Badgerman
Poor guy has the cilantro soap gene
81: Godslayer Mickey Zucker Reichert
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The gods had claimed him for a quest that would lead from the hell of human war to the very gates of Hel!
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I got you Rachel for Christmas
you know when a movie has a comic relief character, but he just fills you with contempt?
Brendan
Technically gallium oxide is a salt.
FancyShark
Larson: Vacillating Vendor, Vicarious Veteran and Vomiting Virgin of Vietnam will return after this commercial break for SHAVE!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You should beat that kids ass for wasting cheese.
Its medieval times so its perfectly legal.
FancyShark
That gets you the chair in the Midwest
1000 Space GDCs
also, what did you shave with that gave you scabs?
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Like Dobby?
FancyShark
Saw
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Katana, cause it's so sharp
Badgerman
Bayonet
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Sub Basement Elf Dobby.
1000 Space GDCs
he's going to have flashbacks to his attempt to shave
FancyShark
Larson has definitely tasted poison
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Well i didn't need to know his sexual proclivities bu-SHAVE!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Shaving is a whole different one.
This kid is like the shape shifter from Krull but not funny.
Badgerman
When is Bramin gonna show up and get dumped again
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or useful.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
He is exactly like the shapeshifter from krull, you're right.
gellaho
Bramin's followers steal Larson's sword because he decided Brendor could look after it while he got in a bar fight. Then the idiots fall for a very stupid ploy
FancyShark
"Fool" is the name of a summoned god?
Badgerman
No no no, it's okay, it's not actually a child, it's a thousand year old Dragonrank that just looks like a chiSHAVE!!
gellaho
Sudden hair is a reason to run into a sword, sure
Brendan
If you need to wash your heart of all this, here's a veteran having a good day: https://imgur.com/gallery/IDltsg0
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
At least Ergo the Magnificent could turn into a tiger and fuck up some Slayers.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I can relate, my facial hair makes me want to self harm too
...too dark?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Nah.
Brendan
In THIS economy?
Badgerman
No darker than my earlier bit with the child thing
Brendan
Hurting oneself is the least dark topic we've broached tonight.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I prefer to think of it as "energy efficient jokes"
FancyShark
Nah, I have hairs like that too
Badgerman
SHAVE!!
gellaho
Time for a sword lesson. Turns out Larson's sword is alive
Brendan
Come, Rachel, let me guide you back to this land of Calibans and rape-wizards.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Well sometimes when the dysphoria is really bad i get the urgSHAVE!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Thank you for the spell of comfort, Brendor
Badgerman
"I'm so sorry Kensei this usually never happens to me"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
AWARW: All Wizards Are Rape Wizards.
FancyShark
We could have had a snarky talking sword this whole time and we got Larson?
Badgerman
Never forget what Miriam stole from us 😤
1000 Space GDCs
Larson reacted badly to the sword's gentle caress
gellaho
Gaelinar decides to wait until after the long sword practice to reveal Silme's family was butchered
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It's too bad using a katana is totally different than using a long sword and it doesnt really transfer.
1000 Space GDCs
I wonder if he'll ever correct them about his name
Badgerman
God. A Marine and a VC constantly bitching each other out, the mage who has to keep them both in line, and the sassy talking sword they all have to trade using is like. The perfect adventuring quest party
I'm so mad now. I might have to write this book
I got you Rachel for Christmas
May I suggest a title?
Badgerman
Fuck you, Miriam, your book was so bad it gave me a purpose in life.
Go for it!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Clownpocalypse!
gellaho
And now: a penis review
Badgerman
A vast improvement over what he'd been issued as a human
1000 Space GDCs
one standard issue human hog
I got you Rachel for Christmas
boooo miriam you coward
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah but tell us about the hog, Miriam. Details, woman. Details. You cant be a writer if your characters dick is just "Standard in every way."
I got you Rachel for Christmas
give us weird elf dicks
A penis bone or something at least
FancyShark
The dick also has pointed ears
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Nobody wants to read about guys with regular ass normal dicks.
1000 Space GDCs
make 'em non-euclidean
Badgerman
Slender and graceful, with long earlobes
Yes, even down there
1000 Space GDCs
5D elf hog
Badgerman
Gives your partner something to hang onto
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Technically a dick is already non-Euclidean since its curved.
gellaho
Larson is allowed a sentence of relief
I got you Rachel for Christmas
his human standard penis has RUINED this book for poor @Sigma Science Fox Djonin
Badgerman
Jesus Christ, Miriam.
FancyShark
Larson must've run out of children's funerals to remember
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh my guy. No, of course your mother doesnt know yet. Its probably not been long enough to have told her.
gellaho
And now: more crying
1000 Space GDCs
this is norse narnia, time moves differently.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also if your corpse wasnt recovered she could hold out hope for decades that you were just captured.
FancyShark
Soldier shows up at her house, hat in hand. He delivers the terrible news.
"Mrs. Larson? I'm afraid your son is an elf."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
No closure for Mrs. Larson.
gellaho
Hey, Miriam, weird
I got you Rachel for Christmas
what the fuck
Badgerman
She donates regularly to the Isekaied Warriors Fund forever after
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You know........Im not opposed to men crying in general but.......maybe just quit this quest shit if you're that fragile you cant go a day without crying, Larson.
gellaho
Hey, Miriam? Weirder
FancyShark
I WAS JOKING!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
wow i thought i had a low opinion of men but miriam makes me look like male chauvinist
Sigma Science Fox Djonin
hey guys whats goin
WHAT
1000 Space GDCs
the doeskin breeches did nothing to conceal his standard issue human erection
Badgerman
Oh so NOW you're throwing out the actual Norse poetry.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
YEAH MIGHTY WHOREDOMS! NOW WERE GETTING STARTED!
gellaho
You, too, Brian
gellaho
A blind seer? Well, now I've heard everything
Badgerman
Seer? I hardly knee 'er!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I love how she subverts all these fantasy expectations
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just once I'd like to see a seer who has like normal vision.
Brendan
Miriam grew up with a post-Victorian view of men as lusty werewolves in the proximity of women. Also willing cannibals.
gellaho
Time for some cataract bargaining
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean even if the seer just has glasses, that would be fine.
Brendan
"Sorry you're heartbroken. I'll put this erection away but I VOW THIS DAY to complete its quest."
Badgerman
Blind seer but with a Georgi LaForge hairband across their eyes
Brendan
I was doing laundry after the whole self-harm thing. What's she sad about?
1000 Space GDCs
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
SLimes whole family got dead.
gellaho
Miriam really doesn't want to get this old woman an ophthalmological wizard
gellaho
Excuse me, Slime
Excuse me, Silme
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahah this fantasy kingdom is definitely in the US, this blind seer doesnt have insurance.
Badgerman
Jesus, Slime, she's just asking for a referral
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"You see eye wizards arent on your health plan, you'll have to go out of network."
1000 Space GDCs
yeah, we don't cover optomancers.
Badgerman
Just tell her to go see Sir Neo of Sporin
gellaho
Larson's mind is as open as it is twisty
gellaho
Badgerman
Jesus, even elf brains are better than everyone else's
Fucking elves, man
gellaho
And they learn nothing they didn't already know
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Have you tried rubbing the juice of a lamb liver mixed with some dog shit on your eyeballs? Over the counter medicine is cheaper than a wizard."
1000 Space GDCs
elf brains sound like an antique radio
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Larson, tell me. What does your elf brain think?"
Badgerman
Throwing a sword into a spring from the top of a tree sounds difficult so be sure to invoke the magic word as you do so: "Kobe"
gellaho
They leave and look who stopped by
Brendan
Nobody told Al he has no chance with Silme because she's seen firsthand how helf-breeds get treated, right?
Badgerman
It's fine, he's passing
FancyShark
He knows he's one good sob away from third base
Badgerman
…Okay, that one felt a smidge too dark
gellaho
Well, I guess the surgery isn't happening
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just the ones that are too dark skinned tho.
SAVINGS! This is why you get your eye wizardry first THEN do augury.
Brendan
My college roommate has told me some stories about girls thinking they're being nice, like "Oh, you're great, I just don't Black guys." That's a thing that's happened to him on more than one freak occasion!
gellaho
Meanwhile: Al is sad
Brendan
"You'd be a good boyfriend, but as a rule, I racism."
Badgerman
Film at 11
Brendan
Can't believe this selfish wizard trying to save the world amidst her family's extermination by her brother can't spare a smile for him.
FancyShark
She's avoiding you? Is it all the crying?
1000 Space GDCs
the puking?
Brendan
I like watching Al follow Bram's journey
FancyShark
The puking and the crying?
gellaho
It's going great for Al
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Maybe its the fact she knows fuck all about you?
Badgerman
I feel like Miriam is working out some personal issues in this text
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Women love when a guy goes to pieces emotionally at the slightest sign of displeasure, so it cant be because youre a jellyfish, Larson.
FancyShark
If there's one thing we know Larson can do, it's hurl
gellaho
At least he has a new sword friend
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
`How does he STILL not understand what hes supposed to do?! Freyr was pretty clear!
1000 Space GDCs
"If you can read my mind, why do you still get my name wrong?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Hey I noticed you cry alot? You're starting to rust me."
gellaho
Vidarr has footwear issues
FancyShark
I am Vidarr, the silent go- wait, dammit
Badgerman
Vidarr passes the Barbarian Fashion Check
gellaho
Miriam continues to understand straight men
Brendan
Especially when he has war trauma and is holding a magic sword that kills you if you try to take it from him.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
His metal shoe is magic. Its made for stomping, I think?
Brendan
Look, if you can't recognize the beauty of genderfluid Loki, throw out your Bowie albums.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Vidarr is one of the Aesir whos like a back bencher so I dont remember him much.
Badgerman
I think even among straight guys Loki is considered fair game
gellaho
Yes, Vidarr is who I think of when I hear Odin's son
I got you Rachel for Christmas
i don't know, he's very similar to the straight guys you see on grindr
gellaho
Hard to throw away something you don't have
Badgerman
That's not… being fickle, that's just disliking you personally
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah I mean Loki can turn into stuff, so if you arent pleased with the bussy he can do something else for you. He can do horse or something if thats your speed.
Or giant.
Or giant horse.
Or bird.
Lots of stuff.
Badgerman
I bet Zeus and Loki would have gotten along like a house on fire
gellaho
Vidarr goes on a quest to satisfy his curiosity of what Loki is talking about
Vidarr is very stupid
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Probably "woman"? If you wanna be boring and not be like:
FancyShark
Says here "Vidar" can also mean "wide ruler". So now the sword will be played by a gimmicky tape measure
Badgerman
The lightsaber of swords
gellaho
Vidarr is immensely unhelpful
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Lol no wonder Slime cant hear Vidarr anymore, he got got by Loki.
Badgerman
Gods are always in the last place you look
gellaho
So then there's a long description of Ragnarök with and without Vidarr being present
FancyShark
Mental exchange must not include spoken communication
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuck you Miriam did you just imply the Norse had psychic powers?
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"You and your people are a huge liability. Less than useless."
gellaho
You'll never guess what that triggers
FancyShark
Like a piece of toast or a tree stump
Badgerman
The Norse Noosphere, or Noorsphere, if you will
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Beholdeth, yon Kia Sorento!
gellaho
Fun
Badgerman
Or a dog's butt
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"I told Freyr to bring me one of those Vietnamese guys, at least they have enough stones to not cry when they stand up too quickly."
1000 Space GDCs
oh good, some levity
Badgerman
Fuck them kids.
- Al Larsen
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Finally, an end to fucking Brendor.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Poor Brendor, he really was the SHAVE! of us."
Brendan
Mental exchange.
gellaho
It's time to play the expression game. Try replicating what Silme is doing here
Badgerman
Clown to clown communication
FancyShark
Ouch
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Well........thats...........Miriam did you intend like a "bite your thumb" thing there or.......
Miriam I hope you're a better doctor than storyteller.
gellaho
Miriam really understands men
gellaho
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Well, she is a real pediatrician, but this chapter is actually named after her, so...
Badgerman
Slime I love you!
But we only have 48 hours to save the earth!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah thats man talk. "My sword I........ SLIME I LOVE YOU!"
gellaho
Silme goes through all the emotions
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Ahhh, takes you back to your first tube of Gak, huh?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I snorted like a piggy.
FancyShark
Are we supposed to see a parallel with how the bad guy was treated by the princess? Because if not, you done fucked up, Miriam
gellaho
Luckily, his sword is her god so he's got an in
Badgerman
Miriam, you could have just written a harlequin romance. What the fuck is this
I got you Rachel for Christmas
sadly even their standards are too high for her
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Miriam couldnt make a glass of water wet.
gellaho
She currently is
FancyShark
I hope the sword has giant googly eyes so we know it's alive
gellaho
Ladies love panicked babbling
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yes I also interpret "pinched looking" as an affectionate expression and not one of tension.
Brendan
I dunno, 90% of what Al likes about Silme is her breasts, so she seems to give men a lot of credit.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Wait......SLIME YOU WHAT HIM?! WHY!?
Badgerman
Ah, that explains it. She's attracted to stupid men.
gellaho
You can't tell me there's a better romance than two people hugging each other while crying twice
1000 Space GDCs
the guy playing larson rolled a natural 20 on a charisma check
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Yup, that's how women work. Keep making passes at us and eventually you'll roll a natural 20
FancyShark
"Loved you since the day we met" is a line that only ever makes sense when the alternatives are horrible and graphic
I got you Rachel for Christmas
God damn it scooped
gellaho
The classic 'Nam-flashback-breasthold/butchered-family-cryfest romance
1000 Space GDCs
Wait were you even here when we concluded she was novelizing a dnd campaign?
Badgerman
Can we just throw the stupid god sword in the spring already, Miriam? Please?
gellaho
Wah, wah
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I think i saw the tail end of it, or some allusions
gellaho
This conversation gets really weird really fast
gellaho
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Larson stop stroking
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"You see, as we both know, Elves are selfish lovers and dont reciprocate oral sex. If I dont get my cummies I cant do magic."
Badgerman
Jesus Christ, somebody called the half breed thing
gellaho
You think that's bad
1000 Space GDCs
He doesn't want kids, lady, he just wants to bone down
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Oh.......well Slime you see I have this um.......magical method of birth control. Do you have any sheep you dont need?"
Badgerman
Oh no.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Yeah racism exists so mixed race people are evil i guess
1000 Space GDCs
Gotta try out these new average genitals
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Exactly normal genitals for a human man.
gellaho
So, I'm not really sure what's going on. Larson tells himself not to be prejudiced and then immediately goes for the slur
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
For all he knows he nuts tree sap.
gellaho
So I think Miriam must have had a stroke writing that
Badgerman
Holy shit.
Good fucking god.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Gaelinar is a goo-SHAVE!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Or, and hear me out, we can do butt stuff."
1000 Space GDCs
If you want to write problematic fantasy, you need to come up with your own slurs. that's basic stuff
gellaho
This is still the love confession by the way
I got you Rachel for Christmas
(Gaelinar is a good guy, is what I was going to say)
1000 Space GDCs
Gaelinar seems like he has to deal with a lot of shit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Damn bringing Vidarr into it brought her around quickly.
Badgerman
I like Gaelinar but I'm glad he's not the protagonist or I wouldn't be able to relate this story
(That's for the troops)
gellaho
And once they accept their love, they do what anyone would do. Have a long hug
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Want to seduce a lady? Invoke her god.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Maybe soon they will work up to Mormon second base "Hand holding".
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I'm very receptive to protestations of devotion to Satan
gellaho
This is how men think, sure
FancyShark
Larson: Virulent Bigot, Vapid/Vanilla Victimizer, Vacillating Vendor, Vicarious Veteran and Vomiting Virgin of Vietnam does not reflect any of the beliefs or opinions of this channel
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Badgerman
Not to drag us into the swamp but can we go back to the sissy hypnosis ninjaficafion part of the book?
gellaho
This kiss naturally leads to a dead dad flashback
I got you Rachel for Christmas
What an incredibly unsexy way to describe making out.
This is why she couldn't get accepted by harlequin.
FancyShark
Wow. That kiss must've been terrible
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just poking at her molars with his tongue.
Thinking about his dead dad.
1000 Space GDCs
This bit with an Asian-coded swordsman and a lady magician actually predates wheel of time, I was shocked to learn.
Badgerman
COUNTING MOLARS WITH HIS TONGUE UHHHHH
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
All of this happening in the woods.
gellaho
And how his brother hates him for enlisting
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Bring it on, miriam, give me all the dead dads you got