETTING THE FOREST ON FIRE!; "FIRE!", HE ELLIPSES'D!
FancyShark: Lungs are where screams are made
Badgerman: Shout Factory got some 'splaining to do
Ramb$ne Gracie: Wait is this the Vietnam veteran isekai?
Badgerman: Yes
Ramb$ne Gracie: Oh hell yes
Badgerman: For Veterans' Day!; Also @gellaho it may interest you to know that Book Cage is one of the ways I try to shill 1900🌭 to personal acquaintances
FancyShark: That's a great idea!
gellaho: Time to begin the process
1000 Space GDCs: I love being able to shut off my work laptop and pick up my discord.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He's never going to be able to lift that sword if he skips leg day.
Badgerman: If this book doesn't give an elf an M16 at some point it's even more of a failure than we're already going to learn it is
Agent of Fortune: Yeah I went to my LCS to see if they had any copies and the owner said I was the third person to ask
FancyShark: Sucks to be you, Everyone Else Fighting In Vietnam
gellaho: And just as an FYI, because it's going to happen immediately, there are two different mentions of sexual assault. There's no portrayal, but the second is such a tremendous example of narrative ineptitude that I will have to bring it up.
FancyShark: Yikes. Thank you for the heads up
Brendan: LET'S GO, DORKS
gellaho: If it is not a children's book, there is always a risk of it. So just take solace in the fact that nobody has ever read these books and they don't matter
Badgerman: They die alone and unremembered as we banish them to the Book Cage
gellaho: And remember, this is for the troops
gellaho: I!
1000 Space GDCs: When was this published? Trying to figure out if Brahmin and Ahngmar are internet handles.
gellaho: 1987
Badgerman: ARE YA READY KIDS?; I! I, CAPTAIN!; I CAN'T HEAR YOU!; I! I, CAPTAIN!; OHHHHHHHHH
1000 Space GDCs: I guess they could be usenet handles
FancyShark: I'm sure the author isn't frontloading this book with a bunch of expectations they can't hope to meet
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: It's probably his D&D group.
gellaho: The prologue is all about the villain
Badgerman: I think they might actually be the gods we meet in the story
gellaho: She frontloads it with a villain who disappears from the middle of the book
Badgerman: None dare question Bramin's swinging package!
1000 Space GDCs: I've seen those stones in claws at hot topic
FancyShark: And on cool furniture
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: All high ranking wizards shop at Hot Topic.
Brendan: Usenet BBS handles.
Badgerman: As they should
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: And the store that sells polished rocks.
gellaho: He's angry and loves power, always good
Brendan: HAM toques
Badgerman: Ahhh, classic wizard vizier build
Brendan: Wait, okay no I know what this is.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: You can tell he's a wizard because angrily brushing hair out of his eyes tires him out.
Brendan: This is fanfic communities/newsletters/pen pas
gellaho: So, there it is. And some bonus fantasy racism
FancyShark: Weakness of any sort. So god help you if you ask someone to open a pickle jar in earshot of him
Badgerman: Just drop that right in there, Miriam
FancyShark: The writing implies the city is the product of rape
1000 Space GDCs: how much hair does he have that flicking it back saps his remaining strength?
Badgerman: A comma's worth; At least
1000 Space GDCs: this is just regular racism, though
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Instant disintigration if you dont lift.
gellaho: I don't approve of this giant violence
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Must have taken him a while to saw off a giants head.
FancyShark: Just thumbin' that sack
Badgerman: He thumbed it so hard because he was tired that the rope fucking broke
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Getting tired and wheezy halfway thru.
Badgerman: Which is totally a thing that happens
1000 Space GDCs: I guess Redselr sounds norse enough to get the point across
FancyShark: It took days
gellaho: And now he almost kills himself putting the head back in the bag
Brendan: He's a willow! BOKEEEEEEE
Badgerman: And people bitched when Luke died from the effort of astral projecting across the galaxy. Waitll they get a load of this wimpass
1000 Space GDCs: For someone who hates weakness he seems to be struggling a lot
FancyShark: This is the guy who hates weakness?
gellaho: He's very tired from killing the giant
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He seems like a totally reasonable and stable dude.
Brendan: Author had to show him a nervous klutz to also show he's the dad from Firestarter.
gellaho: And as a reward he has earned himself a woman
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Just leave your giant heads on the floor my dude. You look like a jagoff if you admit you dropped it.
Badgerman: Woo patriarchy!
FancyShark: Lady = Cost 1 Giant
1000 Space GDCs: That's not sustainable
Badgerman: For my daughter's hand will you face ANDRE THE GIANT, THIS SUNDAY AT HELL IN A CELL?!?!
gellaho: And the king is into it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hes way too tired to fuck, he's gonna swap her for a handful of crystals and a succubus's phone number.
Badgerman: Jesus, King. Keep it in your royal bedchambers
gellaho: This is what is called master wizard puberty
Brendan: You'd think this elfling would be more sensitive to women being given away as a reward for sword and sorcering
gellaho: That is quite a coincidence for Slime
gellaho: I mean Silme
FancyShark: Sister Typo and Brother Sic
Brendan: A princess seems worth way more than five chests of gold or parcel of land
gellaho: If only there were some kind of sign that Bramin would be evil
FancyShark: Unless she's used; ugh, sorry
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Maybe shes not a very good princess.
Brendan: This passage implies the elf bastard is Jared Kushner.
Badgerman: Hate it when my pride is wounded with derision
Brendan: This is such a mid-70s fantasy dork sentence to write.
gellaho: Get you a lady with fish eyes
FancyShark: Her eyes are that way so she can take a drink while still watching for predators
Badgerman: "artistically high" means nothing
gellaho: (I think she's into it)
1000 Space GDCs: She's the Mick Fleetwood alien from star trek
Badgerman: Maybe she's got Bella Swan's disease and she's just like that naturally?
FancyShark: I always know a date's going well when she's actively searching for exits
Brendan: Was she just gonna stand there and watch them bring out five chests of gold?
gellaho: First in three hundred years, huh? Tough break
Badgerman: I know you just murdered a giant to win my hand but I WOULD TEST YOUR LOVE!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Man imagine what had to have happened to make that shit a law in the first place.; Just........maybe ask women if they want to marry you first?; Seems crazy I know.
1000 Space GDCs: I wonder why they enacted that law
gellaho: Not really sure what happened to her here
FancyShark: They went through a lot of princesses before they realized the suitor was a dragon
Badgerman: Doctor Beckett jumped into her there towards the end I think
Brendan: How would we ever distribute land then?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Well thats bullshit. Just admit you are too racist to love a wizard, lady.
gellaho: He is having a great day
FancyShark: Pamphlets?
Brendan: If you loved me, you would murder a stranger.
1000 Space GDCs: She seems like a real catch
Badgerman: Man, we couldn't wait like a day for him to rest up before having this ceremony?
Badgerman: Again!
FancyShark: Now you're quoting my last date
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: If this guy is the villain im starting to sympathize with him.
gellaho: This will turn out well, I'm sure
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Dude take a hint. Shes not into you.
Badgerman: Hate it when my life aura dwindles to nearly nothing; I usually have to take a really long nap when that happens
Brendan: If everyone you meet gibes you, maybe YOU'RE the gibe.
FancyShark: Remember back at the start when offending a wizard meant instant death?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I hate being gibed. Takes forever to clean the walls.
Brendan: Good to know this man hasn't smiled cruelly in a week or two.
gellaho: THE MOST FEARED WIZARD IN THE LAND RETURNS TO MOMMY'S HOUSE
Brendan: So if his opponent kills him, does that rando get to marry Halfjirefia?
Badgerman: Finally, a villain for me
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah in this economy? Rent isnt cheap, even for wizards.
Badgerman: Fucking Ye Olde Blackrock
gellaho: And then he has a temper tantrum in his childhood bunkbed
FancyShark: Bramin tosses the giant's head on the pile with the other dead mythical monsters
1000 Space GDCs: I'm not sure if the giant slaying was a necessary step
Brendan: All I'm getting is Angry Incel Moves Home, which is the weird basis for a hero.
Badgerman: God this dude is such a loser. I love him already
gellaho: He be the villain
Brendan: Oh, but he's a Gary Stu so it's society's fault for not recognizing hi--wait a second, is this jordan Peterson?
gellaho: We gotta get you guys better points of reference
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Is he gonna do Wizard Benzos and tell us to clean our rooms?
gellaho: Silme is about to give him the worst advice I've ever seen
Badgerman: It's more endearing if it's a fake person; He "whirled like a cornered beast" in the top loft of his bunk bed
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah I cant read her name as anything but Slime now.; Sister Slime.
FancyShark: "Scootched uncomfortably for several seconds like a cornered beast" didn't have the same ring to it
gellaho: I am also unconvinced
1000 Space GDCs: I think he tried to whirl but it came out as more of a flounce
FancyShark: She wrote the law but didn't use it?
Badgerman: Pesky ex post facto legal bullshit I reckon
FancyShark: "I think Halfrija wants to join the Women's Gold Tour, brother"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah maybe Halfie is a lesbian, Slime, did you think of that?
gellaho: The bad advice parade continues
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Or maybe shes just not into marriage?
Brendan: So he's effectively known her for a year out of a decade
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Or any of fifty other reasons.
gellaho: That first paragraph, just FYI makes no sense given what happens in the rest of the book. Everybody fuckin' loves Silme
Brendan: Emily Dickinson never married because she was scared of her elf-suitors
gellaho: And everybody knows her
1000 Space GDCs: She never married, she's just very close friends with her handmaid
Badgerman: If you're such a great wizard why don't you just make your dream girl homunculus and leave the woman you keep negging be
gellaho: Reminder that this is a book dedicated to soldiers
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Homunculi do the weird stuff. Also the wyrd stuff.
Brendan: If you have to train for a decade to kill a giant just so a frightened woman to reject you to test whether you'll kill another stranger and prove yourself worthy of murdering Tuskens, maybe your society sucks.; This is exhausting.; You could train for a year and band together to kill raiders.; You could be fucking that whole time.; STOP PLAYING HEAD GAMES, LADIES
FancyShark: Halfrija has a pool, though
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Im very pro "Burn down the city with magical fire and fuck off to my rad tower instead of marrying some rich ho." for this guy.
Badgerman: A book with themes every soldier can relate to like "negging a woman who keeps rejecting you" and "living with your mom"
gellaho: Seems healthy
Badgerman: Wait. That was supposed to be a joke but I think I just dunked on like 60% of servicemembers.
FancyShark: Yep, that's incel template 1
Brendan: Halfrija might be using her dumb brother to get close to her real girlfriend.
1000 Space GDCs: This is just stalking.\
gellaho: sad trombone
Brendan: hahahaha she is never going to fuck you
FancyShark: Okay, bold move
Badgerman: Oh hey I've seen Brave too
Brendan: She would literally rather die.; Halfrija is the real hero of this story.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Lol turn her into a fucking bat and leave, my guy.
FancyShark: I like that she said her offer is withdrawn if he uses magic or magic weapons
Brendan: Her nemesis chases her her entire life and she gets the courage to confront this creep head on.
gellaho: "Now I know love and pain"
Badgerman: "Pained like blows"
gellaho: Might want to see why before you start applauding her
FancyShark: "I'm getting mixed signals from her," he thought.
Brendan: ...wait, the priests of this hellworld chant kill or be killed and then sacrifice things?
1000 Space GDCs: So I guess this rule was created as an escape clause in case some creep rolls up with a giant head demanding a princess
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahah she went there.
Badgerman: KAAR EN TUK
Floygwai: Hi folks. I'd like to contribute to this discussion for once. Did the devil just get friend-zoned?
FancyShark: Racist-zoned
Badgerman: Oh we're far beyond friend zoning
gellaho: Slapped by cruelty
Brendan: This guy only knows pain to the degree that he mistakes it for love.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Fuck I didnt think shed go and say the quiet part out loud.
Brendan: "She led me on by spurning me for ten years."
1000 Space GDCs: This guy has stalked her for ten years and didn't notice all the slurs she kept using?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also fuck her for thinking rats dont want to improve their station in life. Thats why they live in our houses.
FancyShark: The hard R means love
Badgerman: Everyone is awful to each other and there's nobody worth rooting for. If this were published fifty years later we would be hailing it as a masterpiece of gray morality
Brendan: Rats are clean and sociable.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Cute little fingies too.
Brendan: 100% of dark elves in our sample set don't acknowledge women's boundaries.
1000 Space GDCs: Yeah, I'm deeply invested in the relationship between the incel and the racist
gellaho: Well, I'm sure Halfrija's got this
I got you Rachel for Christmas: that's th phrase i want to see when i enter a book cage
Brendan: This is what the author thinks of his fan-fic friend, Brahmin.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Im rooting for his response to be lightning and hellfire based. oooooh or maybe conjure up a flying ape man to carry her off.
gellaho: Ah, guess the honey moon is off
gellaho
Floygwai: Truly a match made in R'lyeh
gellaho: This tale of Vietnam is written by a female pediatrician
I got you Rachel for Christmas: That kill quip sucked
FancyShark: He'll be kicking himself for days for not having a better kill quip
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Should have said "Nice to choke you."
Badgerman: The lowercase "lady" just makes him sound like a loser
I got you Rachel for Christmas: all out of death level
Brendan: In a way, all princesses are Cambodia, and all dark elves are Kissinger.
Badgerman: Fucking "til death do us part" was right there
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Okay jordan peterson
FancyShark: Oh shit, that's good
gellaho: And my work here is done
Floygwai: Fits the incel character perfectly, though, you gotta admit
gellaho: We gotta get you guys better points of reference
Brendan: We already placed Peterson in this cosmology.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahaha now we are wizarding.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: oh no
FancyShark: I assume this means the wedding's off?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He's a wizard so maybe not.
gellaho: Bramin contemplates necrophilia
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Either way im keeping the panini press i got them
FancyShark: Shit, @Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage called it
Brendan: It took this guy 12 pages to go from knight errant to necromancer megavillain
Floygwai: The high fantasy body pillow. That's where we've gone now? Really?
Badgerman: So we're right back to where we would have been if he had just gotten over himself and built a pleasure golem
gellaho: But decides to turn her to dust and have a temper tantrum instead
Brendan: he real-dolled the love of his life.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He hasnt even STARTED doing wizard shit to her corpse. I can think of five or six ways he could go about this.
1000 Space GDCs: To be fair, the first time I brought a girl to my dorm room it was about this awkward.
Badgerman: Hate spawns hate you guys. So deep. Much nuance. Waow
I got you Rachel for Christmas: You really shouldn't have killed her
Brendan: I sometimes ponder calling up my first kiss to apologize.
FancyShark: Thank god he just disintegrated the racist woman instead of defiling the corpse
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Just sweep up for later. Corpse dust has a long shelf life.
gellaho: Perfectly logical
Brendan: But do girls care that he shows this consideration?
Brendan: Yeah he cuts a strong Anakin profile
FancyShark: Pfft, of course not! Too busy with their Palachads
I got you Rachel for Christmas: You're all just seeing star wars cause of the incest vibes
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Cmon dont blame Slime, she didnt know. Dont be a dick wizard.
Brendan: To be fair, we also thought she was messing with him.
Badgerman: And yet even though this guy commands so much more cosmic power I'm still confident in saying Anakin was way cooler
gellaho: The best indication that this was written by a woman is how often she says straight men think Loki is the most beautiful thing they've ever seen
Floygwai: I'm not sure I'm still okay with the fact that they basically congealed into a clump of dried blood clot but I guess it's better than most alternatives
Brendan: At least Anakin can use the force without getting a hangover.
Badgerman: Tom Hiddleston wasn't that hot. Come on
I got you Rachel for Christmas: disagree
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Cool did he conjure a fuckboi?
Badgerman: He's just so reedy!
Floygwai: Damn, man. When's the last time you washed that life aura? You live like this?!
1000 Space GDCs: That's just his roommate, Chad
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I mean... i can't judge
FancyShark: Just once, I want to see an author get all sloppy for someone wildly outside the bounds of beauty standards
gellaho: They'll let him back into wizard school after that?
FancyShark: Sorry, quoting my Tindr profile
Brendan: Fanfic-level women writing bad boys is one of my guilty delights because it's always like...the guy that other men would laugh at to his face. See also: Christian Grey. I know men writing women is a much broader genre, but we have to acknowledge the "Okay, nice tough talk there, guy" phenomenon.
Badgerman: Hatespawn sounds like a Todd Macfarlane title
FancyShark: A spinoff, possibly from a line trying to tackle The Issues
I got you Rachel for Christmas: That would explain the incellery
Floygwai: Goddammit I didn't want to think about the Violator more than once this week but here we are again
Brendan: Loki is just the recruiter for someone bigger?
gellaho: A fun prank sword
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Look, if you havent gotten rejected by your local rulers racist daughter and burned down the court, you arent really ready for Advanced Wizarding.
Badgerman: "How far would you go to win the woman of your dreams? Would you kill a giant? Would you kill another person after that even though you were really tired? Even if that person was the woman you loved who really hated you and was also a racist? Women, amirite? Hi, I'm Todd Macfarlane."
I got you Rachel for Christmas: so ... i am ready?
gellaho: Very perceptive
FancyShark: This sounds like the tackiest prop
Floygwai: Helblindi pls; play dee em cee 2
gellaho: Vet-fucking-nam
1000 Space GDCs: Came from the same hot topic as the staff
Brendan: Ten years of wizard training and getting headhunted by gods, and this guy never suspected a greater reality than classmates who tease him and the girl with pretty eyes in 4th period runecasting.
gellaho: Meet Al
Floygwai: Oh, so we haven't even started the book proper yet? That was just some self-insert demidemon nonsense?
Badgerman: Oh my god it's another fucking nerd
FancyShark: Never quote other people's works in your own unless you're prepared for comparisons
1000 Space GDCs: teenagers, right?
Badgerman: He's the only soldier who reads
1000 Space GDCs: definitely the only soldier that calls it excrement
FancyShark: Al Larson vs evil hellspawn. Are we sure this ISN'T Todd MacFarlane?
gellaho: Al gets asked about his book and immediately starts spiraling
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Nam would have been so much more interesting if dragons were involved.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: not enough cuckoldry
Badgerman: I keep thinking she named this guy Al Jolson. Maybe it's because of the isekai elfface later
FancyShark: oh jesus, he's reading about theology to be smart. The Vietcong might have been on the right side
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: You dont belong in the military if a corporal can reduce you to tears.
Floygwai: "I won't allow any smart-asses in this unit, son! Forty push-ups! NO KNEES THIS TIME!"
gellaho: Fisher makes a great point
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I mean
Badgerman: This dude started going on a rant about atheism and when told to stop immediately started crying. So your average r/atheist
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Fuck I hate him already.
Badgerman: More than they were already, anyway
Floygwai: He's speed-running getting his dick punched
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He would definitely "accidentally" catch some friendly fire.
gellaho: So, they go out and immediately everyone else dies
Brendan: I would prefer to read about Odin's revenant berserker legion.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: "Trap" he's talking about Loki
FancyShark: The lesson? Do your damn homework, kids
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I CAN MAKE THAT JOKE
Brendan: "Loosed an oath."; "Bring her on and let her scream!" --Twain
1000 Space GDCs: I'm glad we met those characters
Badgerman: This could have been a buddy cop enemies to friends adventure about a Viet Cong and a US Marine trapped in Norse fantasy land fighting to get home and instead its about bullying nerds
gellaho: There goes Gavin
I got you Rachel for Christmas: "Fucknuggets," specifically
Brendan: Bullying nerds like Nixon and Kissinger is how we ended up in Vietnam.
Badgerman: Yeah, he clutched his gun like a teddy bear, the fucking wimp
gellaho: This is the first (but not the last!) time she infantilizes a soldier. In this book dedicated to soldiers
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Welp. Gavin wont be enriching the sex workers of Saigon anymore.
Brendan: Honestly, Al, 60,000 Americans died and you're not one of them.
Badgerman: We refuse to recognize your contributions to the war. There were none.
FancyShark: Can we follow Gary Larson instead?
Badgerman: Holy shit please
gellaho: And he decides to go out embracing a dead mythology he barely read about
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Thats like 30 9\11s!
Badgerman: And that's terrible.
1000 Space GDCs: Al died, accomplishing nothing
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: You picked Freyr? DORK!
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I would've gone with Chrom myself
Floygwai: Oh contraire, mon Freyr
gellaho: And turned into an elf
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Mighty Thor at least you imperialist cuck.
Badgerman: He really is the guy that just goes into the old religions to be hip and different
FancyShark: This would rule if it turned out a different religion was the right one and they heard Larson pull this shit
Badgerman: Namedropping the Vulcans is a hard confirm on the dorkery
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Zoroaster gave him pointy ears as a prank
FancyShark: "Wait! Vulcan! That's who I should have prayed to!"
gellaho: Freyr is very helpful
Badgerman: Speaking in my professional capacity as a dork
Floygwai: This is the part where it hard-cuts to that football fantasy thing with Tiny Tim in it we saw a few weeks back, right?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahahah hes a knife eared dork now!
Badgerman: Wait, you can just call gods by name and they'll pay attention to you?; Like I can just scream into the night for Hermes to bring me a cheese pizza?
1000 Space GDCs: Calling out to a god means they get to send you on quests
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Freyr hasnt had anyone to talk to aside from his sister for centuries.
gellaho: "And fuck you for asking"
I got you Rachel for Christmas: yeah but Athena does not like being bugged for chess tips
Badgerman: THE WHITE CHRIST
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Call you up Dionysus, he knows how to party.
FancyShark: This author yada yadas at a breakneck pace
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Jesus, famously the only white man in the middle east
gellaho: How video game of you, Miriam
Badgerman: Honestly acknowledging that the White Evangelical Jesus perversion is a thing is a bold fucking move from this book
FancyShark: Miriam, you had a chance to set up a whole mythology and you went with a tutorial quest prompt?
Brendan: My first instinct is to always touch my ears when I wake up in doeskin, a leather I definitely recognize on sight.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: She might as well have had him say "It's dangerous to go alone, take this."
gellaho: He finds a pond, and is very concerned about his hair
Floygwai: Okay good, so now we're in a superflat Minecraft map; wait never mind
Brendan: Ahura Mazda rules as far as sky-dad gods go.
FancyShark: I'm glad he got over the brutal massacre of his whole platoon so quickly
Badgerman: I like his cars
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Anybody but zeus
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: They were assholes anyway.
gellaho: "And I was so swole!"
Floygwai: How could Nick Swardson adapt this story and fuck it up that badly?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: A real king dork would have called out to Ishtar in his hour of need.
gellaho: Oh, no, he definitely didn't
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Which is how I plan to go.
Badgerman: This dork probably put on like half a centimeter of muscle and called it "tone"
gellaho: Dragon time!
Brendan: Classic Freyr: saves your life but refuses to tell you shit. You know what they say. Southern gods are nice but not helpful. Norse gods are helpful but not nice.
FancyShark: "Many painful hours" means "did five pushups a day"
1000 Space GDCs: Being turned into a hot twink elf is causing from confusing feelings in Al
I got you Rachel for Christmas: some people get all the luck
FancyShark: This is very isekai, it has to be said
gellaho: And you'll never guess who he runs into immediately
Badgerman: "Among the trees, I can maneuver. It cannot" is definitely a thought I would have while running from a dragon
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Man he fucked up, he should have rung up Odin. He'd be feasting in Valhalla right now and not wandering around the woods.
FancyShark: "Wealth beyond measure, outlander"
gellaho: Bramin is a master of subtlety
Badgerman: Oh my god please tell me we're building up to a tortured race relations metaphor with this Defiant Ones bullshit
1000 Space GDCs: i know, let's hide from the fire breathing dragon among the firewood
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Spoiler: he escapes the dr-dr-dragon but is cornered by a p-p-pirate ghost
JAVO THE ALMIGHTY: Kind of a weird thing but look at how many times she writes Larson here.
FancyShark: The Dark One is a cop?
gellaho: I think Miriam forgot Al is supposed to be not Olde-timey
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Of course he IMMEDIATELY forgets what the god told him, IE KEEP YOUR FUCKING SWORD.
Badgerman: Nah that's just how dweebs talk
Brendan: Yeah, smart move. You might get sex, death, sex or death, or sex and death.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: You were getting death as it is. You might as well get laid.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: "Halt, idiot! Ye hast been drafted into the war against the dwarves, who have attempted to join the union of guilds, our enemy nation!"
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Honestly no bad options
Brendan: This firebreathing dragon is thwarted by wood.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: And Ishtar has beer.
gellaho: And who is the second person Al runs into in this Norse Fantasyland?
Badgerman: It's just good writing
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I've done it
gellaho: A ninja samurai, of course
FancyShark: White Christ?; oh
Brendan: Or he'd be a zombie with a battle mallet.
Badgerman: Now now, it could be Frank Dux, so you might not be wrong
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: And hes a wizard too.
FancyShark: He found a person that's like a samurai with a sword like a...you know what, fuck it. Samurai
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: This guy went ham on the multiclassing.
1000 Space GDCs: Miriam is basing all the imagery in this book on the figurines on her shelf
gellaho: As you might have guessed, Al immediately panics seeing an Asian man
Brendan: Sorry, I am just now catching up. You scooped me good.
FancyShark: The "party members first meet each other" bit is always awkward
Floygwai: This For Honor expansion is the weirdest one yet
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Pfft this old dork hasnt read the Monster Manual yet.; Of COURSE they dont all spit fire.
gellaho: Seems to get over it pretty quickly though
Badgerman: I like the attempt to delicately describe the Asian man's epicanthic folds right after throwing out the S-word
gellaho: Anyway, exploding ninja stars
FancyShark: DM let each player make their characters with whatever books they owned
Floygwai: Now I'm just picturing this dragon being ridden by Ms. Frizzle
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahaha ninja samurai wizard rules.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hot.
Brendan: No, he threw the sword to Bramin.
gellaho: Miriam doesn't explain this, but apparently Kensei is either his race or profession or something
Floygwai: After he casts a frost spell
gellaho: She just randomly starts calling him "the Kensei"
FancyShark: It's definitely a character class
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahah she made him a sword saint, Miriam is a weeb first class.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Yeah it's a monk archetype i think
Badgerman: Kensei; Galinar
gellaho: Wakka wakka
FancyShark: Can that accent mangle that name? @Brendan , you're in the Bronx, right?
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Brendan rumbles constantly
gellaho: Are you ready for the weirdest way to describe cannibalism?
I got you Rachel for Christmas: pleasured by manflesh is what i call
gellaho: That's how people from the Bronx think
1000 Space GDCs: PLEASURED BY MANFLESH
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Miriam is a Tolkien nerd too. I see you Miriam.
Badgerman: Hahaha the twinkification is moving so quickly
FancyShark: "Pleasured by manflesh" is no-; hahaha, scooped by Rachel
I got you Rachel for Christmas: you know whatz nevermind, i call nothing that
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Ohhhh this is sissy hypnosis porn
Brendan: Yeah, I live in a Bronx accent stronghold and this is making my day. I'm just picturing the guys from the bar "Would yiz radda get called a loser or a lowlife?"
gellaho: Time for the first of endless Vietnam flashbacks!
Badgerman: For the troops!
I got you Rachel for Christmas: @Sigma Science Fox Djonin this bookcage is for you
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: NINJA sissy hypnosis porn, so it genuinely is.
Brendan: Kin-SAY GAY-lin-nah
Floygwai: It is becoming nigh-on impossible to not remove this sentence from its context
Badgerman: Whomst amogus would turn away a ninja sissy in their hour of need
Brendan: geddim a cuppa cawfee
FancyShark: Getting haunted by Nam flashbacks is weird when you spent the whole war reading
gellaho: Oh, no, not Danny!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Lucky him, soon he's going to have a whole NEW brand of PTSD, the kind you get from medieval warfare and dragonfear.
Badgerman: Dragelin, Gaelinar, Bramin, and….; Danny
gellaho: For the troops
FancyShark: So Miriam's gift to the troops is "cliched fantasy fanfic mixed with PTSD triggers"
Brendan: Can't believe they're not eating dragon.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: The Ninja Turtles did take some iteration before they hit on the right vibe.
gellaho: Merlin was famously Asian
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: She watched Ralph Bakshi's Wizards, apparently.
Brendan: His FISTS
Floygwai: Now I'm just picturing an episode of Fixer Upper where they're just rebuilding someone's house except they're building around a guy who got impaled on a wood pole in the center of the room
Brendan: were clenched against SWEAT; which ran like BLOOD
Floygwai: Why am I having a thought like this? I swear, this is the last time I poke my head into book dorks
FancyShark: I assume you're taking copious notes
Brendan: My notes flow copiously in my fists, like blood, which is like sweat
gellaho: Time for the beautiful and perfect white woman to reenter the picture
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "This kindly old Japanese man reminded Al of Merlin, who coincidentally was the Son of the Devil sometimes."
Brendan: It will be amusing to watch your struggles as you try to mentally exit this channel.; You may leave book-dorks but book doorks will never leave you.
gellaho: Hey, Slime
gellaho: I mean, Silme
FancyShark: Larson wants to slime Silme; ugh, dammit, I'll see myself out
Badgerman: Hope Larson doesn't set off the Secret Silme Action
gellaho: I wonder what character Miriam likes the most
Badgerman: Even the author is tired of this nerd
Brendan: More than whaaaaaa wait
Floygwai: 'Just in case you forgot, fuck this guy'
FancyShark: Larson, Virgin of Vietnam will be right back after these messages!
gellaho: Swordlord
Brendan: He's looking at Silme the way Silme tricked her brother into looking at that Princess he murdered.
Badgerman: Swordlword
gellaho: Al can extrapolate this whole world based on the three people he's met
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Wordslord?
Brendan: "Don't necromansplain me, bub" sneered Silme.
FancyShark: DM: "Swordlord isn't a class, Larson"; Larson: "Shut up! Yes it is! It's a fighter but he's really good with swords!"; Gaelinar: "That's a Kensei"; Larson: "Shuh up, Gaelin! It's totally different!"
Floygwai: Slowdorrd
gellaho: You just don't understand how perfect Miria-Silme is
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Slorddorw?
Brendan: Most of the dancers I know shift their eyes in the manner of a deer, actually.
FancyShark: Stop throwing singles in the deer enclosure
Floygwai: Oh no she's on crack
gellaho: Larson catches on quick
Badgerman: Deeriam
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Drinking at the zoo is a privilege and not a right.
FancyShark: Lucky he was reading a book on Norse mythology before this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Miriam all this was implied already, you could have just skipped it.
gellaho: Yeah, sure, take in the random dude
1000 Space GDCs: Yeah this book has a lot of overexplaining
Badgerman: "Shame on you, lady"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: This run of anti elf racism is confusing when this book is plenty racist at like regular humans.
FancyShark: Do you think this is what Miriam tells to her patients to distract them when she needs to give them shots?
gellaho: Seems like a lot of work
gellaho: Telling children all about the horrors of Vietnam
FancyShark: Spell marring is verboten
Brendan: Well that at least explains why he's here.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: If you cant whisper while someone is casting a spell they arent a good wizard.
gellaho: Have you, like, ever thought about, like, evil, man?
FancyShark: "The whole platoon was blown to hell, their bodies falling like meaty snow. Aaaaand we're done! You were so brave!"
Brendan: Silme is the ONLY person in this universe who likes elves.
Badgerman: I know it's the Vietnam war but pulling a quote from Under Western Eyes about what dicks people are feels lazy; Like, even for most popular understanding of the Vietnam war
Floygwai: Did Dracula from the opening of Symphony of the Night write this book?
FancyShark: I'm sure people being evil is the only takeaway you could have from Joseph Conrad, Miriam
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Heres a sucker and a sticker, do you want this one depicting the My Lai massacre or the Cambodian bombings?
gellaho: Anyway, Larson leaves in the morning
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah I would too? These two are nuts.
gellaho: Which is largely pointless storywise because he will immediately run into
Brendan: Full Metal Jacket came out and she was like "No, NO! I did Conrad Vietnam first! But my Congolese were elves, you thief!"
FancyShark: Kubrick looked at her letters and thought "Man, this lady's weird"
Badgerman: "He suffixed his threat with a single coarse syllable" is such a dogshit sentence that I almost appreciate it
gellaho: Al heroically plays dead
Badgerman: The American hero!
Brendan: Bramin hates this guy because they met once and he immediately gave him the all-powerful artifact he desired.; You know in many ways American strategy in south vietnam "played dead" when faced with the necromancy of Fabian strateg--hey, come back
gellaho: For all of the brave men who fought in Vietnam
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Bramin doesnt know Protection from Normal Missiles.; Loser.
1000 Space GDCs: hazing was rougher than i thought
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: No wonder he has to have a sword.
Badgerman: This man literally just exists to be humiliated in front of Deeriam
gellaho: Light elves are leprechauns
Brendan: An intense vomiting unseen since yesterday when he did that.
Badgerman: Faery
FancyShark: Larson, Vomiting Virgin of Vietnam will be back after this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Vomiting and weeping.
Brendan: Hahaha, imagine a guy heaving his guts out after your brother kicks his ass, and when you try to soothe his feelings, he hits on you and gives you a watery loser smile.; Like not even a brave smile, a self-satisfied smirk.
gellaho: Ignore that Bramin is still alive and was taught by our finest wizards
1000 Space GDCs: He's still got bits of his last MRE on his lips
FancyShark: Forget Vietnam. I'm getting high school flashbacks
Badgerman: Love when our racial pogroms are justified by lore
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Dark Elves sense of humor? Dennis Miller jokes.
gellaho: ELVES ARE MURDERED ON SIGHT. Or just whispered about.
1000 Space GDCs: That tracks
Badgerman: Yeah, shit, she's driving at a race relations moral. Batten down the hatches, y'all
FancyShark: Did Miriam write the Elder Scrolls?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Man's............SOMBER.......nature?; Somber?
Brendan: I dunno, I'm starting to believe dark elves are genetically predisposed to cruel viol--WAAAAIT A SECOND WHY IS THIS CHARACTER NAMED SER RICKARD THE MAN OF SHERM
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: What?; Miriam.........; What?
1000 Space GDCs: Welcome to midgard, here's how we justify our racism
Badgerman: For the troops!
FancyShark: Wednesdays are garbage day
gellaho: "For some reason, none of the other wizards can be bothered to try to stop the end of the world"
1000 Space GDCs: "By which i mean we throw trash at people who are different."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Um........Slime I think you might be misrepresenting why your brother hates you?
FancyShark: You'd think being named "The Evil One" would deter people, but there are a lot of edgelords out there
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Just a bit.
Badgerman: Gotta leave a world saving quest lying around at some point, it's something to keep all the average white guys occupied
gellaho: Silme went full defense
I got you Rachel for Christmas: "It's ironic, normie"
Brendan: Glossing over her own role here.
Badgerman: If you protected his victims so good they wouldn't be victims, now would they
gellaho: MEANWHILE: In the fart swamp
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Um..........Slime........if you went full defense.........how are you gonna like.......do anything else? This seems tactically unsound.
1000 Space GDCs: Does this book have an appendix that explains the wizard ranks? Seems like it would
Brendan: Yeah this is absolutely a novelization of a D&D quest.
FancyShark: Miriam wrote Terry Gilliam and yelled "I MADE THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH, DAMMIT"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hvergelmir makes a wicked burger.
gellaho: Another woman for Bramin!
Badgerman: I have intentionally given you the warded sword. As a joke.
Brendan: This is like when the screenwriter-turned-prose-author keeps the soundtrack
1000 Space GDCs: We've cracked the code; This book is solved.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hmm.........Hel is half hot. The other half tho.........
FancyShark: The best part of being a lord is racking men. Thank you, Miriam
Badgerman: I could do that too if I tried, lords ain't special
Brendan: More importantly, he could bring back Helfijiaj and make her love him at last.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Maybe if it were a top half \ bottom half situation and they could alternate, it would be better. Hold out for Jormungandr.
1000 Space GDCs: How many daughters is this guy going to get offered before he wises up?
gellaho: Later on, the infantilization of Larson continues
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Or Fenris? Selling out everyone but you get a doggo is a great deal.
FancyShark: He's still got her body. It's wrapped in a tarp in the back of a broom closet with some old winter coats
1000 Space GDCs: Also I am very confused about Bramin's motivations beyond edgelordery
Badgerman: He cried so hard that he accidentally entered Slime in a wet T-shirt contest
gellaho: The crying goes on
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Everyone is racist so fuck them" seems to be the whole of it.
Brendan: Cried so many tears this PTSD just became a wet-tunic contest
gellaho: And on
Brendan: GODDAMMIT
gellaho
gellaho: And on
Brendan: FREYR KILL BADGER AND SAVE MY HONOR I BESEECH THEE
Badgerman: "I'm sorry, let me pull myself together"; bawls harder and harder
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah dont tell her about that hamlet you burned.
gellaho: Until he is literally in the fetal position
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Keep that one under your hat my guy.
Badgerman: Wait holy shit i was busy typing that as a joke that's what happens???
1000 Space GDCs: She is a woman in a badly written fantasy novel, she definitely knows about those things
gellaho: Very respectful towards the troops
Badgerman: Hahaha fuck this book
Brendan: Ladies, does your veteran husband suffer terrifying mood swings? It might be male depression often expresses as mistargeted anger, or you MIGHT not be loving him hard enough to fix him.
FancyShark: Miriam's gift to the troops is a catalogue of their sins
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I mean Henry Kissinger exists my guy. Dont say there are no villains.
gellaho: Then mommy puts baby to sleep
FancyShark: GODSLAYER!
Badgerman: Don't say he opened his mouth as he fell into bliss, Miriam.; Just don't.
Brendan: if only this world had a gun he could wave around until she understood the power and security it gave him.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: This is why you dont get help from Freyr. You get a shattered goober who can barely get out of bed without weeping.
gellaho: Only erections can stop the flashbacks
FancyShark: Larson mercifully died before cell phones could let him drunk dial exes
Badgerman: Oh, I guess that is exactly what she was trying to imply. Carry on then
Brendan: They fear him because he's a Zentraedi instead of because he's the dick they suspect him of being.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: No cell phones in Norse Narnia. taps head
FancyShark: That giant's family still doesn't know where he is
gellaho: Weird detail to include about the patronizing, Miriam
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Maybe, just possibly, the literal GOD was busy with something else?
gellaho: Ooh, here comes the worst part!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Like........Slime, hes an Aesir, they arent that powerful.
gellaho: So, I think Miriam wanted this to be the heroic moment where Larson stops a rape
gellaho: But she goes to great lengths to undercut that
I got you Rachel for Christmas: oh god no
1000 Space GDCs: Ooh, this is going to be some rough chuckles
I got you Rachel for Christmas: freyr save me from this next scene
Brendan: Give it up honey, he doesn't love you anymore.
gellaho: Larson couldn't stand for rape, except for the times he did
FancyShark: Truly a born hero
Brendan: See, he's not a rapist, he's just a rape accomplice.
gellaho
I got you Rachel for Christmas: i mean points for accuracy i guess??
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Congrats Larson, you're both a pussy AND immoral.
Brendan: If I was in an impossible situation like that, I would throw myself between my squad and their victim and begin crying hysterically.
gellaho: So, anyway they go to stop the attempted sexual assault
Brendan: No man wants to attack a woman soaked in the tears of an elf-man.; That's just atrocity-science.
gellaho: A truly bizarre detail to include
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Thank you for defending our freedom by raping all those Vietnamese women, Vietnam vets!" - Dr. Miriam.
FancyShark: The protagonist of Evangelion thinks Larson is a spastic creep
gellaho: And Miriam instantly forgets he was a soldier
1000 Space GDCs: Brave Al Larson, read theology and feeling bad about it while his squadmates did war crimes
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Its great that the hero of this story isnt the cool Asian ninja wizard.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Katanas are just better at cleaving necks than european swords
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Otherwise I might not be able to relate.
gellaho: Larson's been in the shit for months, but doesn't know if he can kill a man; Miriam is great at this
Brendan: While simultaneously wishing his squad was more like the vikings.; The Vikings who turned Ireland's hair red.; Like the Vikings are why I found out I'm a liiiiittle bit danish last year.
Badgerman: I'm gonna go take some acetametophin and if anyone asks it's because of the headache, not because of this book. Lordy Lordy
gellaho: Flashback again!
1000 Space GDCs: I feel like every character loses their train of thought after the paragraph ends
FancyShark: Larson liked the man who could get them all killed
Brendan: Careful, I hear that stuff agitates your stomach. You don't want to projectile vomit before the woman you love arrives to see it.
Badgerman: Don't have one of those so I should be Gucci; Then again neither does Larson
FancyShark: Stomachs? That's rough
Brendan: My condolences on learning in the book of life, you are Bramin.
gellaho: Miriam honors the soldiers by having them take potshots at an old woman for no reason
1000 Space GDCs: Brent Hamill's little brother wants to be an actor
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah this is how youre supposed to do sword fights. Have your main POV character black out and remember shit about Vietnam while it all happens.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Imagine how much better star wars would be
gellaho: For some reason, the newbie trying to stop this causes the newbie to kill the old woman
Brendan: I do like that she has made both her hero and villain utter klutzes who would be so much more mentally stable if someone threw them a pity-lay.
FancyShark: Larson: Vicarious Veteran and Vomiting Virgin of Vietnam will be back after this
Brendan: She's defying tropes.
Badgerman: I wear it a little better on account of not having my head up my ass. Downside: I'm also not a wizard. It's a trade off
gellaho: And then himself
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahaha fuck you Larson you suck.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Well, he killed a person who killed an innocent old lady, so that's heroism, right?
Badgerman: There should've been a hero moment where Al heroically shoots the trigger of the punk's gun and sets it off before he can kill himself so he can still claim that kill
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hes right up there with the guy who killed Hitler.
Brendan: If you kill Hamill before she dies it's heroism. If you kill Hamill after, it's vengeance.
gellaho: So, if you were wondering, Miriam's book dedicated to the troops has the troops either (a) be monsters or (b) be quivering piles of piss
FancyShark: Learned that from Frank Castle!
gellaho: May they find an uncondemning world
Badgerman: And it's only justice if you wear a badge!
gellaho: So, anyway, they saved the kid
1000 Space GDCs: "Because I'm going to condemn the shit out of them."
Badgerman: "It's okay kiddo, YOUR UNCLE IS DEAD"
I got you Rachel for Christmas: a thick honey coloured liquid(it's honey)
gellaho: If you are wondering, the kid gets over the murder and attempted rape pretty quick
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Miriams sources for this book were: 1 viewing of Platoon, 1 viewing of Full Metal Jacket, and 1 viewing of Apocalypse Now.
FancyShark: Snake oil salesmen, the most sympathetic people of all
Badgerman: No it's not!! It's Crullian's Marvelous Cure 😤; (Crullian's Marvelous Cure is honey)
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Or bad mead.
gellaho: Time for some gags!
I got you Rachel for Christmas: oh yeah, you just shrug off a rape, no one gets ptsd from those
Brendan: This book just added a Luke Skywalker to its clumsy Han Solo.
FancyShark: It's like a beesting
gellaho: Whatever you say, Brendor
I got you Rachel for Christmas: He's a retromancer!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: And hes got a deep seated fear of beards.
Badgerman: More like Puke Elfbender
1000 Space GDCs: She's describing this kid like Robert E Howard would.
FancyShark: Fuck yes on the new name, @Brendan
Brendan: This tracks. I can't get a good shave either.
gellaho: Miriam has a great control of tone
FancyShark: Holy shit, this is a dark Gillette commercial
Badgerman: Isn't there a whole saving the world thing we need to be attending to
FancyShark: No! Beards and Nam flashbacks!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: This kid is played by Ernie Reyes Jr.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: if you get tonal whiplash from this novel, you may be entitled to compensation
1000 Space GDCs: Look, this kid has been through some shit, he's in a bad place right now
gellaho: So, they burn the rapists and then Larson goofily struggles to shave
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Compensation means a 16 month wait at the V.A. hospital
FancyShark: Yeah, this book!; Ohohohohoho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: This kid could make a FUCKING FORTUNE as a barber tho.
Brendan: By way of explanation, his uncle was actually the Evil Uncle and molesting him as a metaphor for U.S. involvement in outer reaches of what was then called French Indochina. Hi, it's me, Gaelinar Jordan Peterssen, Elflord of Benzo.
Badgerman: With complimentary mold for all your open wounds!; For the troops!
Brendan: We all deal with grief in our own SHAVE!
Badgerman: He shouts shave like Furst thinks shouting sleep will hypnosis-shock someone into bed
Brendan: What class of D&D character is lawyer?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: My face hair sprouting is how I deal with trauma and sadness. Its why I never feel sad.
FancyShark: Bard/thief prestige class
gellaho: That night, Freyr decides to give some information
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Personally I'm a sorcadin with ranks in profession (barrister)
Badgerman: "Is it my mission to stop Wagnawok mommy 🥺 "; "Fuck if I know dude"
FancyShark: "Ragnarok? You? Hahahaha, fuck I hope not"
1000 Space GDCs: I go in intending to do magic user but always end up being a stealth archer
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Freyr sucks
gellaho: The next morning, Bramin's skillful followers attempt to enter the camp
Brendan: This book gets so much better if you picture him Dennis Hoppering a disinterested dragonclaw sorceress all book.; Just Adult Baby Al.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Signs are indistict. You either have to prevent Ragnarok or fuck my sister. That might be her just throwing vibes out tho."
gellaho
FancyShark: All the gripping and clasping imagery is trying to communicate something. But what?
1000 Space GDCs: oh, he's doing a chapter naming bit
FancyShark: Dammit, spoiler, Ezekiel!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I mean stabbing your brother with a sword seems fine to me.
1000 Space GDCs: that's an original concept in a fantasy novel
Brendan: This book sure picks some weighty epigraphs for "I got burned trying to sneak into my half-sister's bedroom."
gellaho: "One of them turned evil, but ignore that"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: ol Zeke seems to put it like its a BAD thing!
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I'd kill my brother, but this isn't exactly catcher in the rye
Badgerman: Never forget what Miriam stole from us.
FancyShark: Next chapter is "What are you doing, Step-Elf?"
I got you Rachel for Christmas: It's too compelling a read, for one thing
1000 Space GDCs: She raised you by sending you to wizard school for 11 months a year, remember?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Hahahaha no, I lied to you to get you to stop talking. I lie to children. WIZARD!"
FancyShark: I'm getting so many great quotes from you all tonight
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: CATCHER IN THE RYE BURN!
I got you Rachel for Christmas: "Me too, but I subscribe to Kantian ethics which me-SHAVE!"
gellaho: Dreaming big
Brendan: This time sure loved "Precocious brat" characters.; Best thing BSG ever did was bring back that type just so we could see he would never again factor in.
Brendan: This guy has zero idea what a horse costs.; "I'll give you...uh...three gold chests?"
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Can't buy a mount til level 40 dude
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: If someone doesnt come back with a giant lizard they are wasting their fucking time.
Brendan: "Three?? Buddy, this horse is way better in bed than half a princess. I'm gonna need a parcel of land minimum."
gellaho: At the bar afterwards, Larson learned nothing
Badgerman: Poor guy has the cilantro soap gene
I got you Rachel for Christmas: you know when a movie has a comic relief character, but he just fills you with contempt?
Brendan: Technically gallium oxide is a salt.
FancyShark: Larson: Vacillating Vendor, Vicarious Veteran and Vomiting Virgin of Vietnam will return after this commercial break for SHAVE!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: You should beat that kids ass for wasting cheese.; Its medieval times so its perfectly legal.
FancyShark: That gets you the chair in the Midwest
1000 Space GDCs: also, what did you shave with that gave you scabs?
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Like Dobby?
FancyShark: Saw
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Katana, cause it's so sharp
Badgerman: Bayonet
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Sub Basement Elf Dobby.
1000 Space GDCs: he's going to have flashbacks to his attempt to shave
FancyShark: Larson has definitely tasted poison
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Well i didn't need to know his sexual proclivities bu-SHAVE!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Shaving is a whole different one.; This kid is like the shape shifter from Krull but not funny.
Badgerman: When is Bramin gonna show up and get dumped again
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Or useful.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: He is exactly like the shapeshifter from krull, you're right.
gellaho: Bramin's followers steal Larson's sword because he decided Brendor could look after it while he got in a bar fight. Then the idiots fall for a very stupid ploy
FancyShark: "Fool" is the name of a summoned god?
Badgerman: No no no, it's okay, it's not actually a child, it's a thousand year old Dragonrank that just looks like a chiSHAVE!!
gellaho: Sudden hair is a reason to run into a sword, sure
Brendan: If you need to wash your heart of all this, here's a veteran having a good day: https://imgur.com/gallery/IDltsg0
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: At least Ergo the Magnificent could turn into a tiger and fuck up some Slayers.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I can relate, my facial hair makes me want to self harm too; ...too dark?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Nah.
Brendan: In THIS economy?
Badgerman: No darker than my earlier bit with the child thing
Brendan: Hurting oneself is the least dark topic we've broached tonight.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I prefer to think of it as "energy efficient jokes"
FancyShark: Nah, I have hairs like that too
Badgerman: SHAVE!!
gellaho: Time for a sword lesson. Turns out Larson's sword is alive
Brendan: Come, Rachel, let me guide you back to this land of Calibans and rape-wizards.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Well sometimes when the dysphoria is really bad i get the urgSHAVE!
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Thank you for the spell of comfort, Brendor
Badgerman: "I'm so sorry Kensei this usually never happens to me"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: AWARW: All Wizards Are Rape Wizards.
FancyShark: We could have had a snarky talking sword this whole time and we got Larson?
Badgerman: Never forget what Miriam stole from us 😤
1000 Space GDCs: Larson reacted badly to the sword's gentle caress
gellaho: Gaelinar decides to wait until after the long sword practice to reveal Silme's family was butchered
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: It's too bad using a katana is totally different than using a long sword and it doesnt really transfer.
1000 Space GDCs: I wonder if he'll ever correct them about his name
Badgerman: God. A Marine and a VC constantly bitching each other out, the mage who has to keep them both in line, and the sassy talking sword they all have to trade using is like. The perfect adventuring quest party; I'm so mad now. I might have to write this book
I got you Rachel for Christmas: May I suggest a title?
Badgerman: Fuck you, Miriam, your book was so bad it gave me a purpose in life.; Go for it!
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Clownpocalypse!
gellaho: And now: a penis review
Badgerman: A vast improvement over what he'd been issued as a human
1000 Space GDCs: one standard issue human hog
I got you Rachel for Christmas: boooo miriam you coward
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah but tell us about the hog, Miriam. Details, woman. Details. You cant be a writer if your characters dick is just "Standard in every way."
I got you Rachel for Christmas: give us weird elf dicks; A penis bone or something at least
FancyShark: The dick also has pointed ears
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Nobody wants to read about guys with regular ass normal dicks.
1000 Space GDCs: make 'em non-euclidean
Badgerman: Slender and graceful, with long earlobes; Yes, even down there
1000 Space GDCs: 5D elf hog
Badgerman: Gives your partner something to hang onto
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Technically a dick is already non-Euclidean since its curved.
gellaho: Larson is allowed a sentence of relief
I got you Rachel for Christmas: his human standard penis has RUINED this book for poor @Sigma Science Fox Djonin
Badgerman: Jesus Christ, Miriam.
FancyShark: Larson must've run out of children's funerals to remember
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Oh my guy. No, of course your mother doesnt know yet. Its probably not been long enough to have told her.
gellaho: And now: more crying
1000 Space GDCs: this is norse narnia, time moves differently.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also if your corpse wasnt recovered she could hold out hope for decades that you were just captured.
FancyShark: Soldier shows up at her house, hat in hand. He delivers the terrible news.; "Mrs. Larson? I'm afraid your son is an elf."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: No closure for Mrs. Larson.
gellaho: Hey, Miriam, weird
I got you Rachel for Christmas: what the fuck
Badgerman: She donates regularly to the Isekaied Warriors Fund forever after
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: You know........Im not opposed to men crying in general but.......maybe just quit this quest shit if you're that fragile you cant go a day without crying, Larson.
gellaho: Hey, Miriam? Weirder
FancyShark: I WAS JOKING!
I got you Rachel for Christmas: wow i thought i had a low opinion of men but miriam makes me look like male chauvinist
Sigma Science Fox Djonin: hey guys whats goin; WHAT
1000 Space GDCs: the doeskin breeches did nothing to conceal his standard issue human erection
Badgerman: Oh so NOW you're throwing out the actual Norse poetry.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: YEAH MIGHTY WHOREDOMS! NOW WERE GETTING STARTED!
gellaho: You, too, Brian
gellaho: A blind seer? Well, now I've heard everything
Badgerman: Seer? I hardly knee 'er!
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I love how she subverts all these fantasy expectations
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Just once I'd like to see a seer who has like normal vision.
Brendan: Miriam grew up with a post-Victorian view of men as lusty werewolves in the proximity of women. Also willing cannibals.
gellaho: Time for some cataract bargaining
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I mean even if the seer just has glasses, that would be fine.
Brendan: "Sorry you're heartbroken. I'll put this erection away but I VOW THIS DAY to complete its quest."
Badgerman: Blind seer but with a Georgi LaForge hairband across their eyes
Brendan: I was doing laundry after the whole self-harm thing. What's she sad about?
1000 Space GDCs
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: SLimes whole family got dead.
gellaho: Miriam really doesn't want to get this old woman an ophthalmological wizard
gellaho: Excuse me, Slime; Excuse me, Silme
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahah this fantasy kingdom is definitely in the US, this blind seer doesnt have insurance.
Badgerman: Jesus, Slime, she's just asking for a referral
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "You see eye wizards arent on your health plan, you'll have to go out of network."
1000 Space GDCs: yeah, we don't cover optomancers.
Badgerman: Just tell her to go see Sir Neo of Sporin
gellaho: Larson's mind is as open as it is twisty
gellaho
Badgerman: Jesus, even elf brains are better than everyone else's; Fucking elves, man
gellaho: And they learn nothing they didn't already know
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Have you tried rubbing the juice of a lamb liver mixed with some dog shit on your eyeballs? Over the counter medicine is cheaper than a wizard."
1000 Space GDCs: elf brains sound like an antique radio
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Larson, tell me. What does your elf brain think?"
Badgerman: Throwing a sword into a spring from the top of a tree sounds difficult so be sure to invoke the magic word as you do so: "Kobe"
gellaho: They leave and look who stopped by
Brendan: Nobody told Al he has no chance with Silme because she's seen firsthand how helf-breeds get treated, right?
Badgerman: It's fine, he's passing
FancyShark: He knows he's one good sob away from third base
Badgerman: …Okay, that one felt a smidge too dark
gellaho: Well, I guess the surgery isn't happening
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Just the ones that are too dark skinned tho.; SAVINGS! This is why you get your eye wizardry first THEN do augury.
Brendan: My college roommate has told me some stories about girls thinking they're being nice, like "Oh, you're great, I just don't Black guys." That's a thing that's happened to him on more than one freak occasion!
gellaho: Meanwhile: Al is sad
Brendan: "You'd be a good boyfriend, but as a rule, I racism."
Badgerman: Film at 11
Brendan: Can't believe this selfish wizard trying to save the world amidst her family's extermination by her brother can't spare a smile for him.
FancyShark: She's avoiding you? Is it all the crying?
1000 Space GDCs: the puking?
Brendan: I like watching Al follow Bram's journey
FancyShark: The puking and the crying?
gellaho: It's going great for Al
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Maybe its the fact she knows fuck all about you?
Badgerman: I feel like Miriam is working out some personal issues in this text
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Women love when a guy goes to pieces emotionally at the slightest sign of displeasure, so it cant be because youre a jellyfish, Larson.
FancyShark: If there's one thing we know Larson can do, it's hurl
gellaho: At least he has a new sword friend
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: `How does he STILL not understand what hes supposed to do?! Freyr was pretty clear!
1000 Space GDCs: "If you can read my mind, why do you still get my name wrong?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Hey I noticed you cry alot? You're starting to rust me."
gellaho: Vidarr has footwear issues
FancyShark: I am Vidarr, the silent go- wait, dammit
Badgerman: Vidarr passes the Barbarian Fashion Check
gellaho: Miriam continues to understand straight men
Brendan: Especially when he has war trauma and is holding a magic sword that kills you if you try to take it from him.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: His metal shoe is magic. Its made for stomping, I think?
Brendan: Look, if you can't recognize the beauty of genderfluid Loki, throw out your Bowie albums.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Vidarr is one of the Aesir whos like a back bencher so I dont remember him much.
Badgerman: I think even among straight guys Loki is considered fair game
gellaho: Yes, Vidarr is who I think of when I hear Odin's son
I got you Rachel for Christmas: i don't know, he's very similar to the straight guys you see on grindr
gellaho: Hard to throw away something you don't have
Badgerman: That's not… being fickle, that's just disliking you personally
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah I mean Loki can turn into stuff, so if you arent pleased with the bussy he can do something else for you. He can do horse or something if thats your speed.; Or giant.; Or giant horse.; Or bird.; Lots of stuff.
Badgerman: I bet Zeus and Loki would have gotten along like a house on fire
gellaho: Vidarr goes on a quest to satisfy his curiosity of what Loki is talking about; Vidarr is very stupid
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Probably "woman"? If you wanna be boring and not be like:
FancyShark: Says here "Vidar" can also mean "wide ruler". So now the sword will be played by a gimmicky tape measure
Badgerman: The lightsaber of swords
gellaho: Vidarr is immensely unhelpful
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Lol no wonder Slime cant hear Vidarr anymore, he got got by Loki.
Badgerman: Gods are always in the last place you look
gellaho: So then there's a long description of Ragnarök with and without Vidarr being present
FancyShark: Mental exchange must not include spoken communication
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Fuck you Miriam did you just imply the Norse had psychic powers?
I got you Rachel for Christmas: "You and your people are a huge liability. Less than useless."
gellaho: You'll never guess what that triggers
FancyShark: Like a piece of toast or a tree stump
Badgerman: The Norse Noosphere, or Noorsphere, if you will
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Beholdeth, yon Kia Sorento!
gellaho: Fun
Badgerman: Or a dog's butt
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "I told Freyr to bring me one of those Vietnamese guys, at least they have enough stones to not cry when they stand up too quickly."
1000 Space GDCs: oh good, some levity
Badgerman: Fuck them kids.; - Al Larsen
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Finally, an end to fucking Brendor.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Poor Brendor, he really was the SHAVE! of us."
Brendan: Mental exchange.
gellaho: It's time to play the expression game. Try replicating what Silme is doing here
Badgerman: Clown to clown communication
FancyShark: Ouch
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Well........thats...........Miriam did you intend like a "bite your thumb" thing there or.......; Miriam I hope you're a better doctor than storyteller.
gellaho: Miriam really understands men
gellaho
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Well, she is a real pediatrician, but this chapter is actually named after her, so...
Badgerman: Slime I love you!; But we only have 48 hours to save the earth!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah thats man talk. "My sword I........ SLIME I LOVE YOU!"
gellaho: Silme goes through all the emotions
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Ahhh, takes you back to your first tube of Gak, huh?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I snorted like a piggy.
FancyShark: Are we supposed to see a parallel with how the bad guy was treated by the princess? Because if not, you done fucked up, Miriam
gellaho: Luckily, his sword is her god so he's got an in
Badgerman: Miriam, you could have just written a harlequin romance. What the fuck is this
I got you Rachel for Christmas: sadly even their standards are too high for her
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Miriam couldnt make a glass of water wet.
gellaho: She currently is
FancyShark: I hope the sword has giant googly eyes so we know it's alive
gellaho: Ladies love panicked babbling
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yes I also interpret "pinched looking" as an affectionate expression and not one of tension.
Brendan: I dunno, 90% of what Al likes about Silme is her breasts, so she seems to give men a lot of credit.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Wait......SLIME YOU WHAT HIM?! WHY!?
Badgerman: Ah, that explains it. She's attracted to stupid men.
gellaho: You can't tell me there's a better romance than two people hugging each other while crying twice
1000 Space GDCs: the guy playing larson rolled a natural 20 on a charisma check
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Yup, that's how women work. Keep making passes at us and eventually you'll roll a natural 20
FancyShark: "Loved you since the day we met" is a line that only ever makes sense when the alternatives are horrible and graphic
I got you Rachel for Christmas: God damn it scooped
gellaho: The classic 'Nam-flashback-breasthold/butchered-family-cryfest romance
1000 Space GDCs: Wait were you even here when we concluded she was novelizing a dnd campaign?
Badgerman: Can we just throw the stupid god sword in the spring already, Miriam? Please?
gellaho: Wah, wah
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I think i saw the tail end of it, or some allusions
gellaho: This conversation gets really weird really fast
gellaho
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Larson stop stroking
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "You see, as we both know, Elves are selfish lovers and dont reciprocate oral sex. If I dont get my cummies I cant do magic."
Badgerman: Jesus Christ, somebody called the half breed thing
gellaho: You think that's bad
1000 Space GDCs: He doesn't want kids, lady, he just wants to bone down
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Oh.......well Slime you see I have this um.......magical method of birth control. Do you have any sheep you dont need?"
Badgerman: Oh no.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Yeah racism exists so mixed race people are evil i guess
1000 Space GDCs: Gotta try out these new average genitals
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Exactly normal genitals for a human man.
gellaho: So, I'm not really sure what's going on. Larson tells himself not to be prejudiced and then immediately goes for the slur
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: For all he knows he nuts tree sap.
gellaho: So I think Miriam must have had a stroke writing that
Badgerman: Holy shit.; Good fucking god.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Gaelinar is a goo-SHAVE!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Or, and hear me out, we can do butt stuff."
1000 Space GDCs: If you want to write problematic fantasy, you need to come up with your own slurs. that's basic stuff
gellaho: This is still the love confession by the way
I got you Rachel for Christmas: (Gaelinar is a good guy, is what I was going to say)
1000 Space GDCs: Gaelinar seems like he has to deal with a lot of shit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Damn bringing Vidarr into it brought her around quickly.
Badgerman: I like Gaelinar but I'm glad he's not the protagonist or I wouldn't be able to relate this story; (That's for the troops)
gellaho: And once they accept their love, they do what anyone would do. Have a long hug
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Want to seduce a lady? Invoke her god.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Maybe soon they will work up to Mormon second base "Hand holding".
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I'm very receptive to protestations of devotion to Satan
gellaho: This is how men think, sure
FancyShark: Larson: Virulent Bigot, Vapid/Vanilla Victimizer, Vacillating Vendor, Vicarious Veteran and Vomiting Virgin of Vietnam does not reflect any of the beliefs or opinions of this channel
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Badgerman: Not to drag us into the swamp but can we go back to the sissy hypnosis ninjaficafion part of the book?
gellaho: This kiss naturally leads to a dead dad flashback
I got you Rachel for Christmas: What an incredibly unsexy way to describe making out.; This is why she couldn't get accepted by harlequin.
FancyShark: Wow. That kiss must've been terrible
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Just poking at her molars with his tongue.; Thinking about his dead dad.
1000 Space GDCs: This bit with an Asian-coded swordsman and a lady magician actually predates wheel of time, I was shocked to learn.
Badgerman: COUNTING MOLARS WITH HIS TONGUE UHHHHH
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: All of this happening in the woods.
gellaho: And how his brother hates him for enlisting
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Bring it on, miriam, give me all the dead dads you got
FancyShark: I'm saving this to confuse the shit out of Future Me
Badgerman: Okay, in my reimagining Vidarr the sword is voiced by Scott
gellaho: Just a lot of fun all over
1000 Space GDCs: "glamor of espionage?" you're going to nam, not MI6.
Badgerman: You can sure subject this audience to the consequences of flashback
gellaho: Forget that, time to adopt Brendor
I got you Rachel for Christmas: When he comes back out of the flashback he realizes he's gutted silme like a VC
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I mean volunteering to enlist is the second best idea, if you volunteer you can choose where to deploy. Lot of guys spent the war in Korea behind a desk.; But yeah guy you kind of must have since you volunteered and went to Vietnam.
Brendan: This guy's been in Narnia, what, a week?
gellaho: And, you know what? What about another hug
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Adopt brendor? Even you can do better, Lars-SHAVE!
Brendan: He's like that girl who spends spring break in Ibiza and comes back with a catalan lisp.
Badgerman: MAY THEY FIND AN UNCONDEMNING WORLD
gellaho: Well, at least the sword can prevent his flashbacks now
FancyShark: This tells me Miriam has dated a lot of flaccid men
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah Brendor is sure going to endanger himself with his magic that grows hair and turns things into soap.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Gee i wonder why
FancyShark: "Chocolate-stained child"? He's flashing back to a bake sale?
Brendan: Doesn't he psychically fling straight razors?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Larson should be grateful he died before he could learn what happens in Cambodia over the next couple years.
gellaho: After pledging to raise Brendor, they immediately leave him with a blacksmith in some town
Badgerman: "Your parents sold you to protect you 👁️👄👁️"
FancyShark: "I will never leave you, my child! Except right now until you're an adult. WIZARD!"
gellaho: Now they are going to an oracle. Larson has a bad dream about that
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Pfft Sigurdhr doesnt date much if he thinks axes or horseshoes dont do it for ladies.
Badgerman: Larson has bad dreams about putting his underwear on in the morning
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I love a good axe
gellaho: That dream goes right into a flashback
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Axes, horseshoes, and cheese. Thats the best way to get a lady to like you.
1000 Space GDCs: They've obviously never been to a bachelorette party at a winery.
Badgerman: Dear fucking god, this writer has one trick.
Brendan: Hunh. Today I learned people were saying yo that far back.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Woah woah woah
Brendan: Brendor Palpatine? no, no...Brendor SKYWALKER
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Larsson has friends?
gellaho: This time he gets to actually experience his own death
gellaho
1000 Space GDCs: he still has bits in his hair
I got you Rachel for Christmas: The only name stupider than Silme? Schmee
Brendan: His blood ran like sweat.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: M-16s arent that heavy anyway, Larson. You just suck.
FancyShark: Part of me hoped he died by slipping and hitting his head on a log
Badgerman: Threw the pin instead of the grenade
gellaho: On the way, it looks like that scamp Brendor has followed them
FancyShark: Wait, this means Miriam's gift to the veterans is the hero dying in the nightmare every soldier feared would become reality
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Had his back walls blown out by a VC sniper.
FancyShark: "I promise not to hit you." Father of the Year
Badgerman: He turns into an elf in a fantasy world though so it's okay. It's an upgrade even!
gellaho: Looking a little worse for wear
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Brendor I promise not to beat the mortal shit out of you like you obviously deserve right now if you come withing beating distance."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Not a dick upgrade tho.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: so what the fuck was the point of the scene with the blacksmith?
Badgerman: It was for Al
FancyShark: Filler
Brendan: If we can't confront our fears in a safe way, we'll never become the sleek elf knight who fucks our enemy's sister in front of him of our dreams.
gellaho: Silme starts attacking the child
Badgerman: Headshot
gellaho: And that kid is d-e-a-d
Badgerman: Hahahahaha Slime is the true hero
I got you Rachel for Christmas: "Haha i said i wouldn't hit you, i didnt say my wizard girlfriend wouldn't fireball your bitchass!"
gellaho: Chocolate flashback
FancyShark: Pull the pin, shoot the child
Badgerman: Save the world
gellaho: Things not great in reality either
FancyShark: Twenty times. He counted.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Ugh the second season of this book is going to suck
gellaho
FancyShark: "Yeah, I know. Calling you a hero was sarcasm."
Badgerman: Holy shit I didn't notice "a god who believes in them" until now; What the fuck Miriam
FancyShark: She showed her hand early
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Cmon Larson, whoms amongst us hasnt lunged at their girlfriend with a knife a time or two because they woke us up in the night and we had a flashback?
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Jesus thinks vietnam vets are pussies; Sorry that was insensitive
Brendan: Brendor shall be the first (and last) of our children!
gellaho: And, of course, Silme who is perfect and right in all things, had no way of saving the child they just decided to raise
gellaho
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I mean, White Christ thinks vietnam vets are pussies
FancyShark: No it wasn't. You read it in a book.
Brendan: No, that's Orange Christ.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Dont beat yourself up for that, Larson. Beat yourself up because you suck and volunteered for a war to keep a colonial oppressor in place.
gellaho: The unending compassion to kill our adopted son
FancyShark: "Children have to die, Larson. Otherwise, you'll never be a hero."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Bramin is kind of a shitty wizard tho if this is his best effort.
FancyShark: This is why adoption in the real world is such a process. They've read this book.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Poor Brendor. He never even grew old enough to SHAVE!
gellaho: Gaelinar thinks this is a great opportunity for a joke
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: CAn confirm. They really dont like it when you can shoot arcane energies at adopted children.
gellaho
gellaho: I think you'll find that's "unbounding compassion"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tonight, Brendor SHAVE!s in Hel.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Oh sweet, time to kill silme
I got you Rachel for Christmas: (I'm prouder of this than i should be)
Badgerman: THIS IS ONLY CHAPTER 6; AAIIIEEEEEEEEEE
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: It was excellent so you should be.
FancyShark: @Badgerman , quoting the editor
gellaho: There are only 7
Badgerman: Oh thank god
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Thank FUCK.
gellaho: And they are shorter than the rest; Anyway, they go to see the Oracle; Leave
I got you Rachel for Christmas: That's a weird way of structuring a book
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Two trips to the Oracle?
FancyShark: Aw. I was hoping for a trilogy of sobbing Larson stories
gellaho: Then go back
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Man what more information do you really need?!
Badgerman: Forgot his wallet
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I guess Miriam didnt want to add in BUGSLAYER and TIMESLAYER chapters
FancyShark: child broke how fix
gellaho: The oracle was actually dead the whole time! Who couldst believe
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also all of these are titles for Warhammer novels, except Childslayer.
FancyShark: That's Warhammer fanfic
I got you Rachel for Christmas: She had to die, she had too many eye for an oracle
Brendan: pizza's here. Well met, questers. Sorry about the DEAD CHILDREN FLASHBACK
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: They havent gotten to having Gotrek Gurnisson cut a kid wizard in half but it would be rpetty rad.
Badgerman: Give it time
FancyShark: Pizza hard, @Brendan !
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Oooh pizza!
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Love you Brendor, SHAVE a slice for me
gellaho: Silme uses the oracle's stone to communicate with Vidarr
gellaho: Larson clears his mind with French, because that is the code of every book; Every female author I've read must include French, for reasons I do not understand
Badgerman: Speaking of colonial oppressors
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hon hon hon, ze French iz ze language of ze amour.
gellaho: Well then
gellaho: Time for some Giant Women
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Mais bien sûr, c'est pas pour toi.
FancyShark: Hey, it IS a Warhammer book!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Just saying. Come up behind your partner, and whisper in their ear "Omlette du fromage." in a sexy voice.
Badgerman: Ohohohon all of ze Al Larsen's suffering, eet eez ahr fault and zee American 'istory books will not even mention us!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: FUCK YEAH GIANT WOMEN!
Badgerman: Holy shit Future's in this book?
gellaho: They don't really have a lot of information
1000 Space GDCs: again, not news
gellaho: Really seems like you could have just said, "Stab Bramin"
FancyShark: Thank you for explaining who you are to the dickhead who read a mythology book and is surrounded by people that should know all the stories about you
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Miriam knew she wanted the Norns up in but didnt have the brains to think of a cryptic prophecy.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Ughhh whenever these fantasy books start into the past and future shit my eyes glaze over
FancyShark: The hero's epic quest: Cut a bitch
gellaho: Time to drag Silme and a god into his flashbacks
Badgerman: "We should totally just stab Bramin"
FancyShark: I read "blood-red afterburners" as "blood-red hamburgers". I might be hungry
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahah Miriam is gonna go full Wizards on Slime. Cool.; Ralph Bakshi approves.
gellaho: But then they just wake up, so whatever
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: BOOOOO LET SLIME SMELL THE NAPALM DAMMIT!
FancyShark: The Hardy Boys hold tension longer than this
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Chet would have been more useful than Al.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: We really dont appreciate the Hardy Boys until we get lower.
gellaho: And now it's dark
Badgerman: Frank and Joe would have thrown Brendor's dead body into a little person by now
FancyShark: It's too complete for darkness because your eyes are closed, dipshit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Youve been raving in your sleep for days, you dink. Hey, what's an opium?"; "And you kept yelling about "clean boom is expensive" and something about trees."
gellaho: A strange use of the word "giddy"
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Also those pointy metal dragons I saw were cool as fuck."
FancyShark: I mean, I think we're all giddy at the hope of Larson dying
I got you Rachel for Christmas: "But why are your visions always dubbed over with Fortunate Son?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "BOARD THE SHIP OF DEAD MENS TOENAILS TO SAIL TO THE UNDERWORLD?"
gellaho: Nice of Bramin to just trap Gaelinar instead of killing him
FancyShark: Never kill the awesome guy when there's still story left
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Larson...........what does "Charlie dont surf." mean?"
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Gaelinar failed his reflex save.
1000 Space GDCs: Bramin knows talking is a free action, he's got to monologue a bit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Its fine, Hold Person sucks, he will get another one on his next turn.
gellaho: Vidarr conjures up some knowledge out of nowhere
gellaho: Which means no swordfight I guess
FancyShark: Ah, Miriam reached the "fuck it" stage of the writing process
Badgerman: Oh thank goodness, I was thinking there would be stakes
I got you Rachel for Christmas: "Six inches, the precise size of Al's new elven penis"
FancyShark: There better at least be a sobbing contest
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "HEY I NEVER TOLD YOU BUT DONT USE ME FOR SWORD FIGHTING YOU DINK!"
gellaho: Good news!
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Seriously, worst magic sword ever. Get a chocolate one next time, at least you can eat it.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Oooh I'm betting on Al
FancyShark: HAHAHAHA
Badgerman: I'm so fucking glad the hero is fighting harder to not break down crying than he is to beat the baddie.
FancyShark: Chekov's Loser
Badgerman: This is the only way this book could have ended
gellaho: Gaelinar is having fun
FancyShark: Now's not the time, Slime
I got you Rachel for Christmas: She actually said "I loathe you," Al is not a good lipreader.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Gaelinar wasted a lot of time training this dingus to sword fight, when he should have taught him to throw shuriken.
gellaho: The heroic dick kick
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahah thats sweet buttery disadvantage on that concentration roll.
gellaho: Silme and Bramin share pain now for some reason
FancyShark: Say hello to the red white and blue BALLS, asshole!
I got you Rachel for Christmas: keep calling him the "half-breed" Al, white jesus. I hope he kills you before you can have kids.
gellaho: Well, fuck you too, Miriam
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Okay but if you could cast spells why not just turn Larson into a desert rain frog?; Or..........did you prepare for this? This is a weird idea to have.
gellaho: Alright, so Silme is an idiot
FancyShark: Magic Missile is an auto-targeting spell, Bramin
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Like so if some goober wants to bang my sister but also kill me, he'll have to pick one."
FancyShark: "I know your secret, Larson. I know you weren't feeling tired."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Ph so it was Slime being bad at Wizard, this makes much more sense.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I'd just bang Silme now, the fucks would transfer to Bramin, weirding him tf out.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Great job on that defense stuff, hon.
FancyShark: Dragonheart, But Stupider
gellaho: This plan really backfired
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Its so horny it just might work!" Says the DM.; "Roll to weird out the wizard."
1000 Space GDCs: No hestitation there.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Haha Bramin never considered that the hero has no problem beating up his girlfriend!
FancyShark: "Hey, no downside"
gellaho: Well, OK then
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Not the first time he beat her remember
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Hahahah just yesterday I nearly stabbed her because she made a loud noise."
FancyShark: Larson has never been so turned on
gellaho: I'm not sure Miriam has ever cried before
I got you Rachel for Christmas: She's ice cold already?
FancyShark: No one drilled him like the Kensei
Badgerman: Yeah, fuck you sword master, you're the reason I killed my waifu; This is all your fault
FancyShark: Bad circulation or she really couldn't wait to get away from him
gellaho
FancyShark: That's the name of the book!
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Fucking finally
Badgerman: Hahaha fuck off, book
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Blueballing us with the godslaying
gellaho: Vidarr is still a sword btw
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Lol I once watched a movie with this exact lesson. Tiger kills on instinct, Dragon controls itself. Larson did not heed the teachings of Sensei Doug.
gellaho: Not really sure why
1000 Space GDCs: we've moved up from children to gods
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Loki gonna offer him that god bussy to just sit back and let Ragnarok happen.
Brendan: That's metal.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: God(bussy)slayer.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I mean...
gellaho: They fight for a while
I got you Rachel for Christmas: "Our hero really sucks, folks, i can't emphasize that enough."
Badgerman: The last thing I wanted to do tonight was read about Loki obviating
I got you Rachel for Christmas: "He's sobbing the whole fight, too"
gellaho: Hey, Gaelinar got out for some reason
1000 Space GDCs: he threw up on his armor, too
FancyShark: Miriam thinks this is so hot
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Loki is having to avoid pressing him too hard just so he wont drop his sword."
Badgerman: Passed his saving throw
Brendan: Miriam read Campbell's lesser-known follow-up, The Hero's Wandering.
Badgerman: The Hero's Hourslong Cry Session
gellaho: I guess that's a place to aim for, sure
FancyShark: The Hero's Tantrum
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "TASTE MY LIGHTNING FU-SHAVE!"
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Loki was unprepared for trickery.
1000 Space GDCs: Luckily, our hero was concerned.
FancyShark: Armpit isn't a bad place to stab, but it lacks the cinematic flair of a decapitation
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Got im in the armpit of all places.
gellaho: As he's about to kill Loki, Loki enters his brain
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Loki deep dickin your thinkmeats!
FancyShark: IN YOUR HEEEEEAAAAD; IN YOUR HEEEEEEeeeeeeAAAAD; LO KI; LO KI
Badgerman: Oh my god this was about beating Christianity this whole time?; Fuck off.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: miriam doesn't understand the phrase "mindfuck"
I got you Rachel for Christmas: White christianity, i guess
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Okay but...........wait all that seems good? Maybe Larson should lose?
FancyShark: I'm cool with that
1000 Space GDCs: Also, this is another dimension, not the past
I got you Rachel for Christmas: He should AND he's great at it
Badgerman: Like, there's no way this scheme works
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Or win? I dont really know what the stakes are anymore.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: "You fool, Loki! You've just given me another reason to sob like a baby!"
Badgerman: You're not even in the right zip code to Snap all Christians out of existence
gellaho: His given a vision of a happy life, but that doesn't last because
FancyShark: His blubbering is over 9000!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: VIETNAM INTENSIFIES
gellaho: You know, only tragedy allowed
FancyShark: Saved by Viet Fucking Nam
Badgerman: I can't fucking believe she decided this was about Christendom this whole time.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah I also love remembering how I danced with my boyfriend Terry and I left sweat stains on his dress.
FancyShark: There you go, veterans. You suffered so Norse Mythology would lose
Badgerman: I wanted to make the observation that this was every bit the novel that a white Republican housewife would write but I thought it was too mean. But then it came true.
gellaho: Comes out of that and kills Loki anyway
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Oh shit is Larson John McCain?!
1000 Space GDCs: Thanks to their sacrifice, Odin was not powerful enough to defeat jesus
Brendan: Jacob's Ladder, but it's the Yggdrasil
I got you Rachel for Christmas: The original draft of american gods sucked
Badgerman: I can't believe I'm saying this but don't insult McCain by comparing him to this goober
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: To be fair they have things in common, like a fondness for using a certain slur to describe Vietnamese people.; And are both dead as hell.
gellaho: Gaelinar kills Helblindi, who isn't a sword any more
Badgerman: You have no flaws and that's what doesn't make you a hero???; Whaaaaaaaa
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Im no hero, so I'm not a little bitch."
gellaho: I guess there was a time delay?
FancyShark: "I'm no hero. I'm awesome."
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Yeah Gaelinar is th perfect being i guess, whatever
Badgerman: You ever get the feeling that sometimes a story is about the wrong character
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: More evidence that maybe they should have given Larson just a bread knife or something.
gellaho: Vidarr magically fixes Al's PTSD
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Oh hey you used that soul devouring sword to kill your girlfriend. Should have picked up the dagger on level 3."
FancyShark: See, veterans? Just befriend a god and it can all go away
Badgerman: Brainwashing for the troops!; These epigraphs have meant fucking nothing by the way
I got you Rachel for Christmas: CBT hasn't got shit on Vidaar
1000 Space GDCs: Just rewiring up Al's brain like he's Data
FancyShark: Depressed? Ask your doctor if Vidarr is right for you
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Just in time for the guilt of murdering his own girlfriend to set in.
1000 Space GDCs: Vidarr had to do a really intense hacking minigame on Larson's brain.
gellaho: Gaelinar spends a long time messing with his weapons. Al has some issues with that
FancyShark: No Nam flashbacks to compete with THOSE nightmares!
I got you Rachel for Christmas: "I also gave you a fetish for women wearing bowler hats. Just for fun."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: At least give him an immortal regenerating goat, Vidarr. Hook a dude up.
gellaho: Time to go steal some souls
👽 Trash from the Mo-Bot War: I love that I just popped into this channel randomly and - from my few attendances in previous readalongs - there is genuinely no telling which CBT you mean
Brendan: I missed when Silme died but I also missed when she decided Larson didn't suck.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: "I can't cry," said Gaelinar, "because you've apparently got a patent on it, you little bitch."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Could just be a shortening of Cibatta, could be Cognitive Behavorial Therapy.
FancyShark: I hope Larson and Silme end up like Orpheus and Eurydice. Dead and in hell
I got you Rachel for Christmas: There are no bad options
Brendan: Bramin could have brought his princess back anytime.
1000 Space GDCs: Also that brain rewiring seems like it didn't take. Maybe double check your work, Vidarr
gellaho: And we end with Al finally remembering that kid he promised to raise
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: And its like they are in the game Hades so Silme is Totally Over It.
Brendan: GF is a CBT psych, I'll let her know all her hard work could have been replaced by an apathetic sword.
Badgerman: All of this could have been avoided if Bramin had made a sex golem and Henry Kissinger had been hit by a speeding Fort Mustang
FancyShark: Larson: Volatile Victor, Virulent Bigot, Vidarr Vehicle, Vapid/Vanilla Victimizer, Vacillating Vendor, Vicarious Veteran and Vomiting Virgin of Vietnam will not be back in Thunderball.
gellaho: We have defeated Godslayer
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Holy alliteration, Batshark.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: I love that your girlfriend and I are both CBT pros, sort of.
Brendan: So souls are like rings down the drain? You can still save 'em by removing the S-pipe?
FancyShark: We did it!
gellaho: You may be surprised to learn there were actually sequels to this; I sure as hell was
Badgerman: May it never find an uncondemning world nor a god who believes in it
FancyShark: It took some effort, Flippant Chum
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahah what? Miriam thought this was a saga, huh?
Brendan: Well met, fellow book travelers!
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Oh no
Brendan: So you can only die once but you can come back, and then I guess what, you're undead?
gellaho: Thus concludes the 81st edition of The Book Cage
1000 Space GDCs: does he go get his war criminal buddies out of hel, too?
Badgerman: Sadbois Die Twice
gellaho: And may Miriam Zucker never dedicate a book to you
FancyShark: I think it's like how Kratos keeps leaving the underworld?; Thank you, @gellaho !
Brendan: Nicaragua, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iraq again...
FancyShark: Thank you for all the great jokes, everyone!
1000 Space GDCs: Good job, everyone.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Thanks, @gellaho! This one was pretty..........exceptional.
Badgerman: Good cage, everyone!
I got you Rachel for Christmas: Thanks for being a bright spot in a shitty day, everybody.
Brendan: Boy, this one was a pip.
FancyShark: You too, Rachel
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Thanks for coming!
Brendan: Rex Moran wouldn't visit this place with a ten-foot staff.
FancyShark: And he's the man
Brendan: My vote is @Badgerman for MVP.
I got you Rachel for Christmas: And always remember to SHAVE!
FancyShark: Fuck yeah. Go, @Badgerman !
Badgerman: Aww, thanks! From a Hotdog alum that means a lot 🙂
gellaho: It is unbelievable she had the gall to put that dedication there; And I'm pretty sure dad wasn't pretending, he was trying to help Miriam out
Badgerman: It would have been less offensive if she'd gone to Arlington and actually pissed on soldiers' graves
FancyShark: Sheila Gilbert told her all the slurs
Badgerman: Oh my god you're right
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Raymond Feist...........YOU FUCKER!
Badgerman: Joel, I was harsh on you before, but maybe your failing was you didn't go far enough
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Raymond Feist! YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER!
FancyShark: Janny Wurts must've drained a box of wine after this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Joel Rosenberg: You should have slapped harder.; Maybe teamed up with her dad.
gellaho: Wikipedia weirdly vague
Badgerman: Parts Unknown, Iowa
EvilJ(Naboo had it coming): she's from, somewhere
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Look, nobody from Iowa will tell you what town they are from unless they are from Iowa City or Des Moines. Otherwise you just get a blank look like "Where?", cos its all shit like Cumming or Muscatine.
Brendan: That usually means there was a 40-year-old fanzine interview where she just says "I grew up in Iowa."