Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Yeah scooped but still
91: The Planet Wizard John Jakes
#2 Dragonard
Tags:
Which would decide the fate of Galaxy II - sorcery or science? Or, Magus Blacklaw - a false wizard trying to perform a miracle.
Archive
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Now cook and eat him.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
If he's a lizard does that mean he's packing a hemi, orrr
gellaho
He died as he lived: hanging dong
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
With wine, chicken marinated in wine is really good and lizard tastes like chicken
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
The Hauntplace huh
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Great place for haunts
also mind-burning demons
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Well, it depends on when you go
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
The Hauntplace sounds like Tinder
FancyShark
"OUR ARMIES WILL FIND YOU AND SEND YOU TO THE SCARY HOUSE."
GDC
Banished to the spookyzone
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
you lost this shadow game, tingo spellhands
gellaho
Enter: the sad, fat descendant of Kodak
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Oh hey it's that guy
Brendan
Philosopher Arko Lantzman: Sex Icon
Lantzman to the gents, lanceman to the ladies and also gents
gellaho
Just a very wet face
FancyShark
Philosopher Lantzman sounds like the name of the professor the rest of the department avoids talking to
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Yellow-booted bravos are the jack-booted thugs of Galaxy II
Brendan
Technically redhead
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Most philosophers are..
gellaho
Pure sex
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Moist philosophers are*
FancyShark
Too much fattening age
gellaho
Considering they have no knowledge of how to make these skysleds, they certainly do have enough to get constantly stolen
FancyShark
Lantzman is built like an ice cream cone
gellaho
Apparently their security measures aren't enough to stop any fat man who wants one
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Typical academics. All theory and no experience
Brendan
Don't make me pull out the Dr. Robotnik rule 34 archive.
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Yeah it turns out a pike isnt a very good weapon for security guards.
Also its hell on your ceiling tiles.
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
please don't make him do that, please
Brendan
I'm so confused how this fits into the Sony Kings universe.
FancyShark
Skysleds are the rascal scooters of Galaxy II
gellaho
Yes, yes, that's the phrase. Bird-and-mouse
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Cats went extinct. It's a setting detail suggested by Chris Avellone*
FancyShark
The War of Empty Titles
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
*in one of his stupider moments
Brendan
Cats are gonna outlast us.
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Prime Manager is something your shift manager at McDonalds calls himself shortly before you quit.
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
So he called Lantzman a mouse and a rabbit?
Apex predator
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
lol mine are about that age now.
gellaho
How dare you use the machinery of Eastman-Kodak for profit!
FancyShark
Manufacturing ethics debates! THE PLANET WIZARD!
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Slugs. Always prating.
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Booooooo get back do dodging mutant spears you wieners, if I wanted to read about two rich nobs argue about who has the better plan for society I'd watch C-SPAN.
FancyShark
The lizardmen are watching all of this and wondering if they should intervene
gellaho
Robin Dragonard: the twitchiest face in the biz
GDC
Easkod is betting on film making a comeback
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
He's just a big fan of jawbreakers.
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
His cheeks are ripped from all that work
gellaho
FEAR! MY! CUUUUUUUUBE!
FancyShark
Dude's nearing Z'dar levels of cheekdom
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
The only thing that can stand up to Catto is Doggo.
FancyShark
"Yes, the powering triggers. Those things everyone knows about and thus we have no need to explain."
gellaho
Well, I don't know what I expected to happen
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Lantzman is masturbating melvin
gellaho
But it certainly wasn't this
LyraV
Why did I think it would be different from the first half? Did my brain trick me?
FancyShark
It's called "hope", Lyra
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Cuboid batteries would be cool, it would stop them rolling away when my cat knocks them off my desk.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Billy Catz had two brilliant ideas: fuck it, and charge
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
Those are 9v
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
bullshit, no one has licked it
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
LICK THE CUBE, BILLY QUIZBOY.
FancyShark
Lantzman is Marvel's Gateway?
gellaho
It's a good thing Catto charged with his laser gun instead of, you know, firing it
LyraV
I wasn't expecting the book cage to help be better understand the myth of Sisyphus.
Ozzie
He took the feat that lets him fire in melee and he's gonna fucking use it.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
I assume given the cutoff that the instant was not enough and Magus is fucking dead now
gellaho
Robin's really living up to the Dragonard name
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
He's got terrible aim so he always puts the muzzle right to the targef
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Head injury ✅
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
Maybe he thought it would go faster than light speed from a running start? 🤷🏻♀️
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
we must imagine tingo spellhands as happy
FancyShark
By the time this book is over, Robin's going to need to communicate with crayons and construction paper
gellaho
It's going great
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Then he will truly be a Dragonard
FancyShark
Somehow, the muscle he twisted was still his head
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Hating, Rachel buttered the second slice of toast.
I like this convention.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
"apparently" is doing a lot of work in that paragraph
gellaho
Due to the fact that Magus decided to side with the psychotic stowaway, Robin decides to leave with the sad fat man with the cube
FancyShark
Hating, FancyShark ordered some tacos. Hey, you're right!
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
"Nobody gives orders to a Dragonard!" is an objectively funny sentence, I'm with Catto
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Hating, Robin bawled his defiance.
FancyShark
uh oh. Turning pale and then suddenly flushed? Robin's got massive internal bleeding.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
A more dignified Dragonard there will never be.
gellaho
Magus continues his campaign for father of the year
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
How was I supposed to know the thing I didn't want to happen was happening?! You gave every sign that I ignored because it didn't fit my ideal worldview!
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Ahhh, I remember when my dad used to shake me and yell that everything was my fault
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Oh man. this dude really is a parent.
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Good times.
gellaho
The man makes a good point
FancyShark
"Dammit, daughter! What dick are you chasing?!"
Brendan
This entire book is just going to be men growling "Mind your tongue, girl," isn't it?
...I wrote that before the latest screenshot.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Ah, The Witcher.
LyraV
With maybe some long court cases thrown in.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
And stage magic.
gellaho
Then he experiences all the emotions
FancyShark
Harry Chapin thinks this is all a bit heavy handed for "lousy dad" symbolism
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Jakes knows one thing about women: they're trifling, manipulative whores.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
The Four Stages of Deadbeat
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Which, like, personally I can't contest but
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
Speaking of, I heard that song at least three times at work today 😵💫
LyraV
Then he was kind of jaunty for a while, then cold then too hot then angry again mostly at women.
gellaho
Certainly good you ended up on Catto's side
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
He's hot then he's cold.
He's yes then he's no.
He's in then he's out.
He's up then he's down.
Discovering Cupidity: The Billy Catz Story
FancyShark
"Sure is nice that we've moved past you attempting to murder us all on the ship"
gellaho
You know sand and dust: gooey
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
To be fair, it's made of sand dust and sweat. It's basically stucco by that point
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Sand, dust, and sweat is how you make a really bad beehive.
FancyShark
They wouldn't be struggling if they had tiny kilts
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
For just the nastiest bees.
gellaho
I hope Maya's already bought the World's Best Dad mug
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Mayamayamayamayamaya- is actually her full name. You know she's in big trouble when he pulls that out.
LyraV
What was the wind doing again? Thrusting? Pfff hahaha
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
"The wind thrust harder" also sounds like a good burn on a top
FancyShark
Every parent is afraid of losing track of their child on an alien planet
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Stupid future bastard doesnt know to rope himself to the other members of his party in a sandstorm.
gellaho
Apparently the Brothers can teleport
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
That is how your kids become friends with Ewoks and that might be kind of fun for them.
FancyShark
Studs: They're sharp
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Wish I had a sharp stud in my right hand, heyooo
gellaho
Now: a lizard man math problem
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Studs: the anti-himbo.
gellaho
They are if you're metal as fuck
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Jakes saw Wrath of Khan and liked how the baddies appeared in the desert from nowhere as a group, so he figured it'd be cooler if he did it five more times as immediately as possible
gellaho
Very imposing
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
sorry, cinched to their throats by what exactly
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
JELLYFISH HAT!
gellaho
Star Trek, always stealing from John Jakes
GDC
They stole some stillsuits from the Atredies
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Star Trek really steals?? No Dignity
Brendan
On The Planet, it rains potassium.
FancyShark
Those are plainly ziploc bags they're wearing as space helmets
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
It's space australian
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Just wait like three minutes and this ambush will resolve itself
gellaho
He must have had his bubble helmet custom made for his mohawk
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Seanbrother!
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
If they mention how bad the Brothers smell then we can confirm Jakes stole them from D&D and this is just a band of troglodytes.
FancyShark
"Brought it down in a pointing signal". Jakes had three ways to explain a gesture and mashed them all together.
gellaho
D&D always stealing from John Jakes
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Three great tastes that go bleh together!
gellaho
Suddenly: VIOLENCE
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
I would play in that campaign setting.
FancyShark
hahahaha
"This must be their leader!"
<charges>
gellaho
I say damnable all the time as a joke, it's nice to see someone use it seriously
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
They do have wizards
gellaho
So much gooey gore
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Billy Catz tried it and didn't die, he must be onto something!
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Damnable? Lovecraft stealing his lexicon from Jakes too. Poor Jakes is the most plagiarized author in history!
gellaho
Plume prudently letting all his men die while he dances around them
FancyShark
If the hood is transparent, it doesn't really work for imagery
LyraV
The dying scree is the hardest.
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Did catto really "i want a turn!" This laser fight?
gellaho
Just so much getting hit in the head
FancyShark
Plume barks prudent, unintelligible commands
GDC
"Mom said you have to share the gun"
gellaho
This laser gun seems poorly designed
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
So it....discharges waste heat......backward? That is 40k as fuck.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
An entire series of pages somehow less dignified than this single still shot
gellaho
"I may have lost fifty men, but I captured one of you! Nah-nah"
FancyShark
Plume would gesture a condolence signal to their surviving families
gellaho
MayamayamayamayaMayaMaYaMAYAMAYA
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
I'm not sure if I could tell when a lizardman is miming sarcastically
FancyShark
BOYKA BOYKA
oh wait
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
MayamayamayamayamayamayamayamayaBATMAAAAN!!
Brendan
loooooving youuuu
is easy because you're beautiful MAYAMAYAMAYA
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
earsplitting screech
gellaho
Wait, how many does he have?
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Magus loses track of his daughter alot, huh?
FancyShark
Even his backup mustaches are ruffled
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
He must have at least two, a mustache and an exostache.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
gellaho
It's hard to be poetic when you have to say Hans Huygens
GDC
If you're using the name Hans Huygens, stick to alliterative verse
FancyShark
You need to remember to scream HANS HUYGENS like a German having a heart attack, regardless of the tone or context of the rest of the sentence
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
As Hans Huygens once said; "sputtering, coughing, choking on own blood, death rattle"
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Strangely the buildings were arranged so that the wind played a woodwind arrangement of Evanescence's Wake Me Up.
gellaho
Pipes.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
It's more of a series of tubes.
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Huh I was joking a little but the cityflute theory is gaining traction.
gellaho
But, how many tall men tall is the tower?
FancyShark
They were throwing spears at the heroes less than an hour ago
gellaho
Okay, seriously, what the fuck is going on with this guy's facial hair
FancyShark
Now they have skyscrapers
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
It's a Brother's market right now
gellaho
Well, these are the buildings left behind by the mighty Eastman-Kodak family
FancyShark
ohhhhh
gellaho
Those are just irradiated workers. I assume.
Otherwise I don't know what they were doing here in the first place
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Just chillin
GDC
The brothers are workers that fell into vats of film developing chemicals
Brendan
90% of this book is just people grimacing at each other, right?
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
So is 90% of reading it
gellaho
THE TIME FOR MUMMERY HAS PASSED
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
AWAY WITH THIS MUMMER'S FARCE
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Man I was so disappointed when I found out that mummery had nothing to do with mummies.
FancyShark
"Only that bitch Maya mattered now."
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
yeah our custom is really dying out
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mummering
gellaho
I enjoy that this sad, fat man and his posse of flamboyantly dressed bodyguards are masters of stealth
gellaho
Excuse me, arrogant bitch
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Me and the boys
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Pardon?
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
These people dont really understand that thongs are for making your ass look voloptuous.
gellaho
Excuse me, arrogant little bitch
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Perfect
gellaho
Everyone steals from John Jakes including Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
The most influential novelist in history
Brendan
I love books where any random page is people talking about what they're going to do and what's going on.
FancyShark
It's like the old writing rule: Plan, don't show
gellaho
If only there were some kind of less awkward way to say neck-chain
gellaho
FancyShark
He knew because HIS DAUGHTER IS GONE
gellaho
I was the one begging for you in the bathhouse, wizard
gellaho
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
The yellow booted bravos start snickering to themselves.
gellaho
Well, they did something
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
"Wizard" really undercuts his whole rant there. It's one of those words you can't stay mad when you say it. Like "bubbles".
"Blood squirted" is just. Such a powerful sentence fragment
gellaho
Lips curled, nasty.
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
This parley went quite badly.
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
Hey, there's a subject and a verb.
Brendan
Please, Bravo is my father. My friends call me sex predator.
gellaho
Well, a rape threat will do that
And they were having such a pleasant time
GDC
The boots clattered because they were practicing their tap dance routine
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
If the Brothers just sit and wait they will have far fewer dipshits to deal with.
gellaho
So anyway, that guy gets murdered so hard it instantly attracts maggots
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
Those flies work fast.
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
He had parasites
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
She was just a'burstin' with fast-hatching eggs.
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Space beetles waste no time.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
It's a bottom-feeder's market
Mrs. Rachel Jorgam
Or maybe he was pregnant
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Can strip a corpse in seconds.
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Nature's chop shop
GDC
He was just snacking on live carrion bugs moments earlier
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
Still hauling that sword.
gellaho
Behold: the wonders of the factory floor
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
Ave Mechanicum!
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
So a factory with assembly line?
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
fast paced plinky music from a 50's informational short about working in a car factory
gellaho
The ole mammoth shed
Paws of a Goose Flippant Sausage
Mammoths are critical to space labor.
GDC
This is the polaroid planet where all the polaroids are made
Brendan
a mammoth shed-like building
so like a warehouse?
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
Look, they don't have a basis for the concept, it seems.
Brendan
A coppery metal
Bronze?
Mordred Got the 'Vid 😷
Think it's copper?
FancyShark
That's a weird name for a giant shed the size of a building made to house wares
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
There's a world! Going on! Under ground!
Brendan
how you gonna see those vats with thousands of pipes surrounding them?
Badger Fell Down the Cop Stairs
More of a mammothshed, really