Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Like 8 year old children, 12 yo, 16 yo, or 22 year olds?
115: Time Riders Alex Scarrow
#1 Time Riders
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Mess around with time, and the world you know... could become a world you don't
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Brendan!™
Somehow, Kramer has returned
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Children love suicide.
Velo-ing
"Mr. Teacher what does that word mean?"
"Shut up Timmy it's nap time. Go to sleep and think of the time fuhrer."
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Not suicide, Kramer. The potion
Drink the potion
The one the hag gave you
FancyShark
This is Kramer's kookiest scheme yet
gellaho
Instead, he immediately goes to the destruction of Earth instead
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I think if Kramer knew who Foster had recruited he'd be sleeping a little better at night
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Just like they love learning that their sister died in a bombing and didnt get to go to Narnia because she had a life as an adult.
Children eat that shit up.
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Oh so Suicide+
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Like little piggies.
FancyShark
The villain contemplates ragequitting
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
And that is why I vote White Witch.
gellaho
A perfect way to save the world
FancyShark
lol
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
While he is winning! Just to keep his stats!
FancyShark
Kramer's doing an anime villain plot
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
this is some weirdcharacterization. We have a dictatorial tyrant who is claiming absolute power, who also knows full well that the voice in his head clamoring for absolute power is crazy and stupid
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Look, mate, I happen to like this dark and dying future alot better than Retro Futurist Nazi America.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
like why are you doing it then asshole
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Hey, Kramer? Why dont you try not being a Nazi?
Velo-ing
He's a real Richard Nixon
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
You could just not be a Nazi.
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Our current present is Cybertruck Nazi America
FancyShark
Because EGGS ARE NEARLY $10 DAMMIT
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Whatever, I'm rich
gellaho
maaaaaaaaaaaannnnn
Velo-ing
We're not cool enough to be Retro Futurist
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Im not afraid of the cybertruck Nazis, you cant even turn a Cybertruck into a decent technical.
gellaho
Oh, and the future dystopia is because the sun destroyed Africa specifically. That's not problematic, right?
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
The bed is too small for anything worth mounting.
FancyShark
lol what
gellaho
What if I told you the author is British, is that better?
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
You gotta watch out for the Nazis who supported the cybertruck but can't afford one or don't actually want to drive one
FancyShark
He came from a future where the sun is racist
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
well if there are mega-cities, that implies the existence of Judge Dredd
Velo-ing
Let me answer that question with a question:
Velo-ing
I don't know what questions are
Brendan!™
I don't like that this book's future extrapolation is as on the nose as its past variances
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Admittedly the slightly smarter ones do have me concerned.
gellaho
It's been a good run
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
If I rub his head will I get luck or insight?
Velo-ing
I love that picture because if you gave someone one guess what he does for a living they would immediately guess 'problematically bad author'
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Insight, but the Bloodborne kind.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
yes please let Doctor Who come for this guy
Velo-ing
followed by 'HR'
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
let something fun happen
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
I appreciate this joke despite not really getting it because I don't know much about Bloodborne
FancyShark
I'm hoping for time wraiths
gellaho
And lying about being a rock star for ten years
Fuck off
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Its only good for doing coop, pvp and seeing Bad Shit.
Velo-ing
I rolled so hard it hurt
Brendan!™
It was necessary to destroy the world in order to save it.
VernoWhitney
They sold you to protect you!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
you need at least some to progress but too much will let you see beyond the veil
Velo-ing
I'm going to go stare at space for a bit until I recover from that, someone let me know if there's a jayzus
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
I feel like if you helped Hitler win WW2 that wouldnt really address climate change?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
which is spooky
Brendan!™
He looks like a forgotten Golden Age Wonder Woman villain
gellaho
Nazis are cool with non-whites, right?
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Kramer, I think maybe you are out of your scientific depth here.
Stick to banging chronotons together and let the climate science people handle this one?
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Well remember, the racist nazis have been replaced by Kramer
FancyShark
This would be more ominous if Kramer didn't consider destroying the world every time he had a small setback
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh I get it, the author can't imagine a bad dictator so he has to write a dumb one
Brendan!™
German efficiency would replace American consumerism and also 3/4 of the world's humans will die.
gellaho
Just so safe
gellaho
FancyShark
Yes, fascism is the way of safety
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Now they are just... I dunno... Fascist but don't use pre-established racial or religious divisions to create an outgroup
Brendan!™
Now the Time Riders are about to become Alternate Timeline Kidnappers in their Time Van
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
This is hard to explain to the keds
FancyShark
This author cried so much when Thatcher died
Velo-ing
This author is still so bad at research it's astounding
This was in 2010
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
um, Foster? Crime happens ALOT in fascist states. IN fact, like its pretty unsafe to live in one, because you add the problem of having to dodge the secret police and death squads.
Brendan!™
They should only be recruiting from pruned timeline variations
Velo-ing
He had wikipedia
He could have looked anything up
gellaho
And a time shift makes them lose all power. That's not a problem, right?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
yeah in a fascist state you don't have to worry about getting mugged by muggers, you have to worry about getting mugged by the police. You absolute fucking idiot dipshit loser
Velo-ing
How do you lose power inside your time bubble?!
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
There's less crime under fascism because they only report and prosecute crimes committed by the outgroup. The in group can do what they want and get away with it
Velo-ing
Isn't that the whole point of the time bubble?!
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Rat chewed through the cable
gellaho
Luckily, they have escaped 9/11 as a result
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Time rats.
FancyShark
Time rat!
Dammit!
Velo-ing
That poor rat has been living 9/11 for centuries
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"If you just look at these statistics," the author said to the side of the bed where his wife used to be
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Poor lil guy just wants to die.
Rats arent meant to live that long!
And they want big families!
Brendan!™
TIME SHARk
Velo-ing
Oh so the time bubble's gone
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Poor time rat.
FancyShark
It thought the NYC pizza forever was a blessing but now it's just diarrhea
Velo-ing
WHY DID THE TIME BUBBLE RELY ON OUTSIDE POWER
VernoWhitney
This timeline chose DC power instead of AC.
Brendan!™
Haha, so it's kind of like our FB...I...good god.
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Oh it takes more than that to give a rat a tummy problem. Its the lonliness that will do the poor things in.
gellaho
They don't have infinite power inside the time bubble
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
They have a generator, but it's has less power than their 48 hour loop
Velo-ing
That feels like they should've worked it out
They have infinite time
FancyShark
"Someone go prime the time generator"
gellaho
Time resets outside the time bubble. Time moves as normal inside
Otherwise they'd, you know, forget everything
Brendan!™
Easy they'll just go back in time to when it had more power and shunt their past selves to the future to die in entropy.
Velo-ing
Yeah so just keep doing stuff
Forever
gellaho
Anyway, the world ended
Velo-ing
Good
Fuck it
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Man, what if we stopped doing stuff instead
gellaho
@FancyShark Add one world population please
FancyShark
dammit, how many people is that
Velo-ing
I hope Sal died fast
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
I feel like they should have just stuck a fusion generator in there to power their time bubble instead of running it off the New York grid.
Velo-ing
Hold on i'll math
FancyShark
Danke
Velo-ing
In 2001: 6,226,000,000
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
ok I'm verry worried for the safety of Shrek in this timeline
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Still served them better than the Texas grid
gellaho
Is it the end of the world though
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
someone please look up if the computers that held shrek were stored in new york
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Dreadful
FancyShark
And she feels fine
Velo-ing
Good
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
LA, I assume
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
ok then there might still be time
FancyShark
Book, I demand Snake Plisskin
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
I mean its the end of New York, its not really THAT bad.
gellaho
Well, Liam is going through hell, now it's Sal's turn
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
yeah we get it man, death graveyard skeleton imagery
gellaho
At least she's not alone
FancyShark
Don't worry, Sal. Steele and every video game protagonist from the 2010's should be there soon
Velo-ing
Well of course she's not alone
The soft rains have come
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Please let her get chased by mutants.
FancyShark
Sal Am Legend
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"I'M MARCUS FENIX! NOIIIICE!"
gellaho
Your wish has been granted
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
This book is so fucking boring, it needs a good mutant rampage.
FancyShark
Screamers!
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Shit yeah, we have some Chaos Spawn.
gellaho
@FancyShark Add as many mutants as you please
Brendan!™
Will the radiation get them before the chrono-decay does? Or is mesothelioma still in the race?
Velo-ing
Quick Sal, choke a dog to death
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
scooped ya vooster
Brendan!™
Again, we were told Sal had a talent that made her necessary.
FancyShark
If we imagine 20% of the city was mutated, then add 20% who survived but got eaten, and of those, 50% turned into new mutants, we have 30% total
VernoWhitney
Oh, she noticed something changed?
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Not a scoop, I was adding to the scene. Now Will has something to point at
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh fair
gellaho
maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
FancyShark
So that's about 2,334,595 mutants
Brendan!™
YES AND what if the mutants were vampires with their own culture??
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
this whole book is just a fascinating window into the mind of a sad little man
gellaho
Time to blast some heads
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Hey Sal? You talk an awful big game for someone running from mutants who could use a good exploding.
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Explosions are fun and good until you are the one in it
VernoWhitney
And the window is set a little lower so kids can look in.
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
And yes, you will definitely need water and a shotgun.
Velo-ing
No, Sal, you won't need water
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Both of those things are good to have in general.
gellaho
That's Maddy
Velo-ing
Pour it out
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"better to have one and not need it," he said, winking five times
gellaho
You can tell by when it says "Maddy"
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Tho for mutants you want slug rounds and not buckshot.
FancyShark
wait, correction
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
I recommend blunt damage against mutants
FancyShark
2,413,200 mutants. Was using 1956 instead of 2001 population
gellaho
Cue the chase music
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
You never know if they have some sort of resistance to bleeding
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
but they also might have a radiation aura, so you might want to take them out at range
FancyShark
She's being chased by brownies
gellaho
1956 is when the bombs go off
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
So arrows, with boxing gloves
gellaho
This could be read very uncharitably
FancyShark
oh dangit
Velo-ing
God damn morlocs
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
lol the mindless screaming mutants have lines in their faces that might have been caused by grief
Velo-ing
oh fuck they are morlocs aren't they
FancyShark
okay, back to 2,334,595 mutants
Velo-ing
We're doing that
Because it's time travel
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Dont trust them, when you stop to give them a bit of your dog food ration they open up their faces vertically and bite your fingers off.
gellaho
This will go well
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
She's 13
FancyShark
Old enough to kill
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Hey author? Please dont make this a The Hills Have Eyes scene.
gellaho
Imagine the bloody mucus, kids!
Velo-ing
Too late, they're Morlocs
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Children love mutants with bloody mucus.
And adults!
gellaho
Zbikkkkk
Velo-ing
Meanwhile Liam is being the best bottom he can be at the death camp
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
It's not really speaking, is it?
gellaho
This is strange
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Not with its mouth.
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Also, I don't think that creature used to be human. It's grandparents were human
Brendan!™
Kramer nuked the world to prevent it from being poisoned.
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
ITs probably a duck.
Brendan!™
You could have invented COVID-56 you huge dorkus!
Velo-ing
Kramer nuked the world to save himself from a time assassin he imagined
gellaho
Good news, the others found her. Somehow
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
He could have just ended the war that set our species on the road to destruction in the first place, but authors never quite think of it that way.
Velo-ing
Maddy you don't know shit about shit
gellaho
Don't like this description
FancyShark
Sal hears Foster whisper "ooo wee, we grillin' tonight"
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Welp, time for the pack to make tents out of your skins, have a good one.
gellaho
They are weak to shotgun, so that's good
gellaho
And loud noises
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Hey maybe wear a short ponytail when you go out into the wasteland, little tip for those with long hair.
FancyShark
Or get a buzz cut
Brendan!™
To do that you'd have to go back to 9th C. Balkans.
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Dark instinct? You mean hunger? Basic-ass hunger?
gellaho
Feldwebel
Brendan!™
And arguably, Alexander
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
That is better but you want your hair to grow long enough so you can use it for weaving. Shirts dont make themselves anymore.
gellaho
I mean, that's the more pleasant option
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Feldwebel is a position, not a name
Brendan!™
Good for Maddy, shotgunning a radiation victim.
FancyShark
@Brendan!™ , is Gefangenenlager any good? It sound like a jaeger drink
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
I think it means "field sergeant"
Brendan!™
With the destruction of Belgium in this universe, european beers are a lost cause.
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
One day I will learn to spell this language I use
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Its more pronounceable than obersturmbanfuhrer.
gellaho
Vroom vroom
FancyShark
That's a kind of bread, I think
Brendan!™
Forged Stout doesn't exist in this universe.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
weirdly, our bullets didn't stop the car
Brendan!™
Tomoberstleutnant
gellaho
Hi, Bob
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
It turns out several tons of metal moving quickly still has momentum when you shoot at it, this is a comparatively sophisticated thought for a Nazi.
FancyShark
Kernst soiled himself empty
Brendan!™
But there was no later, because this timeline collapsed.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh I finally get it, Bob is just Teal'c
Velo-ing
"I've come for der beste boden"
gellaho
Bob decides to use these concentration camp victims as a distraction and human shield
gellaho
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
"Ach mein leben!" Kernst screamed, not quite knowing why.
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Oh no, not my genetically enhanced body
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
the tiny nubbin of empathy in Bob's brain hasn't quite developed enough to care for more than one human at a time
FlippantSausages Daddy Lightning
Hey bob? Maybe put a steel plate between your meat and the enemy?
Velo-ing
Liam too busy bottoming to be rescued
gellaho
This massacre is fun for the whole family
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Bob really struggling with the concept of "tougher than average but not invincible"
FancyShark
If he goes full Doomslayer on the nazis, I'm okay with him forgetting the prisoners
YES
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
it's so weird that the only person in this whole book who is any good at killing nazis is the one guy who doesn't particularly care for it
FancyShark
Gotta stay professional
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Only 44 huts? Not going to go for a full 88?
gellaho
Bob the T-800
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
Man I can't wait until they release the 1000
FancyShark
Bob needs to work on his kill quips
Velo-ing
Really?
The one that's a cop?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Bob just absolutely rejecting this potential new sidekick
gellaho
Bob has a new asthmatic friend
Velo-ing
I don't think the cop robot would help this nazi future
Human Mammalian Hybrid Vooster
He's pretending to be a cop