gellaho
Those curlers are sexy. And shuffleboard? Don't get me started
71: THE NEW AToms' BOMBSHELL Robert Browne
Tags:
Madder than the Mets... Dippier than the Dodgers... And more exasperating than the Cubs or the White Sox-The new AToms had nowhere to go but up!
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Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
That gentleman has an absolute cake, I grant you
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
That is my one example
FancyShark
We're all just avoiding mentioning the most slutty of all sports: bowling
Brendan
If you're an NBA player you have sex with Aphrodite. NFL, you marry a supermodel. Hockey, you go back to whatever the Russian equivalent of those two things is. But baseball? You marry Miss January once her career fizzles down.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
a few years of steroids and his heart will give out three thrusts in
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
Fingers in all three holes..
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
The hockey answer is Anna Kournakova
FancyShark
Darts players fuck, but they don't gossip
gellaho
Is this loading for you guys
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Russians get Baba Yaga and a bottle of potato vodka with some ethanol fuel mixed in.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
Yeah as a Canadian, I regret to tell you all that hockey players fuck big time.
FancyShark
Not since the "Very subtle" post
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Can confirm
gellaho
Let's see
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
ladies
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
A newfoundlander was on the team that won the Stanley Cup and he brought it home to st. John's last week, I was there for the parade
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
MacKinnon?
FancyShark
Newfies are adorable
oh
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah that is showing up for me.
gellaho
Yes! YEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
gellaho
ROBERT YOU'VE DONE IT
Brendan
I know they do. They just do it among certain demographics like our most Michigan of actresses.
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Hahahaha
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
BOOOOOOOBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Excellent
FancyShark
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
We are statistically the horniest province
gellaho
SUBTLETY IS FOR THE WEAK
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
Fucking fuck the image won't load for me yet
Someone tell me what happened
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It it still pretty cold in Newfoundland?
Cos Ive been thinking about Canada in certain terms lately.
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Hahahah of course she's a fuck goddess
FancyShark
Robert finally dropped all pretense and had someone say "How can I play ball when she has boobies?"
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Robert you horny son of a bitch
Brendan
MLB players, famously uncomfortable around women.
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Making Hawke look like Peter David
Brendan
You see these boys, they're good boys
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
Not this time of year, no. Been around 20-25 Celsius the last week
Brendan
That's really nice.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
It'd be funnier if men didn't keep saying shit like this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
thats like a good ten degrees cooler than here, I'll take it.
gellaho
Nah, it's very funny
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
okay no bullshit my new job is a lawyer for the city
gellaho
Accident seems intriguing
Brendan
How many crimes is Matt committing right now?
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
my coworkers were telling me the other day about a guy who caused a traffic accident who sued the city because the lady directing traffic was too hot
Brendan
hahaha
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
(he didn't win the case)
FancyShark
You don't say
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
but yeah people are out here trying to recreate Seinfeld episodes I guess
Brendan
When I was editing Ape Man Daily we did a shoot with Jen Selter, and she legitimately stopped traffic at Madison Square.
Even the cops just...sat through a green light.
But nobody sued for the right to think with their dick.
gellaho
MY GOD, WHO COULD HAVE FORESEEN THIS
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean to be honest, cops dont do much at the best of times. She probably saved some lives distracting those cops.
FancyShark
The computer crashed so hard it made their muscle memories go bad
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
buh yeah my discord just refuses to load any of the screenshots now so I may phase out for a bit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This is the exact scenario why I got told to learn both handwriting and not to use a calculator for math, and its still bullshit.
FancyShark
Did you already try closing and reopening it?
Brendan
So is there a MISTER Traffic Cop?
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
Yeah
gellaho
Robert Browne already forgot the Washington Senators
FancyShark
Robert horny. Robert not need remember other teams
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
Oh even hotter: she wasn't a cop, she was a city employee. And also I don't know..
But I might take a turn at bat before you, Brendan :p
Brendan
You're much better placed.
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Maybe they're in the NL
gellaho
Michael/Matt has taken months to get here, let's see how it goes
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
Okay for some reason I can read them if I download the images onto my phone
FancyShark
Discord might be getting loaded down. If more people start seeing loading issues, the server may be getting borked
Rokku Made It Weird
You have great dogs
gellaho
Yes, this is how people talk
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
We do. They're very fluffy.
FancyShark
Dammit, @Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage . Did you get Metabarons in the baseball book?
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
The province has Labradors, too, since officially we're the province of Newfoundland and Labrador
We have all the best bitches.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Not yet, but maybe Future Sausage did.
gellaho
Matt/Michael not interacting with humans is starting to bite him
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
Maybe, but my connection is shit, so who knows?
Brendan
She finally gave him a sign and it's "remember, you're my boss."
FancyShark
Mike/Matt is going to turn Judy into a skinsuit, isn't he?
Brendan
I'm getting server lag too.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"HAHAHHAA The way you play baseball so ineptly you have to get walked by forcing guys to risk nailing your boobs is rad" -Mikematt, Bad at woman.
Brendan
Did the ball hit her breasts?
gellaho
Very ironical
Brendan
"Women: happier serving than pursuing their dreams."
FancyShark
That's right, Robert. The only other job a woman can do is nursing. You're writing like a real adult!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
it's ironical you know
Brendan
I mean nursing's an amazing occupation, but this book seems to think it's cool to just squash your aspirations.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Taking baseball after baseball to your heaving bosom, or taking care of the sick.
Your choice, LADIES.
gellaho
That's how all good romantic stories end. In Tampa
Brendan
Two baseballs in the bosom? That's like a second bosom!!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
God a baseball to the breast would hurt so god damn much
FancyShark
Nurses are criminally underpaid and underappreciated, but in the 1980s, "nursing" was shorthand for "gave up"
Brendan
I don't think I've heard a more damning conclusion to a stifled romance than The train sped on to Florida.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Mikematts inner monologue "THIS IS SEX! I AM DOING A SEX!"
FancyShark
Saving this
gellaho
Well known rural area, Chicago
FancyShark
This too
gellaho
2nd city? What's that
Brendan
If we let the libs change the name of the Washington Football Team and the Cleveland Sentinels of Liberty, they'll come for the Buccaneers next.
quiescent
FancyShark
Chicago, that one-horse town and dominant industrial center that sprawls over the good half of Illinois
Brendan
...hunh.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Chicago, the place famous for nobody living there.
It has zero movies set there.
Brendan
Stockyards of the nowhere!
gellaho
Robert Browne has decided that telling a story is too hard. Now just disconnected events untrapped by time and location
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
that's what I say when I take a baseball to my heaving bosom to secure a win for the team
Brendan
NOBODY ELSE CLICK THE BALL
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
The "Shapiro" mode of story telling. Or not quite story telling, rather.
FancyShark
He blew his load when he mentioned boobs. Now he's just cleaning up.
Brendan
Do you want to exchange jordan peterson for ben shapiro and see if we can't get some great footage of Ben crying in a friendly interview?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"You have filled me with love." is code for "I would like to engage in pegging, ma'am."
Brendan
This is such a '70s view of romance.
gellaho
I blinded myself, don't think I won't cut your balls off
Brendan
Love is a Woody Allen film.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
I guess he's sick of pitching
Brendan
Love is a Simon & Garfunkel song.
gellaho
Still not sure why Norbert is baseball king
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Heyyyyooooooooo
FancyShark
He's got ball-cutters
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Norbert lost his eyes and awakened his sixth sense, which is "baseball"
FancyShark
He can be whatever he says
gellaho
Season went by fast
FancyShark
hahahahaha
gellaho
Why put baseball in the baseball book
FancyShark
Two chapters after the season begins
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
nah baseball is boring
actually he should have skipped all the games
and the rest of the book
FancyShark
400 pages of "boobs"
Brendan
Where does the story RESIDE, Robert?
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
It's all loading fine now btw
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Robert typed every chapter one-handed from here on out
FancyShark
The real story was the friends we made along th-
wait, come back!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I would have made a tasteful concrete poem in the shape of boobs.
Brendan
AAA leagues, DD strike zone.
gellaho
A profile on a random umpire
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
... if I want to make the majors, I might have to try progesterone after all
FancyShark
Sure, Robert. We'll join you in your ADHD
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Ooooh bad news about that, it's an 80 game suspension
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
God damn it.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
THey really get you coming and going sometimes.
FancyShark
It's okay. No one cares about baseball. Or they do.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
Damn you major league baseball, and your unbeatable, never violated doping policies!
gellaho
Was the baseball made of concrete and razor blades?
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
They do famously catch and punish all the dopers
FancyShark
That would make it more exciting
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
And so quickly
Brendan
After five years, they demand a new stadium at Chicago taxpayers' expense or they move to St. Paul, and it has to be in the shape of two breasts.
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Hahahah
FancyShark
Luzansky is shot dead, as is the policy for any player who breaks a limb
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh noooooooo, Luzansky...........he was a guy.
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Not even to the dome, to the fucking leg
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I guess.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
Yeah baseball players are like horses
Brendan
He pitched so hard he Thighsmanned him!
gellaho
Somehow I doubt that
FancyShark
We'll never forget you, Lumanskee
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
Yeah baseball players get their bones shattered by pitches all the time
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
totally normal.
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
And if they did they'd be huge fucking babies about it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
They'll never forget the time the Leviathan gunned down the entire opposing team and the dugout had to be hosed out twice.
FancyShark
Sports fans are a forgiving lot
gellaho
I wish I could see that man I crippled
FancyShark
Headlines read "Foul!" and "They're out!"
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
The middle aged professor who learned baseball from books is just going to start throwing balls right through mother fucker's torsos, bits of bone and pink mist everywhere
FancyShark
C'mon, Robert. Give us Mutant League
@gellaho , has there been any mention of Whitehead in all this?
gellaho
An old millionaire with a heart condition watches baseball for several pages
gellaho
His favorite word is bum
gellaho
He's the mental patient who has been trained by French fries
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Why would they ask his doctor about that
FancyShark
Yeah. Has he shown up in any of the games?
gellaho
I'm skipping most of the games
FancyShark
The doctor really doesn't like discussing how bad he's failed his patients
gellaho
Bum
FancyShark
Heyyyy! Old timey baseball cursing!
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
FancyShark
Or the teams are comprised of homeless
gellaho
Bum
FancyShark
The needle is full of Windex
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
Mmm. He's a catcher, huh?
gellaho
Bum and sedative
FancyShark
The nurse didn't need to do this. She just doesn't like his voice
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
Yeah he had a better, more caring nurse, but he made her play baseball
gellaho
This computer voice seems very helpful
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
The computer is a strategic genius
gellaho
I AM AN ARTIST
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
So the brilliant computer voice is just a drunk fan yelling obvious shit the whole time?
gellaho
There's some good news
FancyShark
Dammit, Skynet! How do I play baseball?!
gellaho
You've played like 200 games and now it's getting to you?
FancyShark
Nothing like questioning the whole setup when you're in the playoffs
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
It's like the guy in the stands at the hockey game who just yells SHOOT all game
FancyShark
Robert Browne went to a ball game and thought the stands were packed with tacticians
gellaho
Whoa, hey, come on lady, I'm asking questions here
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
I can't talk when I have a boner, you know this Judy!
FancyShark
So the computer's making her horny for him so he doesn't panic. Right?
gellaho
This is a weird conversation
gellaho
FancyShark
lol
gellaho
"I respect your respect for his right to privacy, darling"
FancyShark
Browne saw One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and thought "what if this, but Major League?"
gellaho
Sure, that's a thing
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
think the computer will help him fuck?
FancyShark
If he downloads the totally legit add-on
gellaho
But was it okay?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Nah those ads are bogus, women in his area do not want to fuck.
gellaho
STOP THE PRINTERS
FancyShark
Woman has completed incubation period and is ready for Love Interest
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
"it's okay" that's what she said after they fucked too
gellaho
BREAKING NEWS
FancyShark
HOLY FUCK
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
CHAPTER 11! AT SEVEN PEE EM!
I dont know if I can handle this!
Brendan
Seven eleven.
FancyShark
I HAVE TO KNOW: IS NEW YORK CITY STILL NEW YORK CITY?!?
gellaho
Remember, Matt is in bandages this whole time
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
My.......my chair! Its so extraneous! The edge!
gellaho
And calling himself Michael
FancyShark
hahaha, I didn't remember that. That makes it so much better
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Judy is hornt up for a guy she thinks is a crispy fried mummy who is socially awkward
gellaho
ENTER THE EXERCISE CHAMBER
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Allotment of practice tosses
Lol
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
That poor woman. Thinking she's dating a Michael when she's actually dating a filthy Matt.
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
If only there were a word for that
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
Err no offence @Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
gellaho
HE'S BREAKING OUT OF THE SYSTEM
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Bullpen…Szechuan? No that's not it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It's fine, my actual name isnt Matt.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It may or may not be Scholteim Reinbach XVI.
gellaho
Excuse me, but I think you mean Arm Barn
FancyShark
haha, Mike/Matt thinks he's ready to take the training wheels off before the final game
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
How could I forget about the Arm Barn
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Norbert is screaming at him to stop having fun.
gellaho
I AM A FRESHMAN STATISTICS PROFESSOR
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Also you havent trained for actual baseball! You suck ass!"
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Actually a valid point
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"We did this because you specifically suck ass!"
gellaho
"Seems the toilet throne is on the other ass, eh, professor"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Do you think I rig baseball games for FUN?! I'm a man sitting in a shit chair who blinded himself on purpose!"
FancyShark
"Don't you care about the people you spent all those weeks not interacting with?"
gellaho
I PLAY BASEBALL FOR LOVE
gellaho
Book's nearly over. More characters!
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Only 17 hours to prepare
FancyShark
Git gud or git owt
gellaho
This claim to overthrow the baseball lord doesn't really work when you keep calling him "Michael"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This is where Norbert says the rest of the teams trigger phrases and they bite off the Presidents nose.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
execute uniform number 66
gellaho
France is inescapable
FancyShark
"Seems like anyone with a box cutter could have done this"
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
But without the computer's strategic genius, how will they know to catch the ball?
gellaho
I am but a baseball husk
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"My........my hands?! How do hand?! KINESTHETIC SENSES........DESERTING MEEE!"
FancyShark
Meanwhile, Leviathan is off befriending a small child, overthrowing an empire, and sexing all the sexybots
alfredo disco jakesy (69)
Something something old man metaphor about how kids these days are addicted to their Ataris
FancyShark
"How will I know to stand in a field if a computer doesn't tell me?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I'd be a lot more into this "regaining free will" subplot if Mikematt hadnt volunteered them for brainwashing to avoid getting merked in the first place.