The Book Cage Episode 81 - Godslayer
This Book Cage falls on Veterans Day, so I thought what better than a book dedicated to the brave individuals who served. And who better to portray the tragedy of our boys in Vietnam than a female pediatrician in 1987 Iowa? Join me as we read "Mickey Zucker Reichert" aka Miriam S. Zucker's Godslayer. A book about a Vietnam veteran who dies and is sent to a mystical Norse realm of magic and mystery. It's approximately 40% 'Nam flashback!
The kerning of MORTAL 'S on the back is gonna give me a fucking aneurysm.
I can't wait to see how they fuck up this kickass premise
I'm guessing it has something to do with the 40% Nam flashback by content
This dedication will become quite funny as the book goes on
I would say it's portrayal is insensitive, bordering on disrepectful
Uh oh
This man has a 'Nam flashback every other page
Okay, strike one, dude gets transmuted into an elf right off the bat. Bull shit. Either put a GI Joe into high adventure fantasy land or fucking don't even bother
Although my favorite detail is Miriam's Wikipedia, which reveals that she's slower than a tortoise
Have we independently confirmed that she isn't a hare?
I bet Miriam and the slow food movement biddy from Seanbaby's Book Games would get along famously
I like how the cover tagline looks really clever in text but if you try to read it aloud it just sounds awkward and redundant
Wouldn't going from the hell of war to the gates of hell be a reduction of dangerous circumstances?
Like, who are you going to have to deal with, a really ornery Evil St Peter maybe
What's he gonna do, turn you away for not being metal enough?
What did Sheila Gilbert do?
Yo what the fuck Joel
That is just an insane list of things
"my father for pretending to discourage me" took me like 3 tries to wrap my head around.
And it's still fucking weird.
Who is Mark Fabi and why do we care about what he wrote in another book
This isn't a fucking satire?
Or is Miriam being passive aggressive at this dude's stupid book?
So, yeah, that's the woman who tried to write a sensitive and nuanced portrayal of a man traumatized by war getting turned into a Norse elf.
I'm sure she can thread that needle.
Oh Miriam's going into the wall for sure
Have you brought this book up before?
Or was it a remarkably similar one?
When I got it a while ago
This first Google result is also fantastic
Well that didn't work
Anyway
There we go
Coming up on the top of the hour, it's our Veterans Day celebration with Godslayer. Here is the preview
FIRE LANCED BEFORE LARSON! THE STABBING FIRES! SETTING THE FOREST ON FIRE!
"FIRE!", HE ELLIPSES'D!
Lungs are where screams are made
Shout Factory got some 'splaining to do
Wait is this the Vietnam veteran isekai?
Yes
Oh hell yes
For Veterans' Day!
Also @gellaho it may interest you to know that Book Cage is one of the ways I try to shill 1900🌠to personal acquaintances
That's a great idea!
Time to begin the process
I love being able to shut off my work laptop and pick up my discord.
He's never going to be able to lift that sword if he skips leg day.
If this book doesn't give an elf an M16 at some point it's even more of a failure than we're already going to learn it is
Yeah I went to my LCS to see if they had any copies and the owner said I was the third person to ask
Sucks to be you, Everyone Else Fighting In Vietnam
And just as an FYI, because it's going to happen immediately, there are two different mentions of sexual assault. There's no portrayal, but the second is such a tremendous example of narrative ineptitude that I will have to bring it up.
Yikes. Thank you for the heads up
LET'S GO, DORKS
If it is not a children's book, there is always a risk of it. So just take solace in the fact that nobody has ever read these books and they don't matter
They die alone and unremembered as we banish them to the Book Cage
And remember, this is for the troops
I!
When was this published? Trying to figure out if Brahmin and Ahngmar are internet handles.
1987
ARE YA READY KIDS?
I! I, CAPTAIN!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
I! I, CAPTAIN!
OHHHHHHHHH
I guess they could be usenet handles
I'm sure the author isn't frontloading this book with a bunch of expectations they can't hope to meet
It's probably his D&D group.
The prologue is all about the villain
I think they might actually be the gods we meet in the story
She frontloads it with a villain who disappears from the middle of the book
None dare question Bramin's swinging package!
I've seen those stones in claws at hot topic
And on cool furniture
All high ranking wizards shop at Hot Topic.
Usenet BBS handles.
As they should
And the store that sells polished rocks.
He's angry and loves power, always good
HAM toques
Ahhh, classic wizard vizier build
Wait, okay no I know what this is.
You can tell he's a wizard because angrily brushing hair out of his eyes tires him out.
This is fanfic communities/newsletters/pen pas
So, there it is. And some bonus fantasy racism
Weakness of any sort. So god help you if you ask someone to open a pickle jar in earshot of him
Just drop that right in there, Miriam
The writing implies the city is the product of rape
how much hair does he have that flicking it back saps his remaining strength?
A comma's worth
At least
this is just regular racism, though
Instant disintigration if you dont lift.
I don't approve of this giant violence
Must have taken him a while to saw off a giants head.
Just thumbin' that sack
He thumbed it so hard because he was tired that the rope fucking broke
Getting tired and wheezy halfway thru.
Which is totally a thing that happens
I guess Redselr sounds norse enough to get the point across
It took days
And now he almost kills himself putting the head back in the bag
He's a willow! BOKEEEEEEE
And people bitched when Luke died from the effort of astral projecting across the galaxy. Waitll they get a load of this wimpass
For someone who hates weakness he seems to be struggling a lot
This is the guy who hates weakness?
He's very tired from killing the giant
He seems like a totally reasonable and stable dude.
Author had to show him a nervous klutz to also show he's the dad from Firestarter.
And as a reward he has earned himself a woman
Just leave your giant heads on the floor my dude. You look like a jagoff if you admit you dropped it.
Woo patriarchy!
Lady = Cost 1 Giant
That's not sustainable
For my daughter's hand will you face ANDRE THE GIANT, THIS SUNDAY AT HELL IN A CELL?!?!
And the king is into it
Hes way too tired to fuck, he's gonna swap her for a handful of crystals and a succubus's phone number.
Jesus, King. Keep it in your royal bedchambers
This is what is called master wizard puberty
You'd think this elfling would be more sensitive to women being given away as a reward for sword and sorcering
That is quite a coincidence for Slime
I mean Silme
Sister Typo and Brother Sic
A princess seems worth way more than five chests of gold or parcel of land
If only there were some kind of sign that Bramin would be evil
Unless she's used
ugh, sorry
Maybe shes not a very good princess.
This passage implies the elf bastard is Jared Kushner.
Hate it when my pride is wounded with derision
This is such a mid-70s fantasy dork sentence to write.
Get you a lady with fish eyes
Her eyes are that way so she can take a drink while still watching for predators
"artistically high" means nothing
(I think she's into it)
She's the Mick Fleetwood alien from star trek
Maybe she's got Bella Swan's disease and she's just like that naturally?
I always know a date's going well when she's actively searching for exits
Was she just gonna stand there and watch them bring out five chests of gold?
First in three hundred years, huh? Tough break
I know you just murdered a giant to win my hand but I WOULD TEST YOUR LOVE!
Man imagine what had to have happened to make that shit a law in the first place.
Just........maybe ask women if they want to marry you first?
Seems crazy I know.
I wonder why they enacted that law
Not really sure what happened to her here
They went through a lot of princesses before they realized the suitor was a dragon
Doctor Beckett jumped into her there towards the end I think
How would we ever distribute land then?
Well thats bullshit. Just admit you are too racist to love a wizard, lady.
He is having a great day
Pamphlets?
If you loved me, you would murder a stranger.
She seems like a real catch
Man, we couldn't wait like a day for him to rest up before having this ceremony?
Again!
Now you're quoting my last date
If this guy is the villain im starting to sympathize with him.
This will turn out well, I'm sure
Dude take a hint. Shes not into you.
Hate it when my life aura dwindles to nearly nothing
I usually have to take a really long nap when that happens
If everyone you meet gibes you, maybe YOU'RE the gibe.
Remember back at the start when offending a wizard meant instant death?
I hate being gibed. Takes forever to clean the walls.
Good to know this man hasn't smiled cruelly in a week or two.
THE MOST FEARED WIZARD IN THE LAND RETURNS TO MOMMY'S HOUSE
So if his opponent kills him, does that rando get to marry Halfjirefia?
Finally, a villain for me
Yeah in this economy? Rent isnt cheap, even for wizards.
Fucking Ye Olde Blackrock
And then he has a temper tantrum in his childhood bunkbed
Bramin tosses the giant's head on the pile with the other dead mythical monsters
I'm not sure if the giant slaying was a necessary step
All I'm getting is Angry Incel Moves Home, which is the weird basis for a hero.
God this dude is such a loser. I love him already
He be the villain
Oh, but he's a Gary Stu so it's society's fault for not recognizing hi--wait a second, is this jordan Peterson?
We gotta get you guys better points of reference
Is he gonna do Wizard Benzos and tell us to clean our rooms?
Silme is about to give him the worst advice I've ever seen
It's more endearing if it's a fake person
He "whirled like a cornered beast" in the top loft of his bunk bed
Yeah I cant read her name as anything but Slime now.
Sister Slime.
"Scootched uncomfortably for several seconds like a cornered beast" didn't have the same ring to it
I am also unconvinced
I think he tried to whirl but it came out as more of a flounce
She wrote the law but didn't use it?
Pesky ex post facto legal bullshit I reckon
"I think Halfrija wants to join the Women's Gold Tour, brother"
Yeah maybe Halfie is a lesbian, Slime, did you think of that?
The bad advice parade continues
Or maybe shes just not into marriage?
So he's effectively known her for a year out of a decade
Or any of fifty other reasons.
That first paragraph, just FYI makes no sense given what happens in the rest of the book. Everybody fuckin' loves Silme
Emily Dickinson never married because she was scared of her elf-suitors
And everybody knows her
She never married, she's just very close friends with her handmaid
If you're such a great wizard why don't you just make your dream girl homunculus and leave the woman you keep negging be
Reminder that this is a book dedicated to soldiers
Homunculi do the weird stuff. Also the wyrd stuff.
If you have to train for a decade to kill a giant just so a frightened woman to reject you to test whether you'll kill another stranger and prove yourself worthy of murdering Tuskens, maybe your society sucks.
This is exhausting.
You could train for a year and band together to kill raiders.
You could be fucking that whole time.
STOP PLAYING HEAD GAMES, LADIES
Halfrija has a pool, though
Im very pro "Burn down the city with magical fire and fuck off to my rad tower instead of marrying some rich ho." for this guy.
A book with themes every soldier can relate to like "negging a woman who keeps rejecting you" and "living with your mom"
Seems healthy
Wait. That was supposed to be a joke but I think I just dunked on like 60% of servicemembers.
Yep, that's incel template 1
Halfrija might be using her dumb brother to get close to her real girlfriend.
This is just stalking.\
sad trombone
hahahaha she is never going to fuck you
Okay, bold move
Oh hey I've seen Brave too
She would literally rather die.
Halfrija is the real hero of this story.
Lol turn her into a fucking bat and leave, my guy.
I like that she said her offer is withdrawn if he uses magic or magic weapons
Her nemesis chases her her entire life and she gets the courage to confront this creep head on.
"Now I know love and pain"
"Pained like blows"
Might want to see why before you start applauding her
"I'm getting mixed signals from her," he thought.
...wait, the priests of this hellworld chant kill or be killed and then sacrifice things?
So I guess this rule was created as an escape clause in case some creep rolls up with a giant head demanding a princess
Hahahah she went there.
KAAR EN TUK
Hi folks. I'd like to contribute to this discussion for once. Did the devil just get friend-zoned?
Racist-zoned
Oh we're far beyond friend zoning
Slapped by cruelty
This guy only knows pain to the degree that he mistakes it for love.
Fuck I didnt think shed go and say the quiet part out loud.
"She led me on by spurning me for ten years."
This guy has stalked her for ten years and didn't notice all the slurs she kept using?
Also fuck her for thinking rats dont want to improve their station in life. Thats why they live in our houses.
The hard R means love
Everyone is awful to each other and there's nobody worth rooting for. If this were published fifty years later we would be hailing it as a masterpiece of gray morality
Rats are clean and sociable.
Cute little fingies too.
100% of dark elves in our sample set don't acknowledge women's boundaries.
Yeah, I'm deeply invested in the relationship between the incel and the racist
Well, I'm sure Halfrija's got this
that's th phrase i want to see when i enter a book cage
This is what the author thinks of his fan-fic friend, Brahmin.
Im rooting for his response to be lightning and hellfire based. oooooh or maybe conjure up a flying ape man to carry her off.
Ah, guess the honey moon is off
Truly a match made in R'lyeh
This tale of Vietnam is written by a female pediatrician
That kill quip sucked
He'll be kicking himself for days for not having a better kill quip
Should have said "Nice to choke you."
The lowercase "lady" just makes him sound like a loser
all out of death level
In a way, all princesses are Cambodia, and all dark elves are Kissinger.
Fucking "til death do us part" was right there
Okay jordan peterson
Oh shit, that's good
And my work here is done
Fits the incel character perfectly, though, you gotta admit
We gotta get you guys better points of reference
We already placed Peterson in this cosmology.
Hahaha now we are wizarding.
oh no
I assume this means the wedding's off?
He's a wizard so maybe not.
Bramin contemplates necrophilia
Either way im keeping the panini press i got them