115: Time Riders Alex Scarrow

gellaho

Anyway, they have a visitor

Velo-ing

Are they currently in one of the towers

is that their headquarters

FancyShark

The arch is skanky. Look at how it's dressed.

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Oh fuck I hope theyre about to get eaten by the Time Whale.

Velo-ing

At least it's not a slut arch

gellaho

An electricity leech

FancyShark

AKA a squirrel gnawed on the power line

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

In my opinion, if you name something a "seeker" in your work of fiction, you deserve a solid punch in the gut.

gellaho

A TIME GHOST

Velo-ing

I'm shocked we haven't had another jayzus yet

Brendan!™

HERE WE GOOOOO

EVAC THE TIME BUILDING

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Okay so explain why its a problem pleaaaaaaase.

gellaho

Which ate Foster's last team

Velo-ing

"It looks like a ghost. You know what ghosts look like, right kids?"

gellaho

So add three to the Atrocitometer

Brendan!™

New York 2001, controlled time-demolition

VernoWhitney

"You ever watch The Langoliers?"

Brendan!™

Tachyons can't melt steel

Velo-ing

They all got murdered during his lunch break

FancyShark

Added

Brendan!™

Foster survived because he was the coffee boy

FancyShark

Atrocimeter currently stands at 1520 dead

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Oh its normal "Hostile being from beyond time" shit, how dull.

Brendan!™

Field-promoted to sgt. major

Velo-ing

Tragically he brought a KFC Family Bucket back only to find his family gone

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

More herbs and spices for him then.

FancyShark

Hi, @VernoWhitney !

gellaho

Now, you might think this is setting something up for the rest of the book

Velo-ing

He did eat 9 people's worth of potato wedges and coleslaw that day

Which is why he's limping

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Setting someting up? Not in our Book Cage.

Brendan!™

They call him foster because his real family got eaten by a cloud unicorn

FancyShark

"See that? Dragon. Cool, huh?"

gellaho

But this is the only time we see one in the entire book

Velo-ing

Really Liam? Nothing to say here?

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Liam: "Huh. Well thats real neat guv."

FancyShark

Jaysus fookin' chroist, Liam

Velo-ing

Everything's all hunky-dory for Liam

gellaho

So they just leave and wait for it to die

Velo-ing

I'm starting to resent Liam

ahahahahahahaha

FancyShark

"Let me explain. It's a bubble. Of time. Moving on."

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

so foster got his whole team killed and he just immdiately set about recruiting a new gang of Time Kidz

that is very mercenary

Brendan!™

But I'm not an angel.

FrumpyBadger

more obstacles and enemies should be defeated by just fucking leaving

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Its very Call of Cthulhu.

Velo-ing

"Smaug is pretty old."

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

The RPG not the story.

gellaho

Liam is astonished by all the purty lights

Brendan!™

Time travel only works if you promise you're really buddies with your companions.

Velo-ing

6

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

Alright, as usuall, I am not reading up

FancyShark

"Let's get something to eat."

TIMERIDERS!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"how it used to be" 2 more years until we're in her time. Brace yourselvres nyc

FancyShark

Hi, @Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster !

Velo-ing

"This time I'm taking my team with me to get lunch."

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

3 teens go to a burger joint, this is where I'm at

Brendan!™

Time traveling to eat history's greatest burgers is an apt use case.

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

"how it used to be" indicating that this guy thinks New York will be VERY different in the future.

gellaho

It's like some sort of sand-wich

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

you've missed a lot this time

Velo-ing

Shark's keeping the bodycount

FancyShark

A man named Foster took three teens from different time periods to Save Time

Brendan!™

Do you know what I would do to see one last show at the Wetlands?

Velo-ing

I'm keeping the Jayzus count and the Dr. Pepper count

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

That was on the back of the book, I know that much

2001...new york

FancyShark

It's all that's been at the front of the book, too, so far

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

Oh no

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

god I love that the exact second vooster shows up we get a 2001, New York

Brendan!™

This shanty irish kid must be swayed to eat rich beef and fried potatoes.

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Liam, fuck you, they definitely had hamburgers and fried potatoes a hundred years ago.

gellaho

Alex is not great at prognosticating

Velo-ing

They had buns in Liam's times

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

I am death

Brendan!™

The Irish: famous for not eating beef or potatoes.

So did they even check if Sal eats beef?

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Hahahahah I thought it at least would have been nuked or somethingt!

People just moved out?!

And went where?!

Brendan!™

Honestly? This year could decide it.

gellaho

There was a vague economic depression

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh people just fled for the suburbs again? time is a flat circle

Brendan!™

The rent is at a breaking point.

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

New York becomes New Detroit.

Brendan!™

No, that happened. Dotcom burst.

FancyShark

Lacking sufficient information, I'm going to assume the death toll for Mumbai, 2026 was equivalent to Steele's New York

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

And to be fair the 2008 crash could possibly have taken the whole worlds economy with it.

Brendan!™

I think she's saying Mumbai got built up to NYC levels.

Velo-ing

Shark's going rogue with the death toll and I am here for it

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

When was this book written?

Velo-ing

2010

Brendan!™

2010 at least

FancyShark

I demand bodies, book

gellaho

Under the bridge downtown, is where I drank some Dr Pepper

Velo-ing

2

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

It feels like a 90s book

Brendan!™

"I give Mumbai, mmmmm, a decade to become capital of the world," says author.

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

CORPSE INFRASTRUCTURE BOOK! GIVE US THEM ROADS!

Brendan!™

DR PEPPERRRRR

Brendan!™

Okay, now it's starting to sound like time terrorist cells.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"you'll never meet them because you'll get murdered by time ghosts while I'm picking up breakfast burritos tomorrow"

gellaho

Like some kind of time... police officers

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"sorry time travel is such a curse! We should never have invented it! Damn us!"

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

I love then that one person is from current time (2010), one is from 16 years in the future, and the last asshole is from 19 fucking 12. We don't need past people. People from 1912 are useless, they've never seen a computer

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Chrono law enforcement agents.

FancyShark

"We're Time Cops in public. But in secret, we will be the Time Riders!"

Brendan!™

Police, sort of.

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

Wait, we are on Chapter 8 and they are just now explaining the mission? The one I read on the back of the book?

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

why are we not supposed to exist though?

Brendan!™

All they've done so far is get lunch in time.

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

"actually we hate being called Time Cops, its disrespectful."

"Chrono pig, got it."

VernoWhitney

Chapter 8, yes, but maybe page 15?

Brendan!™

He has HEART and a poet's soul. We need him to be this team's racist conscience.

FancyShark

They're very short chapters, but yes

gellaho

But, I need to get hammered first

Brendan!™

This is amazing.

All of this is a prank, right?

He's an angel playing a prank.

Velo-ing

Liam has a debilitating vitamin deficiency from his formative years

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Beer makes time travel easier to understand

Velo-ing

He is 4'8"

FancyShark

Whoa whoa

Since when does an Irish stereotype drink?

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

We don't need heart and soul, we need drone pilots!

Brendan!™

Kids, I need a beer, y'wan...y'wanana a wha, a BURGER?? Cmon 2001

gellaho

Meanwhile, in the future

Velo-ing

That's just Brooklyn, idiot

gellaho

You could say that

Brendan!™

And still the rent was 5500/studio.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I want the pigeons to evolve and become a new intelligent race in the ruins of the city

Velo-ing

ahahahah

FrumpyBadger

Is there a sadder sight than a book chapter that could fill exactly one page

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Some authors really like to play with what a chapter IS and how long it can be.

FancyShark

A mass of tanks rolls up to the Canadian border.

"Give us your bagel crumbs or face annihilation"

gellaho

Kramer's on a mission. A secret mission

Brendan!™

Let me tell you, this is Steele's New York you bet

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Yes, driving cautiously, that makes police suspicious.

FancyShark

Real pros clog their vehicles

gellaho

Time to do a National Treasure

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Run a red light so you dont arouse suspicion.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

we have to drive a little crazy so the cops know we're locals

oh I know what this reminds me of, it's skid row from little shop of horrors

Velo-ing

He's going to steal all the Dr. Pepper!

gellaho

Oh, Roald

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

gee it sure would be swell to get out of here

bid the gutter farewell and get out of here

Velo-ing

Everyone knows without delicious Dr. Pepper Americans will turn on each other!

FancyShark

I'd move Heaven and Hell to get out of here

Someone tell Lady Luck

That I'm stuck

Here

Velo-ing

This is the exact plan from Event Horizon

gellaho

Took fifteen years, and some guy just figures it out in his garage by himself, huh? Ok

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Of course, leave it to the Chinese to unravel time and fuck everyone. Just like how they invented gunpowder.

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

No is naming their kid Roald in the future

They don't use that name now. or in 2010

gellaho

I bet he saw that time Taft got stuck in the bathtub

FancyShark

The Dahls were the only ones to use the name Roald and look how that turned out

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

he came back an orangutan

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

In 5 years children will be named things like Gorgoth the Corpse Desecrator but 2009 Author couldnt have known that.

Velo-ing

It is pronounced exactly like the word Road, and if you name your kid Road you cannot complain when they are hit by a car. I rest my case.

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

He saw a woman wearing pants

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

and his wife, Khaleesi

FancyShark

He saw Rebel Moon

gellaho

So, sure, that's were you end a chapter

Brendan!™

It's an inevitability when you live in a neighborhood that already has access to Jupiterium.

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Bold of you to assume Gorgoth the Corpse Desecrator is a man.

gellaho

It had obviously overstayed its welcome

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh I meant roald waldstein

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

All kids will have "soft" names, like Ayyyyden and Leahhhhh

Brendan!™

Wait all he had to do was go back in time and leave a note that said don't do this.

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

Bold of you to assume she's straight

FancyShark

Chapter breaks: the hip new way to pad your page count

Brendan!™

From theory to garage-based prototype in 15 years. Incredible what the human race can achieve on timelines without crypto.

gellaho

Gotta check in with Kramer there, obviously

FancyShark

He's up to one of his kooky schemes and shouting slurs

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

imagine Liam's face as this plot is explained

gellaho

So they go into the museum

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

"Clambored efficiently" is a fun idea

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

eyes sadly scanning the room for more beer

gellaho

On to Chapter 12

gellaho

Fuck you, pacing

Brendan!™

Except if the bug pops your house blows up so yeah.

Velo-ing

Shut up Maddy

FancyShark

I'm going to add "story structure" to the Atrocimeter by the end of this

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

No, Maddy its actually not at all like that, you silly moo.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

no it's not Maddy it's like destroying time travel to prevent endless cascade atrocities

Brendan!™

Do we have a bingo card for this?

FancyShark

We should

Velo-ing

I'm too busy keeping count of things

gellaho

This really seems more like a way to torture yourself

Velo-ing

That's what happens when you burden me with maths

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

can you fucking imagine what some dipshit trailer trash nazi would do with time travel

Velo-ing

Also I forgot

FancyShark

Get executed by gestapo for trying to suck Hitler's dick?

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

What a fuckin lame reason to invent time travel, just get over it.

New wife, make more child, be happy science man.

gellaho

I assume you got that last Dr Pepper then?

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

That's still altering history, bro

Brendan!™

This guy decided in 2028 to build a time machine and NAILED it in a year.

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

He finished in 2055, but then went back in time to 2028 to finish sooner

FancyShark

Zero consequences until he completed it!

Brendan!™

Why couldn't he pull them out of time to live now and just reinsert them at point of death?

Velo-ing

The one in chapter 10? Yes

We're on 3

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

Sorcery!

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Or just say "Consequences? Chronometricules the Time Master cares not for mortal consequences!"

And do whatever you fuckin want.

gellaho

Chronolaw

FancyShark

IT IS TIME LAW

Velo-ing

TIME LAW

Brendan!™

Feels like he could just not share his time travel

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

goddam big government telling me what I can and cant do with my fuckin time machine!

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

He finished his beer in 4 chapters? Dang. I barely touched mine

Brendan!™

Go forward in time and nuke every effort to recreate it.

FrumpyBadger

Rule #1 of time law: don't touch another version of yourself.

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

First it was locking my trash so bears dont get in, and now THIS!

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

But that's who I want to touch the most!

Velo-ing

Rule #2 of time law: unless you want to

gellaho

Oh, good, an illegal, private time cop agency

Brendan!™

If you time travel and make love to yourself, does the universe stay intact if you come together?

FancyShark

Go forward in time, learn what causes different wars and other horrible events, then come back to the present and prevent them

You're only unmaking a potential future

God, smart people are so stupid

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

if it cant be changed then why is any of this a problem?

gellaho

These are what we call the Time Wars rules of time travel

Velo-ing

Depends how good you are at the love making

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

No, fuck you book, you just said it CANNOT be changed.

Not "Its fine to do a little."

gellaho

"Can" as in the colloquial "should not"

FancyShark

Dammit. This is the Ratchet & Clank "I wouldn't risk any more than six minutes" loophole

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Boooooooo fuck you book, make up your mind.

gellaho

Like when you're parents say you can't have breakfast for dinner, they aren't saying it's literally impossible to do so

Velo-ing

WHAT?!

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

As an adult I can do as much time travel as I want for breakfast

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Breakfast isnt theoretical physics so they should be much clearer what is an authority cant and what is a possibility cant.

EAT MY ASS TIME MOM! PANCAKES FOR DINNER!

Brendan!™

I think it may'nt be changed for fear of ripping a hole in the Diesen-Knotts model of the time continuum.

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

all of this is just theory anyway, you wont know time will break until someone breaks it.

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

Ah yes. The Ligma theorum

Brendan!™

What if the burger they're eating is the one cow who must die to prevent methane tipping point.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"history wants to go a certain way so free will is an illusion, anyway come with me the towers are collapsing"

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

And if its not already broken then by time travel rules, it cant break because it didnt already happen.

gellaho

I can't imagine what there is of significance in 2001

Brendan!™

"I suppose you're wondering why I brought you here to watch an atrocity and inhale toxic fumes."

Brendan!™

here we goooooooo

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

Maddy you were a full teen in 2010 you were alive in 2001

gellaho

But first, Kramer's back

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

so a time traveller undid 9/11 and they have to make sure it happens, right?

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

No, i cant think of anything. 2001 was a pretty normal year.

Brendan!™

fun fact, I recently returned to the subway stop I lived off of in 2001

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

it's like the time dr who went to pompeii

Brendan!™

and the AA batteries guy is STILL WORKING THE TRAIN

FancyShark

Champ

gellaho

Well, that was fun

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Solid continuity. Thats a job you can pass on to your children.

gellaho

On to Chapter 14

Velo-ing

YES

FancyShark

HAHA

Velo-ing

YES BOOK

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

called it

FancyShark

THEY HAVE TO DO 9/11

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

MADDY WERE YOU NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO LIFE

Brendan!™

I brought you children here as a test. Who among you has the fortitude to restore history?

gellaho

None of you have called anything

Velo-ing

YOU LEAVE HER ALONE SHE WAS BUSY DRINKING DELICIOUS DR. PEPPER

Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster

There are people born in 2010 who know what 9/11 is

FrumpyBadger

Absolute cowardice not putting this moment at Chapter 11.

gellaho

It would be impossible to do so

FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning

Maddy is one of the guys from The Terminator TV series that had to have 9\11 explained to them.

Brendan!™

In 2001, Dr. Pepper was still Internist Pepper