Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Suck it Kevin.
Its lonely being God.
113: The Eyes of Kid Midas Neal Shusterman
Tags:
The Year of Pain
Ultimate power has its costs
Archive
FancyShark
And now we're back to drug allegory
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
going cold turkey alone always works, so this should be fine
Brendan!™
Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac and Kevin is a teenager. Therefore: omnimasturbation.
Velo Martingale
"Valuable lessons learned" checked
gellaho
Kevin decides to go to sleep wearing the glasses
gellaho
What could go wrong
Brendan!™
The real hell was the Kevin we became along the way.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
we have confirmed that kevin is eleven
so please have a seat right over here
gellaho
Ah, visions of the kid he sent to Hell
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Kevin will trap himself in a realm of infinite jerking off.
Brendan!™
Oh, I'm sorry, did you wait till you were 18 to download your first StepsisterDidWhat.jpg?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
what did she do? I have no idea what this could mean
gellaho
Just some fun for the kids
PhysicsBoart vs PhysicsBoart
"TURNS OUT HELL IS A STATE OF MIND"
FancyShark
Hey! He CAN hear the hear the thunder!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
there is more of gravy than of grave about you, Bertram!
Velo Martingale
Bertram, Currently:
gellaho
A goofy Hell for Bertram
FancyShark
"AND FIRE. SO MUCH FIRE."
GDC's Quivering Thews
Chekov's fish phobia
Brendan!™
Bertram has learned nothing in hell's bondage.
FancyShark
Not even sharks or barracuda or candiru. Bertram, you have shitty phobias.
gellaho
Eternal torture for the child
Velo Martingale
Oh hey he did make hell!
gellaho
Listen, his goldfish died when he was seven
PhysicsBoart vs PhysicsBoart
Kevin has created his satan
gellaho
There's no coming back from that
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
ok confirmed Kevin invented hell
cool I guess
Velo Martingale
I love when a fan theory works out
FancyShark
Bertram still flinches whenever a toilet flushes
Velo Martingale
We've all been shipping Kevin x Hell, right?
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
The devil is a big ass catfish.
gellaho
This would have made a great children's film
Velo Martingale
Hellvin, as I like to call it
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
it makes sense, I think this story wants to exist in a state where it doesn't overtly interact with any Christian stuff while still having its obvious moral message
Velo Martingale
"You will be visited this night by three ghosts!" Bertram shouted
gellaho
Time to creepily stare at your sleeping sister
Velo Martingale
Is this what happened in Photon?
FancyShark
🚩
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
"No, I am covered in the blood of demons and angels, sister."
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"I have such sights to show you"
FancyShark
No. In PHOTON, an immortal cyborg wizard was turned into a human and fell in love with an underage girl
Velo Martingale
"Do you want to live deliciously?"
FancyShark
This is more Evangelion
gellaho
Yeah, I doubt that
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
"Remember that time you pantsed me in third grade in front of the whole choir at church?"
gellaho
Considering how much she was laughing at his getting assaulted with a pinecone
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh it's the sword of truth thing
Brendan!™
Smash cut to Atreyu drowning in mud forever.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
the confessor's power didn't change anything because he would already die for her
bla bla bla
Velo Martingale
To be fair that was pretty funny thought
Brendan!™
Just endless panicked horse
gellaho
Literally the last thing to happen in the series
Velo Martingale
What a note to end a series on
FancyShark
That's why it's in the tiny cage on Gellaho's Book Cage poster
GDC's Quivering Thews
It's in Book Solitary
gellaho
Strange
Velo Martingale
...
What
gellaho
I think I did that before
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
and her confidence made him sick with revulsion
FancyShark
Maybe it was one of the earlier books
gellaho
What with the Nazis and the cosmic horror of In Search of M.O.M.
FancyShark
ohhh, right
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I've missed so much lore
FancyShark
my bad
Brendan!™
Time to download the screenshot of this, @Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Oh Teri must also be insane.
Velo Martingale
I feel like Bertram right now
FancyShark
It's that Folgers ad, right?
Velo Martingale
Enjoying the beautiful paradise of Australia
gellaho
This is very strange
Velo Martingale
...
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
patrick thinks he caught them fucking and does not want to think about it
Velo Martingale
Patrick.
FancyShark
This is getting-
Yeah, basically what Tom said
Velo Martingale
Patrick you get back here right now.
You don't get to nope out of this, Patrick.
GDC's Quivering Thews
Patrick saw his son's soul and went mad
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Hahahahahahh You dont love your children, Patrick!
Velo Martingale
This child is your fault.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
patrick decided that exact second that he's out of this family
Velo Martingale
Patrick left to get milk
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"my son and daughter are giving each other midnight foot rubs. I think I'm gonna become a golf guy"
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Look, if I saw that I would also assume it was none of my business and go about my day or they were fucking, and I'd leap out a window, hit the ground running, and never come back.
Velo Martingale
"And when I found them, my son made unwavering eye contact with me. Maybe frisbee golf."
gellaho
Josh goes to Kirkpatrick, who tells him he made up the prophecy
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"International frisbee golf"
Brendan!™
Pro tip: hold your dad's gaze when he catches you in your sister's bed. This establishes dominance. "She's my property, now, old man," you glare defiantly, "Not yours. You have become too weak to protect your brood."
gellaho
Reminder of how this was written
Velo Martingale
"I hear there's great courses in a land far, far away from here. Where rivers flow, and men chowder."
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I think it's chunder
which is dumb aussie slang for throwing up
FancyShark
TIL
Brendan!™
I wonder if Neal ever figured out which of his friends was the incest feetishist
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Neal if you got "God magic and sibling footplay" from a campfire tale, you were obviously a Boy Scout.
gellaho
Dundundun
Velo Martingale
If you go camping
FancyShark
Not the best parlor game
Velo Martingale
and someone goes camping with you
And before bed you're all sat around the campfire for warmth, and they start telling you this story? Push them into the fire.
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Josh you need to end it. Kevin is too dangerous.
gellaho
Things are going great for Hal
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Hal needs to turn into the bully from It and start carving out Kevin's stomach
at this point there's no other way
FancyShark
This is doing a much better job as a story than most of the Year of Pain. It's definitely creepy
Velo Martingale
I'm not saying I'm pro-childmurder, I'm just saying sometimes there is a child that needs to be murdered before he sends everyone to Australia
gellaho
See, Hal, Bertram and Josh remember everything because they were also at the top of the mountain
PhysicsBoart vs PhysicsBoart
2 + 2 = 3; was 4 redefined as 3, or is 4 still a thing and the universe is broken now?
FancyShark
Sure, why not
Velo Martingale
Sure is buddy
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
err: system crash
gellaho
"I'm just like that nameless diabetic"
FancyShark
The diabetic also sent someone to hell when he used his insulin wrong
Velo Martingale
Kevin if you eat the glasses no one will be able to take them from you
gellaho
Hal to the rescue
gellaho
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
And poor Bertram continues to languish in the Hell of Fish.
gellaho
Those are backwards, oops
PhysicsBoart vs PhysicsBoart
"That diabetic got my glasses"
Velo Martingale
Hell yes Hal
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
OUR HERO!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"but something happened then, the glasses did not intend. They were picked up by the unlikeliest creature imaginable"
FancyShark
But the power is already in Kevin and no longer in the glasses
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"a bully"
Velo Martingale
Hal redemption ark
gellaho
Time to snack
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Hopefully Hal can do something about that fucking hurricane the narrative forgot.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"Hal Hornbeck, of homeroom"
PhysicsBoart vs PhysicsBoart
"You have my trapper-keeper"
gellaho
MUST CONSUME
gellaho
He's developed the metabolism of a Hardy Boy
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"it's taking hold of you, mr kevin. You gotta fight it!"
"I know what I have to do, Josh. They're my glasses! Mine! My own!"
I could literally do this all day
gellaho
Off to the dentist!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh right the dentist psychic investigator who was cleverly seeded earlier
FancyShark
And I already hate the show
Velo Martingale
Once again the hero of the story is Public Access Cable
gellaho
Sure, that old yarn
Velo Martingale
support your local affiliates or face the wrath of Kevins alone
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
NO PIE CAN FILL THE VOID THE POWER HAS LEFT!
PhysicsBoart vs PhysicsBoart
MOAR PIZZA
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
since when do kids choose their dentist?
Velo Martingale
Fuck. Neal's right. I do want a paranormal dentist
gellaho
Meanwhile, Teri helps them sneak in
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
KEVIN NOW HUNGERS FOR DESTRUCTION AND ALSO CHINESE DEMOCRACY! GET OFF YOUR ASS AXL!
gellaho
I don't think Neal understands how television works
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Oh so when HAL does it its abuse, huh Kevin? Where did Bertram go, Kevin?
Brendan!™
These glasses are the One Ring.
Velo Martingale
Neal must have seen a tv show at some point, surely
gellaho
Force Nelson
FancyShark
Neal, they don't have the xray machines just sitting out in the waiting room
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh for a second I forgot hal was using the glasses
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Yes how dare he, Kevin?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I thought he just shouted the name of the attack he was doing like an anime character
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Hey Kevin, remember that time you sent his best friend to the Hell of Upsetting Fish?
PhysicsBoart vs PhysicsBoart
and that hge was full of food
gellaho
Josh's dead
FancyShark
NOOOO! HE WAS SO CONSISTENT!
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Hahahha Hal isnt half as stupid as Kevin thought.
Velo Martingale
I had a box in the first draft for Josh dying
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh I thought Kevin had gone through the long dark night of the soul and was humbled by his past actions
but he's still a turd
gellaho
Hoisted by his own frog
Velo Martingale
I thought it was too far
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh no wait that was hal
Velo Martingale
EAT FROG, IDIOT
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Bullfrog? More like bullshit, theres no way a bullsfrog would fit in a childs throat and come out.
Those motherfuckers are huge.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
have you tried with magic glasses though
gellaho
Teri threatens Hal with dental equipment
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Even a "good sized" one, if it got in there it would stay there.
GDC's Quivering Thews
wait, he films his show in his office?
FancyShark
Yeah, see, that's the reason they don't have those things just lying around, Neal
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Send Teri to Fish Hell to keep Bertram company!
Also it seems like Bertrams fish hell would be heaven for a shark or predatory fish..........
gellaho
Kevin runs straight into the dentist's... power plant?
PhysicsBoart vs PhysicsBoart
Fueled by teeth
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Wait what?!
DO WHAT KEVIN?!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
EXTREMELY FULL NELSON
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
What are you doing NOOOOOOOO KEVIN! STOP! YOU CANT BECOME PURE GLASSES!
gellaho
"Charge the glasses" is an interesting euphemism
FancyShark
OSHA would shut this office down
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
why, Neal
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
"Awful, private thing"
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
why do that
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Um..........
Velo Martingale
OSHA wouldn't get the chance before it exploded
oh
GDC's Quivering Thews
This is going to end like Akira, isn't it?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
it's lightning zapping into a thing on his face
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Hes dicking that fuse box.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
how is that like wanking
gellaho
Oh, just now something's going wrong?
Brendan!™
um
Velo Martingale
It's a metaphor Tom
Brendan!™
how
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Great job, Kevin, you broke them.
You fucking tool.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh now I feel foolish
Velo Martingale
Kevin broke the powers of god because he just sucks that much
FancyShark
I'm liking this idea.
"I'M GOING TO CHARGE THE GLASSES!"
[censored]
"THEY ARE NOW CHARGED!"
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
And with something normal like electricity.
gellaho
Then he sends Hal and the dentist to Siberia
Velo Martingale
Frankie did nothing to deserve this
Anyways they're both dead
gellaho
He is more glasses than boy
gellaho
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
what
FancyShark
This is less "morality play" and more "origin story"
gellaho
Well, they're fused to his face now
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Well youve only murdered a denist and a second bully so youre almost up to one person.
gellaho
For kids!
gellaho
Body horror! For kids!
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Kevin I am warning you, you need to not think about holes, black holes, or really any kind of stellar phenomena.
FancyShark
Do it, Kevin
PhysicsBoart vs PhysicsBoart
It would end him
FancyShark
End it all
Velo Martingale
Checking the box for 'Oh so I guess there isn't a moral to this'
FancyShark
Embrace the void
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
And definitely dont think about Black Hole Volume XXX.
Brendan!™
Stephole, rub my feet
My feet are cold in the vacuum of space. Let me into your singularity.
FancyShark
hahaha
You did it, @Brendan!™
I do not have an emoji for that
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
This got a lot more upsetting than I imagined, well done Neal.
gellaho
Time to cut off his eyes
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Man I want a pizza right now.
gellaho
These glasses are fun
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh I was right the food is eternal
Brendan!™
Now the feet thing has escalated to squashing food.
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Hell yeah, Root Beer.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
inflation fetish feels imminent
or vore
something weird
Brendan!™
You ever just know a Jhonen Vasquez gif on sight?
gellaho
I haven't been able to bring myself to tell the bees about Kevin
Brendan!™
or the removal thereof?
These glasses are incredibly dangerous.
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Giant beeees! KEVIN! GIANT RADIOACTIVE BEEES!
Brendan!™
Hey kevin, don't think about anythign bad like genocide.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Oh, I get it now! It's just like King Midas
that was subtle
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Kevin! CONTEMPLATE WORLD PEACE YOU FUCKING DIPSHIT!
gellaho
How were they planning on making this a movie
Velo Martingale
I feel like this counts as 'the glasses backwards burrowed into kevin's skull'
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGE MY GLASSES TEETHBONES!"\
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
give it 5 minutes
Velo Martingale
I could see Shudder taking this
The only difference between this and Psycho Goreman is the lore
FancyShark
Some of the glasses' acid blood hits the ground and eats through multiple levels of the ship
Brendan!™
and the vore!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I thought of that too earlier. He needed to turn one of his bullies into a gross brain slime tentacle abomination
gellaho
Oh, an iron maiden of the inquisition
gellaho
So Steve Harris didn't fall from the sky
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
what were you gonna do with the hammer idiot
Brendan!™
Kevin, just picture yourself unable to feel pain.
GDC's Quivering Thews
Whatever was necessary
gellaho
Suddenly: Ninja star
Velo Martingale
The fuck's a Chinese star?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
one could say it's the only considtency
FancyShark
If it has points, it's not a disc, is it?
PhysicsBoart vs PhysicsBoart
Jackie Chan is a Chinese star
Flippant Sausage, rebunned
Its a tiny four pointed Michelle Yeoh balanced for throwing.
FancyShark
This is going to end with Josh telling Kevin about the rabbits
gellaho
Kevin done fucked up the house
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
now I wanna feed that into an ai image generator
PhysicsBoart vs PhysicsBoart
LOvecraft Approves