Brendan
Most of the dancers I know shift their eyes in the manner of a deer, actually.
81: Godslayer Mickey Zucker Reichert
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The gods had claimed him for a quest that would lead from the hell of human war to the very gates of Hel!
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FancyShark
Stop throwing singles in the deer enclosure
Floygwai
Oh no she's on crack
gellaho
Larson catches on quick
Badgerman
Deeriam
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Drinking at the zoo is a privilege and not a right.
FancyShark
Lucky he was reading a book on Norse mythology before this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Miriam all this was implied already, you could have just skipped it.
gellaho
Yeah, sure, take in the random dude
1000 Space GDCs
Yeah this book has a lot of overexplaining
Badgerman
"Shame on you, lady"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This run of anti elf racism is confusing when this book is plenty racist at like regular humans.
FancyShark
Do you think this is what Miriam tells to her patients to distract them when she needs to give them shots?
gellaho
Seems like a lot of work
gellaho
Telling children all about the horrors of Vietnam
FancyShark
Spell marring is verboten
Brendan
Well that at least explains why he's here.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
If you cant whisper while someone is casting a spell they arent a good wizard.
gellaho
Have you, like, ever thought about, like, evil, man?
FancyShark
"The whole platoon was blown to hell, their bodies falling like meaty snow. Aaaaand we're done! You were so brave!"
Brendan
Silme is the ONLY person in this universe who likes elves.
Badgerman
I know it's the Vietnam war but pulling a quote from Under Western Eyes about what dicks people are feels lazy
Like, even for most popular understanding of the Vietnam war
Floygwai
Did Dracula from the opening of Symphony of the Night write this book?
FancyShark
I'm sure people being evil is the only takeaway you could have from Joseph Conrad, Miriam
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Heres a sucker and a sticker, do you want this one depicting the My Lai massacre or the Cambodian bombings?
gellaho
Anyway, Larson leaves in the morning
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah I would too? These two are nuts.
gellaho
Which is largely pointless storywise because he will immediately run into
Brendan
Full Metal Jacket came out and she was like "No, NO! I did Conrad Vietnam first! But my Congolese were elves, you thief!"
FancyShark
Kubrick looked at her letters and thought "Man, this lady's weird"
Badgerman
"He suffixed his threat with a single coarse syllable" is such a dogshit sentence that I almost appreciate it
gellaho
Al heroically plays dead
Badgerman
The American hero!
Brendan
Bramin hates this guy because they met once and he immediately gave him the all-powerful artifact he desired.
You know in many ways American strategy in south vietnam "played dead" when faced with the necromancy of Fabian strateg--hey, come back
gellaho
For all of the brave men who fought in Vietnam
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Bramin doesnt know Protection from Normal Missiles.
Loser.
1000 Space GDCs
hazing was rougher than i thought
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
No wonder he has to have a sword.
Badgerman
This man literally just exists to be humiliated in front of Deeriam
gellaho
Light elves are leprechauns
Brendan
An intense vomiting unseen since yesterday when he did that.
Badgerman
Faery
FancyShark
Larson, Vomiting Virgin of Vietnam will be back after this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Vomiting and weeping.
Brendan
Hahaha, imagine a guy heaving his guts out after your brother kicks his ass, and when you try to soothe his feelings, he hits on you and gives you a watery loser smile.
Like not even a brave smile, a self-satisfied smirk.
gellaho
Ignore that Bramin is still alive and was taught by our finest wizards
1000 Space GDCs
He's still got bits of his last MRE on his lips
FancyShark
Forget Vietnam. I'm getting high school flashbacks
Badgerman
Love when our racial pogroms are justified by lore
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Dark Elves sense of humor? Dennis Miller jokes.
gellaho
ELVES ARE MURDERED ON SIGHT. Or just whispered about.
1000 Space GDCs
That tracks
Badgerman
Yeah, shit, she's driving at a race relations moral. Batten down the hatches, y'all
FancyShark
Did Miriam write the Elder Scrolls?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man's............SOMBER.......nature?
Somber?
Brendan
I dunno, I'm starting to believe dark elves are genetically predisposed to cruel viol--WAAAAIT A SECOND WHY IS THIS CHARACTER NAMED SER RICKARD THE MAN OF SHERM
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
What?
Miriam.........
What?
1000 Space GDCs
Welcome to midgard, here's how we justify our racism
Badgerman
For the troops!
FancyShark
Wednesdays are garbage day
gellaho
"For some reason, none of the other wizards can be bothered to try to stop the end of the world"
1000 Space GDCs
"By which i mean we throw trash at people who are different."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Um........Slime I think you might be misrepresenting why your brother hates you?
FancyShark
You'd think being named "The Evil One" would deter people, but there are a lot of edgelords out there
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just a bit.
Badgerman
Gotta leave a world saving quest lying around at some point, it's something to keep all the average white guys occupied
gellaho
Silme went full defense
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"It's ironic, normie"
Brendan
Glossing over her own role here.
Badgerman
If you protected his victims so good they wouldn't be victims, now would they
gellaho
MEANWHILE: In the fart swamp
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Um..........Slime........if you went full defense.........how are you gonna like.......do anything else? This seems tactically unsound.
1000 Space GDCs
Does this book have an appendix that explains the wizard ranks? Seems like it would
Brendan
Yeah this is absolutely a novelization of a D&D quest.
FancyShark
Miriam wrote Terry Gilliam and yelled "I MADE THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH, DAMMIT"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hvergelmir makes a wicked burger.
gellaho
Another woman for Bramin!
Badgerman
I have intentionally given you the warded sword. As a joke.
Brendan
This is like when the screenwriter-turned-prose-author keeps the soundtrack
1000 Space GDCs
We've cracked the code
This book is solved.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hmm.........Hel is half hot. The other half tho.........
FancyShark
The best part of being a lord is racking men. Thank you, Miriam
Badgerman
I could do that too if I tried, lords ain't special
Brendan
More importantly, he could bring back Helfijiaj and make her love him at last.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Maybe if it were a top half \ bottom half situation and they could alternate, it would be better. Hold out for Jormungandr.
1000 Space GDCs
How many daughters is this guy going to get offered before he wises up?
gellaho
Later on, the infantilization of Larson continues
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or Fenris? Selling out everyone but you get a doggo is a great deal.
FancyShark
He's still got her body. It's wrapped in a tarp in the back of a broom closet with some old winter coats
1000 Space GDCs
Also I am very confused about Bramin's motivations beyond edgelordery
Badgerman
He cried so hard that he accidentally entered Slime in a wet T-shirt contest
gellaho
The crying goes on
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Everyone is racist so fuck them" seems to be the whole of it.
Brendan
Cried so many tears this PTSD just became a wet-tunic contest
gellaho
And on
Brendan
GODDAMMIT
gellaho
gellaho
And on
Brendan
FREYR KILL BADGER AND SAVE MY HONOR I BESEECH THEE
Badgerman
"I'm sorry, let me pull myself together"
bawls harder and harder
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah dont tell her about that hamlet you burned.
gellaho
Until he is literally in the fetal position
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Keep that one under your hat my guy.
Badgerman
Wait holy shit i was busy typing that as a joke that's what happens???
1000 Space GDCs
She is a woman in a badly written fantasy novel, she definitely knows about those things
gellaho
Very respectful towards the troops
Badgerman
Hahaha fuck this book
Brendan
Ladies, does your veteran husband suffer terrifying mood swings? It might be male depression often expresses as mistargeted anger, or you MIGHT not be loving him hard enough to fix him.
FancyShark
Miriam's gift to the troops is a catalogue of their sins
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean Henry Kissinger exists my guy. Dont say there are no villains.
gellaho
Then mommy puts baby to sleep
FancyShark
GODSLAYER!
Badgerman
Don't say he opened his mouth as he fell into bliss, Miriam.
Just don't.
Brendan
if only this world had a gun he could wave around until she understood the power and security it gave him.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This is why you dont get help from Freyr. You get a shattered goober who can barely get out of bed without weeping.
gellaho
Only erections can stop the flashbacks
FancyShark
Larson mercifully died before cell phones could let him drunk dial exes
Badgerman
Oh, I guess that is exactly what she was trying to imply. Carry on then
Brendan
They fear him because he's a Zentraedi instead of because he's the dick they suspect him of being.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
No cell phones in Norse Narnia. taps head
FancyShark
That giant's family still doesn't know where he is
gellaho
Weird detail to include about the patronizing, Miriam
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Maybe, just possibly, the literal GOD was busy with something else?
gellaho
Ooh, here comes the worst part!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Like........Slime, hes an Aesir, they arent that powerful.
gellaho
So, I think Miriam wanted this to be the heroic moment where Larson stops a rape
gellaho
But she goes to great lengths to undercut that
I got you Rachel for Christmas
oh god no
1000 Space GDCs
Ooh, this is going to be some rough chuckles
I got you Rachel for Christmas
freyr save me from this next scene
Brendan
Give it up honey, he doesn't love you anymore.
gellaho
Larson couldn't stand for rape, except for the times he did
FancyShark
Truly a born hero
Brendan
See, he's not a rapist, he's just a rape accomplice.
gellaho
I got you Rachel for Christmas
i mean points for accuracy i guess??
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Congrats Larson, you're both a pussy AND immoral.
Brendan
If I was in an impossible situation like that, I would throw myself between my squad and their victim and begin crying hysterically.
gellaho
So, anyway they go to stop the attempted sexual assault
Brendan
No man wants to attack a woman soaked in the tears of an elf-man.
That's just atrocity-science.
gellaho
A truly bizarre detail to include
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Thank you for defending our freedom by raping all those Vietnamese women, Vietnam vets!" - Dr. Miriam.
FancyShark
The protagonist of Evangelion thinks Larson is a spastic creep
gellaho
And Miriam instantly forgets he was a soldier
1000 Space GDCs
Brave Al Larson, read theology and feeling bad about it while his squadmates did war crimes
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Its great that the hero of this story isnt the cool Asian ninja wizard.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Katanas are just better at cleaving necks than european swords
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Otherwise I might not be able to relate.
gellaho
Larson's been in the shit for months, but doesn't know if he can kill a man
Miriam is great at this
Brendan
While simultaneously wishing his squad was more like the vikings.
The Vikings who turned Ireland's hair red.
Like the Vikings are why I found out I'm a liiiiittle bit danish last year.
Badgerman
I'm gonna go take some acetametophin and if anyone asks it's because of the headache, not because of this book. Lordy Lordy
gellaho
Flashback again!
1000 Space GDCs
I feel like every character loses their train of thought after the paragraph ends
FancyShark
Larson liked the man who could get them all killed
Brendan
Careful, I hear that stuff agitates your stomach. You don't want to projectile vomit before the woman you love arrives to see it.
Badgerman
Don't have one of those so I should be Gucci
Then again neither does Larson
FancyShark
Stomachs? That's rough
Brendan
My condolences on learning in the book of life, you are Bramin.
gellaho
Miriam honors the soldiers by having them take potshots at an old woman for no reason
1000 Space GDCs
Brent Hamill's little brother wants to be an actor
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah this is how youre supposed to do sword fights. Have your main POV character black out and remember shit about Vietnam while it all happens.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Imagine how much better star wars would be
gellaho
For some reason, the newbie trying to stop this causes the newbie to kill the old woman
Brendan
I do like that she has made both her hero and villain utter klutzes who would be so much more mentally stable if someone threw them a pity-lay.
FancyShark
Larson: Vicarious Veteran and Vomiting Virgin of Vietnam will be back after this
Brendan
She's defying tropes.
Badgerman
I wear it a little better on account of not having my head up my ass. Downside: I'm also not a wizard. It's a trade off
gellaho
And then himself
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahaha fuck you Larson you suck.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Well, he killed a person who killed an innocent old lady, so that's heroism, right?
Badgerman
There should've been a hero moment where Al heroically shoots the trigger of the punk's gun and sets it off before he can kill himself so he can still claim that kill
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hes right up there with the guy who killed Hitler.
Brendan
If you kill Hamill before she dies it's heroism. If you kill Hamill after, it's vengeance.
gellaho
So, if you were wondering, Miriam's book dedicated to the troops has the troops either (a) be monsters or (b) be quivering piles of piss
FancyShark
Learned that from Frank Castle!
gellaho
May they find an uncondemning world
Badgerman
And it's only justice if you wear a badge!
gellaho
So, anyway, they saved the kid
1000 Space GDCs
"Because I'm going to condemn the shit out of them."
Badgerman
"It's okay kiddo, YOUR UNCLE IS DEAD"
I got you Rachel for Christmas
a thick honey coloured liquid(it's honey)
gellaho
If you are wondering, the kid gets over the murder and attempted rape pretty quick
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Miriams sources for this book were: 1 viewing of Platoon, 1 viewing of Full Metal Jacket, and 1 viewing of Apocalypse Now.
FancyShark
Snake oil salesmen, the most sympathetic people of all
Badgerman
No it's not!! It's Crullian's Marvelous Cure 😤
(Crullian's Marvelous Cure is honey)
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or bad mead.
gellaho
Time for some gags!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
oh yeah, you just shrug off a rape, no one gets ptsd from those
Brendan
This book just added a Luke Skywalker to its clumsy Han Solo.
FancyShark
It's like a beesting
gellaho
Whatever you say, Brendor
I got you Rachel for Christmas
He's a retromancer!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And hes got a deep seated fear of beards.
Badgerman
More like Puke Elfbender
1000 Space GDCs
She's describing this kid like Robert E Howard would.
FancyShark
Fuck yes on the new name, @Brendan
Brendan
This tracks. I can't get a good shave either.
gellaho
Miriam has a great control of tone
FancyShark
Holy shit, this is a dark Gillette commercial
Badgerman
Isn't there a whole saving the world thing we need to be attending to
FancyShark
No! Beards and Nam flashbacks!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This kid is played by Ernie Reyes Jr.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
if you get tonal whiplash from this novel, you may be entitled to compensation
1000 Space GDCs
Look, this kid has been through some shit, he's in a bad place right now
gellaho
So, they burn the rapists and then Larson goofily struggles to shave
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Compensation means a 16 month wait at the V.A. hospital
FancyShark
Yeah, this book!
Ohohohohoho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This kid could make a FUCKING FORTUNE as a barber tho.
Brendan
By way of explanation, his uncle was actually the Evil Uncle and molesting him as a metaphor for U.S. involvement in outer reaches of what was then called French Indochina. Hi, it's me, Gaelinar Jordan Peterssen, Elflord of Benzo.
Badgerman
With complimentary mold for all your open wounds!
For the troops!
Brendan
We all deal with grief in our own SHAVE!
Badgerman
He shouts shave like Furst thinks shouting sleep will hypnosis-shock someone into bed
Brendan
What class of D&D character is lawyer?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
My face hair sprouting is how I deal with trauma and sadness. Its why I never feel sad.
FancyShark
Bard/thief prestige class
gellaho
That night, Freyr decides to give some information
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Personally I'm a sorcadin with ranks in profession (barrister)
Badgerman
"Is it my mission to stop Wagnawok mommy 🥺 "
"Fuck if I know dude"
FancyShark
"Ragnarok? You? Hahahaha, fuck I hope not"
1000 Space GDCs
I go in intending to do magic user but always end up being a stealth archer
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Freyr sucks
gellaho
The next morning, Bramin's skillful followers attempt to enter the camp
Brendan
This book gets so much better if you picture him Dennis Hoppering a disinterested dragonclaw sorceress all book.
Just Adult Baby Al.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Signs are indistict. You either have to prevent Ragnarok or fuck my sister. That might be her just throwing vibes out tho."
gellaho
FancyShark
All the gripping and clasping imagery is trying to communicate something. But what?
1000 Space GDCs
oh, he's doing a chapter naming bit
FancyShark
Dammit, spoiler, Ezekiel!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean stabbing your brother with a sword seems fine to me.
1000 Space GDCs
that's an original concept in a fantasy novel
Brendan
This book sure picks some weighty epigraphs for "I got burned trying to sneak into my half-sister's bedroom."
gellaho
"One of them turned evil, but ignore that"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
ol Zeke seems to put it like its a BAD thing!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I'd kill my brother, but this isn't exactly catcher in the rye
Badgerman
Never forget what Miriam stole from us.
FancyShark
Next chapter is "What are you doing, Step-Elf?"
I got you Rachel for Christmas
It's too compelling a read, for one thing
1000 Space GDCs
She raised you by sending you to wizard school for 11 months a year, remember?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Hahahaha no, I lied to you to get you to stop talking. I lie to children. WIZARD!"
FancyShark
I'm getting so many great quotes from you all tonight
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
CATCHER IN THE RYE BURN!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"Me too, but I subscribe to Kantian ethics which me-SHAVE!"
gellaho
Dreaming big
Brendan
This time sure loved "Precocious brat" characters.
Best thing BSG ever did was bring back that type just so we could see he would never again factor in.
Brendan
This guy has zero idea what a horse costs.
"I'll give you...uh...three gold chests?"
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Can't buy a mount til level 40 dude
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
If someone doesnt come back with a giant lizard they are wasting their fucking time.
Brendan
"Three?? Buddy, this horse is way better in bed than half a princess. I'm gonna need a parcel of land minimum."
gellaho
At the bar afterwards, Larson learned nothing
