92: Crash Landing Nicole Davidson

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The Book Cage Episode 92 - Crash Landing

We've had lots of fun with Dragonards and Frank, Joe, and Tom, but the Year of Pain must soldier on. And as such, we are revisiting one of our new friends: Nicole Davidson/Kathryn Jensen/Kathryn Johnson. It's the sequel to Crash Course! How has Kelly recovered since the murderous SAT prep course that ruined her life? Well, a ski trip at that exact same location should help! Join me and a bunch of shitty teens on the slopes this Friday, 5pm eastern.

gellaho

gellaho

Coming up at the top of the hour it's Nicole Davidson's/Kathryn Jensen's/Kathryn Johnson's Crash Landing. Here is the knife preview

gellaho

Apparently some kind of punch stab

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

You can't just kill a person for sentence fragments!

FancyShark

I hope this doesn't affect her SAT scores

I know the well for that joke is dry, but if she's revisiting it, so can we

gellaho

Time to begin the process

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Will we beat our all time high of One slasher murder in tonight's slasher outing? Time will tell

FancyShark

I hope they pulled the teacher out of that sinkhole since the last book

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

I cant wait for the whole book to imply that the happenings are supernatural and then reveal that no of course not.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

I hope they didn't

gellaho

Previously on Crash Course

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Welcome to Deep Creek. Not a creek, but a lake.

We have intentionally named it wrong. As a joke.

FancyShark

MTV will never stop showing videos

gellaho

The depression of the flamboyantly dressed

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

GIF

GDC

Seems weird to go skiing here, what with all the trauma

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Watch out for Gwyneth Paltrow!

FancyShark

Trauma makes for good slopes

gellaho

Boy, looking forward to a whole book of this sad girl shit

gellaho

Most way-cool teacher

GDC

I hope kelly becomes a goth

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Kelly you need some hair dye and My Chemical Romance?

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

The high school requires one whole ski advisor

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Some lacy gloves? I can get my friend to recommend some solid eyeliner.

FancyShark

I bet that award goes on her resume

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Unless they're Eddie Lacy gloves, in which case get thee to football club posthaste

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Also how white is your school if you have a ski advisor?

And a whole ass ski club?

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

As white as the driven sno— hey wait

gellaho

✅ Redhead

GDC

As white as the slopes that are their classr-yeah.

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Fuckin Jeff just wanted to weasel out of having to tell someone about something.

FancyShark

Annette, you didn't hear about how a student died in this place? Under school supervision?

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Brian wasn't exactly well known or well liked

gellaho

Too focused on the slopes, baby

FancyShark

In terms of best friends, he was the way-best

gellaho

Will O' the Wisp

FancyShark

"Thanks for the reminder, Annette"

GDC

"they didn't like Brian, much"

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Not drowned, WAS drowned, Kelly. Active voice, not passive.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Is Kelly not aware she could have just. Stayed home

FancyShark

Kelly's too sad to remember she has independence

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

And miss out on the chance to sad girl?

Not missing a chance to sad girl is very teen girl, my sister never did.

gellaho

That is very convenient for this sequel

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

My sister would have KILLED to have one of her friends drown.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

They'd have been pleased TO DEATH, is what you're saying

GDC

Sad Girl Exposition is a great name for an emo band.

FancyShark

"Incidentally, did you hear that hospital lost all of their door locks?"

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Hahahah Kelly, of COURSE Paula was mentally ill, you think girls like Paula could possibly NOT be mentally ill?

gellaho

This some strong fiveshadowing

FancyShark

Paula tried to crush you with a boulder because she couldn't die with Brian. Kelly? Did you forget that?

I think Annette's realizing she's made one decision she regrets

gellaho

That was mentioned in the exhaustive recap I skipped

Jeff seen here in his Bond henchman costume

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Annettes decision she regrets is sleeping with Chad Henswick, the ski instructor from Denver.

FancyShark

Kelly's still an idiot, which is really all we need to know

gellaho

And sexually harassing a teacher

GDC

I think that we're going to see a lot of that

gellaho

I'm also pretty sure that last book ended with Nathan hating all of them, but whatever

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Fuckin Jeff.

FancyShark

"Nathan's anemic! Let's party!"

gellaho

He also recovered from that deep stab wound pretty quickly

GDC

Jeff flushed Nathan's meds down the toilet as a prank

gellaho

Considering it was in November

FancyShark

Classic Jeff

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

We stitched him up and now hes fine.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

It was really more of a flesh wound

FancyShark

Arteries grow back

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

I've seen Hellraiser, they totally can

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

They infused him with gecko blood, he's better than ever.

Ramb$ne

Blood geckos are a completely different story

gellaho

Frank Riley is what happens when Frank Hardy and Con Riley get in a transporter accident

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Cruvix

FancyShark

@LyraV ! @Brendan ! You're missing out on the angst!

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Probably came to keep his wife from fucking Chad Hemswick again.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

I've never thought to stop dialogue to identify a character for one sentence then back into it.

Or at least not with a paragraph break for that one sentence

gellaho

Nathan out here complaining about this useless cripple

GDC

should've been a footnote

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Or that info presented some other way.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Nathan really trying to sell himself as either the first victim or the murderer

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Its fine, you can still get wood sometimes if you can't walk, Frank. I'm sure your wife still loves you.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Like Annette saying, "My husband worries too much"

FancyShark

Nothing endears you to a group like bitching about the disabled

gellaho

Hey look, another Jeff

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Oh Jesus, he's got two Chad first names. This is one to watch

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

I love when a personality is "Drives a cool car."

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

A massive hunk of what?

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Yeah Vin Diesel is great

GDC

Will Tanner's got big Beef McLargeHuge energy.

gellaho

Bleached Angel

FancyShark

Will Tanner would go on to star in Alf

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Boooo. Give us an actual Goth

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Hey, it's only in college on a campus with restricted parking for on campus students that a guy with a car gets invited everywhere.

GDC

We're down one goth girl, Kelly, you need to step up

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Being on Alf is the closest he will ever come to eating pussy.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

I only knew one goth named Angel and she was insufferable.

gellaho

Didn't know you could do worse than Mr. Pizza

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

I was dating her bestie and she got so jealous.

FancyShark

"Goth girl finds religion after witnessing someone die" feels less plausible than anything else so far

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

So is it pronounced Pizzazz or Pizza-zz

GDC

The usual pipeline is goth -> wiccan

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

And two pubs which will go unnamed

FancyShark

Look, kid, I got customers. Just order already.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Shenanigans? Does this take place in White River Junction?

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

The only goth girl in my school made us call her Salubria Indica.

gellaho

What a likable character

LyraV

Better than skiing in the dark I suppose?

FancyShark

hahaha, Will definitely has an STI

GDC

Silly Annette, rich people don't need to learn to be better

Ramb$ne

More like... Won't has an STI, amirite?

gellaho

Suddenly:

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

And I doubt they do in college

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

If he doesnt yet Annette will give him one.

FancyShark

Frank, you prankster!

GDC

Relax Kelly, he's just getting the charcuterie board ready

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

"I made brownies, want one?"

Ramb$ne

Frankster*

gellaho

If there was only someway we could evade this guy in a wheelchair!

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Oh hell yeah, are we getting a "disabled people can be murderers too!"?

GIF

FancyShark

Nice the knife is handicap accessible

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Waxy gray orbs, what a great image for a living human's eyes.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

He's a vampire!!

GDC

He sounds like an Oblivion character

gellaho

"No, your real name"

FancyShark

He's rheumatic

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

No-nonsense teacher-stare

gellaho

"No, his real name"

FancyShark

GEE

GDC

Golly!

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Golly

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

"This is all a huge misunderstanding. I just like scuttling out of vents and grabbing shiny objects, its a new teen thing called "goblin mode". Everyone is doing it."

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Willikers

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Sockamagee!

FancyShark

"We're with the law firm of Potter and York"

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Angel is so thirsty she will fuck a Troy and learn why you dont fuck a Troy.

gellaho

"Well, this is the worst excuse I've ever heard. Straight to juvy"

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Keine

FancyShark

Well, you're horrible, Kelly. So probably not flirting.

Except he's a teenage boy, so yeah, flirting

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

You could have just said "blindingly white" to describe him and left it at that, tbh. The jumpsuit is just a hat on a hat

GDC

What's the thing where you see a rare word once and then see it again right away? https://twitter.com/midnight_pals/status/1639331870029799424

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Kelly needs to learn the difference between flirting and ogling.

gellaho

Sure, a great time to start doing that

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Jesus, writer, just kick him straight in the nuts while you're at it.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

This is his version of cracking his knuckles while flexing his biceps.

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

I cant tell if the author is horny for Frank or wants us to think he's capable of murder.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

"Lemme at 'em!"

gellaho

That doesn't explain anything

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

WEED

FancyShark

FISH

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

It was more of a "window-slightly-ajar and entering", officer

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

PEMMICAN!

LyraV

Hell yeah

GDC

Nathan's been into the devil's lettuce

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Parsley?! THE FIEND!

FancyShark

Jeremy has FOMO about open windows

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Kale

gellaho

Her thinking this makes sense explains why she's the ski instructor and not an actual teacher

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

He's smuggling corpse flowers through Wisp Mountain!

FancyShark

"Without his Predator goggles, how can he see in the snow?"

"That makes sense."

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Nathan inhaling the perfume of the Black Lotus.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

I had no idea they make prescription ski goggles instead of just wearing ski goggles over glasses.

gellaho

A really super memorial run

GDC

Ski the pain away

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

I do know that they have prescription eye protection

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

"How the fuck am I supposed to ski a run, dumbass? Those are two completely different verbs. Fucking— you know what, just leave me to my sadness, you fucking freakazoid."

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Brian, screaming from Hell: "NO FUCK YOU I HATED SKIIING! I WANT TO NOT BE DEAD YOU FOOL!"

FancyShark

Good god, Kelly. Just toss a rock in the lake if you're going for that level of commemoration

gellaho

Time to Sonny Bono this shit

LyraV

Yeah let me snap my bones for BRIAN

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

"Deathwish" Kelly!

FancyShark

"If I die stupidly, it's the best way to honor his pointless death."

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Brian would want me to join him in death, is what Angel should be thinking.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

GIF

GDC

We're doing the eye-opener eyes closed. It's what Brian would have wanted

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

"Next, Ill try to eat an entire horse. For Brian."

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Maybe she'll get a sweet wheelchair like Frank

Then they can both do menacing chair pushups at trespassers.

FancyShark

Then she can stab people!

GDC

Learn from his mistake though, and tie your knife to a broomstick

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Oh Sadgirl Teentimes would LOVE to have a wheelchair and be sad about not being able to walk anymore.

gellaho

This is a great time to get easily distracted

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Imagine the sick skateboarding tricks you could do on the halfpipe with a wheelchair

That face—!

It was BRIAN!!

gellaho

Damn my lack of self-control!

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

For an instant, she forgot she was skiing

FancyShark

Well, her eyes are opened

gellaho

Sick burn on Brian saying he looked like a girl

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

The cool thing about wheelchairs is you can mod them. Get an engine on there, add some nitro and a rocket assist and you're doing Mad Max: Accessibility Edition.

FancyShark

"JUST WALK AW- oh, sorry"

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Makes me think of that dude in The Peripheral whose name escapes me.

GDC

Charles Xavier?

gellaho

The commonly known explosive thud

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Or the dude in Alien Resurrection who had a whole ass arsenal in his ride.

Boooooooo I wanted Kelly to be spitting tree bark and teeth!

FancyShark

Yes, the multiple DO NOT SKI UNLESS YOU ARE A PRO signs were warning about muscle strain

GDC

Or the thing in Dead Rising 2 where you taped a machine gun to the wheelchair and trash talk with a stephen hawking voice

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

One of only a handful of good things about that movie

gellaho

Kathryn really understands the teen experience

FancyShark

The rest of this book is Kelly's brain constructing a fantasy as it drips out of her shattered skull

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

I mean Thud was pretty great, I don't know if I'd call it an explosive book tho

FancyShark

Ski accidents are the leading cause of lesbianism. That's science.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

The other leading cause is murder, incidentally

gellaho

Kelly once again divines someone's trauma from a single look

GDC

Jeremy's dad's hobby is buying community centres in low income neighborhoods and turning them into strip malls

gellaho

FancyShark

Lesbians are hardcore, is the point

gellaho

waits for a round of applause

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Hahahahah Kelly thinks Troy is HARD EDGED lmao.

GDC

Troy practiced that line in the mirror for like, 2 hours

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Conner

FancyShark

Troy's 'Nam flashback is over

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Oh my god, there is a vampire in this story

FancyShark

"He knows about danger. He's seen orange vests."

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Practicing his mean mug in a mirror, Kelly.

gellaho

Kelly decides that it is a great idea to become friends with/flirt with this "wounded" boy she just caught breaking into her cabin

GDC

Classic sad girl move

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

"YAY SODAS!"

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Golly gee a strawberry phosphate for me!

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Kids come running for the fizzy bubbles that expand their stomach lining over time to the point that they lose all sense of proportional hunger and satiety!

FancyShark

"It's just like being around my dead friend! As he is now."

gellaho

Uncaffeinated. Real hardcore

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

"D-do you want to get one s-soda with t-two straws, Troy?"

"Sounds dangerous. Germs and all. Backwash."

Swoon

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Remembering she hadn't had breakfast today, she ate two potato chips and called it a meal

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Two chips? you fucking oinker

FancyShark

Lay's "Remember: You Didn't Have Breakfast Today" marketing scheme is working!

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

BBQ is a solid choice.

gellaho

No, Kelly, you fucking moron. She killed him. And tried to kill you by repeatedly hitting you in the head with a rock

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Better than cool ranch, for breath purposes

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

I hope for Kelly's sake those chips were Middleswarths. All else is folly

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

No, Kelly. It was a literal murder.

Like a for real murder.

gellaho

And also, you know, stabbed Nathan

But who wouldn't

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Lets be honest, that is probably not the first time Nathan has been stabbed and wont be the last time.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

As in slain, cut down, snuffed, whacked, knocked off...

gellaho

Not eating and strenuous exercise. Kelly's looking for a hardcore fainting soon

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Probably the first time he wasnt stabbed for "Looking at my girl" or "Are you wearing a wire" or "beer money".

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Shuffled down the mortal coil to join the choir invisible…

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Hahahahh imagining Kelly having all that much weight to lose BEFORE Brian died.

GDC

"I'll eat tonight" makes you sound like a vampire

gellaho

It is impossible for these authors to write "licked their lips" normally

GDC

"At dusk, I feast"

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

"It looks like an umbrella. Maybe a gun."

GDC

It's a public ski hill, Kelly, you're going to see lots of people

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

It's all leading up to a faint when she sees the next shocking thing.

gellaho

I think Kelly needs glasses

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

God I hope its Paula and they let her out on a weekend pass.

gellaho

Also, Troy's just following her around for all this

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

He's imprinted on her like a puppy

FancyShark

Like how people leave wreathes on the bumpers of the cars that have hit pedestrians

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

And hopefully not like a werewolf

gellaho

Because Kathryn can't write a book where a strange boy(s) follows the main dumbass girl around

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Honestly if I was hanging out with a cute redhead in the woods there arent too many places I wouldnt follow her.

Like bear caves.

GDC

Especially one with big sad girl energy

gellaho

I mean, all the characters are dumbasses but you know

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Weird empty looking cabins.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Hoping for werewolves 😝