83: Spy High: Mission One A. J. Butcher

Badgerman

hahaha he's cribbing off SPECTRE so hard

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

Thank you This Island Earth

Brendan

Our society was going hard at mutants even before TMNT. We just don't get mutants much anymore

CaptainBadguy

CHAOS™ Now with Rocket launcher attachment

Badgerman

Furries kind of absorbed that trope I think

Brendan

Case to be made TIE exists in the same galaxy as Sony's sym-BI-ote Venom.

gellaho

His eyes were realists

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

We get too many mutants, right, Marvel Comics?

Badgerman

they refused to fantasize

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

You can't stop me!

CaptainBadguy

His eyes were naive, they saw only good news.

FancyShark

Yea, then did someone come running into the lab

CaptainBadguy

His eyes saw ambivalently.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Ben read The Secret, confirmed.

gellaho

Goddammit, AJ, stop writing like an asshole

FancyShark

I don't think bad news like "A meteor's about to obliterate this entire complex" is good news for the captives

BlindMonkey

I should flinch more. Make my life literary.

Badgerman

Such is the nature of.... CHAOS

BlindMonkey

Never get a good flinch in.

Badgerman

Muahahahahaaaaaa!

CaptainBadguy

Hmmm. A leaky tap can drown the best laid plans, such is the nature of ANARCHY™

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

A flinch is just cringe given to you by another.

Badgerman

Try spotting a spider in the shower you hadn't clocked before stepping in

Works for me, every time

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

Nahh they'll be fine

CaptainBadguy

When you are an agent of CHAOS I guess you just have to work it in.

gellaho

What a valiant battle

CaptainBadguy

Big plan

Badgerman

AJ in full "ah fuck it" mode now

FancyShark

His secret move was to stand up

CaptainBadguy

Whole pages can be deleted from this book with no planning and no impact.

The wriggle is a legitimate move

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

He was paid by the letter, my dude

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

The mutants are hiding the fact that technically this is a battle between children.

gellaho

Man, he really wants this snake thing to happen

FancyShark

"I WILL MARRY A SNAKE!"

CaptainBadguy

The gas is half snake?

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

It will be a ssssssintillating marriage

Badgerman

Will Frankenstein be triumphant? Find out in our next episode: "Frankenstein Triumphant!"

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"My other subjects complain SO FUCKING MUCH and are so ungrateful when I melt and twist their DNA to suit my whims."

gellaho

Meanwhile: rebel mutants

gellaho

Fully bloody and disgusting. You know, for the kids

FancyShark

Rocksteady?

Badgerman

Not even technicolor gore to keep it PG

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Oh how could this have been foreseen? The guy who kidnaps people and turns them into mutant gribblies doesnt inspire loyalty?!

BlindMonkey

Are they "like" sci-fi monsters if they're in a sci-fi monster book?

CaptainBadguy

Because warping someone into a snakeman doesn't give them a pension or make them like you

gellaho

"They absolutely ruined my penis"

CaptainBadguy

This is a fucking excellent point.

FancyShark

This is a Moreau lesson, Frank. You should have stuck with reanimated corpses.

CaptainBadguy

His experiment didn't have moreaus

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"I have some kind of cloaca now, I dont even have the faintest idea how it works. I've been stuffing rocks in it but nothing seems to satisfy."

Badgerman

So how do they explain this to Wil's parents without causing a major international scandal

CaptainBadguy

I guess he lost his 'moreau compass'

gellaho

"There's no chance!"

"Yes there is"

"OK."

FancyShark

"He fell"

FancyShark

The important lesson here is that none of Will's spy training saved him from a fate worse than death

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Look, we put all we could find that you might want in this garbage bag. Take it or leave it."

CaptainBadguy

Imagine being an 'author' and just going 'you know, like sci fi monsters. Use your imagination'

gellaho

A psychocybernetic biochip?

CaptainBadguy

The guard who talks too much said so

FancyShark

Frankenstein lucked out that none of his captives had out of date BIOS

Badgerman

"We inserted microchips to increase the pain"

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

God just say its a Bill Gates thought control chip. People will know what you mean.

gellaho

MEANWHILE: SUPERTHICK

CaptainBadguy

He also said if you hold.your phone next to the radio it doesn't work

Badgerman

T H I C C

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

He put some sweet RGB lighting into one dude.

CaptainBadguy

It was super thick, use your imagination

gellaho

"Why isn't everyone praising me!"

CaptainBadguy

You know, like really thick.

Too thick to break using nothing

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"You know like those glass bricks? Thicker than those."

FancyShark

Ben has waited the whole book to flip them off and now he has the perfect chance

gellaho

Sad trombone

Badgerman

If you really wanted to impress us, Ben, you can balance that nitro on the edge of your dick and go fuck yourself

gellaho

Have you guys noticed that his fingers are like worms?

I'm not sure he's mentioned that before

CaptainBadguy

"the glass was really, really thick"

gellaho

Quite a coincidence that it also sounds like snakes

CaptainBadguy

Hm

Badgerman

He's gonna turn them into Gene Rayburns!

CaptainBadguy

Gas does not slither slyly.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Lori will probably like being able to detect body heat thru the pits on her new snout.

CaptainBadguy

It does not suspiciously slurp

Brendan

He's gonna Animorph them!

CaptainBadguy

Gas does not surreptitiously surrender.

It may, if it wishes to indulge go

"Ssssssssssssssss"

gellaho

Elsewhere: carnage for the children

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Gas DOES sensually susserus

Badgerman

Fuck yeah, Kombat time!

CaptainBadguy

The fatal flash of fang

gellaho

Some more things for the children to consider late at night

CaptainBadguy

Eyes are gonna be glinting soon boy!

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

This is why you always, ALWAYS ALWAYS, melt your creations with acid if you dont intend to use them.

CaptainBadguy

Notes pages 137-146 more alliteration

FancyShark

It's up to Eddie? Well, they're dead

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Frankenstein should maybe have paid better attention to that novel that Mary wrote in between watching her husband and Lord Byron fuck on a bearskin rug.

CaptainBadguy

I think the bank of computers erupted like bad 1970 SFX, with like orange sparks and white pop smoke

gellaho

CaptainBadguy

The tree was having a bad day.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

You fucked it, you unfunny and unreliable jagoff.

BlindMonkey

I thought being a spy was about pretending to be a churro vendor in Washington for 15 years

FancyShark

We're not even going to be treated to his grisly decapitation?

Badgerman

If Eddie Blofelds himself on a tree branch I will forgive all else

CaptainBadguy

The tree was having a bad day

gellaho

Jesus Christ, AJ, tone it down

CaptainBadguy

The tree was having a bad day

Brendan

Hey kids, rememeber Return of the Jedi? man, that was fun. anyway.

gellaho

Maybe also not use the witch's cat simile, you freak

Badgerman

Literal pages of nothing of substance happening in the killing tube

CaptainBadguy

Oh fuck this gas description

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Fuck yeah, THREE HEADED SNAKE TEEN!

FancyShark

It's just a fart, Jennifer. Calm down.

CaptainBadguy

The gas popped it's finger in it's mouth and said

"Wet Willie?"

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

Thank you, Garak

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Ben will finally know what its like to have a womans struggles once his flesh merges.

Badgerman

Should've read "How To Fart Secretly For Teens"

gellaho

I do not care for this

Badgerman

Yeah that's how genetic memory works

FancyShark

Hell yeah. Peyote!

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Being a snake doesnt seem that bad.

CaptainBadguy

Sexy gas

Brendan

Being a snake with stitched-in t. rex arms though?

CaptainBadguy

This gas is played by Tim Curry in Fern Gulley.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

You dont need to look for a job, all you really need to worry about is large birds and other snakes.

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

Well they did have legs once…before a nekkid chik got dietary advice from one

gellaho

AJ, please stop

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Having children is way easier when you can just drop a bunch in a hole and fuck off.

Badgerman

Ah, the depravities of the rich finally show themselves

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

You mean, you DON'T?

Badgerman

That's what Spy High is for

CaptainBadguy

AJ is like, how to fuck do I move on?

FancyShark

End the book on this cliffhanger, AJ. I dare you.

CaptainBadguy

Suddenly CHAOS

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

God it would be funny if Frankenstein gave them the placebo gas and they're just freaking out.

gellaho

Hey, AJ, did you forget who you were writing this for?

Ramb$ne Gracie

own throat?

CaptainBadguy

WOLF MUTANT

FancyShark

The monsters are no longer vulnerable to punching. Got it.

Ramb$ne Gracie

would you chop at your own throat to defeat the monster?

Badgerman

Jesus, I've seen less self-indulgent kinkfic.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Aw CAlly......you have way too sad a life to be optimistic about how beautiful your death will be.

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

How would we know you're serious if you don't?

Ramb$ne Gracie

oh it's like taking a hostage in a wrestling match

got it

I'LL DO IT

I'LL KILL HER

CaptainBadguy

She chopped at the mutants throat it had borrowed from Stephen with a PH. From upstairs

Ramb$ne Gracie

STAND BACK WOLF BEAST

gellaho

Who taught you how to write similes? And how can we put them in jail?

gellaho

Ramb$ne Gracie

I WILL CHOP THIS GIRL'S THROAT IF YOU COME CLOSER

Badgerman

The monster peeled its head apart like that dude's face in Poltergeist

CaptainBadguy

My child unwraps presents like that.

Badgerman

You know, for kids

FancyShark

Tearing at its skull, screaming "A NINTENDO 64!"

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Well AJ I never really thought about how a rending scalp is like a present before......" said the editor, nervously.

CaptainBadguy

Cally didn't ask why

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

You beat me to it, you sonuvabich

gellaho

Meanwhile: blowing up the computers reversed who the mutants hate

CaptainBadguy

Is revenge an emotion

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

We've blown the implants like a Hilton sister in the back room

gellaho

WHAT OF YOUR ASSERTION

CaptainBadguy

Turned and turned and turned...

Means you need to get the fuck out of there CHAOS agent.

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

CHAOS was written by the first AI bot

gellaho

I guess it's curtains for the fingies

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Revenge is one of the lesser known emotions, like Mkksplurb, Zune, and wangle.

Badgerman

What fitting last words for… uh… Frankenstein 2

CaptainBadguy

The CHAOS agents filled no literature requirements

They just came and.......

gellaho

Fun

FancyShark

Frankenstein died as he lived: unable to do a simple sleight of hand trick

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

They used up valuable letters

Brendan

Whoever writes the mission report for this one is going to be denied any chance of promotion.

Badgerman

Oh good, now they really can just tell Wil's parents he fell down a hole and died

Brendan

So I'm clear Frankenstein invented mind-control tech

gellaho

Sleep tight, don't let the ant men bite

Brendan

But was like "No, no, it MUST be manimals."

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

Did cally just do the Face Off running the hand down the face gimmick?

Brendan

"As is my legacy, Victor Von Moreaustein."

Badgerman

"I deserve your love!", the rallying cry of all incels everywhere

FancyShark

"I...I was going to marry a snake!"

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"and out shambled Benniferi, the three headed snake person of AJ's dreams."

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

It was ironic because Will always did that to her

CaptainBadguy

I deserve your susserating sausages, look I know you feel revenge, these aren't alligator tears!

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

In her bed, after she shed her skin

gellaho

Well, even though the book said their cells were changing and they were imagining they were snakes, they're just fine

FancyShark

And the story is thwarted

Badgerman

They didn't taste enough witch's cat gene gas to turn full reptile

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Certainly breathing in this gene altering snake gas will have absolutely no long term effects!"

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

"Susserating sausages" , my, ain't you the wordsmith

Badgerman

That's very definitely how that works, trust me, I am an educator

Give your children more of my books

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

Better than this book in any case

gellaho

Confusingly, there are still twenty pages in this book

CaptainBadguy

I thought the gas was sentient.

Brendan

Why you gotta cut out the Ray Wise part??

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

Oh no please, not on our account, CHAOS

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Hahahah I have failed so i am the winner! XANATOS GAMBIT BITCHESSS! CHAOS OUT!"

CaptainBadguy

Haha "Huh Mr Chaos man!" Said the angry 6 year old, whose parents don't swear around him.

gellaho

Secret death missile!

FancyShark

"You are more than you appear. You appear to be a whiny little trustfund bitch. But now I see you are more of a feckless, unlovable asshole."

Badgerman

Oh hey I remember this from the fakeout prologue

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

What if he dropped dead of a heart attack? Would the message still be playing?

CaptainBadguy

I Dr Frankenstein, have access to a MISSILE SILO?

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Tee hee hee, I have a cruise missile in order to give you juuuuust enough time to escape from certain doom!"

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

It came with the evil Dr certificate

FancyShark

He uses the microwave and the signal is disrupted

Ozzie

If you think Frankenstein doesn't have a closet of backup hearts...

CaptainBadguy

The missile silo is on a dead man's trigger. I actually respect that.

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

He's got a ton of muties

gellaho

Those three were in a chamber for minutes with the gas and they were fine. Kinda seems like this wouldn't actually do anything

Badgerman

His legendary ancestor's ballistic missile silo, no less

Badgerman

It's like using febreeze in the bathroom, you really gotta nuke em with the stuff if you want it to do anything

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

Yeah when it's dispersed it ReAlly loses effectiveness

FancyShark

"The camera will shatter the moment of impact. It was a bad purchase."

CaptainBadguy

There's some weird funding out there in the GARDENSCAPE

gellaho

The lab is also exploding, just for fun

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

Quick!! Change the channel!!

Badgerman

It's like he couldn't figure out which death trap was most appropriate so he just used them all

FancyShark

There was a sale

CaptainBadguy

I Dr Frankenstein say "Nu uh, well I've got unlimited nukes jinx no take backs"

God even when he's dead he is just awful.

gellaho

Not the gross centaur painting!

Ramb$ne Gracie

WAIT

cally is going to explode?

I MANIFESTED THIS

CaptainBadguy

Oculus stresses me a lot too.

Badgerman

Use the painting to shield yourself from the explosion!

Just like the ending of Double Team!!

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

AJ reached thru time to touch Hambone's mind and spirit!

gellaho

That's how you hack computers: foreplay

gellaho

FancyShark

Ah, but see now we get to witness the payoff from all that time she spent working on her confidence and hacking skills

Ramb$ne Gracie

:fentonmanga::frankmanga::joehardy:

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

Make love to the computer, children

CaptainBadguy

Think like a computer

Brrrp boop beeeeeeeep

FancyShark

You must romance the detonation sequence out of the bomb

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Yessssss caress those usb ports."

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

Don't let the hard drive get floppy

CaptainBadguy

Much better to have instructions

Badgerman

Cally learning the way of wormy fingers

CaptainBadguy

If she stops and reads the manual I'll read the sequel.

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"Gently finger the PCIe slots."

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

Her fingers getting sticky from Cheetos dust

gellaho

This reminds me of my computer science course in college

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

Her blood is just 80 percent Gamer Fuel by now.

Badgerman

Whohoho, it shyly let her in

gellaho

Always had a hard time finding the C drive

CaptainBadguy

AJ needs to masturbate

Badgerman

We got a first timer

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

Oh yes, yes! Hit my MS-DOS!

Ramb$ne Gracie

i've heard the c drive is a myth

Badgerman

Do you think fragging the C drive is like hitting the cervix?

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

"awwwwwwwww yeaaaaaahhhhh im gonna kernel panic!"

FancyShark

This is the most erotic way I've ever seen someone describe "Google the problem"

gellaho

Descriptions are hard

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

But it's rubbing my dot matrix…

CaptainBadguy

Ugh.

Clarify please, does a swoop have an arc?

FancyShark

Nothing like stopping to remember to go faster

18-H.D. Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL

Don't spin the mouse wheel too fast

Tease it

Badgerman

Just offscreen Tag Team are singing Swoop (There It Is)

Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage

And the mouse ball drops right the fuck out just before orgasm.