125: Time Riders: Day of the Predator Alex Scarrow

gellaho

Maddy's having a breakdown

Brendo

crashing through the thicket

frumpybadger

it took twenty two chapters to get to dinosaur and one page break to take them away.

fuck you, scarrow.

gellaho

Could you please stop, Alex

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Oh yeah I briefly forgot this is entirely Maddy's fault

Brendo

...south 6th street? Is she in Brooklyn?

frumpybadger

IT'S STILL 9/11

FancyShark

This really is a fetish for him

Velo

INFINITE 9/11

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Hahaha "fuck this mission is so stressful, I need to step outside and watch the 9/11 for awhile "

FancyShark

I think the base is hidden under the Brooklyn Bridge?

Dr. Carmen Sanguine, PhD PhD

99/111

FancyShark

Hi, @Dr. Carmen Sanguine, PhD PhD !

gellaho

We are having fun

frumpybadger

The

World Trade Center

is

falling,

still.

Velo

Again

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Again and forever

gellaho

Wait...Sal doesn't remember this

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"almost exactly like a Liam-murdering bomb, yes."

Velo

It's like London Bridge

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Its really not a big deal, honestly it shouldnt have lasted this long.

Brendo

This is just to say

I have collapsed the towers

Which were in the Financial District

And which you were probably saving for capitalism

Forgive me

They were so tall and rich

gellaho

She was ripped apart and eaten by mutants coming back from the museum of natural history

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Maybe she just doesn't remember her death?

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Maybe Alex doesnt remember her death.

Dr. Carmen Sanguine, PhD PhD

I cannot be killed, and I will never die

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Also possible

FancyShark

We hope she was just eaten by mutants

gellaho

It was pointless, so that makes sense

Brendo

Sal and Liam consummating their doomed hormones and screaming their exclamatory catchphrases in harmony.

Dr. Carmen Sanguine, PhD PhD

(i am going in to nightshift at the hospital, though, so I hope y'all have fun at the terrible book)

Brendo

Try not to implode anyone with your tachyon MRI

gellaho

As long as they aren't millions of years in the past

FancyShark

Hope it's quiet!

Velo

:getscarrowed:

Brendo

Liam patiently carving time coordinates into a t. rex skull.

gellaho

You suck, Frank

Dr. Carmen Sanguine, PhD PhD

No promises, this is New Mexico

gellaho

I don't know why the font on BC is like that

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Shut the fuck up, Franklyn.

frumpybadger

Before Christ or Before 9/11, which is it?

Dr. Carmen Sanguine, PhD PhD

probably supposed to be subscript but got fucked up by the formatting

FancyShark

Frank gets wedgied by a velociraptor

Then eaten

gellaho

Not all of them girls

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Becks letting mosquitos bite her until one of the Jurassic Park dinosaurs comes out as a hot redhead

FancyShark

Scarrow gets women

gellaho

Fuck them kids

VernoWhitney

Boys whimper too

Velo

Notable feminist Alex Scarrow

Brendo

FRAUD! Chan never invented time travel, he just copied the freak accident he was in caused by the time travel he inspired.

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Oh its okay, its the cretaceous so at least there arent the giant centipedes.

Brendo

The mosquitos are also 3' wide.

gellaho

Never seen Terminator, nope

gellaho

Cropping didn't work, cool

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Goddammit Liam.

You fucked it.

You fucked it so bad you might as well get your dick wet with the meat robot.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Oh btw just calling it now, there will be a night scene where Becks tells Liam to snuggle with him for warmth

Brendo

At this point just feed Edward the math.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Just preparing you all for that

Brendo

I thought Becks had a homing screech.

gellaho

That damn Miles Jackson

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

God who wouldnt want to assassinate the guy who invented time travel and LITERALLY RUINED EVERYTHING?!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"because time travel is awful"

gellaho

Look at this multi-racial group, so progressive

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Try and keep the fuck up, whitmore.

FancyShark

"In the year 2023, he will post on a comment section that Star Wars Episode Nine is 'pretty good'. This will mark him for death."

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"those 16 kids who turned into puddles are the lucky ones."

gellaho

Really understands the Hispanic community

Velo

Maybe kill this kid

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Juan Hernandez, Audience Surrogate and Bearer of Stereotypical name.

Velo

Chan to be clear

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Ah but what about continental drift, Becks, you dumb idiot

gellaho

Let's hear about some teen sweat

gellaho

And add one to the count

FancyShark

haha

Leaving Liam in charge is like letting a brick drive a bus

Brendo

If you want to get back to your own time, you must trust me. Join hands. All together now, chant: Los Lobos kick your butt! Los Lobos kick your face! Los Lobos kick your ass into OUT! ER! SPACE!

gellaho

The Speed strategy

The assassin survived, good for him

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Well Howard you have everything you need to kill a teen boy.

FancyShark

I hope Howard ends up befriending and protecting Chan and dives in front of a bullet fired by another Howard

gellaho

Really understands the latin people

Velo

9

FancyShark

Oh sure, make the Latinx child the laborer

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Never underestimate a pointy stick.

gellaho

Alex Scarrow attempting some Mack Reynolds

FancyShark

Howard is giving them far too much credit

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

hahahahah Chinese Federation.

Velo

Juan had brought his ancestral machete

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Also lol European Bloc

gellaho

Alright, dude, hard to take your "backbone" crack seriously when you couldn't assassinate your target because he smiled at you

Velo

Let's go dinosaurs

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Man the last thing I would want being stuck in a fuckin prehistoric jungle is some future boomer dipshit telling me that millenials are lazy and should show a little backbone.

gellaho

Stuck on an island? Probably fine

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Howard is getting a pointy stick in the torso for that.

Brendo

It's like daring a raptor not to jump out of the ferns and slash your dorsal axis.

Velo

Raptors would never

gellaho

So many sweaty teens

Velo

Raptors are kind and gentle creatures whom you can and should let your guard down around

FancyShark

Raptors are the sharks of the land. I agree with Velo.

gellaho

Somebody tell the Utah raptors that they're Asian

FancyShark

Also, we gonna Lord of the Flies this bitch or what?

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Also about the size of chickens so its not that big of a deal.

The feathers are pretty tho.

I bet.

gellaho

What a baffling thing to say raptors are Asian in 2010

Velo

I think the book might be implying the speaker is an idiot

Espescially on account of the sentence "I seen all three Jurassic movies"

gellaho

Elvis-quiff

Velo

Like they're all idiots

That's the pompadourasaurus, Frank

absolute dipshit

gellaho

Well, that's Lam who is... somebody

VernoWhitney

"Most improved? Still got a ways to go!"

gellaho

But, not Liam

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Hell yeah. time to list the dinosaurs Alex knows.

Velo

Oh right I forgot these are specifically the not very bright teens

gellaho

He is a "technician"

gellaho

Good to have Liam and Lam

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Are they using time travel to give Liam future movies? Because I don't think the 3rd one was out in 2001

gellaho

That's great

Velo

When Scarrow isn't horny he is hateful

This is why his band didn't work out

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Lon the technician was eviserated by shrapnel.

Lan was turned inside out.

Liam but A Different One From Our Liam stayed home sick.

gellaho

BEEP BOOP do not reveal insufficient Jurassic Park knowledge!

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

"Dude is your fuck bot always so.......possessive?"

gellaho

She really is a dog

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

How funny would it be if Liam lied and said "YEs im from the future, we just dont have motion pictures anymore. Not after The Cataclysm of 2017."

gellaho

BEEP boop

Velo

Becks might kill these children

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Becks, you let Liam tell everyone you're time agents and told Edward Chan his exact future, but the knowledge that Liam is an Irish labourer is super top secret?

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

"Shes more of a cyborg, we grew her yesterday in a tube...........oh you meant like metaphorically.......fuck."

gellaho

Boy, that Q is fancy

Velo

What the hell

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Becks wants everyone to know that dick is hers.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Becks you suck

FancyShark

And Liam's attempt at roleplaying dies a public death

Velo

VernoWhitney

Can't pretend to be anyone's brother at all.

Velo

I meant that for the fancy Q but that was excellent timing

Scarrow is the worst of us

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"question: how is it plausible that I would be stuck in the washing machine"

Velo

And by us I mean humanity

VernoWhitney

There were so many of those Qs in the coded message. It was obnoxious.

gellaho

Meanwhile, in the future, Maddy's planning to bring back the old, dying, cancer ridden 27 year old

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Time travel is for the lower classes

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Maddy. you dipshit, you already went on at least one time trip, its a little late to reconsider.

gellaho

Yeah, New York total ghost town on 9/11

frumpybadger

'just like it always was on the Tuesday as the clock ticked down'

Velo

Certainly wasn't anything being done that night that's for sure

frumpybadger

I don't expect much from our authors. But I do expect them to know how to write.

gellaho

Everyone went to bed after a long day of 9/11ing

Velo

Definitely not into the next day

You ever 9/11? It's exhausting. The city that never sleeps got real sleepy. That's why we remember it so much.

gellaho

Add one to the count

Velo

10

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

"One with.........a boiler? From the future you mean?"

"Yeah steam is better for the environment actually."

Velo

"We boil things in the future we do, aye. Oim an oirisman."

gellaho

No... way... dude

gellaho

There's Scarrow showing his whole ass again

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

"And before you ask no, i didnt hang out with Leonardo DiCaprio nor did I see them fuck in that car. I did give Billy Zane a handjob once but thats a different story."

FancyShark

Apologies all but I think I need to call it here. Long day of 9/11ing. Please ping me if any more atrocities need recording and I'll add them in tomorrow.

Have a good night! And thank you again, @gellaho ! Scarrow is some of the purest Book Cage we've ever had!

gellaho

Should be done pretty soon anyway

Velo

"Technically it's been seventy two times. Did you know he was in new york city on september tenth? What are the odds?!"

frumpybadger

christ, Scarrow is a marathon and a half. I don't think we're even halfway.

Velo

Maybe 30%

gellaho

I have a feeling they'll be wandering the jungle for a little bit

Uh oh

frumpybadger

for forty days and forty night/11s

gellaho

Becks thinks about killing everyone

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

lol

Truly the hero we need

gellaho

Then considers just killing the blonde girl

frumpybadger

I have a question. If we're going to put the computer in a human body, shouldn't we let it use some of the brain?

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Fuck yeah now we have a movie.

Time lost teens get chased by a machete wielding titty cyborg from the future as they dodge dinosaurs.

gellaho

She has the brain of an infant, so probably not a great help

Frank is psyched about finding blood

gellaho

Tons of viscera for the kids

gellaho

And add one to the count

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Franklin really is enjoying this a bit too much.

gellaho

Kids love the gory death

Velo

11

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Ok dinosaurs who can think, which might mean dinosaurs who can build a concentration camp

gellaho

And something is watching them

gellaho

frumpybadger

would that make them dinonazis or nazisaurs?

gellaho

This is a very intelligent dinosaur

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Unauthorized origin story for Dr. Dinosaur maybe?

frumpybadger

Dinoyautja!!

gellaho

It might be a wolverine

frumpybadger

, bub

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I'm so happy that Liam and his new friends are being hunted by an intelligent dinosaur who is also a sadistic murderer

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Oh please let Alex have done his research and its the size of a large chicken.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

What a fun time travel adventure

VernoWhitney

Like Mega Ultra Chicken? No, he is legend.

gellaho

Ah, he's got a name

frumpybadger

instinct, Scarrow. the word is instinct.

gellaho

And determined to decorate the jungle with the organs of these children

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Alex.......all thoughts are made of ideas you fuckin prick.

gellaho

Meanwhile, things are going great building the bridge

gellaho

Becks has decided upon killing everyone

gellaho

And add one to the count

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Oh nooooo, who could have foreseen the sexy cyborg would turn on them?!

gellaho

BEEP BOOP kill everything

Velo

12

frumpybadger

contimeination, amirite

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

"Oh well if its already unacceptable..........."

gellaho

Good that there's a Liam and a Lam. Great writing

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

There's also been two uses of the name Leonard. Liam's cover at the bank and the identity of the teen boy who the assassin replaced

gellaho

She'll be fine

gellaho

The black girl

gellaho

That's how you characterize people

VernoWhitney

I guess it's for the best that they rushed out a Bob with 50% strength, huh?

gellaho

The "Cartoon Channel" loves meat robots

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

gellaho

"A dark-skinned boy called Ranjit"

Velo

God damn it

gellaho

"I AM NOT AN ASSASSIN FROM THE FUTURE!"

gellaho

There certainly are some "dark-skinned" teens in this group

gellaho

frumpybadger

Fucking Norm Macdonald ass bit. "I mean, messing with time is real insane!"

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

We know they're all wearing their name tags, Scarrow. You have pointed it out many times

Velo

Scarrow ignored the many passionate letters begging him to be less diverse in his writing

gellaho

And we'll end tonight with someone throwing dinosaur shit

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

At some point you just have to start referring to the characters by name instead of sorting by skin tone and checking their chests for a message

frumpybadger

Appropriate, we just slogged through twenty something chapters of the stuff.

gellaho

Time Riders: Day of the Predator will conclude in the future

gellaho

I don't know what "day" the title refers to

VernoWhitney

Or in the past.

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

that was a terrible time til dinosaur, alex.

frumpybadger

9/11, obviously

Velo

Thank you @gellaho , that was magnificent

gellaho

May your female cyborg slaves be submissive and malleable

Wait

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Well........its the thought that counts.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Ok Liam and friends accidentally change time so these smart dinosaurs evolve along human lines, they try to go back home and end up in dinosaur WW2 where Liam spends another 6 months in a concentration camp

frumpybadger

Scarrow got how many books out of this premise again? 8?

One and a half should have been enough to land him in The Hague.

gellaho

The Book Cage: Episode 128.2

Time Riders: Day of the Predator - Part 2

Last time on Infinite 9/11s for Kids: Liam, an Irish survivor of the Titanic, the Kennedy assassination, and a Nazi concentration camp, was sent back to dinosaur times. Along with him is his body guard, an attractive teen female cyborg slave with the mind of a 7 foot tall father figure, whose brain Liam had to cut out outside Hitler's winter retreat. And that's not even half of it! Find out wherever the fuck this is going, this Friday 5pm Eastern.

gellaho

FancyShark

ATROCIMETER PREPARE!

"A thriller full of spectacular effects" doesn't have the same ring to it when it's a book, GUARDIAN

frumpybadger

I just realized the amount of restraint to not have Maddy Carter die in the plane crash on 9/11 must have been astronomical

gellaho

Settled for having her cousin (that she had a crush on) die in the towers instead

This copyright infringement continues to baffle me

FancyShark

Fingers crossed we get Aliens in Dinosaur time

Brendo

See you time-bitches at 9...9/11 that is, hahahaha, FUCK YOUR FEELINGS IT'S FOREVER OUR DARKEST HOUR

VernoWhitney

I'll be there: same atrocity time, same atrocity channel.

frumpybadger

I think Scarrow has done more at this point to make sure of this than Bin Laden or Dick Cheney ever did

gellaho

Coming up on the top of the hour, it's Time Riders: Day of the Predator Part 2. Here's where we were

gellaho

Here's where we're going

FancyShark

What a very American way of describing a day

frumpybadger

It Is A Normal Ninja Day

Velo

Day of the Predator

Jayzus Count: 12

Dr Pepper Count: 1

FancyShark

Day of the Predator Atrocimeter

-Additional 9/11s? - 10

-Pandora's Dude - 1

-Feeding tube trial runs - Unknown but probably at least 3

-Sort of killing Bob by replacing his brain - 1

-Teen gibbed by Maddy's time mistake - 1

-More children gibbed by Maddy's mistake - 15

Velo

Maddy has a real problematic body count in this one

FancyShark

I'm certain there were more but I missed a lot of the read

Velo

Scarrow Count:

Velo

I choose to mock that one but the first image I get when I look up his name is so much meaner

FancyShark

Evil Bill Burr

Areze

He looks like Kane's loser cousin Karl

Velo

The one where he's dressed like high budget low effort steam punk is me choosing the high road

Velo

BOOK

FancyShark

CAGE

Hi, @Velo !

Hi, @frumpybadger !

Velo

Hi @FancyShark !

Are you ready for book?!

FancyShark

Hell yes! Are you?!

Velo

Spent all week training, I've never been more ready

gellaho

Un momentito