92: Crash Landing Nicole Davidson

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Too late. Yes, its like a whip, especially if you have a nozzle on one end. Its not the best but if you have to improvise you beat people with what you can.

FancyShark

Dammit, Sausage!

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

It's certainly no chair with a cut out bottom and a knotted rope.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

So do you hit them with the nozzle end or is that like the whip handle

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Dealers choice, if you want to fuck em up then hit them with the nozzle end.

THe other end wont bruise as badly.

Or possibly at all, depending on your hose.

gellaho

"Why are you scared about the murderer?"

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

My god. Even for teenagers, even for a Kathryn book, they're all so fucking stupid.

FancyShark

Will is not good at avoiding suspicion

Ramb$ne

Fire's flames

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Kid.......did you not think that maybe the person stabbing people is doing it for reasons that ARENT good?

Ramb$ne

GIF

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

We don't know why they killed Paula, they could kill the rest of yas

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Like good job extending the benefit of the doubt to a stabbist but also fuck you?

gellaho

Question marks

gellaho

Also, I guess the police lady said something about a secret protector? Must have missed that

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

God it'd be so funny if they assigned Will the role of secret protector.

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Kelly...........you are such a stupid person. Are you..........do you think.........fuck you Kelly.

FancyShark

Kelly, Will sells beer and pot. It does not take a special breed of person to get invited to high school parties

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

I hope Will stabs Kelly to steal her socks.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Those earnest blue eyes, tho

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

"Oh he's really popular, he must secretly be a teen cop."

FancyShark

Also, there is nothing wrong with trying to be everyone's friend, Kathryn

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Fuck you Kelly, thats a rejected Jackie Chan script.

Or a movie Mark Walhberg made, I dont know.

FancyShark

Maybe Will just wants everyone to be happy!

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

It would explain the rubber hose thing

gellaho

Found it. Hmmm, needlessly vague

FancyShark

I hope it's Frank

LyraV

Good thing they clarified or I might have been confused about whose flames those were.

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

I love how Kelly doesnt think its like.......one of the two adults that cop is talking about.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

She's going to trust Will thinking he's the secret protector when really he's the killer!

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Like one of the two adults who are already responsible for her safety.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Awful convenient that the cops deeded a plainclothes into this teen getaway just in case a murder mystery broke out

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

She can't fuck one of them

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Like, Frank could have just been a retired cop this whole time and we could have avoided this whole fake arrest interlude

LyraV

Although I do admit I like calling people creeps. It's very satisfying.

gellaho

Please let me go out alone in the woods with a murder near where my friend died! It's the most relaxing thing!

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Manmade white stuff in TRAILS?

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Ski, ski, skiiiiii!!!!!!!!!

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

My mind immediately said "Hey we dont know Frank's dick doesnt work." and then "Ohhhhh Mordred meant not SUPPOSED to."

FancyShark

You can all relate, right, audience? Just ski your problems away?

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

That worked out AMAZING last time.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

The minute they're all out on the trail Gwyneth Paltrow bowls Kelly over and breaks her ribs

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

"Just put some Goop on it"

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

And Kelly has to give her a dollar.

FancyShark

I stand by my previous claim that Kelly smashed her head open on the slopes and this is all a dying hallucination

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

"Here, take one of my pussy scented candles."

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Man, if only

gellaho

"Just like the first time on Brian's grave!"

gellaho

And Kelly? Keep your pants on

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Reach around to kiss her on the lips? Is this like that "wash the your boobs on your back" thing?

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

You'll need your pants to flee from Murder Jeff.

FancyShark

"So nice and so great-looking."

I've read hotter prose on the back of laundry detergent.

LyraV

Nice AND good looking what more ha scooooped

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

A sad day when someone manages to sail under the bar set by "Your tits are stupendous"

gellaho

Vroom vroom

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

It wasn't someone's earnest eyes, was it?

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Holy shit it's Gwyneth!

Ski, Kelly! Ski for your life!!

FancyShark

That's just James Bond

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

SnowmoMURDER!

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Squirt out your jade yoni egg first, it'll only slow you down

gellaho

A ski mask!? On the slopes!? How unusual

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Pasty dry?

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

For a second I thought Gellaho had been hit by a snowmobile.

FancyShark

Pasties shouldn't be dry. You might be overcooking them.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Just like us after that romance dialogue

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Zing

FancyShark

She skied left and up

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Sweet ski jump, if only you could have avoided this situation KELLY.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

In Florida?

The perfect crime

gellaho

A very difficult task in Florida

FancyShark

holy shit, a rare gellaho scoop

gellaho

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Except to conclusions

FancyShark

BOOM

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Way to preserve tension, Kathryn

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Kelly has never played Super Mario Bros.

FancyShark

"Kelly had only heard about hopping in songs and stories"

gellaho

I don't know, that kinda sounds like jumping to me

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

DO A THREE SIXTY YOU SILLY LITTLE MOO!

gellaho

Are you crazy? Jumping is only real in fairy tales!

FancyShark

Don't tease us with skywhales, Kathryn

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

The wind, a thing without form or mass, swallowed her like a huge whale, in one gulp

gellaho

At least it's not spacewhales

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Skywhales, the hippo of the sky.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

They'd like to come and meet us but but they think they'd blow our minds

gellaho

Seems like she's pretty fucking proficient, Kathryn

FancyShark

#humblebrag

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Aaaalmost did a Sonny Bono

gellaho

Kelly not realizing that was attempted murder

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Kelly might be too dumb to be killed.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

"You were supposed to grind me under your motor, you MORON!"

gellaho

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE HEADBAND!

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

NOOOO FRANK KNITTED THAT FOR HER BIRTHDAY!

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Her ears are going to be so pink

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

She wore it while Chad from Denver was railing her on the ski lift!

THE MEMORIES!

gellaho

Everyone is such a moron

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

After one of our friends was murdered, there's no way it'll happen twice.

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Jeff would say that because he has eyes and is not stupid, ANNETTE!

LyraV

It could have been GHOSTS

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

It could have been the Devil.

FancyShark

This book is the literary version of those puppet shows where the kids keep screaming "He's right behind you!" at the puppet and getting worked up that the puppet thinks they're lying

gellaho

Their friend and murderer

Anyway, time to eat

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

C o n s u m e

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Annette is the killer, I change my guess

gellaho

Kelly hasn't eaten in so long, she's forgotten how often people eat

LyraV

Not like hourglass sand, that was a different kind of dry.

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Their Friend and Murderer, at 5-6 Central on Lifetime.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

It was pasty and dry, like the high tide sand at low tide

FancyShark

It's vital to the story we know the cup is paper

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

But does it have the Jazz stripes?!?!

LyraV

I feel like this book is turning my brain into high sand at even tide.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

You gotta really embroider those details

get that word count in

gellaho

Kathryn, you exhaust me

FancyShark

Any time I read "paper cup" , I imagine those tiny paper cone cups for water coolers

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Jeremy, my sweet summer child

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Oh man. Jeremy's going to confess that to the wrong girl and get murdered as a joke.

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Hahahaha Jeremy, tell me you dont have sisters without saying you dont have sisters.

gellaho

"That fake arrest really fixed me up, you know"

FancyShark

"Seeing the ugly woman made Kelly not care about her appearance anymore"

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Kelly only really feels alive when other people are dying, it seems.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Jesus, Kelly, let your guard down and there you go stuffing your piggy face

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

I get it Kelly. Diets are hard. Hang in there

gellaho

THE TINGLES MEAN I MUST HAVE SODA

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

It'll turn out to be drugged

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Oh fuck, low blood sugar!

The real cabin murderer!

FancyShark

"You might think that the iocane powder is in this one!" she says, draining both cups and dying.

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

GIF

gellaho

Troy might want to get that checked out

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

his eyebrows thickened?

lycanthropy

FancyShark

His eyebrows are sentient and prehensile

gellaho

Case closed?

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

oh shit hes like the old man from Zu: Warriors from the Magic Mountain?!

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

"I just found out an unprovable rumor 😭 "

FancyShark

"And we could check with the rental office, but let's execute him first"

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

You mean one of these guys you just met breaking into your cabin is a little sus?

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

VOTE TROY I SAW HIM VENT

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Kelly, you definitely arent smart enough to make these leaps, just sit and wait and youll figure out who the murderer is without having to think about anything.

gellaho

Understandable she's having such a hard time

gellaho

The number for the police is so hard to remember

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Three times a ladyyyy

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

The phone booth was much larger on the inside than she remembered.

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

It took you being told that snowmobile was a murder attempt to figure it out, Kelly. Until today you thought homicide was a kind of bug spray.

gellaho

This can only end stupidly

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

I hate when I panic trying to dial 911 and that Motorhead song gets stuck in my brain and I dial 999 instead.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Now be fair, it also started and continued stupidly, but anything can happen!

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

I thought it said he groaned

FancyShark

"I wanted to hear Message in a Bottle. That's not weird!"

gellaho

Hey, I was right

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Troy, you arent doing yourself any favors in the "Im not suspicious" department.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

I don't believe him

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

ALSO NO YOU FUCKING ARE NOT A COP TROY!

gellaho

Rather than just, you know, saying the thing Troy decided to be as threatening and mysterious as possible for no reason

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

But he knows danger! She can tell by his expression!

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Fuck you Kathryn if this isnt a bald faced lie.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

The undercover cop doing warrantless B&E and drug deals is the most realistic plot beat this book has to offer

FancyShark

Kelly's getting a special page in the yearbook, isn't she

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

"Last Student Standing"

gellaho

Kathryn, are you trying to make Kelly look as stupid as possible now?

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

"Trying"?

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

She tried to cross her arms over her chest but her knockers were just too big

gellaho

"She also tried doing a handstand, but it wasn't possible in the phone booth"

LyraV

pfff hahahaha this slew me

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

GIF

gellaho

Kathryn, why are you trying to make this sexy

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Making what hard...?

🙂

I mean 😉

(I'm so not used to a computer keyboard on here, my emoji game is weakened)

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Kathryn was really proud of this idea, and setting it up beforehand. You can tell nobody told her "No, Katheryn, thats fucking stupid."

gellaho

"Why are you being so obtuse, you weirdo"

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Or "Kathryn, we told you, we couldnt get the Hardy Boys publisher to sign off on the crossover, you have to write it out."

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

"Someone I've hired to pretend to be the real police"

gellaho

This is so weird

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Crack the door maybe?

FancyShark

Phone booths are notoriously airtight

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Real police arrive and, "It seems these two were making out in the phone booth and ran out of air"

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

So Kathryn writing this as having sexual tension is a real issue.

gellaho

Kelly chooses this moment to be extremely suspicious

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Did the phone booth swallow her up like a whale?

gellaho

Not, you know, when her attempted murderer showed up

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

This is really fucking roundabout, Troy.

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Kelly just nod your fucking head and say "Okay, you're a cop." so this fucking scene can END.

gellaho

Or when this same person was caught in their lodge

And if Troy's a cop, who the fuck is Jeremy

FancyShark

Nice work not reporting the escaped mental patient, Troy

gellaho

He just make friends with a nerd for fun?

FancyShark

Every cop is issued one dweeb for cover

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

I refuse to believe that a cop faking being a teen is also a popular kid at school.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

fellow kids

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Fuck you Kathryn, that is just not possible.

gellaho

Just haphazardly throwing in those "in'"s wherever

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

(I was trying to type the gif search, I feel like a grandma on this thing)

FancyShark

GIF

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Thanks @FancyShark

gellaho

Will is the popular one at their school, Troy is from a different school

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

These kids all blend together

just a seething mass of horny stupid

gellaho

So, yeah, just made friends with a nerd for fun

FancyShark

Accurate teens then

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Oh hey you guys were right

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!

gellaho

I don't think Jeremy is going to get you a lot of leads on your drug case

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

he's his nerd beard

FancyShark

"Pardon me, fellow teen. You seem like a narc. Would you be friends with me?"

gellaho

Unless you are worried about illegal inhalers

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Hahahaha it makes sense tho that Jeremy would be friends with the fucking cop.

LyraV

At this point he just wanted a chance to try again at high school.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

How the fuck has she still not executed on a plot point

FancyShark

It's almost a talent

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

Like, monkeys at a typewriter could do better

gellaho

Or, alternatively, Jeremy randomly knows everything about everyone

gellaho

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

This book, if I went on Story Graph to rate it, I'd get to the "is the book character or plot driven" I'd look at "it's complicated" and still not know what to pick.

FancyShark

"He's got every house bugged"

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

There's no way Jeremy knows who does drugs.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Oh yeah, speaking as a total school square I for sure knew all that shit.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

"No"

gellaho

"We'll let them keep selling crack in school until we find the big fish"

LyraV

To be fair I never tried to hide it lol

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Nobody talks to Jeremy enough for him to know anything except that that one guy on the football team peed on his Dungeon Masters Guide.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

We have to hunt down their supplier

All the way to Pablo Escobar

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

"Then we'll bust in on their operation and I'll shout 'Your crack is wack, Jack!' I got it all figured out in my head"

FancyShark

High school kids are too loyal and tough to crack under pressure

gellaho

Skiers are famous crack smokers

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Ahhhh good old 90s storytelling, when we were ignoring the CIA was enabling crack dealers.

gellaho

maaaaaaaaaaaannnnn

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

I bet it's the one with the red eyes

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Maaaaaaaan (I forgot.)

It's probably Frank.

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Oh twist

FancyShark

"I knew he broke his legs to look younger!"

gellaho

"Aren't you guys supposed to be his friend?"

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

I would say something about pain meds but this was written too early

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

I mean when a dude is irritable all the time and spontaneously works out, I assume he's doing crack or something.

FancyShark

hahaha, holy shit, Kathryn. Why don't you give Nathan a heroin needle too?

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Jim Beam miniatures makes it sound like little action figures.

Badger, Gun-Tutting Cardinal

He broke his spine and hollowed out his legs to fit more smuggled crack!!

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

And people laugh at us New Englanders for calling them nips

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Also nobody is getting all that fucked up from a couple tiny bottles of Jim Beam, you fuckin narc.

gellaho

The sound-impenetrable glass of phone booths

Mordred, Nuclear Werewoof ☢🐺

Okay, I gotta go make dinner as my kid is literally prying my hands off the keyboard. Can't wait to find out who the murderer is!

"But you're poking me"

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Yeah nobody can see this obvious adult man grinding on the teen girl in a phone booth and misunderstand.

FancyShark

These idiots believed he was a teenager. They're not batting an eye at some phone booth grinding

gellaho

"Oh, well, parties and drugs never go together"

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

They'll probably just assume they're doing that thing where you see how many people can cram into one phone booth and join in.

FancyShark

Dammit, Troy!

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

I wish Jason Pargin was here to explain phone booths to the possible youths.

FancyShark

Wait, I mean, Kelly!

gellaho

Kathryn, you do realize you are still writing about high schoolers, right? For a young adult audience?

gellaho

So, yeah, this character is going to be fucking everyone

FancyShark

I also wish @Brendan wasn't being tortured with tedium, because he'd be ripping this book apart

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Kelly you sweet girl. He's having cracked out sex with those girls.

gellaho

"Hey, kids, Will is just running through this school"

FancyShark

Health Class has a whole chapter on Will

Per the court order

gellaho

You. Can. Not. Stab. Someone. In. The. Heart. With. A. Paring. Knife.

Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage

Not without some digging anyway.