Half Time Show

Thad Cockrang: And now it's time for the Eugene B. Snoot Halftime Showtacular!

Eugene B. Snoot: Woof!!! [*tail wags*]

Thad Cockrang: He's a good boy!

Anasta Pound: Baal-Chok, our returning champion from last year, has found four amateur dickfighters who are willing to fight him in a no-holds-barred, turn-based competition! We need to wait for each fighter's ATB bar to fill, so in the meantime, why don't you tell us more about yourself, *Thad*?

Thad Cockrang: I come from a long line of sports commentators, going back to the days of Roman gladiator battles, according to my pops. Nothing I love more than seeing a few fellas get down and dirty in the spirit of good and fair competition.

Spurt Hartwood: Hmph. Sure. Looks like our four fighters have saved up enough action points for a limit-break attack!!! The arena is lighting up and going dark at the same time! Baal-Chok is tapping out with only 1 HP remaining!

Anasta Pound: Now, it may seem as though friendship triumphed over evil this day, but remember Baal-Chok has another fight this afternoon. He's conserving his energy and elixirs during this exhibition match.

Spurt Hartwood: So this was a waste of everyone's time.

Thad Cockrang: Why are these people able to control gravity?

Spurt Hartwood: Before we head to the semifinals, we'd like to take a moment to remember our colleague Ptarah Aness, who tragically lost her life after the conclusion of last year's tournament. Ptarah's enthusiasm for dick fighting was infamous and infectious. So much so that she disregarded safety protocols when retrieving pieces of last year's runner-up, Penetrator IV, following his match with Baal-Chok. The doctors and Ptarah's family would like to ask that if anyone finds the other half of her skull, they would appreciate it being sent to them. They also want it on the official record she did, in fact, call dibs.

Eugene B. Snoot: [*Whine*]