Spurt Hartwood: And now for our final fight of the night, it's Abner Humphry Wallace versus our returning champion, Baal-Chok!

Anasta Pound: The fighters are entering the arena - Baal-Chok has apparated dramatically from his home dimension, while Abner Humphry Wallace comes chugging in.

Thad Cockrang: The air is humming with anticipation! The sun has even darkened, just to underscore the tension!

Anasta Pound: I don't think the sun can do that. It's more like an eclipse.

Spurt Hartwood: Close. Hey, where are you going, Eugene?

Eugene B. Snoot: [*Whine!*]

[Eugene flees the announcer booth]

Anasta Pound: I…don't think that's an eclipse.

Spurt Hartwood: Finally, I can die.

Thad Cockrang: Die?! OH, GOD!!

Thad Cockrang: It's coming straight for us! And it's breaking all regulations for length and girth!

[A loud thud echoes through the arena; when the smoke clears, a large, metal figure stands in the center.]

Thad Cockrang: Is that a dadgum giant fucking robot?! Did it come from that thing in the sky?!?!

Anasta Pound: Oh, shit. It's a giant fucking-robot, all right. Well, if those guys with the gravity control can hold off the rocket, we might as well get one more fight in, Spurt. You and I both know PoxCo won't let us out of our…contract for this. I'm getting a breakthrough transmission telling me this new dick fighter is called Penetrator V. Huh.

Spurt Hartwood: Abner Humphry Wallace is attacking straight off with the Electromagnetic Ultra-Pulsator! The overdrive is truly a sight to behold - but Penetrator V is firing all those DilDrones straight at Abner - oh, no, those gears will never hold up to the weapons-grade silicone. Abner's gears are jammed, and he's imploding! Oh, and he was so magnificent.

Anasta Pound: Baal-Chok is approaching, with the move that won him the championship last year against Penetrator V's predecessor, the Cuddle Out of Space! But - what's this? Penetrator V's upgrades include a Cuddle Drive, which he's engaging now! The Cuddle has no effect! Baal-Chok is looking at the sky, and back at Penetrator - he seems to be deciding something. Oh - he uh, he warped away, presumably back to his home dimension.

Spurt Hartwood: Well, I'll be damned. Penetrator V wins!

Thad Cockrang: Looks like them gravity boys are out of mana, or energy, or whatever you people call it these days! That thing is about to hit!!

Spurt Hartwood: Yes.

Anasta Pound: See you on the other side, Spurt. It's been an honor. Thad, you…were also here.

[The screens in the arena change one more time, a masked face looks out at the audience. Silence. IMPACT.]

[As the dust and smoke billow throughout the arena, Penetrator V's ass-bay begins to open, and a figure emerges.]

[A dog barks in the distance.]