Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
So all that and Franklyn dies off screen?
How disappointing
125: Time Riders: Day of the Predator Alex Scarrow
#2 Time Riders
Tags:
But all three have been given a second chance - to work for an agency that no one knows exists. Its purpose: to prevent time travel destroying history...
Archive
gellaho
Shut up, Juan
gellaho
Shut up, Ed
FancyShark
Oh, NOW you all care that someone's dead. Where was that concern for Randy?
I mean, Roger
I mean, Rajit
gellaho
Chapter 52: TIME UNKNOWN
Velo
I looked away, did Franklyn die?
FancyShark
No, please! Don't make clay tablets a point of view character!
FancyShark
Eventually, allegedly
After he tried to film the lizardman with his phone
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Now alex recounts the entire sixty five million years they sit in the fucking ground.
FancyShark
In real time
gellaho
Indeed
FancyShark
HE WAS JOKING, SCARROW
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
hahahahahah fuck you Alex I was kidding.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
65 million years later... "Wow, some scraps of clothes and five pints of blood. I think... A stupid time traveler died here!"
FancyShark
So now most of the tablet is garbled. Maddie is going to nuke most of the Mesozoic Era trying to triangulate their position
gellaho
I'll skip over the buffalo trampling one and the native American turning one into three hatchets
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
I told yall yall should have etched that shit onto franklins bones and thrown him in a bog.
Or a tar pit!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Sounds integral to the plot to me
gellaho
You get the Confederate soldier who loves history getting killed
gellaho
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Good.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
But the confederate's stone is just buried
gellaho
Oh, good, back to 1941. Alex's favorite
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
That's what it was before
gellaho
*dove
FancyShark
He is eaten by a duck and the tablet is turned into a bench. MOVE ON, SCARROW
gellaho
What a great story
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
FancyShark
In the hands of a better writer, this sequence of following the tablets to modern day could be really cool
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Gonna give these fuckin dork ass Southern kids in 1941 Harry Potter and really FUCK things.
gellaho
I guess I have to share the hatchet story
gellaho
Because this guy found one once
gellaho
Quite a coincidence
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Fuuuuuck you, Alex.
I hope your hair grows back, and you go bald again.
gellaho
I bet it was that assassin from Tom Swift
Velo
ohmygodshutupalexscarrow
gellaho
A lot more ass in this book for kids than I would have expected
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Children love ass.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Certainly sounds like an irreversible level of time contamination
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
And they love saying the word ass.
I sure did.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
But what do I know
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
And do!
Velo
Nah it's fine because of the immutable law of whogivesafuck
"Fuck it, yolo." - Time Corps Motto
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
I think their stupid plan is to stupidly bury the tablets and then stupidly take a second trib back later to dig them up.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Yeah but now there's shoeprints and other unpredictable stuff because they're fucking around so much
Chaos theory bitches
Velo
"Live Mas." - Time Corps
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
They'll do a thing so they never went back in the first place.
Velo
Nuke themselves
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
So Alex doesnt have to actually bother advancing his stupid story in a way that might be interesting.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Yeah that's the only way you could fix ut
Velo
In the past
FancyShark
I think Maddie already did that
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
They should do 9\11
Velo
How much of this book could possibly be left
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Sal, Maddie, Liam and 15 tube golems they genetically engineered to look like theyre from Saudi Arabia.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
By the way, when the Animorphs went back to dinosaur times they discover that in order to get back to their own time they have to paradoxically be the cause of the asteroid strike that causes the extinction, and I'm gonna predict this book somehow ends the same way
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Right into those bullshit towers that were lucky to even be around by then and not be on fire.
Velo
Well I figured out the cipher
I'll save it for the end but it sucks and is bad
gellaho
https://discord.com/channels/679999969536638977/720408431651192832/1081360870862491668
Finally found Steve the assassin again
gellaho
Quite a bit
Grady almost skips the tablet
FancyShark
Methinks we're not completing it tonight
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Good old Steve. I wonder what happened to..........oh right, killed by a boy genius and left to be an archaeological puzzle for everyone else.
Good times.
gellaho
Later, a man sleeps with his fat wife
FancyShark
Grady did the same thing when he found the Ark of the Covenant
Kids love marital relations!
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
This part reads like that bit of Lord of the Rings where Smeagol murders his buddy for the Ring but instead of being good its just normal and boring and nothign happens.
gellaho
Knuckles the Echidna?
FancyShark
Knock knock
gellaho
There was very little hope of that, this book is 430 pages
Velo
WHY SCARROW WHY
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Plenty of time for Liam and Becks to cause the Cretaceous extinction
FancyShark
If this was a Netflix show, the episode of the tablet traveling through the ages would be the most divisive one
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Fuck me this book is a half War And Peace?!
gellaho
The most exciting thing to happen in New York, September 2001
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Or like a third?
Either way thats not good, Alex.
gellaho
Da Club
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Just imagine the conspiracy theorists unraveling all this and going like "wait... So this has NOTHING TO DO WITH 9/11?!"
FancyShark
If you put two Forbys in a room together, they develop their own gibberish language
gellaho
Fuck off
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
God I hate taht they included this stupid sub plot about the goddam CIA or whatever.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Those WHO know, Scarrow
gellaho
You used the Kennedy assassination in the last book, you can't do it again with a different reason
Velo
Oh fuck you Scarrow
FancyShark
It's just Sam's Club. Don't make this weird.
Velo
Too late we have a secret kiss-shake now
gellaho
A meeting of the minds
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Haha ok so Liam caused the JFK assassination, that's a fun one
Throw that on the atrocimeter?
FancyShark
Ugh, fine. 🤝 💋
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
You know what conspiracy theory i want to bring back? Hollow earth theory.
Seems fun.
Velo
Good, welcome to Sam's Club, enjoy this 84 count box of pop-tarts
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Shoot him in the fucking heart Maddy.
FancyShark
Maddy blows him up
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
DO SOMETHING.
A dance at least?!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
So I wonder why jfk was killed in the timeline where this message was never sent
Velo
Maddy's going to die again
FancyShark
Sounds good
Velo
RIP THE TAG OFF A GOD DAMN MATTRESS
gellaho
gasp who couldst have foreseen?!
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Tom Swift would have built some kind of literal time bomb by now.
YOu stupid asshole.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
So what's the plan to prevent yourselves from getting black-bagged, maddy and sal
Velo
That's what the last villain did
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Yeah pull your fucking gun on two people you think are time travellers.
gellaho
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
You do have a plan right
Written by franklin!
Velo
430 pages tells me no
gellaho
Shit, they're going to turn off the TV!
FancyShark
Maddy's plan springs into action.
She teleports more children into the past and gibs them.
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Oh goddammit Franklyn is gonna be brought back from the grave by time shenanigans.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
FancyShark
I will count that as an atrocity if it happens
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
THIS IS WHY YOU DECANT A SECOND TUBE GOLEM, MADDY!
To super murder the CIA when they bust in.
Velo
Franklyn's death and life are two separate atrocities
gellaho
Maddy uses her secret codeword that will make Bob erase everything in six hours
FancyShark
Goddammit, Maddy
Velo
maddy that was very stupid of you
also that's a terrible codeword
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Maddy just got concussed
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
I hope that taser gave you a permanent tic, you dingus.
gellaho
Some kinda foreign
FancyShark
He ordered his men to research the Time Cube
gellaho
Plus 1
FancyShark
Now Bob dissects him, right?
Velo
3
FancyShark
Scarrow?
gellaho
PC World and RadioShack forever
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
So far this isnt even an impressive terrorist
gellaho
Neeeeeeeeeeerrrrrddddd
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
lair
This isnt even that good a gamer hangout for 2001
FancyShark
It's more AV Club closet than proper residence
gellaho
I can't believe this didn't work
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Dawn of War wont be out for 3 more years.
Its almost like it might be keyed to some arcane biometric you dont have by future technology, you fucking shithead.
Velo
Over the next hundred pages we will follow his journey of self discovery as he realizes this
FancyShark
NOOOOOOOOO
Velo
BE PREPARED TO FALL IN LOVE WITH THIS CHARACTER
gellaho
65 million years ago, they talk about the moon
Velo
"I can't believe there was a time before I loved Cartwright." You will say
FancyShark
"The moon is going to help us, Liam"
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Whats his name from the now defunct Sega game, the Club
gellaho
If it's the smartest, why did they give it the stupidest name?
Velo
Cartwright is going to chuckle fondly when he hears these stories of adventure
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Mostly to put it down, tbh.
FancyShark
"Haw haw, bi-peeedel?!" Liam guffaws
Brendo
Palaeontologists agree dino-people definitely had human penises with a second brain in them.
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
So mean to troodon.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Man this sucks
gellaho
Coke!? Alex, how could you betray the good doctor like this!
Brendo
Garbage dino, trashy culture
gellaho
Boy, that's pathetic
FancyShark
Next, Leonard asks Edward to tell him about the rabbits
Velo
stab him, howard
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Troodons are hateful little bastards in Ark.
Velo
stab him now
gellaho
My best friend, the guy who was sent to kill me
Velo
stab him in the face and throat
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Goddammit, Howard. Did you forget the real Leonard is the kid you tied up with his family in their basement?
For basically no reason I mgiht add?
Velo
There was a reason. That reason is fuck that kid
gellaho
Because I dared to be different, unlike everyone else who aren't special like me
Velo
I hope he dies in that basement. Eat shit Leonard.
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
You could have snuck into that childrens tour group without even having an ID, it was 2001 and we still werent even locking doors to schools.
gellaho
I feel like I could use this for blackmail
FancyShark
Or for a collage
Brendo
It's never a crime when it's baby Hitler
Unless that's the trauma that creates Hitler.
gellaho
You're not my bester friend, person from my class I've never seen before?
Velo
What is a collage if not artfully arranged blackmail?
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
All you need to do is not fail to kill Baby Hitler.
Baby Hitler cant be traumatized by your assassination attempt if its not an attempt.
FancyShark
"Friends can still kill each other, kid. Haven't you read every anime?"
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
This scene is not good
FancyShark
"You mean manga."
"I really should have killed you."
gellaho
Well, I sent us back to dinosaur times. Don't tell anyone, eve though I was sent here to kill you
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
"I see youre a math kid and not a history kid."
Velo
"I should have tied you up in the basement with Leonard."
gellaho
Just this one, though
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Howard is making some real logical leaps when it comes to the basic competence of Maddie and her crew.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Yeah let's point out how this time travel shit doesn't work
Velo
Scarrow fucking up his own book with facts and logic
gellaho
You're an adult and he's 16, Howard
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Like what determined which loop the secret cia guys showed up at maddie and sal's door
gellaho
Ed might be gaslighting Howard now
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Oh shit Ed is gonna stab him.
gellaho
8 Mile
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
I hope anyway.
FancyShark
Go full Sylar and eat Howard's brain to learn about time travel
Velo
New main character Cartwright returns
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
gellaho
Goddamned fucking questions
Velo
Oh maybe you shouldn't have blown up the time machine, Maddy
gellaho
Oops
Velo
Good old Reasonable Cartwright they call him
FancyShark
"Listen, pig. You want to know what time travel is like? I have to live in 9/11. Forever."
"Kid, I work in government."
Velo
"Kid, it's 9/10."
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"...so basically time travel is nothing but horror and death, and we've been consigned to this fate only to try -usually failing - to prevent further suffering in others."
gellaho
Glad the book keeps going with dinosaur times
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
"Yeah I pretty much made 9\11 happen. Who do you think trained Osama Bin Laden?"
Velo
Fuck yeah Cartwright character arc confirmed
gellaho
INTEL WILL LIVE FOREVER, PIG!
FancyShark
Tell him about the fetus needles, Maddy
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Blow his mind. Make shit up. He has no way to verify anything you say.
gellaho
Clearly this 18 year old from 2010 will know everything about 2001-2010
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Tell him about the radioactive cannibal horde and techno-hitler
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Tell him Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to be President.
FancyShark
Tell him how he dies
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Tell him about what happens in new york in about 12 hours?
FancyShark
He can't prove you wrong!
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Tell him all about Iraq.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Nah who cares
gellaho
So stupid
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
"Dude, anyone whos opened a paper in the last 20 years knows what Americas long term policy goals are, you idiot."
FancyShark
"You know the moment I tell you how the future goes, it changes, right? Have you never read or watched a single time travel story?"
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"you'd best start believing in time travel stories. You're in one!"
gellaho
Yes, America wasn't dealing with anything more important in the 1940s
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
"The 2010s are basically just the 90s but harder and stupider."
gellaho
Really gotta cover this up. For some reason
FancyShark
"Honestly, we just didn't like them"
Velo
Good old anti-hero Cartwright
gellaho
Hitler, imperial Japan, and the depression can wait. There's a weird fossil!
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
`"Actually we put them into the internment camps we had the Japanese in, and when we invented LSD we just dosed the SHIT out of them and let them go."
"Like a really mind obliterating amount of LSD. Disco Elysium shit."
FancyShark
"Disco...?"
"Dammit. Someone get the LSD."
gellaho
That's not how we spell Defense, Alex
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
"Its a 1991 text parser computer game, sort of like Kings Quest."
"OH SHIT NO THE TIME LIIIIIIIIIINE!"
FancyShark
Scarrow showing how much faith he has in his audience and his own writing
gellaho
Very cool under pressure
FancyShark
"She's already died once."
Velo
"I watched her be eaten alive and I felt nothing."
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
"She has um.........a........brainnnnnnnn...........bomb? Yes a brain bomb."
gellaho
And we'll stop here
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Beat her just to be sure.
FancyShark
Maddy with that will of steel
Velo
God damn it Maddy
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Its the only way to know shes not lying, thats what 24 taught me.
gellaho
Episode 125 will continue
FancyShark
We did some of it!
gellaho
Not as many atrocities, but a metric fuck ton of Jay-zuses
Velo
Thank you @gellaho !
FancyShark
Yes! Thank you, @gellaho !
And great riffing, everyone!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I think this is much worse than the first one so far
Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion
Thanks @gellaho, a........pleasure? As usual.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I was excited for the smart dinos but Scarrow has done almost nothing with that idea
Velo
Jayzus Count: 21
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Yeah thanks @gellaho
FancyShark
Atrocimeter, Book Two:
-Additional 9/11s? - 10
-Pandora's Dude - 1
-Feeding tube trial runs - Unknown but probably at least 3
-Sort of killing Bob by replacing his brain - 1
-Teen gibbed by Maddy's time mistake - 1
-More children gibbed by Maddy's mistake - 15
-Not saving tiny dino eaten by the fire - 1
-Adults talking about breeding possibilities with teenagers in Cretacious - Are you fucking serious, Scarrow
-Child eaten alive by dinosaur - 1
-Killed a Velo - 1
-Franklyn trying to film a talking dinosaur with his phone after learning about time travel - He dies but we don't care
-Time tablet leads to JFK assassination - 2
-Government conspiracy hijinks - 3+
Velo
Dr Pepper Count: 3
FancyShark
Have a great night, everybody!
Velo
And remember the wise words of the Time Corps "I don't even give a shit anymore, you know?"
Brendo
Goodnight. See you tomorrow, which is yesterday.
Unless I see you today, which is 9/11.
Velo
"Screw it, kidnap some kids. Let's throw child soldiers at the timeline, see if that fixes it."
gellaho
The Book Cage: Episode #125.3
Time Riders: Day of the Predator Part 3
Speaking of terrible, time to go once more unto the breach, as Alex Scarrow's "American" teens would say. It's the exiting(?) conclusion to this time-travel/dinosaur/alien(?). How much more murder? Will Liam enter a relationship with this father-figure/robot-slave/teen-bodyguard? Will the sidelined inventor of time travel survive? Who knows! Find out this Friday, 5pm eastern.
gellaho
frumpybadger
I already know Scarrow is coming up later today, don't worry
FancyShark
Let's check the current standings of the Atrocimeter!
Atrocimeter.txt
gellaho
Coming up on the hour, it's Time Riders: Day of the Predator Part 3. Here's where we left off.
gellaho
Here's where we're going
FancyShark
This sounds like the last time I tried jogging