gellaho
Reminder that this guy is in his twenties
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#3 Dragonard
Reminder that this guy is in his twenties
Yeesh
Space meth will do that to you.
Hope he's one of those who just looks forty until they're eighty
"You wanna get beaten like Bardix?"
GIF
That man looks like a metabaron
You've got the rage, Wolf boy
Unlike Robin, who just had sadness and multiple head wounds
That's not fair. Robin had a tan, too!
WOLF DRAGONARD MAKES THE IMPOSSIBLE POSSIBLE:; executing student demonstrators and legally getting away with it
But still managing to be a sad sack about it.
Yeah, if you're trying to justify your actions via "Well, it was legal", maybe do better?
I hate when my protagonist mixes regret and disintigration rampage
The moldy cafés of Nihil
Allergies are fucking HELL in Point Nihil.
The dungeon cafés of Nihil
Halloween bar!
I'm sure the alcoholic will be fine in the wine cellar
Looks like Tingo Spellhands spellhands live
GIF
You either die a villain or live to see your spellhands get appropriated by the cops
Sometimes both
What a tragedy for the child trafficker
Master Taco
Master Danny Traco
Hey Jakes, what did you mean by "mixed blood"
"I mean it, we just hate cops and love hitting things with maces."
Do we need to cancel you now, or
He's half smurf
The public gods
The private gods are all behind a paywall.
God really sold out when He went public
Tale as old as time
This person is the heir to Tiki Traco's Taco Tractor, show some respect Vondamm.
"Yeah but do you think maybe you blasting my eyeballs and brain with lasers might have anything to do with why people were rioting?"
Ha'tokens lead to flamethrowering a store
"I see no connection. Now read the chart from the first line."
The fate of all moneyed societies
"High on the narcos." Man, Jakes really gets the hip lingo.
Huh i wonder if that "addicts cant be trusted" is going to be a thing later.
We going to explain DP? No? Alright
Dinner Plates
The Diet Pepsi cartels rule Galaxy 2 from the shadows.
Deep Probe.
Disco Policy
Dangle Penalty.
Dangling Participles
Diarrhea Preserves.
Donut Prescriptions
Daft Punk.
Dragonard's heroic entrance was somewhat ruined by the laser pointer in his eye
"I do! For I am Wolf Dragon—AGH FUCK, TURN IT OFF"
"ARRRG LASERS IN MY EYES! MY ONE WEAKNESS AS A COP THAT ISNT FENTANYL!"
"DAMMIT, CONRAD!"
"Im filing a complaint with the space union, you have been TOLD you need to put a safety shade on that fucking thing."
Basically
I love you, Jakes
"Bawled", the most dignified of the adverbs
LIIIIPS
"You heard me right, you'll be sent to the Cashiering Planet of Moneydrawer IX!"
GIF
Last time I peeked in there were lips
Ah, due process
Conrad has to keep his lips moist, he doesnt have much left after the Incidents.
jesus your name is vondamm and you have a black cloak
Hahaha it never once occurred to us that DP with cops involved meant due process.
I would have thought it more likely it was an abbreviation for something they do with batons first.
GIF
Present for DP
wait, is "cashier" slang for "write/written up"?
"How can I do illegal torture if you insist on making me do it according to legal procedure?!"
The rage results in the slap
It's a real old term I run across alot in old novels, I think from the context I've always seen it in it means fired.
Love Slap was the B52's unsuccessful follow-up
HOW CAN HE SLAP
Yee
GIF
The Month of Burning
Yeestack is getting some use today
"Yeah torturing prisoners illegally is one thing. Slapping your subordinates? No that is a bridge too far, you're a loose cannon, Dragonard!"
The Month of Burning AKA The Antibiotic Takes A While
The Stellaris Rising? What, did he summon The End or something?
Bromdaagar
Good ol Maltby's Moon, no wonder someone laid seige to it. It's the biggest 24 hour liquor emporium in II Galaxy.
Everything that happens through Dragonard only happens TO Dragonard.
Drink up, drunky
It's like Raiders of the Lost Ark, it's how you know it's a good story
Bromdaagar is delicious with some rye bread and horseradish
Sucked thoughtfully
Yee! A guy named Yee! YEECEPTION!
"Did you hear about the Space Jews?" said Yee.
A more convoluted alcohol delivery system than the Black and Decker cube laser from Alien Resurrection
GIF
I like to think he's making bubbles like with a bubble wand, and you have to chase them around the room.
The umber stars look upon the police planet
The steely gaze of Yee.
Kanye West is in this?
Maximillian Dragonard was also a regulator with anger issues, you'd think they'd bring it up
Although this might be 700 years in the future, who knows
The Lorrrds of the Exchaaaange!! funnel military grade surplus to local police departments.
Yee of our lord 750
"Its fine, we let insane berserkers stay in all the time. Once, one of your ancestors tore the arms clean off a man who spilled space cheese on his tie."
We going to explain banns? No? Alright.
"And that wasnt even the guy who kind of overthrew the galactic order so he could fuck a waitress."
Banns are what the squares who run social media hand out when they're too lame for your twisted humor, maaaaan
"Fun fact: He robbed the universe of clean organ transplants"
Hahahaha what an old ass word to use for paperwork.
You're gonna get cashiered with that type of talk
I'm too edgy for the policeys, maaaaaan
He said it angrily that's all that matters.
Dragonard House!
Banns hasnt been in common useage since like before 1900, Jakes. You dusty old fart. When you were born you came out with a puff of mummy dust.
They lost the word for paperwork in the crossing to galaxy 2
It's gonna be a whole nother couple eons before they can circle back around to it on the tech tree
Rough stuff for the recently dead
Now the story's about Dragonard House trying to keep the crusty old dean from shutting them down
He's even more dusty now then.
How'd it get off the backwater planet Robin lived on? Don't worry about it
A good question, for another time
It's a very long series of head injuries
Korb!
Robin probably left it to his son Barrold, who left it to Bortloleo, who left it to Dale, etc.
It's Korbin time
Korb, the homeworld of Korb, the resplendent orb we all cherish.
And Korb Ball, the sport invented by Korb.
I'm planning to vacation in Blaze City
The spine of that world is twisted and tied
Foldofile
The sport of gendered defense and no we're not going to clarify what that means
Unless that name is terribly misleading somehow.
foldofile, as opposed to the rigid files they used to use.
Understanding that concept is in the blood of you're from Korb
Fodofile is way more fun to say than jpeg, I'll give Jakes that much
Yarm
"Why would the director who hates him station him on a planet full of murderers?" thought Dragonard.
The director doesn't hate him
oh, damn
Then that joke did not work
Yarm.
GIF
GIF
Yarm?
In a rare case, Star Trek did actually exist before this
So Enterprise is a terrible name to choose
Its better than Unethical Transation in the Capital system.
Nicer parks.
Nah Enterprise is always awesome. It's just a great word
"Ah but, see, it's Enterprise like business enterprise! So it's not actionable. PLEASE DON'T SUE ME, GENE RODDENBERRY!"
Besides all records of Star Trek were lost during the crossing so II Galaxy can't be sued
It's probably even more basic than that. USS Enterprise was really famous in wwii
Governing Engineer McIlhenny and his technocrats
To be fair the Star Trek one is named after a Navy vessel.
GIF
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Yarnham would eat Dragonard alive.
Mack for Dragonard. Tell me I'm wrong.
Robin would get two steps out the door
Every Dragonard is just a different Always Sunny gang member
The pleasure port
Almost any Dragonard would end up never leaving the Hunters Dream because they are too busy ogling the Doll.
I'll pleasure your Korb port
The Pleasure Port is a gloryhole with attached foldout bed
Flesh theaters
Honestly, it shouldn't even have a name
It's less reliable than USB but its a hell of a lot more fun.
Damn you Blaze City I thought you'd be fields of only the dankest weed
The pleasure port's motto is "from wharf to wilds"
Just casually referencing the fact the Lords are shopping around for sex slaves
The first Dragonard to fuck within the book
I also like to barter for booty at cafes.
But if you try to steal my drink there I'll tell you it's mine, windbag, mine!
Unsatisfactory poontang
"Boo hoo, I miss that woman I never told the reader much about and was never in the boooook."
"He died of dehydration in days."
Dragonard catches Hyper Herpes and jizzes his own skeleton out.
Except he didn't! Because WOLF DRAGONARD MAKES THE IMPOSSIBLE POSSIBLE
I was sad after all that bangin, weep for Dragonard.
Is Elena that space-broad he had one space-drink with?
DRAGONARD! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! KING OF THE IMPOSSIBLE!
We assume so?
I have to assume getting attached to the first random woman who is half kind to you is genetic for Dragonards.
Stranger-not-of-Korb
HE IS THE UNKORB!
SEIZE HIM!
Genemute
TAKE HIM TO THE KORBENING CHAMBER!
DESTROY THE NONKORBLIEVER
ENKORBENATE HIM!
Damn Wolf, you automatically assume this guy is a pimp. That's fucked up bro.
Which beast tho?
Most attractive woman of the quality
"Hi. Gene Mute here for all your Korbing accessories."
KORB!
That's where they took all of his Old Friends
I mean...space snail dung can't smell that bad.
...to be clear, Dragonard looks like warmed over shit in a cloak right now
Yeah but he's probably at least one tall man tall.
But how high thrusting were her tits
We interrupt your thrilling space adventure to watch a man get catfished
She is very Korb indeed.
Check out the Korbs on that one!
TONIGHT WE STEAL THE STARRRRRS!!!!
"Why does everyone wear a cloak, Jakes?"
"You think I'm gonna describe a fuckin' wardrobe?"
She's got a Korbin' form
Space people love that Korb-glass figure.
waggles hands in vaguely non-Euclidean shape
She's got Korbs and she knows how to use 'em
There's the boner
He wants to climb St Helene
Last names are strictly a third base proposition
And immediately skyjacked
I've seen Disney movies with less awkard boner metaphors
Happens to every guy at some point
Hahahah nice, skypads, like footpads but in the sky.
Dagonard?
Good job, JAkes.
everyone says everyone's full name so I'm picturing everyone talking with a southern Georgian accent
Oh haa, Wylie Dunnnn
Gentledame
Man, how many tall mans tall was the tall man?
GASP! Could he be the Standard Tall Man of Measurement?!
gentledame and gentlesire, the two space genders
I hope this is just a random robbery and not related to anything, and Dragonard just gives these guys their shit and they leave.
Open them cheeks. With a knife.
You forgot Korb!
Taddeus
oh my god he's called skypad because they're footpads but in the air fuck off
Dragonard is used to being greeted with failure
Hell yes on the new title, @LyraV
Complete destruction
space cops train you in knife throwing?
The knife flew like a silver insect, except more weighted than that
GIF
Eugh I hate it when I kill guys with foamy blood, its so much harder to get out of the drapes.
"He tore his knife out of the man's head" is more metal than I expected
Yeah, the early Cybermen were a bitch to clean up after
Self cleaning blood with foaming action sounds like a good idea but it just leads to worse problems.
Dragonard the Gigalo
The exchange between Korb and Enterprise wouldn't happen to require a lord, would it
wait, what the fuck did she want with him in the first place?
The D
For "Dragonard"
I guesss it wasn't clear that this started as a booty call
Yeah the Mr. Blobby alien was a Korb pimp I think
It was pretty clear
Sometimes when you are fabulously wealthy and an aristocrat, you just want a beefy individual to stand around your house for a while.
First a gross guy asked him if he wanted to meet a pretty lady
Sometimes nude, sometimes oiled up, sometimes feeding you grapes.
Just fucking in front of the robot
Sometimes load bearing
The robot gets to watch and record for later viewings.
ideally you want a mix of genders and ethnicities and maybe species if you're in space.
The robot wants to know what it means to be human. Except this is not the setting to ask that.
Baldur Brightstone cucked from the grave
so far all we've gotten are horny silver sable and what sounds like a boiled danny devito
there are several schools of thought on that, regrettably
Baldur died tragically when a sprig of mistlekorb pierced his skin.
His boss was black
Bringing on Korbnarok
Also, there are only like four characters so far
Oh good, now all we need is for his boss to get nude and oil up and feed me grapes.
This conversation took an unexpected turn
So I can experience true opulence.
This can only end well
Not so much a fall off the wagon as a headfirst dive, then