Anasta Pound: This is a fighter that's pure defense versus a fighter that's pure offense.

Spurt Hartwood: Jeff the Thermal Terminator specializes in bipedal brawling. A simple but time-honored fighting style. Baron von Choda, however, uses the underground and untested "Way of the Platypus".

Thad Cockrang: What's "bipedal"?

Anasta Pound: They're in a standoff, Jeff is using his thermal camera, Baron is looking for an opening - and it looks like he's found it. Wait, did you say "platypus"?

Thad Cockrang: Oh my god! Was that an explosion?

Eugene B. Snoot: Woof?

Spurt Hartwood: The cock rocket has been fired! Jeff appears to have slipped on an incline - that rocket firing must have been blinding on thermal - and the rocket missed! That was Baron's only charge, it appears.

Anasta Pound: He's defenseless, and Jeff is moving in for the foot job - those feet sure are big, hairy, and surprisingly soft. Looks like Baron is down for the count!

Spurt Hartwood: Jeff wins!

Spurt Hartwood: We have a new entry from the respectable Seaman Clan versus an opponent who might look familiar to bouncer fans across the country.

Eugene B. Snoot: Woof.

Thad Cockrang: In wrestling you want to have as many limbs as possible to wrap around your opponent, so it seems like Cephalohog has the advantage here. I feel like something is missing, though.

Anasta Pound: Cephalohog is flailing around at the sight of OG Dalton, possibly out of panic, possibly out of arousal, possibly a little of both. Dalton, meanwhile, is standing perfectly still and smirking. It looks like Cephalohog is moving in to attempt the eight armed cock-boxing technique against Dalton, but Dalton's reflexes are too lightning-fast! Cephalohog's armor has been throat-ripped! I didn't know octopuses had throats.

Spurt Hartwood: Cephalohog is armorless and positively quivering from excitement and fear, and - oh, there he goes. That's a mess and half. OG Dalton wins!